Damn you, snooze button.
January 26, 2010 6:48 PM Subscribe
Different wakeup routines: How do I keep from killing my fiance once we move in together?
My fiance likes to play what I call 'alarm clock olympics'
For example:
Say he has to be up at 7 am.
He sets his alarm for 6:15. He will snooze button, snooze button, snooze button in shorter more frequent bursts. So he will press the button maybe 5 or 6 times before he actually gets out of bed. But this is all planned.
Whereas, if I need to get up at at 7 am... I set the alarm for 7 am and get my body out of bed and awake... at 7 am.
We both have day jobs and will both need to get up around the same time.
This is the ONLY thing I can see as being something I may actually verbally destroy him over out of sheer annoyance and anger.
Because yes, its annoying to me... I don't live with him yet but I experience this with him at least once week and have for the past 2 and a half years when we've slept at eachother's places. It's annoying but it also makes me lose 30-45 minutes of sleep.
It'd be one thing if he was setting the alarm ONCE and waking me up ONCE to get up early. But he's setting the alarm for four/five individual times and not even getting up out of bed. And sometimes, when it gets to 7 am - I still have to be like 'DUDE, AWAKE, PLEASE, GO, NOWWWWW'
I know there's a whole society of your snooze-button goons out there but... I don't feel I'm being unreasonable.
Are there any other couples out there who have this situation? What can we do to let this not become a problem?
My fiance likes to play what I call 'alarm clock olympics'
For example:
Say he has to be up at 7 am.
He sets his alarm for 6:15. He will snooze button, snooze button, snooze button in shorter more frequent bursts. So he will press the button maybe 5 or 6 times before he actually gets out of bed. But this is all planned.
Whereas, if I need to get up at at 7 am... I set the alarm for 7 am and get my body out of bed and awake... at 7 am.
We both have day jobs and will both need to get up around the same time.
This is the ONLY thing I can see as being something I may actually verbally destroy him over out of sheer annoyance and anger.
Because yes, its annoying to me... I don't live with him yet but I experience this with him at least once week and have for the past 2 and a half years when we've slept at eachother's places. It's annoying but it also makes me lose 30-45 minutes of sleep.
It'd be one thing if he was setting the alarm ONCE and waking me up ONCE to get up early. But he's setting the alarm for four/five individual times and not even getting up out of bed. And sometimes, when it gets to 7 am - I still have to be like 'DUDE, AWAKE, PLEASE, GO, NOWWWWW'
I know there's a whole society of your snooze-button goons out there but... I don't feel I'm being unreasonable.
Are there any other couples out there who have this situation? What can we do to let this not become a problem?
Have you talked to him about it? If he's not willing to change, maybe you could compromise and let him snooze in once or maybe twice. (Like set it for 6:50.)
posted by Solon and Thanks at 6:53 PM on January 26, 2010
posted by Solon and Thanks at 6:53 PM on January 26, 2010
I can't offer advice other than to say you need to deal with it. My freshman roommate did this, and wouldn't stop, and I couldn't change rooms. Over the course of the nine months we lived together, this totally screwed up my ability to hear my own alarm and wake right up. That is, because I tried so hard to sleep through her numerous alarms, I eventually lost the ability to hear my own alarm and to get up and go at the first alarm. It was horrible and it took me months afterwards to reset myself.
posted by BlahLaLa at 6:54 PM on January 26, 2010
posted by BlahLaLa at 6:54 PM on January 26, 2010
Compromise? I get up at X o'clock. Wife hits the snooze. By the time I'm done with my shower/bathroom, she's ready to get up, and the shower/bathroom is now free for her. One or two snooze hits, no getting all jammed up while getting ready for work.
posted by carlh at 6:54 PM on January 26, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by carlh at 6:54 PM on January 26, 2010 [2 favorites]
Oh, gods, my husband does exactly the same thing.
The only thing that got through to him was me starting to go to bed an hour or more earlier than usual. Why? he would ask. Because I NEED x hours of sleep. Uninterrupted sleep. And because I couldn't sleep through his alarm it looked like I was getting up at 6.15 instead of 7.
Because it ate into our evenings together, we ended up compromising on him setting his alarm at 6.45, so I only had to listen to the snooze once.
posted by gaspode at 7:04 PM on January 26, 2010 [6 favorites]
The only thing that got through to him was me starting to go to bed an hour or more earlier than usual. Why? he would ask. Because I NEED x hours of sleep. Uninterrupted sleep. And because I couldn't sleep through his alarm it looked like I was getting up at 6.15 instead of 7.
Because it ate into our evenings together, we ended up compromising on him setting his alarm at 6.45, so I only had to listen to the snooze once.
posted by gaspode at 7:04 PM on January 26, 2010 [6 favorites]
Set the alarm for 6:30. You get up, get ready while he futzes around with the snooze till you're out of the bathroom/shower.
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 7:11 PM on January 26, 2010
posted by roomthreeseventeen at 7:11 PM on January 26, 2010
Since the two of you have to be out the door at around the same time, you should get up first (waking him), shower (while he has his bonus snoozetime) and then you wake him up again when you're out of the bathroom.
Wait. Why should mittenbex be the one to lose out on an extra 45 minutes of sleep just because the boyfriend hits the snooze button repeatedly? I mean, it works great for the boyfriend, but for mittenbex, not so much.
You'll need to talk to him, and come to some compromise, like him setting the alarm for later. Or you could invest in industrial-strength earplugs.
posted by rtha at 7:16 PM on January 26, 2010 [4 favorites]
Wait. Why should mittenbex be the one to lose out on an extra 45 minutes of sleep just because the boyfriend hits the snooze button repeatedly? I mean, it works great for the boyfriend, but for mittenbex, not so much.
You'll need to talk to him, and come to some compromise, like him setting the alarm for later. Or you could invest in industrial-strength earplugs.
posted by rtha at 7:16 PM on January 26, 2010 [4 favorites]
I'm a lesser version of your husband. My strategy is that I set two alarms. I get up at 6AM, so I have a 5:45AM alarm that "wakes my mind up" and the 6AM alarm that "wakes my body up". The first alarm pulls me out of my deep sleep and lets me know that I have 15 more minutes, which is just long enough to close my eyes, but not long enough for me to fall back into deep sleep. This way my wife only has to deal with one "snooze". She's much more of the get up at 6AM with an alarm at 6AM.
You DEFINITELY need to compromise. This is something you'll have to work on together.
posted by ThaBombShelterSmith at 7:23 PM on January 26, 2010
You DEFINITELY need to compromise. This is something you'll have to work on together.
posted by ThaBombShelterSmith at 7:23 PM on January 26, 2010
As usual: ask him, not us.
Your question reads like "you are right, he is wrong, how to make him realise this", where in reality you're each going to have to make some accommodation for each other. One idea: maybe you could get in to work a touch earlier? If you spent his slow-waking-time in the shower, neither of you would be bothered.
posted by pompomtom at 7:23 PM on January 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
Your question reads like "you are right, he is wrong, how to make him realise this", where in reality you're each going to have to make some accommodation for each other. One idea: maybe you could get in to work a touch earlier? If you spent his slow-waking-time in the shower, neither of you would be bothered.
posted by pompomtom at 7:23 PM on January 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
I tell you, honey, the ONLY reason Mr. Rabbit and I have stayed married for 12 years is because I get up before he goes into his whole snooze button routine. I hate getting up early, but I hate the snooze button bullshit even more.
posted by rabbitrabbit at 7:25 PM on January 26, 2010
posted by rabbitrabbit at 7:25 PM on January 26, 2010
I eventually (after a year or so of marriage) went batshit banshee crazy. I mean, one week of full unadulterated screaming and nastiness.
(Don't do that, btw!)
I love Mr.Jbenben - and this was ruining our lives. Seriously.
The argument that was finally heard was this: We have goals. We want to reach them. When you hit the snooze button and oversleep - it fucks with our lives and prevents us from having a positive start to our day. We will NEVER achieve our goals as a couple if this continues. Please be an adult and get up when the alarm rings. The End.
Our situation is a little different because I need to get up in the morning, exercise (walk or hike) and then meditate. Once married, I needed to do this together - and not just sometimes - but every day. Doing it alone would have fractured the incredible bond my husband and I share.
My husband is AWESOME. He liked getting up "on time," but he just couldn't manage it regularly. And then finally came the banshee freak out. "Happy Wife, Happy Life."
Now he's a bit more diligent about it than I am.
But the crux of the argument that persuaded him was the whole, "we have goals that can't be met if we oversleep."
Also, we have an unwritten rule.....
Since I am often awake before the alarm, we snuggle between the first alarm and the snooze. Then we get up. (unless sexy-time happens via snuggling - and then we get up!)
Ultimately, the snuggle-time + my husbands adoption of the understanding that successful people don't oversleep really made the difference.
Hope that helps.
posted by jbenben at 7:27 PM on January 26, 2010 [4 favorites]
(Don't do that, btw!)
I love Mr.Jbenben - and this was ruining our lives. Seriously.
The argument that was finally heard was this: We have goals. We want to reach them. When you hit the snooze button and oversleep - it fucks with our lives and prevents us from having a positive start to our day. We will NEVER achieve our goals as a couple if this continues. Please be an adult and get up when the alarm rings. The End.
Our situation is a little different because I need to get up in the morning, exercise (walk or hike) and then meditate. Once married, I needed to do this together - and not just sometimes - but every day. Doing it alone would have fractured the incredible bond my husband and I share.
My husband is AWESOME. He liked getting up "on time," but he just couldn't manage it regularly. And then finally came the banshee freak out. "Happy Wife, Happy Life."
Now he's a bit more diligent about it than I am.
But the crux of the argument that persuaded him was the whole, "we have goals that can't be met if we oversleep."
Also, we have an unwritten rule.....
Since I am often awake before the alarm, we snuggle between the first alarm and the snooze. Then we get up. (unless sexy-time happens via snuggling - and then we get up!)
Ultimately, the snuggle-time + my husbands adoption of the understanding that successful people don't oversleep really made the difference.
Hope that helps.
posted by jbenben at 7:27 PM on January 26, 2010 [4 favorites]
I have a sort of similar issue and just got used to waking up earlier and doing stuff in the morning that I'd normally do later in the day. Trying to sleep through snooze alarms for 30 minutes=driving yourself crazy. Waking up 30 minutes early and getting a head start on chores or exercise=being a rarin' go-getter!
posted by phoenixy at 7:29 PM on January 26, 2010
posted by phoenixy at 7:29 PM on January 26, 2010
Separate bedrooms might be another solution. You could try suggesting this to him.
posted by amtho at 7:30 PM on January 26, 2010
posted by amtho at 7:30 PM on January 26, 2010
Wait. Why should mittenbex be the one to lose out on an extra 45 minutes of sleep just because the boyfriend hits the snooze button repeatedly?
Because if they both decide that it works for them and is better than the status quo, then it's win-win? No one's saying she's obligated to do it -- it's just a suggestion.
posted by Jaltcoh at 7:30 PM on January 26, 2010
Because if they both decide that it works for them and is better than the status quo, then it's win-win? No one's saying she's obligated to do it -- it's just a suggestion.
posted by Jaltcoh at 7:30 PM on January 26, 2010
Wait. Why should mittenbex be the one to lose out on an extra 45 minutes of sleep just because the boyfriend hits the snooze button repeatedly?
Sorry - I didn't mean that she should wake up 45 minutes early - I just meant that since someone has to use the bathroom first, it may as well be her (since she's the Jump Out of Bed sort) and then he can have a bit of a snooze without her having to wake up 45 minutes early. It's a compromise.
posted by moxiedoll at 7:31 PM on January 26, 2010
Sorry - I didn't mean that she should wake up 45 minutes early - I just meant that since someone has to use the bathroom first, it may as well be her (since she's the Jump Out of Bed sort) and then he can have a bit of a snooze without her having to wake up 45 minutes early. It's a compromise.
posted by moxiedoll at 7:31 PM on January 26, 2010
I was going to come make amtho's suggestion. Just because you live together does not mean you necessarily need to share a bedroom, and there is nothing wrong with not doing so.
Two sane partners in separate beds is better than craziness in a shared one.
posted by athenasbanquet at 7:33 PM on January 26, 2010
Two sane partners in separate beds is better than craziness in a shared one.
posted by athenasbanquet at 7:33 PM on January 26, 2010
I used to be a "get up when the alarm goes off because that's what time I have to get up" person. Now there's a cascading set of multiple alarms coming from my SOs and my sides of the bed, because I like luscious sleepy snuggling more than I like the extra 45 minutes of sleep.
But generally speaking, I think that the obvious solution is to have sex for those 45 minutes.
(Oh, and compromise on the number of snooze-hits he gets.)
posted by desuetude at 7:41 PM on January 26, 2010 [3 favorites]
But generally speaking, I think that the obvious solution is to have sex for those 45 minutes.
(Oh, and compromise on the number of snooze-hits he gets.)
posted by desuetude at 7:41 PM on January 26, 2010 [3 favorites]
When I was in high school, my mother somehow convinced me that my love for the snooze button would make my college roommates hate me. In preparation for living with others, I went out and bought an old fashioned bell alarm clock without a snooze button. These have extremely irritating alarms, and lack the technology to even successfully set the alarm ahead a bit (mine would just keep going off instead, or would go off again after about thirty second of not being on). I got used to it quickly, though, having realized that I didn't want people I was sharing my room with to hate me.
(My eventual roommate had no problem with people hating her, and wouldn't even bother hitting the snooze button half the time--she'd just let her clock go off for a good half hour and sleep through it.)
But yeah, I'd recommend just getting a clock without a snooze button. Why give him the option of wrecking your sleep? Back in my bell alarm clock days, I was generally better rested, because I didn't have an hour of shallow sleep before waking, if that's any incentive to him.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:42 PM on January 26, 2010 [2 favorites]
(My eventual roommate had no problem with people hating her, and wouldn't even bother hitting the snooze button half the time--she'd just let her clock go off for a good half hour and sleep through it.)
But yeah, I'd recommend just getting a clock without a snooze button. Why give him the option of wrecking your sleep? Back in my bell alarm clock days, I was generally better rested, because I didn't have an hour of shallow sleep before waking, if that's any incentive to him.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:42 PM on January 26, 2010 [2 favorites]
If you're ok with one snooze and he needs 45 minutes of pre-alarm awake-ish time, then the solution is a 45 minute snooze (as in one, not multiple snoozes going off periodically every few minutes). There are two ways to do this: If 45 minutes is always a workable pre-wake-up wake-up time for him, then get a clock radio that takes two alarms and set two alarms: One at 6:15 and one at 7:00. The first one goes off, he turns it it off (not snooze) and then it's quiet until 7. If you need some non 7am alarm, get a second clock radio and each have one.
The second way allows for more flexibility: Get a clock-radio with programmable snooze. I have such a contraption. I can hit the snooze button once for 10 minutes or twice (at the same time, not after the 10 minutes are up) for 20 and keep hitting it for 30, 45, 60, 90, 120. Again, the alarm will go off, he'll set it to snooze for however long he wants and then get up when it goes off the second time.
In either case, put the clock radio on his side of the bed with the volume on as low as possible. If you go with the double alarm you can set them for different volumes so the second one is loud enough to wake a person properly and the first one is more gentle.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 7:45 PM on January 26, 2010
The second way allows for more flexibility: Get a clock-radio with programmable snooze. I have such a contraption. I can hit the snooze button once for 10 minutes or twice (at the same time, not after the 10 minutes are up) for 20 and keep hitting it for 30, 45, 60, 90, 120. Again, the alarm will go off, he'll set it to snooze for however long he wants and then get up when it goes off the second time.
In either case, put the clock radio on his side of the bed with the volume on as low as possible. If you go with the double alarm you can set them for different volumes so the second one is loud enough to wake a person properly and the first one is more gentle.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 7:45 PM on January 26, 2010
As a person who used to be a snooze-hitter who moved in with someone else, I highly recommend an alarm clock that has a light on top of it.
The light does a good job of helping to ease the transition into wakefulness without disturbing your partner. Also, I found that after getting it and getting up when my actual alarm goes off I'm better rested and more happy.
He probably won't want to make the change, just as I didn't want to originally. And while I'm usually all about advocating compromise in relationships, sleep is one of those things that is hard-wired into your body. You need your sleep in order to be healthy, wealthy, and wise as my father used to say, and if he cares about you he'll work with you to make sure that you get what you need. After all, him getting up when his alarm clock goes off won't really affect him much at all (except maybe in the positive) while it help you greatly.
posted by jaybeans at 7:52 PM on January 26, 2010
The light does a good job of helping to ease the transition into wakefulness without disturbing your partner. Also, I found that after getting it and getting up when my actual alarm goes off I'm better rested and more happy.
He probably won't want to make the change, just as I didn't want to originally. And while I'm usually all about advocating compromise in relationships, sleep is one of those things that is hard-wired into your body. You need your sleep in order to be healthy, wealthy, and wise as my father used to say, and if he cares about you he'll work with you to make sure that you get what you need. After all, him getting up when his alarm clock goes off won't really affect him much at all (except maybe in the positive) while it help you greatly.
posted by jaybeans at 7:52 PM on January 26, 2010
You'll have to compromise. But for what it's worth: the one whose behavior is robbing the other of sleep should compromise more.
posted by ook at 7:53 PM on January 26, 2010 [10 favorites]
posted by ook at 7:53 PM on January 26, 2010 [10 favorites]
Cell phones vibrate when their alarms go off. Get a crappy cell phone, program its alarm for vibrate-only, and have him sleep with it in his sock.
posted by flabdablet at 8:07 PM on January 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by flabdablet at 8:07 PM on January 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
Two sane partners in separate beds is better than craziness in a shared one.
Yes yes yes yes YES. It certainly wasn't my first choice with my boyfriend and me -- and I think you should certainly both try to compromise first -- but after a few years of crying/screaming/I-will-kill-you-if-this-shit-continues craziness over exactly this sort of thing, we're now in the separate bedrooms camp (except when we're on vacation, at which point we sleep together perfectly peacefully).
For us, it came down to this: we adore the ever-lovin' daylights out of each other, but we finally made peace with the fact that our sleep/wake routines are vastly different enough that sleeping separately most of the time is the simplest way for us to stay happy -- both individually and as a couple. (This does not mean we don't have our together wind-down/snuggle/etc. time in the same bed before sleep, though; he just gets up and tiptoes out after I've fallen asleep.)
posted by scody at 8:09 PM on January 26, 2010 [2 favorites]
Yes yes yes yes YES. It certainly wasn't my first choice with my boyfriend and me -- and I think you should certainly both try to compromise first -- but after a few years of crying/screaming/I-will-kill-you-if-this-shit-continues craziness over exactly this sort of thing, we're now in the separate bedrooms camp (except when we're on vacation, at which point we sleep together perfectly peacefully).
For us, it came down to this: we adore the ever-lovin' daylights out of each other, but we finally made peace with the fact that our sleep/wake routines are vastly different enough that sleeping separately most of the time is the simplest way for us to stay happy -- both individually and as a couple. (This does not mean we don't have our together wind-down/snuggle/etc. time in the same bed before sleep, though; he just gets up and tiptoes out after I've fallen asleep.)
posted by scody at 8:09 PM on January 26, 2010 [2 favorites]
I used to hit the snooze button all the time. Maybe six times a morning, typically. Then I got one of these clocks.
Instead of an alarm, it plays the sound of songbirds singing. I was unsurprised to find that this is pleasant, especially compared to an alarm (which is called such because it is alarming, and being alarmed is such an absurdly bad way to start your day that I can no longer fathom why it is so popular in our culture).
But I was surprised to find that it wakes me more or less instantly; I thought there was no way a few songbirds would wake me up. Turns out they wake me up much more effectively (and of course much more pleasantly) than alarms do.
Sure, I still hit the snooze button every once in a while, but now I do so pretty rarely, whereas before it would be rare for me not to hit it. And hitting it more than once is very rare; I don't think I've ever hit it more than twice. As I said, with my old alarm, I would typically hit it something like six times a morning.
Plus, when I do hit the snooze now, it's more "Eh, I think I'll nap for a few more minutes", rather than "SHUT THE HELL UP YOU GODDAMN ALARM CLOCK".
Of course I can't promise that this will help your fiance wake up with less snooze-hits than he does, nor can I promise that it will help you mind it less even if he does still hit the snooze a lot. But it accomplished both of these things for me, spectacularly, and if it does either one for you, let alone both, that's at least an improvement. Maybe it would be worth a shot.
posted by Flunkie at 8:11 PM on January 26, 2010 [2 favorites]
Instead of an alarm, it plays the sound of songbirds singing. I was unsurprised to find that this is pleasant, especially compared to an alarm (which is called such because it is alarming, and being alarmed is such an absurdly bad way to start your day that I can no longer fathom why it is so popular in our culture).
But I was surprised to find that it wakes me more or less instantly; I thought there was no way a few songbirds would wake me up. Turns out they wake me up much more effectively (and of course much more pleasantly) than alarms do.
Sure, I still hit the snooze button every once in a while, but now I do so pretty rarely, whereas before it would be rare for me not to hit it. And hitting it more than once is very rare; I don't think I've ever hit it more than twice. As I said, with my old alarm, I would typically hit it something like six times a morning.
Plus, when I do hit the snooze now, it's more "Eh, I think I'll nap for a few more minutes", rather than "SHUT THE HELL UP YOU GODDAMN ALARM CLOCK".
Of course I can't promise that this will help your fiance wake up with less snooze-hits than he does, nor can I promise that it will help you mind it less even if he does still hit the snooze a lot. But it accomplished both of these things for me, spectacularly, and if it does either one for you, let alone both, that's at least an improvement. Maybe it would be worth a shot.
posted by Flunkie at 8:11 PM on January 26, 2010 [2 favorites]
I weaned myself off of snooze by switching to a radio alarm set for 30 minutes before I needed to get up and a beeping alarm for the "deadline" time. I hated the beeping alarm so much that I eventually trained myself to listen to the radio for a little while and then hop out of bed to turn off the "deadline" alarm before it could put me in a bad mood. These days, Mrs. Advicepig and I just have the radio alarm and haven't used a beeping alarm in years.
posted by advicepig at 8:13 PM on January 26, 2010
posted by advicepig at 8:13 PM on January 26, 2010
I do this to my husband, he hates it. But, there may be a better alarm clock that will help.
Like Thebombsheltersmith, I used to have an alarm with a "his and hers" alarm on it. I would set one for when I needed to get up, and one for fifteen minutes earlier. I needed one to get me out of deep sleep before the second that got me out of bed. But I'd then get right out and never touched the snooze. Losing that alarm, and having to switch to a clock with just one alarm and a snooze, has led to me hitting that snooze over and over and over again in the morning.
So see if you can work out a compromise that the snooze button is not touched again, but the alarm will be set for an earlier time to give the impression of a lie in before having to get up, and then the second alarm goes off.
posted by saffry at 8:15 PM on January 26, 2010
Like Thebombsheltersmith, I used to have an alarm with a "his and hers" alarm on it. I would set one for when I needed to get up, and one for fifteen minutes earlier. I needed one to get me out of deep sleep before the second that got me out of bed. But I'd then get right out and never touched the snooze. Losing that alarm, and having to switch to a clock with just one alarm and a snooze, has led to me hitting that snooze over and over and over again in the morning.
So see if you can work out a compromise that the snooze button is not touched again, but the alarm will be set for an earlier time to give the impression of a lie in before having to get up, and then the second alarm goes off.
posted by saffry at 8:15 PM on January 26, 2010
My wife does this. I wear earplugs to bed. It doesn't bother me.
posted by jdroth at 8:39 PM on January 26, 2010
posted by jdroth at 8:39 PM on January 26, 2010
My partner does this, and I very nearly killed him when we moved in together. Like others in the thread, I solved it by being the one who gets up first and wakes him, turning the lights on bright. Then I take the dog out and tug on his blankets. Then I shower and talk to him about getting up until I get some kind of reaction from him. He finally gets up 8 (!!) minutes before we have to walk out the door, which is still pretty frustrating to me, but it's so much better than that damn alarm going off every 9 minutes.
posted by rhapsodie at 8:41 PM on January 26, 2010
posted by rhapsodie at 8:41 PM on January 26, 2010
My husband does this too, it used to irritate the crap out of me, and here is our solution: cell phone alarms. His alarm sounds distinctly different from mine. After a couple of weeks, my brain learned to sleep through his alarm, and to wake up for mine. Works perfectly.
posted by Lobster Garden at 8:51 PM on January 26, 2010
posted by Lobster Garden at 8:51 PM on January 26, 2010
This is actually one of the (many) reasons why husband number two didn't work out - he was a multi-alarm setter and snooze button hitter and he would not compromise. I did get up and shower and try to get him out of bed and to work on time but he just would not stop hitting the snooze alarm, or try to go to bed earlier.
It is something that you need to talk to your fiance about before you move in with him - really.
BTW, something that stopped me from hitting the snooze button - I found an alarm that drove me crazy. I can't stand the sound of the alarm. I started waking up before the stupid thing went off and I haven't heard it in years.
posted by patheral at 8:55 PM on January 26, 2010
It is something that you need to talk to your fiance about before you move in with him - really.
BTW, something that stopped me from hitting the snooze button - I found an alarm that drove me crazy. I can't stand the sound of the alarm. I started waking up before the stupid thing went off and I haven't heard it in years.
posted by patheral at 8:55 PM on January 26, 2010
I am an avid competitor in the snooze olympics. The alarm goes off at 6:40am. I put it across the room so I have to get out of bed and hit it, then jump back into bed. Repeat at 6:48 and 6:56. If it's a day I have to take a shower, I take a shower then because otherwise my boyfriend will use up too much hot water and take a long time if I let him go first. By 7:04 I am out and dressing, it goes off again, I hit it because I'm standing right there, and bf gets out of bed. I finish dressing, put on deodorant and necklace, go to kitchen and take out four diet mountain dews from the fridge. I drink one while taking my morning pills, and put three in my tote bag and the fourth partial one next to the bag to take with me as well.
I then go back to bed for every blessed minute I possibly can. I have a kitchen timer I set for this purpose, and I stare at it periodically to see how much time I have left as I close my eyes for a reprieve from the doom that awaits me when I do REALLY TRULY HAVE TO GET UP. I have to be out the door at 7:40, so I set it so that it goes off at about 7:37 or 7:38. (I'm already dressed so I just have to spring out of bed, do a quick brush of the hair, and grab my stuff and I'm out!).
Maybe you can convince your fiance to do something like this? For me, it's a psychological crutch that I need in order to be able to face the day. I have to have a reprieve (preferably several) just to get used to the idea that I have to do something I really, really don't want to do. I get to say to myself "oh, 7 minutes? I can relax, I have plenty of time, ahhhh", etc etc until "crap, 45 seconds, might as well get up now to avoid that horrid beeping".
So basically: get him to agree to snooze once or twice, then get ready, then go back to bed until the moment it is time to go. A countdown timer is ideal since it only beeps at the end, and you know how much time you have left when you glance at it. That way he gets maximum bed time, and a chance to psychologically adjust to the fact that he has to wrest himself from it and get out the door.
Anyway, just a suggestion. Good luck!
posted by marble at 9:34 PM on January 26, 2010
I then go back to bed for every blessed minute I possibly can. I have a kitchen timer I set for this purpose, and I stare at it periodically to see how much time I have left as I close my eyes for a reprieve from the doom that awaits me when I do REALLY TRULY HAVE TO GET UP. I have to be out the door at 7:40, so I set it so that it goes off at about 7:37 or 7:38. (I'm already dressed so I just have to spring out of bed, do a quick brush of the hair, and grab my stuff and I'm out!).
Maybe you can convince your fiance to do something like this? For me, it's a psychological crutch that I need in order to be able to face the day. I have to have a reprieve (preferably several) just to get used to the idea that I have to do something I really, really don't want to do. I get to say to myself "oh, 7 minutes? I can relax, I have plenty of time, ahhhh", etc etc until "crap, 45 seconds, might as well get up now to avoid that horrid beeping".
So basically: get him to agree to snooze once or twice, then get ready, then go back to bed until the moment it is time to go. A countdown timer is ideal since it only beeps at the end, and you know how much time you have left when you glance at it. That way he gets maximum bed time, and a chance to psychologically adjust to the fact that he has to wrest himself from it and get out the door.
Anyway, just a suggestion. Good luck!
posted by marble at 9:34 PM on January 26, 2010
Hahaha, I'll chime in. It's the exact same for the boyfriend and I. He's a hit-it-five-times snoozer, and I'm a get-up-and-go kind of girl. He compromised (without me knowing) by shortening his snooze to three, and I compromised (without either of us knowing) by adjusting and falling back asleep. It was all O. Henry up in here, but the end result was that while I prefer uninterrupted sleep, it's enough to stave off homicidal tendencies.
posted by thatbrunette at 10:22 PM on January 26, 2010
posted by thatbrunette at 10:22 PM on January 26, 2010
I was eagerly reading this thread with the hopes that I could mine some ideas for how to deal with my newly co-habitating girlfriend. Unfortunately, very few of these techniques will work when I have to get up 4 hours after she does, so her alarms are going off right in the middle of my deep REM.
posted by nulledge at 10:31 PM on January 26, 2010
posted by nulledge at 10:31 PM on January 26, 2010
I was your boyfriend. My husband and I worked it out by allowing him to control over the alarm. It's worked for us. I don't snooze but he doesn't let me miss work.
posted by bananafish at 10:33 PM on January 26, 2010
posted by bananafish at 10:33 PM on January 26, 2010
Success story: I was your boyfriend. My own boyfriend is an ER doc who can be on all kinds of different shifts, and it's nice when we are even on the same schedule to be in bed for even parts of the same nights- I teach and have very regular hours. He let my behavior make him slowly insane for a few nights when we moved in together and then started a reasonable discussion- NOT when he was grumpy about it, but in the evening- about how, when our schedules are six hours offset, that can really screw up a more sensitive sleeper's opportunity for decent sleep.
I said "oh" and decided I was woman enough to suck it up and not snooze. I really, truly, didn't know how obnoxious it was. The next day I set the alarm for a half hour later, the time I really NEEDED to get out of bed. I've gotten better sleep/more since, and haven't hit the button in a year.
It's absolutely possible to have a good, productive talk about this. It is extremely possible for someone to want to change or to at least make some of the good compromises above if you approach it the right way- in a non-aggressive, non-pissed off way. Why don't you give him the chance? At least use it as an opportunity to ask him why on earth he does it, and then tailor your suggested solutions/compromises to that answer.
posted by charmedimsure at 10:57 PM on January 26, 2010 [2 favorites]
I said "oh" and decided I was woman enough to suck it up and not snooze. I really, truly, didn't know how obnoxious it was. The next day I set the alarm for a half hour later, the time I really NEEDED to get out of bed. I've gotten better sleep/more since, and haven't hit the button in a year.
It's absolutely possible to have a good, productive talk about this. It is extremely possible for someone to want to change or to at least make some of the good compromises above if you approach it the right way- in a non-aggressive, non-pissed off way. Why don't you give him the chance? At least use it as an opportunity to ask him why on earth he does it, and then tailor your suggested solutions/compromises to that answer.
posted by charmedimsure at 10:57 PM on January 26, 2010 [2 favorites]
Move the alarm to the other side of the room.
posted by xammerboy at 10:57 PM on January 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by xammerboy at 10:57 PM on January 26, 2010 [1 favorite]
Talk about it every day until you reach a solution you can both live with.
posted by jeffamaphone at 11:27 PM on January 26, 2010
posted by jeffamaphone at 11:27 PM on January 26, 2010
You wear earplugs, and then if you have to wake up at the same time or later than he does he gets to jostle you awake when he finally gets up?
posted by The Biggest Dreamer at 11:30 PM on January 26, 2010
posted by The Biggest Dreamer at 11:30 PM on January 26, 2010
My husband and I have very different sleep schedules right now. What seems to work for us (like Lobster Garden) is to have very different sounding alarms. When he gets up a few hours before me, I usually never wake up from his cell phone alarm (which is like, chirping frogs?). And when I used to get up first, and hit the snooze button five times, he said he learned to not notice my alarm.
Also, it might help if his alarm is a vibrating cell phone, or at least something with the volume turned down as low as possible.
posted by nowmorethannever at 11:59 PM on January 26, 2010
Also, it might help if his alarm is a vibrating cell phone, or at least something with the volume turned down as low as possible.
posted by nowmorethannever at 11:59 PM on January 26, 2010
I had a partner who did this. It drove me bats. The only real solution is that you get up the first time his alarm goes off. Either that or find your zen and accept that you're in for an hour of snoozebar action. Use that extra time in the morning to treat yourself to something you like: tea, coffee, reading the paper, catching up on MetaFilter - something that you like to do that you wouldn't necessarily choose to wake up for.
I know that a lot of people are saying that he needs to adjust because you want more sleep, but honestly, you have to pick the hills you're willing to die on and you being the bigger man on this (if you can make your peace and truly not end up resenting him) will bring enough stability to relationship to make it worth it.
It's small stuff like this that can really build up and become toxic for the relationship. You're wise to recognize it early, and you should do everything you can to keep it from bothering you because that, honestly, and not his behavior is the real problem here.
From failed relationships I've learned the valuable lesson that the only person I have the power to change is myself. If I need to fix a situation for my own sanity, the only way I have complete control to know that it really will be fixed is if I can change something myself. Sometimes, that's not possible, but in a situation like this I would much rather adapt my own behavior than allow a small conflict to become a huge source of tension.
Another option, that I often employ myself when I'm too tired to get up the first time my own alarm goes off, is for you to get up when his alarm goes off and lie on the couch for a bit to get those extra moments of sleep. The alarm has woken you up already - the few moments it takes you to reposition are no more irritating than the knowledge that the snooze is going to keep going off. (Yes, it would be great if he did this, but since this is bothering you and not him, it's best if you take control and do it yourself rather than trying [possibly in vain] to reprogram his waking habits.)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 5:43 AM on January 27, 2010
I know that a lot of people are saying that he needs to adjust because you want more sleep, but honestly, you have to pick the hills you're willing to die on and you being the bigger man on this (if you can make your peace and truly not end up resenting him) will bring enough stability to relationship to make it worth it.
It's small stuff like this that can really build up and become toxic for the relationship. You're wise to recognize it early, and you should do everything you can to keep it from bothering you because that, honestly, and not his behavior is the real problem here.
From failed relationships I've learned the valuable lesson that the only person I have the power to change is myself. If I need to fix a situation for my own sanity, the only way I have complete control to know that it really will be fixed is if I can change something myself. Sometimes, that's not possible, but in a situation like this I would much rather adapt my own behavior than allow a small conflict to become a huge source of tension.
Another option, that I often employ myself when I'm too tired to get up the first time my own alarm goes off, is for you to get up when his alarm goes off and lie on the couch for a bit to get those extra moments of sleep. The alarm has woken you up already - the few moments it takes you to reposition are no more irritating than the knowledge that the snooze is going to keep going off. (Yes, it would be great if he did this, but since this is bothering you and not him, it's best if you take control and do it yourself rather than trying [possibly in vain] to reprogram his waking habits.)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 5:43 AM on January 27, 2010
Sleep is important. One of my best friends growing up had this type of problem, and while I only had to deal with it a few times, it was pretty annoying.
Here's a strategy that might alleviate the problem, which your fiance might agree to. Do a staggered reduction of snoozes. Ask him to set his alarm for 6:20, instead of 6:15. Then every two or three weeks, have him set the alarm an additional five minutes later. The goal is that the process of sleeping later and waking up with fewer sneezes will be gradual and allow him to become accustom to finally just waking up once. While you two aren't married yet, perhaps give him even more time between changing the alarm, just to ensure he has time to get used to the fewer snoozes.
Otherwise, I agree with the suggestion of having separate beds. A bad night's sleep can lead to a miserable day and miserable days can lead to miserable people.
posted by Atreides at 5:56 AM on January 27, 2010
Here's a strategy that might alleviate the problem, which your fiance might agree to. Do a staggered reduction of snoozes. Ask him to set his alarm for 6:20, instead of 6:15. Then every two or three weeks, have him set the alarm an additional five minutes later. The goal is that the process of sleeping later and waking up with fewer sneezes will be gradual and allow him to become accustom to finally just waking up once. While you two aren't married yet, perhaps give him even more time between changing the alarm, just to ensure he has time to get used to the fewer snoozes.
Otherwise, I agree with the suggestion of having separate beds. A bad night's sleep can lead to a miserable day and miserable days can lead to miserable people.
posted by Atreides at 5:56 AM on January 27, 2010
I vote for an alarm clock with a gradual light, and bird sounds. Phillips make one
posted by jannw at 7:31 AM on January 27, 2010
posted by jannw at 7:31 AM on January 27, 2010
The first step is obviously to make sure your fiance understands that this is a problem and why. Assuming he's agreeable [and if he's not, I'd make sure you discuss this in your premarital counseling (I believe that every couple can benefit from premarital counseling. If you weren't already planning to do it, I'd suggest it.)], there are ways he can work through this tendency.
Putting the alarm clock across the room likely won't help if he's a serious snoozer. But there are a few things that will (this is the second time I've answered a similar question this morning, so I'm basically going to copy my last answer.) Expose him to very bright light very early in the morning. I've moved my bed under a window and now sleep with the curtains opened so that light hits me in the face when the sun rises. That helps a lot. Additionally, I had good luck with Steve Pavlina's method for ending the snooze cycle. You feel really, really stupid while you're doing it, but it does help with that groggy cycle of forgetting that you promised yourself you wouldn't snooze.
posted by decathecting at 8:45 AM on January 27, 2010 [1 favorite]
Putting the alarm clock across the room likely won't help if he's a serious snoozer. But there are a few things that will (this is the second time I've answered a similar question this morning, so I'm basically going to copy my last answer.) Expose him to very bright light very early in the morning. I've moved my bed under a window and now sleep with the curtains opened so that light hits me in the face when the sun rises. That helps a lot. Additionally, I had good luck with Steve Pavlina's method for ending the snooze cycle. You feel really, really stupid while you're doing it, but it does help with that groggy cycle of forgetting that you promised yourself you wouldn't snooze.
posted by decathecting at 8:45 AM on January 27, 2010 [1 favorite]
I do this to my partner. We have very different schedules with me getting up hours before him.
I have trouble getting up and when he is not around I listen to the radio for up to an hour while sleeping in. I hit the snooze button in an attempt to make it easier for him to sleep through my entire morning routine. We also use a blindfold to allow each other to the lights on an off when the other is sleeping.
This question has encouraged me to talk to him about this routine. I do find it hard to get up, but I do realize that he would rather be sleeping soundly. Only you and your fiance can find a solution that works for both of you.
posted by Gor-ella at 9:26 AM on January 27, 2010
I have trouble getting up and when he is not around I listen to the radio for up to an hour while sleeping in. I hit the snooze button in an attempt to make it easier for him to sleep through my entire morning routine. We also use a blindfold to allow each other to the lights on an off when the other is sleeping.
This question has encouraged me to talk to him about this routine. I do find it hard to get up, but I do realize that he would rather be sleeping soundly. Only you and your fiance can find a solution that works for both of you.
posted by Gor-ella at 9:26 AM on January 27, 2010
I guess, if you want to be sneaky passive-aggressive about it, you could just slowly alter the clock time so that his alarm goes off at "6:15am" but it's really 6:55am. My wife plays these games with the bedroom alarm clock (though she's trying to trick herself, not me).
posted by jeffamaphone at 9:42 AM on January 27, 2010
posted by jeffamaphone at 9:42 AM on January 27, 2010
I'll second the old-fashioned bell alarm clock. I'm the sort that could happily hit snooze for hours but I received the bell style for Christmas and, after using it for a few weeks, I think it's a significant improvement over hitting snooze a bunch of times. When it rings I wake up and I feel refreshed, not groggy, and ready to start my day. I'm definitely not a morning person but I'm beginning to think that, for us non-morning people, a snooze-able alarm just compounds and prolongs that crappy/groggy/why-do-i-have-to-get-up-now??? feeling.
posted by 6550 at 10:34 AM on January 27, 2010 [1 favorite]
posted by 6550 at 10:34 AM on January 27, 2010 [1 favorite]
When we first lived together, my then girlfriend now wife, who got up earlier than I did, did this. It drove me insane.
When I was not in the throes of sleep-deprived rage, we talked about it, and we (and I do mean we, brainstormed up solutions.) I honestly can't recall which one we picked, but she stopped doing it.
So yes, definitely talk this out - and don't dictate a solution, let him (as the one causing the problem) present some for consideration.
posted by canine epigram at 11:36 AM on January 27, 2010
When I was not in the throes of sleep-deprived rage, we talked about it, and we (and I do mean we, brainstormed up solutions.) I honestly can't recall which one we picked, but she stopped doing it.
So yes, definitely talk this out - and don't dictate a solution, let him (as the one causing the problem) present some for consideration.
posted by canine epigram at 11:36 AM on January 27, 2010
I just want to point out, as a heavy snoozer myself, that he may very possibly not even realize he is hitting the snooze until the third or fourth time he does it. Over the course of my life I have tried every alarm strategy EVER (I am one of those who doesn't get sleepy until 1-2 am unless I am running on a serious sleep debt) and I am perfectly capable of getting up, walking across the room, turning off an alarm/hitting snooze, and going back to bed WITHOUT EVER WAKING ENOUGH TO BE CONSCIOUS OF IT. Fortunately, my husband gets up an hour an a half before me, so we've arrived at a workable plan: his alarm goes off (I almost always sleep through it); he turns on his bedside lamp and goes and does his morning routine; before he leaves for work (which is around the time I start struggling to consciousness) he comes in and says goodbye, and by the time my snoozing starts in earnest he's gone.
For me it's not as simple as "just set the alarm for the time you want to get up" - I actually need a lengthy process to wake up- light AND noise and it still takes a while for it to wake me up ENOUGH that my higher brain functions kick in and remind me that I actually need to get up.
You guys will need to come up with a solution that works; I think that it will be helpful in negotiating what that solution is if you can resist the temptation to think that one pattern is inherently BETTER than the other. If he's a snoozer because he's a night owl he's probably had a lot of static over the years for it and that sort of approach might make him tend to get defensive. On the other hand if he just likes to lie in bed and be drowsy, he may find it much easier to alter that behavior.
posted by oblique red at 11:42 AM on January 27, 2010 [1 favorite]
For me it's not as simple as "just set the alarm for the time you want to get up" - I actually need a lengthy process to wake up- light AND noise and it still takes a while for it to wake me up ENOUGH that my higher brain functions kick in and remind me that I actually need to get up.
You guys will need to come up with a solution that works; I think that it will be helpful in negotiating what that solution is if you can resist the temptation to think that one pattern is inherently BETTER than the other. If he's a snoozer because he's a night owl he's probably had a lot of static over the years for it and that sort of approach might make him tend to get defensive. On the other hand if he just likes to lie in bed and be drowsy, he may find it much easier to alter that behavior.
posted by oblique red at 11:42 AM on January 27, 2010 [1 favorite]
As an aside, nothing was better for our relationship than accepting that it was not my job to get her up and out of bed on time. It made us both irritated and, in some way, was enabling her poor waking habits.
posted by advicepig at 12:25 PM on January 27, 2010 [2 favorites]
posted by advicepig at 12:25 PM on January 27, 2010 [2 favorites]
I don't even use an alarm clock anymore; I use my cell phone. Here's what I do that works for me and my partner:
1) Set cell phone alarm clock. Make sure it's on vibrate.
2) Place cell phone on wooden nightstand.
3) Alarm goes off. It's pretty loud against the wood.
4) Hit snooze and hold phone in hand.
5) Hit snooze the next 5-10 times phone starts to vibrate.
6) Wake up. SO never hears it after the first ring.
posted by coolguymichael at 3:17 PM on January 27, 2010
1) Set cell phone alarm clock. Make sure it's on vibrate.
2) Place cell phone on wooden nightstand.
3) Alarm goes off. It's pretty loud against the wood.
4) Hit snooze and hold phone in hand.
5) Hit snooze the next 5-10 times phone starts to vibrate.
6) Wake up. SO never hears it after the first ring.
posted by coolguymichael at 3:17 PM on January 27, 2010
peagood said: A vibrating alarm clock, placed under his pillow?
I can confirm 110% this will not work. I am guilty of behavior similar to the OP's husband - not quite that bad, but close - and it drives my wife crazy. I am hard of hearing and use a vibrating alarm clock. They are strong sons-of-bitches and mine definitely wakes my wife. Pretty much any vibrating alarm clock will be this strong - cell phones have a weaker vibration.
posted by etoile at 4:10 PM on January 28, 2010
I can confirm 110% this will not work. I am guilty of behavior similar to the OP's husband - not quite that bad, but close - and it drives my wife crazy. I am hard of hearing and use a vibrating alarm clock. They are strong sons-of-bitches and mine definitely wakes my wife. Pretty much any vibrating alarm clock will be this strong - cell phones have a weaker vibration.
posted by etoile at 4:10 PM on January 28, 2010
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posted by moxiedoll at 6:52 PM on January 26, 2010 [11 favorites]