What to do with my life
December 28, 2009 7:04 AM Subscribe
Please tell me how I can find out what to do with my life?
posted by anonymous to work & money (7 answers total) 9 users marked this as a favorite
Of course you cannot really tell me what to do with my life. Of course in the end I have to make up my mind and come up with a decision. But maybe you can help me a bit with my struggle or point me into the right direction (if there is any).
About me: I am from Germany and 27 years old. Athough a lot of people say that this is no age, I often feel like I already passed passed the zenith of my life without really archieving anything.
After school I went straight to university and started studying economics. After one year I found out that economics is definitely not the way I want to study economics and switched to political science. After four years I graduated in political science (inbetween I spent one year at a British university).
In the same year I worked as a freelance researcher for a small NGO and started my Master’s degree in International Political Economy which I am about to finish now (only have to write up the last bits of my thesis).
I am an excellent student, I have a scholarship and I already worked as a teaching assistant for the master course while being a student myself. Everything in my life was/is orientated towards an academic career. I never ever really had job outside academia.
Ok here is the catch: I also suffer from depression and it gets worse each time I have a long and unstructured writing project like my master thesis in front of me. I like the research part, I like the reading part and I like to think about theoretical problems. I don’t like doing empirical work and I especially don’t like writing everything up in the end. I find it extremely boring. I procrastinate and I suffer unitil eventually everything becomes meaningless and I think of applying for some lousy jobs with no intellectual requirements at all.
I had (and have) psychotheraphy, I took antidepressants (did not really help in the end) and also spent two months in residual therapy (best decision of my life but as soon as I got out I lost everything really fast again).
I think, one reason why I still haven't finished my master thesis is because I am really afraid of the next step. Or to be more precise: I don't know what this next step will look like.
So far I really liked the job of being a teaching assisstant. It is a demanding job but not too demanding. I can live out my narcissism in a positive way. And I get instant gratification in the form of positive feedback. Something I do not get by doing research. However, there is no way to be a teaching assisstant for the rest of your life (at least not in Germany).
Should I still try to go for a PhD (although I know it will be hell for me)?. What are other options (also outside of Germany)? Are there any books & tests I can consult? Personal stories?