How do you get a 19 year old who has already been convicted of a felony into rehab for cocaine abuse?
December 7, 2009 10:33 AM Subscribe
How do you get a 19 year old who has already been convicted of a felony into rehab for cocaine abuse? Family complications outlined inside.
posted by anonymous to human relations (8 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
I’m just going to lay the whole story out here because I feel like I don’t even know what details are relevant. I will try to respond via a mod if necessary. FWIW, I’ve read the previous threads on rehab and addiction… but you know, special snowflake and all that.
My brother is 19 and lives at home. My sister is 22 and also living at home while finishing college. They live with my mom and stepdad. Mom has always exhibited the classic symptoms of BPD, Stepdad is a good person but sometimes plays into her problems. I am the oldest kid and live very far away.
Last year, Brother was arrested for felony theft. He went to jail for a week. The details on this are still sketchy because Sister and I only found out months after the fact when he was brought to trial. It turned out that Mom had told Sister that Brother “ran away” while he was in jail and the only reason it came out was because Sister started suspecting something was up and snooped through the house to find out what it was (there is a long history of playing “guess the horrible secret” in my family). Brother was sentenced to several years supervised probation and 6 months house arrest. He enrolled full time in community college, sees a court-appointed therapist and psychiatrist (who diagnosed him as bi-polar), and works part time. Once I found out all of this, I called him to voice my support and offer help. He rejected the help and said that he felt like he just had to make better decisions.
A few weeks ago Sister called me to tell me that she suspected Brother was using cocaine. She said she could hear him doing it in his room and that he was uncharacteristically selling his stereo. The next day she snooped again and found a bag of white powder in his desk and confronted him. He flat out denied it and said that she didn’t know what she was talking about. She told him that if he didn’t quit she would have to tell someone for his own good and he accused her of wanting to put him in jail. She told me all of this and I started poking around online to see if there were any more surprises. When I googled his phone number, bunch of Craigslist ads came up- one for his stereo plus 5 other ads for expensive electronics. Sister and I agreed we had to tell someone and decided to go to Stepdad.
To our surprise, Stepdad had noticed the signs way before we did (although he wasn’t computer literate enough to know about the Craigslist ads). He had even brought it up with Mom, but Mom had said that Stepdad was “out to get” Brother (which is ludicrous). Stepdad then told me that right after the sentencing, Mom had switched Brother’s therapist after the first therapist suggested he needed rehab. I pulled together the ads so Stepfather and Sister could confront Mom. After that, Mom and Stepfather finally confronted Brother, who (no surprise) denied everything. Mom said, “see, I told you everything was fine” and things seemed to improve over the next few days. Brother told Sister that he’s looking into the military, so I reached out and tell him to offer encouragement and support again.
Today Sister said she heard him doing coke again. I looked on Craigslist and sure enough, another ad. Stepdad, Sister, and I all strongly suspect these are stolen goods (but don’t know where he’s stealing from) and we all want him to go to an inpatient, preferably 90 day rehab. Stepdad says he’ll talk to Mom again but doesn’t think the outcome will be good. Brother’s house arrest will be up in less than 10 days and Sister, Stepdad, and I are terrified.
So here’s the actual question part of the question: We want him to go to rehab, not jail. How can we do that with or without Mom’s help? How do we convince him to go? Is mandatory rehab an option given his criminal status? Who should we talk to? Can we trust his court appointed therapist/psychiatrist with this information? How can I continue to manage this from far away? My sister is getting ready to graduate and move out, but she feels totally responsible because while Stepdad means well, he’s ineffectual, and Mom is… as ever. How can I do more so she can feel comfortable getting the eff out of there?