It's Not About The Glass
August 11, 2009 5:39 AM   Subscribe

Is possible to switch from being a glass half empty person (negative world view) to a glass half full orientation (optimistic world view)? How does it happen? Through therapy? Motivational speakers and goal setting?

After reading about the APA saying there is no therapy to transition from gay to straight, I wonder if the same is true for glass half empty? I live with someone who's world view is incessantly negative, nothing is ever good enough, clean enough, quiet enough etc. I am the complete opposite and glass empty sounds painful to me. Do you have examples of transitioning from one to the other? What are the benefits of either world view.
posted by Xurando to Human Relations (19 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite
 
Having a glass half empty personality can make you strive for better things. So, that seemingly negative personality trait can acutally be good a motivator to improve everything around you. For example, I would prefer if the person who designs the bridges I travel over, the computers I use, and who makes the food I eat to be glass half empty. However, glass half empty + lazy = miserable.

It's kind of a hard personality trait to overcome, because really, if you know X, Y, and Z are total shit, then you also know that it would be a lie to convince yourself otherwise. I think the trick is to accept that, say, X Y and Z are shit (really, they are, we get it), but to focus more on A B and C, instead, which are actually good (a real cause for celebration, especially if you tend think that D-W are also total shit).
posted by molecicco at 5:47 AM on August 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


Is possible to switch from being a glass half empty person...

Yes.

How does it happen?

I don't know about therapy and suchlike, but the way I did it was to constantly look for something positive in everything. Some things were more difficult than others, but I'm constantly surprised at how many things appear negative but actually turn out to have beneficial effects or be beneficial themselves in the long run.

What are the benefits of either world view.

Well, if you're a complete pessimist, you're never disappointed. Things often do seem to be as bad as you're hoping they're going to be. If you're a complete optimist, you sometimes aren't prepared to deal when the excrement truly does hit the fan, because "such a negative thing could never happen". Being a complete Pollyanna and refusing to deal with the world as it is is silly, from either point of view. However, constant pessimism can lead to a distorted world view, and prevent you from having as much fun and enjoying life as much as you would if you were in the middle of the pessimism/optimism continuum. Optimism can help you get through hard times without falling into despair.

One book I found interesting was You Can't Afford The Luxury Of A Negative Thought.

posted by Solomon at 5:54 AM on August 11, 2009 [3 favorites]


It depends on the root cause. Depression can be fixed by therapy or drugs. Some people find a change of spirit through religion. Some change careers because it causes negative stresses. I hear many people that work for a long time as a cop, paramedic or social worker have to see the worst side of humanity and it hardens them in a negative way. There are thousands of different causes for that perception and it isn't biological in nature like your mention of gays being "cured through therapy" which is pure bs.
posted by JJ86 at 6:00 AM on August 11, 2009


My dad is a very glass half empty kind of person. Nothing was ever to his satisfaction, no one was ever good enough, etc; he had something negative to say about everything and everyone. Recently, at the age of 69, he's started going to anger management classes. He's always had an anger problem, but for him, there was a connection between his pessimism and anger - his world view was incessantly negative, and it made him angry, unappreciative, and one hell of a debbie downer. I don't know exactly what he's doing in anger management, and he still relapses into the extreme negativity and complaining, but it does seem to have made a noticeable difference on his overall demeanor. He's learning to acknowledge that the problem is not so much about other people and what they do or say, but how he can choose to view these things.

For me, and I know this may sound crazy, but I find that it's sometimes a good idea to set low expectations in some areas of life. It's the difference of being frequently let down, or frequently pleasantly surprised about what life throws at you. What happens is going to happen, and mostly, one cannot change this - but the latter leaves me more content to move on and forward, rather than dwell on the past or the unchangeable.
posted by raztaj at 6:04 AM on August 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


Do you honestly want to see things differently, or have enough people told you that you should see things differently that you're willing to give it the ol' college try?

If the former, fake it. You may never actually 'feel' it, but entertaining the opposing worldview is instructive.

If the latter, screw 'em. One of the downfalls of the gregarious, positive-minded types is they lack the imagination to understand how anyone could be happy if they didn't do what they do.

posted by Pragmatica at 6:09 AM on August 11, 2009


Your thinking about this the wrong way. You don't want them to switch from being an pessimist to an optimist, you want them to stop annoying you with their constant bitching. That should be easy to do. Show him or her some Debbie Downer clips and say "Don't be like that".

(It sounds like this person is more of a nitpicker then an overall pessimist, but the same thing applies. Not every annoyance needs to be vocalized)
posted by delmoi at 6:18 AM on August 11, 2009 [4 favorites]


Does it have to be one or the other? It may be better to just avoid the whole positive/negative dialectic altogether. I think the best course is often just to try to accept the things that happen--or the circumstances we find ourselves in--for what they are and work from there. One of my favorite quotations from the philosopher Epictetus illustrates the point (in a characteristically brusque way):

"Never say of anything, 'I have lost it'; but, 'I have returned it.' Is your child dead? It is returned. Is your wife dead? She is returned. Is your estate taken away? Well, and is not that likewise returned? 'But he who took it away is a bad man.' What difference is it to you who the giver assigns to take it back? While he gives it to you to possess, take care of it; but don't view it as your own, just as travelers view a hotel."

This level of dispassionate living is probably impossible, and may not even be desirable. But I think the general point is useful: Peace comes from accepting the cards we are dealt.
posted by PunkSoTawny at 6:18 AM on August 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


Is it possible yes.

Via motivational speakers, books, and other external resources? Oh, ye gods, no.

The only thing that motivational speakers, books, and external resources will do is make you poor as you spend money on them. Which doesn't really help with the whole positive outlook thing. ;) At best, those things can provide temporary 'bumps', but like a drug, they always keep you looking for more later. How else does an industry like that get built up?!

Look, there's up and downs to everyone's life. To get over that, you need to find a bigger picture to focus on and you have to have SOMETHING to believe in. I focus on leaving the world a better place than I found it, and I'm motivated by the needs I see and the successes I've had. The key is that these things come from deep within me, and I found them on my own through volunteering and meeting other people who felt the same way. I also choose to put my faith in those people and really in how many good people there are in general in the world, and how wise, wonderful, and mature some of the people I've met along the way are.

It has to come from within you. It's based around finding something you believe in, doing it, and succeeding at it. Get off your couch and go do it.
posted by SpecialK at 6:23 AM on August 11, 2009


I think gratefulness is the key. The glass seems half empty if you are concentrating on lack. Lack of finances, relationships, health, aesthetic qualities in your world, leisure time, etc.

But surely...there is some aspect that could be worse. As a glass half-empty person this should be easy to identify...what in your life could be worse? Now, take that aspect and be grateful that it is not worse. The half-empty tendencies in you will note that the aspect isn't worse for now. But still, some aspect of your life is not as bad as it could be.

Basically, before you can realize the glass is half full, you have to travel through the empty half and find the miniscus. After you find the miniscus you can realistically study it from your half-empty mentality.
posted by ian1977 at 6:33 AM on August 11, 2009




"In the end the pessimist may have been proved right, but the optimist had a better time on the journey."

I forget who said that but it always stayed with me. I used to be much more negative than I am now. One thing that helped was perspective. Yeah, it sucks my car broke down, but no one was hurt, it wasn't raining and I have AAA service, so it could have been worse. (I call it my Pollyanna attitude - trying to see the silver lining.)

As far as books, the "Don't Sweat The Small Stuff...and it's all Small Stuff" books helped me with that. I originally bought it to help reduce stress, but there were so many other little lessons that helped me put things in perspective and enjoy what I have instead of complaining about what I don't have.
posted by NoraCharles at 6:48 AM on August 11, 2009


Seconding Learned Optimism. This issue is exactly what Seligman researches and discusses in the book. However, you can't make anyone else change, as much as you may be optimistic about it :)
posted by witchstone at 6:58 AM on August 11, 2009


I asked this question a while ago and got some interesting responses. I doubt a negative thinker could ever do a 180, but Ive found that cultivating a little gratitude, being nicer to people, not feeling smug when correct, and just being thankful to be able to live a middle class existence in a great city along with being relatively young and in decent health really accounts for a lot.

I think trying to be a more positive person really opened my eyes on the psychology of the overly negative person. I realized as an adult I dont have the right to complain like a child and that bad things will happen pretty much all the time, but its my response to these things that matters. Being upset at everything and down at everything is how a child or a teenager thinks. As an adult you dont have that right, and frankly no one likes being around a negative complainer.

On top of it, negative thinking can be rewarded because of confirmation bias. Sure, your negative thinking is right sometimes, but its not right all the time. Painting oneself as a victim does make people feel better because all their problems are not their own, its society's/parents/whoever's fault. This is how I see a lot of conservatives I know. Their problems are from minorities and big government. They are just good people being victimized by the system. You can see this mindset in pretty much every Fox News editorial show or every talk radio show. Obviously people are drawn to it and it makes them feel good for whatever reason.
posted by damn dirty ape at 7:05 AM on August 11, 2009 [4 favorites]


I highly recommend the Tao of Pooh. Seriously. What you're wanting to do, in that amazing book's vernacular, is change from an Eeyore to a Pooh. And it can be done, and is worth doing.
posted by jbickers at 7:34 AM on August 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


Damn dirty ape is pretty spot on in my opinion. Recognizing that the one thing you can control in life is yourself and your reaction was a huge turning point for me. I was a pretty negative thinker all through childhood and college but I feel like I have come close to pulling almost a 180 in the other direction, now to the point where I hardly recognize the person I was back then. It does take a lot of work, you have to be willing to want to change and re-train your mind. I would compare it to someone who is very out of shape wanting to become fit, it seems impossible at the starting point but a lot of people succeed with hard work and dedication. The question that really helped me was, "What am I getting out of this (negative world view)?" If you can keep that question consistently in your mind when making decisions it should help foster a turnaround in mentality...

Also, there is a difference between being negative or cynical towards the broad world and just being a negative person. I'm still pretty cynical from a philosophical POV, but I am extremely positive in my personal life, and don't let my misgivings about the "average Joe", or world politics or the quality of pop culture get in the way of my personal goals and development. If you thought everything in this world was peachy there would be something wrong with you.
posted by the foreground at 7:59 AM on August 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


What are the benefits of either world view.

As an optimist, I'd like to suggest one of the benefits of pessimism.

First, I should explain that I consider myself an optimist overall. Not all the time—I have days I feel very cynical and pessimistic—but I am optimistic more often than not.

There's a couple of different attitudes pessimists can take. There's "this sucks and it's everyone else's fault but mine and there's nothing I can do about it," but there's also "this sucks and even though it's not my fault I'd better do something about it because damn sure no one else will." The latter can be a constructive pessimistic attitude. As an optimist, it's easy for me to fall into thinking, "even if things aren't great now they'll get better because they always do; therefore I, personally, don't need to do anything to improve the situation," and I have to be on guard against such thoughts.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 8:06 AM on August 11, 2009


I just finished a really interesting book called Rapt: Attention and the Focused Life which concerned the science of attention, quotes the usual studies of the brains of Tibetan monks who have had over 10,000 hours of meditation, etc. Life happens, Gallagher argues, but it's what we choose to pay attention to that creates our own reality.

She had an interesting point about the famous "Joshua Bell plays in DC subway and gets $32" stunt. I think 7 people stopped to listen to him play over the course of several hours. They were all music lovers. Two people gave dollar bills: a man who was a serious amateur violin player tossed in $5, and the one woman who recognized him from a concert tossed in $20. In short, they were all people for whom music is part of their reality, therefore, they paid attention to the world-class violinist.

Optimism works much the same way. It's not that they're deluded--life happens to them just like it happens to anyone else--but that they choose to give greater gravity to more upbeat thoughts (I hesistate to use the word "happier", since it's so overdone these days).

For what it's worth, nature helps stack the cards against you. The reason you can recall that insanely mortifying, 2-second comment a coworker made waaaay faster than the compliment an acquaintance made on your outfit--is because, in the wild, he who does not listen for the lion's roar, the baby's cry, the caw of the bird that he's going to eat tonight--does not live long. So you have to accept that these things are going to capture your attention for at least a second, but the great part is--you can move on past it.
posted by Dukat at 8:24 AM on August 11, 2009 [2 favorites]


I think motivational books, DVDs, and speakers are good when you're trying to learn to be positive. They do teach you to consider different viewpoints.

For me, being grateful is definitely my foundation. For example, when I'm out in the pouring rain, I consider the fact that I could be without an umbrella and I feel overjoyed to have one over my head. And should I find myself without an umbrella, I imagine the possibility of being without legs (hey, a lot of people actually are) and I'm again overjoyed to be running on my own two legs through the rain. I'm always looking for something to be thankful for in my life.

Simply put, there's practically always a positive and good component of every situation. Life is so so much more enjoyable when you learn to recognize that side and at least allow it to make you smile.
posted by BirdD0g at 12:25 PM on August 11, 2009 [1 favorite]


CBT - in essence, change behaviours and thoughts patterns that impact on us negatively - is very effective!
posted by Country Dick Montana at 5:39 PM on August 11, 2009


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