What to do if someone breaks something of yours?
June 4, 2009 11:23 PM Subscribe
We've organized a croquet league for the summer. What should my expectation be when a new mallet is accidentally damaged?
A group of 8 friends, including me, have organized a croquet league this summer, playing with a fancy croquet set I bought for my husband for his birthday last summer. The set was stupidly expensive ($700 CDN) but it's very well made and tournament quality, and I had each mallet engraved with the initials of our friends, anticipating that the 8 of us would play more in subsequent years.
We didn't play more than a few times with the new set last summer. This summer, so far we've played three times. Last game, one friend accidentally chipped his mallet while practising unusual angle shots that involved not hitting the ball squarely, and now, because there is a medium-sized splinter/chip out of it, it is not usable on one side as the mallet face is uneven.
When it happened, I wasn't around so my husband told me about it. I reacted minimally as I didn’t want to be uncomfortable or make anyone else uncomfortable. All eyes were on me for my reaction (they all know that I'm not rich, and this croquet set was a major splurge for me, and the set is not even a year old). My friend apologized, and I shrugged it off and lightly said something like, "no problem, you can always replace the mallet head for me!" delivered with a smile. However, his reaction (a kind of slightly surprised "oh...yes, I could do that, I suppose...") suggested to me that he would not have thought to do so, had I not mentioned it.
We dropped it immediately and went on to have an evening of fun, with lots of laughs and a friendly vibe, and the subject was not brought up again by anyone.
Hive mind: what would have been the right thing to do in this situation? I (perhaps mistakenly) assumed that he'd automatically offer to replace it. The way I was raised, if you accidentally break or damage something of someone else's, you unhesitatingly offer to fix or replace it. I don't want to hurt my friend's feelings or cause trouble (hence my not saying another word after my VERY delicately-delivered and short-lived attempt at assertiveness). But I also feel as though he should have offered to replace the mallet head. It would cost about $60 CDN. We are all in our 30s and have reasonable jobs (nobody has TONS of disposable income, but we’re not starving students, either).
Oh, wise hive mind: what do YOU think is right, and what, if anything, should I do (or not) about it?
A group of 8 friends, including me, have organized a croquet league this summer, playing with a fancy croquet set I bought for my husband for his birthday last summer. The set was stupidly expensive ($700 CDN) but it's very well made and tournament quality, and I had each mallet engraved with the initials of our friends, anticipating that the 8 of us would play more in subsequent years.
We didn't play more than a few times with the new set last summer. This summer, so far we've played three times. Last game, one friend accidentally chipped his mallet while practising unusual angle shots that involved not hitting the ball squarely, and now, because there is a medium-sized splinter/chip out of it, it is not usable on one side as the mallet face is uneven.
When it happened, I wasn't around so my husband told me about it. I reacted minimally as I didn’t want to be uncomfortable or make anyone else uncomfortable. All eyes were on me for my reaction (they all know that I'm not rich, and this croquet set was a major splurge for me, and the set is not even a year old). My friend apologized, and I shrugged it off and lightly said something like, "no problem, you can always replace the mallet head for me!" delivered with a smile. However, his reaction (a kind of slightly surprised "oh...yes, I could do that, I suppose...") suggested to me that he would not have thought to do so, had I not mentioned it.
We dropped it immediately and went on to have an evening of fun, with lots of laughs and a friendly vibe, and the subject was not brought up again by anyone.
Hive mind: what would have been the right thing to do in this situation? I (perhaps mistakenly) assumed that he'd automatically offer to replace it. The way I was raised, if you accidentally break or damage something of someone else's, you unhesitatingly offer to fix or replace it. I don't want to hurt my friend's feelings or cause trouble (hence my not saying another word after my VERY delicately-delivered and short-lived attempt at assertiveness). But I also feel as though he should have offered to replace the mallet head. It would cost about $60 CDN. We are all in our 30s and have reasonable jobs (nobody has TONS of disposable income, but we’re not starving students, either).
Oh, wise hive mind: what do YOU think is right, and what, if anything, should I do (or not) about it?
This post was deleted for the following reason: at poster's request -- mathowie
It's tactless of him to not replace/pay for it, but it's equally tactless for you to pressure him to do so.
posted by trevyn at 11:59 PM on June 4, 2009 [5 favorites]
posted by trevyn at 11:59 PM on June 4, 2009 [5 favorites]
I know hardly anything about croquet. Is the high-quality set a a luxury for you and your husband, or it is a requirement for your level of play?
If it's the former, accept the responsibility that comes with owning finer things and have the mallet repaired yourself. Your friends didn't sign on to share that responsibility when you invited them to play with your fancy set. It may be true that your friend was mishandling the mallet, but it's sports equipment, which by nature is going to be treated roughly. If your friend offers to pay, that's great. If not, then graciously forget about it.
If it's the latter--a requirement for your sport--then I really don't know. Shouldn't everyone be bringing their own mallets?
posted by hydrophonic at 12:10 AM on June 5, 2009
If it's the former, accept the responsibility that comes with owning finer things and have the mallet repaired yourself. Your friends didn't sign on to share that responsibility when you invited them to play with your fancy set. It may be true that your friend was mishandling the mallet, but it's sports equipment, which by nature is going to be treated roughly. If your friend offers to pay, that's great. If not, then graciously forget about it.
If it's the latter--a requirement for your sport--then I really don't know. Shouldn't everyone be bringing their own mallets?
posted by hydrophonic at 12:10 AM on June 5, 2009
Is it a croquet league or having some friends 'round for a game and BBQ?
If the former, folks should bring their own mallets, or pay into some kind of fund to repair/replace your equipment. Otherwise, I know you're smarting from the cost of the equipment, but just chalk it up to the cost of playing. Or buy an extra mallet and if folks want to practice weird shots, they have to use this damaged one instead.
Everyone probably learned their lesson with that incident - don't be crazy with the shots and you won't be crazy with your expectations. Keep up that reputation of not being the crazy lady with the pool that freaks out if the kids are splashing. If you invite folks over, it's normal to expect a certain amount of wear on the equipment. If he does it again, suggest he bring his own mallet next time.
posted by barnone at 12:11 AM on June 5, 2009
If the former, folks should bring their own mallets, or pay into some kind of fund to repair/replace your equipment. Otherwise, I know you're smarting from the cost of the equipment, but just chalk it up to the cost of playing. Or buy an extra mallet and if folks want to practice weird shots, they have to use this damaged one instead.
Everyone probably learned their lesson with that incident - don't be crazy with the shots and you won't be crazy with your expectations. Keep up that reputation of not being the crazy lady with the pool that freaks out if the kids are splashing. If you invite folks over, it's normal to expect a certain amount of wear on the equipment. If he does it again, suggest he bring his own mallet next time.
posted by barnone at 12:11 AM on June 5, 2009
Your friends didn't sign on to share that responsibility when you invited them to play with your fancy set.
This is the issue for me.
You chose to buy a stupid expensive set of sporting equipment. You chose to invite your friends over to use it. At no point, I imagine, did you make it clear that your friends were entering into a financial liability. If you had told me I was responsible for fixing all wear to your equipment, I would have brought my own mallet specifically to avoid that liability--you didn't make your friend aware of that proviso.
If I gave my stupid expensive pool cue to a novice, and he broke the tip on a jump shot, I might be mad. But the responsibility is mine: don't give nice stuff to novices if I value it being pristine. Most of my friends with hot rods or sports cars refuse to let anybody else drive their car, because they know people won't know how to handle the power. I don't let non-string-players touch my upright bass, because few people understand the fragility of the instrument.
Unless he was doing something clearly reckless (swinging it like a golf club), then I don't consider it his responsibility. It's your responsibility for failing to inform him that off center shots might chip the mallet, for which you would hold him financially responsible.
Oh... wait... you didn't know it would do that? Then how the fuck was he supposed to know?
The way I was raised, if you accidentally break or damage something of someone else's, you unhesitatingly offer to fix or replace it...But I also feel as though he should have offered to replace the mallet head.
Yeah, I was raised to take responsibility and make amends for my mistakes. If I ruin something through negligence or recklessness, I offer to replace it. So, if I feel I'm responsible, I'll gladly offer to pay. But, just because I'm holding something when it breaks doesn't automatically make me responsible. A croquet mallet, it seems to me, should be able to take a reasonable level of abuse--including hitting off center.
And, I have a question for you: if you were smoking in my car (which I allow), and you singed my dashboard, would you really offer to replace my dash? You're really willing to immediately, graciously, offer me $900 to replace my dash when, in reality, the smudge doesn't affect the functionality whatsoever?
Shit breaks, degrades, and wears out. All of it. Even expensive stuff that you expect to last forever. You chose to purchase shit with a maintenance cost you're clearly uncomfortable paying. That's your problem. Next time, you should think about total cost of ownership and not just the initial purchase price.
I don't own a Bentley because I can't afford to change the oil, not because I haven't found half a dozen used models for sale with prices squarely within my Subaru-driving price range.
posted by Netzapper at 1:05 AM on June 5, 2009 [8 favorites]
This is the issue for me.
You chose to buy a stupid expensive set of sporting equipment. You chose to invite your friends over to use it. At no point, I imagine, did you make it clear that your friends were entering into a financial liability. If you had told me I was responsible for fixing all wear to your equipment, I would have brought my own mallet specifically to avoid that liability--you didn't make your friend aware of that proviso.
If I gave my stupid expensive pool cue to a novice, and he broke the tip on a jump shot, I might be mad. But the responsibility is mine: don't give nice stuff to novices if I value it being pristine. Most of my friends with hot rods or sports cars refuse to let anybody else drive their car, because they know people won't know how to handle the power. I don't let non-string-players touch my upright bass, because few people understand the fragility of the instrument.
Unless he was doing something clearly reckless (swinging it like a golf club), then I don't consider it his responsibility. It's your responsibility for failing to inform him that off center shots might chip the mallet, for which you would hold him financially responsible.
Oh... wait... you didn't know it would do that? Then how the fuck was he supposed to know?
The way I was raised, if you accidentally break or damage something of someone else's, you unhesitatingly offer to fix or replace it...But I also feel as though he should have offered to replace the mallet head.
Yeah, I was raised to take responsibility and make amends for my mistakes. If I ruin something through negligence or recklessness, I offer to replace it. So, if I feel I'm responsible, I'll gladly offer to pay. But, just because I'm holding something when it breaks doesn't automatically make me responsible. A croquet mallet, it seems to me, should be able to take a reasonable level of abuse--including hitting off center.
And, I have a question for you: if you were smoking in my car (which I allow), and you singed my dashboard, would you really offer to replace my dash? You're really willing to immediately, graciously, offer me $900 to replace my dash when, in reality, the smudge doesn't affect the functionality whatsoever?
Shit breaks, degrades, and wears out. All of it. Even expensive stuff that you expect to last forever. You chose to purchase shit with a maintenance cost you're clearly uncomfortable paying. That's your problem. Next time, you should think about total cost of ownership and not just the initial purchase price.
I don't own a Bentley because I can't afford to change the oil, not because I haven't found half a dozen used models for sale with prices squarely within my Subaru-driving price range.
posted by Netzapper at 1:05 AM on June 5, 2009 [8 favorites]
I have to say that I agree with Netzapper. I think they're a bit brash about the points they're making, but it's valid—if you're buying a piece of expensive equipment and allowing others to use them, either clarify up-front "listen, guys, this is a really expensive set so, you break it, you buy it." Without that clarification, and in the scope of relatively normal use, I don't think your friend is on the hook here. Like Netzapper says, they're not suddenly hung with a financial liability they didn't agree to—that's unfair, starving student or not.
Have that person use the same mallet in forthcoming games, and if you feel the need to discuss it, take a chance to mention in passing to each of them that you'd like to keep the set in good condition and to try to play in a manner that reflects that.
My brother pulled my passenger door handle off the other day. My car is older (about 10 years) and he pulled it about three or four times while he was waiting for me to unlock his side, but he didn't suddenly enter into a financial liability agreement with me simply by being near and interacting with things I own—this was clearly an accident and not even necessarily his fault—the piece simply wore out and failed. So I'll be paying the $110 to have it replaced. It didn't even cross my mind that he should cover it, though I'd love to not have to pay for it, because it wasn't his fault and things break.
I'd not bring it up with this friend at all. I know that it's a bit frustrating, but don't do something passive aggressive like paying to have it fixed and then hitting your friend up for the cash—that would frustrate me a great deal. You can maybe ask them if they'll go half-way with you on getting that mallet fixed, but even that's treading a bit close to the awkward-pool.
Try to relax. I've lost money, I've had things broken, I've gotten upset about it, but then I realized it's just stuff and my friendships are worth far more. Take action to minimize the potential damage you expose your things to, but beyond that, relax and enjoy your great friendships and fun summer league. You only live once.
posted by disillusioned at 1:24 AM on June 5, 2009
Have that person use the same mallet in forthcoming games, and if you feel the need to discuss it, take a chance to mention in passing to each of them that you'd like to keep the set in good condition and to try to play in a manner that reflects that.
My brother pulled my passenger door handle off the other day. My car is older (about 10 years) and he pulled it about three or four times while he was waiting for me to unlock his side, but he didn't suddenly enter into a financial liability agreement with me simply by being near and interacting with things I own—this was clearly an accident and not even necessarily his fault—the piece simply wore out and failed. So I'll be paying the $110 to have it replaced. It didn't even cross my mind that he should cover it, though I'd love to not have to pay for it, because it wasn't his fault and things break.
I'd not bring it up with this friend at all. I know that it's a bit frustrating, but don't do something passive aggressive like paying to have it fixed and then hitting your friend up for the cash—that would frustrate me a great deal. You can maybe ask them if they'll go half-way with you on getting that mallet fixed, but even that's treading a bit close to the awkward-pool.
Try to relax. I've lost money, I've had things broken, I've gotten upset about it, but then I realized it's just stuff and my friendships are worth far more. Take action to minimize the potential damage you expose your things to, but beyond that, relax and enjoy your great friendships and fun summer league. You only live once.
posted by disillusioned at 1:24 AM on June 5, 2009
Your friends bear no responsibility unless the damage resulted from crazy abuse--hammering a nail with a mallet or something. You bought a croquet set that is so expensive and delicate as to be unusable. Put it away, buy a new set at Target, and enjoy the company of your friends.
posted by LarryC at 1:30 AM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by LarryC at 1:30 AM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
+2 to Netzapper's answer. Unless they intentionally damaged it, which doesn't seem to be the case.
posted by backwards guitar at 2:42 AM on June 5, 2009
posted by backwards guitar at 2:42 AM on June 5, 2009
If this happened the first time the mallet was used would you have returned it to the shop you bought it in to have it replaced? I would have as that shouldn't happen a new item, but this isn't new. The weakness that caused the splinter in the mallet head could have happened during any of the games played (or may have been there before you bought it), and I can't really see how your friend is liable.
That said, if I was your friend I would offer to contribute something towards the cost. In fact, my group of friends would happily contribute 7.50 each just so as we could continue to play.
posted by Elmore at 3:40 AM on June 5, 2009
That said, if I was your friend I would offer to contribute something towards the cost. In fact, my group of friends would happily contribute 7.50 each just so as we could continue to play.
posted by Elmore at 3:40 AM on June 5, 2009
Just a small point, you had the mallets engraved, right, so the guy who damaged his always has to play with the broken one?
If he can get over it then you can too. Then chuckle when his shots go slightly askew ;]
posted by greenish at 3:50 AM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
If he can get over it then you can too. Then chuckle when his shots go slightly askew ;]
posted by greenish at 3:50 AM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
Have you considered contacting the stupidly expensive mallet factory to see if they'll offer a free repair? I don't think I've ever chipped a mallet head with any shot at any angle. Croquet mallets ought to stand up to anything, short of being pile driven into the ground.
posted by roofus at 4:20 AM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by roofus at 4:20 AM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
I'd be inclined to contact the manufacturer, rather than spoil a friendship. You could push the issue, but it's probably going to lead to bad feeling. Is a lump of wood worth losing a friendship over?
posted by Solomon at 4:48 AM on June 5, 2009
posted by Solomon at 4:48 AM on June 5, 2009
Looking at it from your friend's point of view, this whole situation is kind of weird.
If you gave me an expensive mallet with my initials on it, I'd wonder if it was a gift, or if I was borrowing your expensive property.
If it was a gift, I'd be honored, and if it was your property, I'd politely decline and bring a $40 croquet set from Target for my own use next time. I'd be unable to enjoy myself if I was hitting balls with someone else's valuable treasure.
If you made it clear that the mallet was (a) expensive and (b) yours when your friend was using it, and he had a chance to make the same consideration, then maybe he'd be doing the right thing to offer to replace it.
On the other hand, he might very well be as confused as I am.
Beyond the gift/borrow question, it's also a matter of whether this was "normal wear and tear" for such equipment. It sounds pretty normal to me, or a random fluke. In that case it seems reasonable to take up a collection among the whole "league" to replace it.
I'd also put the fancy set in a display case and buy a cheap one to play with next time. Why deal with this kind of anguish next time there's an inevitable chip?
posted by mmoncur at 5:13 AM on June 5, 2009
If you gave me an expensive mallet with my initials on it, I'd wonder if it was a gift, or if I was borrowing your expensive property.
If it was a gift, I'd be honored, and if it was your property, I'd politely decline and bring a $40 croquet set from Target for my own use next time. I'd be unable to enjoy myself if I was hitting balls with someone else's valuable treasure.
If you made it clear that the mallet was (a) expensive and (b) yours when your friend was using it, and he had a chance to make the same consideration, then maybe he'd be doing the right thing to offer to replace it.
On the other hand, he might very well be as confused as I am.
Beyond the gift/borrow question, it's also a matter of whether this was "normal wear and tear" for such equipment. It sounds pretty normal to me, or a random fluke. In that case it seems reasonable to take up a collection among the whole "league" to replace it.
I'd also put the fancy set in a display case and buy a cheap one to play with next time. Why deal with this kind of anguish next time there's an inevitable chip?
posted by mmoncur at 5:13 AM on June 5, 2009
I agree with a lot of what was said above:
- Call the manufacturer, maybe they'll comp you.
- Don't bring it up again. You made your awkward request, he made his awkward reply, and the last thing you want is, at worst, a broken friendship over $60 or, at best, him not wanting to come play croquet anymore.
- As greenish said, he'll be playing with the mallet, so he's got to deal with wonky shots. In fact, in my group of friends, if "Sam" broke the mallet, it would likely be called the Sam Mallet from then on (this might be passive aggressive in this situation).
What I don't agree with is locking the set up and playing with a cheap one. I've never understood the thought of having nice things to store. Have nice things to use!
Finally, croquet is amazing! Can I come play sometime?
posted by consummate dilettante at 6:18 AM on June 5, 2009
- Call the manufacturer, maybe they'll comp you.
- Don't bring it up again. You made your awkward request, he made his awkward reply, and the last thing you want is, at worst, a broken friendship over $60 or, at best, him not wanting to come play croquet anymore.
- As greenish said, he'll be playing with the mallet, so he's got to deal with wonky shots. In fact, in my group of friends, if "Sam" broke the mallet, it would likely be called the Sam Mallet from then on (this might be passive aggressive in this situation).
What I don't agree with is locking the set up and playing with a cheap one. I've never understood the thought of having nice things to store. Have nice things to use!
Finally, croquet is amazing! Can I come play sometime?
posted by consummate dilettante at 6:18 AM on June 5, 2009
Seconding those above, I'd urge you to have closure on this thing, don't end it with two awkward comments. Call him and tell him that you've had time to think it over and decided that in no way do you want him to pay anything for the random wear and tear on your property. The mallet's still usable, since there are two faces and only one got chipped. Neither of you should mind if he has to use the other side of the mallet in your future games.
posted by JimN2TAW at 6:40 AM on June 5, 2009
posted by JimN2TAW at 6:40 AM on June 5, 2009
If it's truly a "league" and not just hanging out and playing croquet, make everyone chip in to buy a set. One person shouldn't bear the financial responsibility for everyone else's enjoyment. It's a surefire way for the purchaser to turn into the mallet police.
posted by electroboy at 6:41 AM on June 5, 2009
posted by electroboy at 6:41 AM on June 5, 2009
The mallet is still usable, so it's really more of a cosmetic issue. However, do ask him to stick to the same mallet as his style of play may be more aggressive.
Sports equipment is made to be used. He didn't abuse the equipment. You could contact the manufacturer and ask them to replace the defective mallet head.
posted by theora55 at 7:09 AM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
Sports equipment is made to be used. He didn't abuse the equipment. You could contact the manufacturer and ask them to replace the defective mallet head.
posted by theora55 at 7:09 AM on June 5, 2009 [1 favorite]
Croquet equipment breaks all the time. I don't know why you bought such an expensive set ... are the spendy ones not supposed to break? The cheap ones do, and you just buy a new one. Try to get a replacement from the manufacturer for free, as theora55 suggests. Otherwise, I agree with Netzapper.
posted by Happydaz at 7:16 AM on June 5, 2009
posted by Happydaz at 7:16 AM on June 5, 2009
Netzapper has the right idea, but the entirely wrong attitude. Relax dude.
posted by Grither at 7:41 AM on June 5, 2009
posted by Grither at 7:41 AM on June 5, 2009
In a perfect world, your friend should pay for it.
But, more important than who is liable for repairs here: do you really want to get upset about this sort of thing?
Maybe I'm reading way, way too much into your post, but the fact you asked the hive mind about this seems like a sign that you're stewing over stuff that isn't stew-worthy. If $60 is the cost of being a relaxed person who ignores minor perceived and actual wrongs, so be it. Mental health wise, no good can come from thinking about this. This sort of thing will subtly poison relationships.
Be generous and don't even let this person know they wronged you. Never mention it to them. In the future, don't let people play with toys you're attached to, or get a personal articles insurance policy on the nice stuff.
Get it fixed and forget it.
posted by paanta at 7:54 AM on June 5, 2009
But, more important than who is liable for repairs here: do you really want to get upset about this sort of thing?
Maybe I'm reading way, way too much into your post, but the fact you asked the hive mind about this seems like a sign that you're stewing over stuff that isn't stew-worthy. If $60 is the cost of being a relaxed person who ignores minor perceived and actual wrongs, so be it. Mental health wise, no good can come from thinking about this. This sort of thing will subtly poison relationships.
Be generous and don't even let this person know they wronged you. Never mention it to them. In the future, don't let people play with toys you're attached to, or get a personal articles insurance policy on the nice stuff.
Get it fixed and forget it.
posted by paanta at 7:54 AM on June 5, 2009
You could always replace the head with one of these classy "extreme mallet" heads that claim to be indestructible.
posted by cabingirl at 8:09 AM on June 5, 2009
posted by cabingirl at 8:09 AM on June 5, 2009
If you enjoy the croquet and the associated fellowship, you have to let this go.
If you force the issue, it could very well mean the end of this fun and feel-good activity for everyone involved.
posted by OilPull at 8:12 AM on June 5, 2009
If you force the issue, it could very well mean the end of this fun and feel-good activity for everyone involved.
posted by OilPull at 8:12 AM on June 5, 2009
Normally, it is against the rules to strike the ball with anything but the full face of the mallet, probably for this exact reason. I would be sorely upset if a friend damaged a piece of sporting equipment trying to do a stunt that's not normally allowed. Yes, wear and tear should be expected, but a chipped mallet head is not normal wear and tear.
That being said, to preserve your friendship it might be best to explore other options before demanding payment - for a $700 set I would expect the manufacturer to offer a replacement head. There are many other good points made by other commenters but these two seem like the relevant ones.
posted by muddgirl at 8:16 AM on June 5, 2009
That being said, to preserve your friendship it might be best to explore other options before demanding payment - for a $700 set I would expect the manufacturer to offer a replacement head. There are many other good points made by other commenters but these two seem like the relevant ones.
posted by muddgirl at 8:16 AM on June 5, 2009
Others have made good points--that the set was unnecessarily expensive for your purposes makes it less reasonable to expect him to pay. And that his initials are engraved on the mallet makes it more reasonable for him to assume that the consequence of him chipping the mallet would be for him to play with a chipped mallet from now on.
I also wonder--when you brought up his paying for the repair, were there other people around? It sounds like there may have been. That may be what made the exchange awkward, not that he wasn't planning to offer to pay. It puts him in the position of having to agree to pay an unspecified amount, in front of other people. I personally wouldn't know what a "stupidly expensive" croquet set would cost, nor what it would cost to repair or replace one mallet from it. You know it's about $60, but he didn't, as far as I can tell. Even if he wanted to pay, if it's a truly unnecessarily extravagant piece of equipment, it'd make much more sense to split the difference--in a way, him paying to replace it functionally, and you paying for the upgrade that was your choice to make. But he wouldn't know if that was necessary until you talked about it. Like, maybe $60 is fine, but for all he knew it'd be $200. You know?
posted by lampoil at 8:33 AM on June 5, 2009
I also wonder--when you brought up his paying for the repair, were there other people around? It sounds like there may have been. That may be what made the exchange awkward, not that he wasn't planning to offer to pay. It puts him in the position of having to agree to pay an unspecified amount, in front of other people. I personally wouldn't know what a "stupidly expensive" croquet set would cost, nor what it would cost to repair or replace one mallet from it. You know it's about $60, but he didn't, as far as I can tell. Even if he wanted to pay, if it's a truly unnecessarily extravagant piece of equipment, it'd make much more sense to split the difference--in a way, him paying to replace it functionally, and you paying for the upgrade that was your choice to make. But he wouldn't know if that was necessary until you talked about it. Like, maybe $60 is fine, but for all he knew it'd be $200. You know?
posted by lampoil at 8:33 AM on June 5, 2009
Also, for actual practical advice--I wouldn't bring it up again unless he does. If he does, and he seems willing to pay for it, you could offer to split the difference as a goodwill gesture.
posted by lampoil at 8:36 AM on June 5, 2009
posted by lampoil at 8:36 AM on June 5, 2009
We dropped it immediately and went on to have an evening of fun, with lots of laughs and a friendly vibe, and the subject was not brought up again by anyone.
this pretty much says it all, doesn't it?
posted by philip-random at 8:47 AM on June 5, 2009
this pretty much says it all, doesn't it?
posted by philip-random at 8:47 AM on June 5, 2009
If you engraved initials in to the mallet for this group of friends, that sounds like a gift to me. A very thoughtful and creative way to build community, but also a gift to all. So it sounds very strange to me to expect he'd pay for a replacement.
I think even if he offers to pay you should not accept. Just use the other face.
posted by RajahKing at 8:55 AM on June 5, 2009
I think even if he offers to pay you should not accept. Just use the other face.
posted by RajahKing at 8:55 AM on June 5, 2009
I (perhaps mistakenly) assumed that he'd automatically offer to replace it. The way I was raised, if you accidentally break or damage something of someone else's, you unhesitatingly offer to fix or replace it.
I think normal wear and tear while entertaining friends is something of an exception to that rule.
For example, if I was at a friend's dinner party and I broke a wine glass, I would of course apologise and offer to replace it, and they would say "that was a $5 wine glass, forget about it" then we would. My friends and I have drunk enough wine to know just how easily glasses break. And hell, if they wanted the $5 I'd pay it, no skin off my nose.
On the other hand if they said "that was a $100 wine glass, I accept your offer to pay for it" I would pay, certainly, but they needn't spend that money on a replacement glass because I certainly won't be drinking from it.
My point is: If I did something like broke a friend's window, I would pay for it, but if it's normal wear and tear, it's normal for hosts to purchase things that they can afford the maintenance of.
posted by Mike1024 at 9:55 AM on June 5, 2009
I think normal wear and tear while entertaining friends is something of an exception to that rule.
For example, if I was at a friend's dinner party and I broke a wine glass, I would of course apologise and offer to replace it, and they would say "that was a $5 wine glass, forget about it" then we would. My friends and I have drunk enough wine to know just how easily glasses break. And hell, if they wanted the $5 I'd pay it, no skin off my nose.
On the other hand if they said "that was a $100 wine glass, I accept your offer to pay for it" I would pay, certainly, but they needn't spend that money on a replacement glass because I certainly won't be drinking from it.
My point is: If I did something like broke a friend's window, I would pay for it, but if it's normal wear and tear, it's normal for hosts to purchase things that they can afford the maintenance of.
posted by Mike1024 at 9:55 AM on June 5, 2009
He should have at least enquired about fixing it... maybe this is a lesson for him and he was embarrassed. I agree with others and say nothing and he will have to play with the broken mallet.
To avoid another awkward situation, you could prepare your answers for two other possibilities...
1. He asks for a new mallet.
2. He breaks the other mallet face and it's unusable.
I think the answer to both is: "Well, if you want it to match the others, call ExpensiveStore. Otherwise, I'm sure you can pick one up from CheaperStore."
posted by cranberrymonger at 3:16 PM on June 5, 2009
To avoid another awkward situation, you could prepare your answers for two other possibilities...
1. He asks for a new mallet.
2. He breaks the other mallet face and it's unusable.
I think the answer to both is: "Well, if you want it to match the others, call ExpensiveStore. Otherwise, I'm sure you can pick one up from CheaperStore."
posted by cranberrymonger at 3:16 PM on June 5, 2009
Chips in croquet mallets happen. It's quite normal, in a well used set, for every one of the mallets to be chipped up to a certain extent. That said, the ball should always be struck flat on, as the mallets and balls are not designed to be hit on the edge (although this happens by accident quite a bit). You'll have to figure out whether you can send the mallet back as defective. If a bad hit took off half of the face of a relatively new mallet then I think you have a good case that there was a defect in the wood.
As for the expense of the set... well croquet sets are just expensive things because they're boutique items. If you get a super-cheap one then they're not going to actually be able to play croquet. The mallets won't be heavy enough and they won't swing right, and the hoops will be flimsy and won't bounce the ball properly.
My advice, for people buying croquet sets: always make sure that your mallets have a rubber shock absorbing insert (or the handles will break really quickly) and get brass-bound mallets.
People selling sets to you will tell you that brass bound mallets are not regulation tournament quality bla bla bla. It's true, I think, in many cases. But people who are playing in regulation tournament bla bla bla types of situations are serious enough about croquet that they can just replace their mallet when it gets too chipped up. Get a brass ring fitted around the edge of each striking face and you'll be chipping up your relatively cheap balls rather than your relatively expensive mallets.
posted by Dreadnought at 3:56 PM on June 5, 2009
As for the expense of the set... well croquet sets are just expensive things because they're boutique items. If you get a super-cheap one then they're not going to actually be able to play croquet. The mallets won't be heavy enough and they won't swing right, and the hoops will be flimsy and won't bounce the ball properly.
My advice, for people buying croquet sets: always make sure that your mallets have a rubber shock absorbing insert (or the handles will break really quickly) and get brass-bound mallets.
People selling sets to you will tell you that brass bound mallets are not regulation tournament quality bla bla bla. It's true, I think, in many cases. But people who are playing in regulation tournament bla bla bla types of situations are serious enough about croquet that they can just replace their mallet when it gets too chipped up. Get a brass ring fitted around the edge of each striking face and you'll be chipping up your relatively cheap balls rather than your relatively expensive mallets.
posted by Dreadnought at 3:56 PM on June 5, 2009
This thread is closed to new comments.
From what you've said I imagine they'd give you the money if you ask again after its fixed, but they might feel hard done by...
posted by muteh at 11:33 PM on June 4, 2009