March 11, 2009 8:10 AM Subscribe
How can I learn to express romantic feelings in a grown-up way?
posted by anonymous to human relations (20 answers total) 14 users marked this as a favorite
Basic story - I've then have been in a long dry spell since the beginning of college - over five years at this point (God, that feels so horrible to type). I'm in a new city now, and I've been generally dating around for the past few months - friends of friends, the online thing, etc.
My problem is that, for some reason, I have a serious issue expressing to women that I think they're the bee's knees and would like to move things forward. For instance, there was a girl I was VERY into at work, and it was definitely mutual, but I let it stagnate because I was paralyzed with fear over asking her out.
More recently, I've been dating a very cool girl for the past few weeks, but she e-mailed me and cut it off last night. I'm almost positive she got frustrated because I never kissed her, or made any attempt to be physical whatsoever, which I was scared to death to do.
I think I've identified my problem - I have no trouble being very friendly with people (first dates almost always go well), but when it comes time to become the stereotypically horny early 20's dude, I can't pull it off. That's not to say I'm not that stereotypically horny dude (I most certainly am), it's just that the fear overrides that instinct in these kinds of situations.
So, I have this pathological fear of nutting up and kissing someone, even when it's obviously appropriate and welcome, and not doing so will harm whatever relationship exists. I'm not sure specifically what I'm scared of - rejection, certainly, but also I'm vaguely worried about crossing boundaries too soon. It's absolutely ridiculous and I need help moving past this - thanks, MeFi.