Coyness is nice, but coyness can hurt you..
February 7, 2009 7:22 PM Subscribe
I"m still struggling with shyness and anxiety as an adult -- and I'm not for therapy. I think I can overcome, as I seem to have two personalities, it's a matter of making one of them stick. How can I just stay in the right one, and make the other one never come back (or limit how much it does)
I was shy yet naturally confident as a kid. I think that's the key point.. that I always felt this natural confidence or strength. I came from a family who were pretty social, lots of older sisters. I was the youngest bro.
So I feel like I really have two sides. You could say one's extroverted, social, secure, the other's not. It's kinda a day by day thing now. Before, it used to be year long phases. Now I wake up not knowing if I'm going to be social me or shy/anxious me. That's what's preventing me from making new friends, cause I don't trust myself. I might be social that first month I meet them, but turn in a matter of minutes to shy, triggered by some event or situation.
That's the thing. When I'm social.. sure I'm not exactly a butterfly, but I hold my own. I'll meet cool interesting people, I know lot of people who are really socially active, who go to parties and events, people in the entertainment biz. I grew up near LA but now I live in Santa Monica where being comfortably social is pretty much expected from you. It is tough here.
But when I turn shy, it becomes crippling shy. That's the issue. It makes me totally avoid people and lose friends. But they never know why. I generally hang with the 20's/30's crowd, where it seems this stuff *should* be common but it doesn't seem so. I can go online and feel like I have plenty of company, yet in the real world, I do feel as if I'm the only person on the planet experiencing this.
Yet I think as long as I can hold on to that thread holding my social side together, I can be fine. I just don't know how to make it consistent.. to make it last. The shy side keeps coming back and killing my social life. Any advice?????? Thanks.. much appreciated.