Coyness is nice, but coyness can hurt you..
February 7, 2009 7:22 PM Subscribe
I"m still struggling with shyness and anxiety as an adult -- and I'm not for therapy. I think I can overcome, as I seem to have two personalities, it's a matter of making one of them stick. How can I just stay in the right one, and make the other one never come back (or limit how much it does)
posted by anonymous to human relations (8 answers total) 15 users marked this as a favorite
I was shy yet naturally confident as a kid. I think that's the key point.. that I always felt this natural confidence or strength. I came from a family who were pretty social, lots of older sisters. I was the youngest bro.
So I feel like I really have two sides. You could say one's extroverted, social, secure, the other's not. It's kinda a day by day thing now. Before, it used to be year long phases. Now I wake up not knowing if I'm going to be social me or shy/anxious me. That's what's preventing me from making new friends, cause I don't trust myself. I might be social that first month I meet them, but turn in a matter of minutes to shy, triggered by some event or situation.
That's the thing. When I'm social.. sure I'm not exactly a butterfly, but I hold my own. I'll meet cool interesting people, I know lot of people who are really socially active, who go to parties and events, people in the entertainment biz. I grew up near LA but now I live in Santa Monica where being comfortably social is pretty much expected from you. It is tough here.
But when I turn shy, it becomes crippling shy. That's the issue. It makes me totally avoid people and lose friends. But they never know why. I generally hang with the 20's/30's crowd, where it seems this stuff *should* be common but it doesn't seem so. I can go online and feel like I have plenty of company, yet in the real world, I do feel as if I'm the only person on the planet experiencing this.
Yet I think as long as I can hold on to that thread holding my social side together, I can be fine. I just don't know how to make it consistent.. to make it last. The shy side keeps coming back and killing my social life. Any advice?????? Thanks.. much appreciated.