Please help me stop the spiders from eating my face off.
January 20, 2009 5:15 PM Subscribe
A friend is staying with me temporarily and brought along his army of spiders. He seems to think he can contain them but I just know they are planning a coup d'etat. What are some ways I can defend myself when the inevitable happens?
My FLoD (First Line of Defense) was my cat. However, seeing as they both eat mice the tarantulas will probably just trade food for safe passage to my big toe. So now I asking your for help.
My FLoD (First Line of Defense) was my cat. However, seeing as they both eat mice the tarantulas will probably just trade food for safe passage to my big toe. So now I asking your for help.
This post was deleted for the following reason: less lulzy more question next time please. -- jessamyn
A really big fly swatter or a compressed can of flammable something + lighter.
Really though, Dadoes' solution is the only one.
posted by aeighty at 5:30 PM on January 20, 2009
Really though, Dadoes' solution is the only one.
posted by aeighty at 5:30 PM on January 20, 2009
You need to counter the army of spiders with a counterinsurgency of predatory birds.
May I suggest my favourite terrestrial kingfisher?
(It might wake you up early though).
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 5:31 PM on January 20, 2009
May I suggest my favourite terrestrial kingfisher?
(It might wake you up early though).
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 5:31 PM on January 20, 2009
I'm guessing that A) you're kind of scared of the spiders, and B) you want to comfort yourself with the knowledge that they probably won't be able to hurt you.
I'm sure your friend has already told you that they're not very venomous. Right?
You can probably run faster than they can.
They're big enough that you could probably figure out a way to seal around the edge of your bedroom door to keep them out.
I'm not going to tell you how to hurt the spiders, because that's too easy, gross, and they're little vulnerable creatures with no real bones, even, to speak of.
posted by amtho at 5:40 PM on January 20, 2009
I'm sure your friend has already told you that they're not very venomous. Right?
You can probably run faster than they can.
They're big enough that you could probably figure out a way to seal around the edge of your bedroom door to keep them out.
I'm not going to tell you how to hurt the spiders, because that's too easy, gross, and they're little vulnerable creatures with no real bones, even, to speak of.
posted by amtho at 5:40 PM on January 20, 2009
Take a big bong rip, then blow all the smoke in their little faces.
posted by box at 5:43 PM on January 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by box at 5:43 PM on January 20, 2009 [2 favorites]
What exactly is your question here? The spiders seem contained in perfectly secure containers, and even if they get out, they will probably head for a concealed place and hide, and will certainly not eat your face off. I am not a huge pet spider apologist, but your "question" comes off as overly dramatic and/or paranoid. If you really have a problem with the spiders, certainly you are within your rights to ask your friend to find another home for the bugs while he crashes with you, no?
posted by Rock Steady at 5:52 PM on January 20, 2009
posted by Rock Steady at 5:52 PM on January 20, 2009
Oh my dear Lord. Bug bomb?
Seriously, IANATO, but I believe that they're (despite their appearance) fairly delicate creatures. Back in my pet store days, we were warned - in my case, without cause - to avoid handling them so that we might not drop them.
posted by jquinby at 5:54 PM on January 20, 2009
Seriously, IANATO, but I believe that they're (despite their appearance) fairly delicate creatures. Back in my pet store days, we were warned - in my case, without cause - to avoid handling them so that we might not drop them.
posted by jquinby at 5:54 PM on January 20, 2009
compressed can of flammable something + lighter.
I tried getting rid for mice with this once in a moment of madness. I was running around the kitchen with an impromtu flamethrower when sanity returned and it occurred to me that:
1/ Setting something alight so it burns to death is a fucking cruel way to kill it, and
2/ I did not want to have a conversation with a fire brigade and my landlord that ended with, "And then it ran, flaming, back into the skirting boards and that's when the whole house caught fire."
posted by rodgerd at 6:03 PM on January 20, 2009 [3 favorites]
I tried getting rid for mice with this once in a moment of madness. I was running around the kitchen with an impromtu flamethrower when sanity returned and it occurred to me that:
1/ Setting something alight so it burns to death is a fucking cruel way to kill it, and
2/ I did not want to have a conversation with a fire brigade and my landlord that ended with, "And then it ran, flaming, back into the skirting boards and that's when the whole house caught fire."
posted by rodgerd at 6:03 PM on January 20, 2009 [3 favorites]
I was running around the kitchen with an impromtu flamethrower when sanity returned...
I know a guy who took a shotgun into his attic and blew a hole through a wall trying to kill a rat. How'd you like to try explaining that to the missus?
It was not me.
posted by jquinby at 6:06 PM on January 20, 2009
I know a guy who took a shotgun into his attic and blew a hole through a wall trying to kill a rat. How'd you like to try explaining that to the missus?
It was not me.
posted by jquinby at 6:06 PM on January 20, 2009
They can't get out. I doubt he has any arboreal species, and even if they do climb the walls of their containers, they can't lift the lids. I have several of my own, and everyone behaves themselves. If on the statistically unrealistic chance one got out, it would probably seek shelter, and you could easily confine it under a piece of tupperware until your friend returned.
...just want to add that your fear is unfounded. They are just little critters, trying to get along in a big world that hates them.
Try to think of them as puppies...that are hairy...and have eight legs...there, not so scary, right?
posted by bolognius maximus at 6:08 PM on January 20, 2009
...just want to add that your fear is unfounded. They are just little critters, trying to get along in a big world that hates them.
Try to think of them as puppies...that are hairy...and have eight legs...there, not so scary, right?
posted by bolognius maximus at 6:08 PM on January 20, 2009
As an arachnophobe, I would not be able to sleep with a collection of tarantulas under my roof. I have not even been able to click on the link to look at the picture because I would be too freaked out. I'll probably spend the next little while looking up into the corners of my apartment just in case a spider is around.
I think the people who are answering that the fear is unfounded might not be realizing how this can affect someone. Just ignoring them or reassuring oneself that they can't get out might not be enough to avoid rather strong anxiety.
I would suggest reasoning with your friend and asking if he knows someone else (or you know someone) who could house the horrible face eating monsters for the short stay. If that's not possible, I would suggest actively involving yourself in the securing of their habitats, a sealed room (laundry room? spare bathroom?), heavy weights on the lids of the containers. I would hope your friend would indulge you at least that much since you're kindly extending your hospitality. That way at least you'd be satisfied that they're as secure and separated from you as possible. It might help you out.
Ugh, I'm shuddering over here, I'd find somewhere else to stash them.
posted by dnesan at 6:16 PM on January 20, 2009
I think the people who are answering that the fear is unfounded might not be realizing how this can affect someone. Just ignoring them or reassuring oneself that they can't get out might not be enough to avoid rather strong anxiety.
I would suggest reasoning with your friend and asking if he knows someone else (or you know someone) who could house the horrible face eating monsters for the short stay. If that's not possible, I would suggest actively involving yourself in the securing of their habitats, a sealed room (laundry room? spare bathroom?), heavy weights on the lids of the containers. I would hope your friend would indulge you at least that much since you're kindly extending your hospitality. That way at least you'd be satisfied that they're as secure and separated from you as possible. It might help you out.
Ugh, I'm shuddering over here, I'd find somewhere else to stash them.
posted by dnesan at 6:16 PM on January 20, 2009
Don't worry about the spiders getting out. Worry about their food, live crickets getting out and loose in your home where they will crawl into inaccessible crevices and chirp shrilly in your ear all night long.
Honestly neither is much to worry about. He should totally take you out for fabulous dinner though, for extending your hospitality even to invertebrates.
posted by Lou Stuells at 6:20 PM on January 20, 2009
Honestly neither is much to worry about. He should totally take you out for fabulous dinner though, for extending your hospitality even to invertebrates.
posted by Lou Stuells at 6:20 PM on January 20, 2009
the first squat i lived in in seattle was infested with rats. the kids who invited me in were gun nuts and crazy (fun), too. when they'd hear the little critters scurrying in the walls they'd whip out 22s and blast them through the walls.
i am not making this up. funnest house i ever lived in. one of the guys even had a pet wolf and she'd occasionally deliver a mangled rat carcass to us as a gift. "thanks for feeding me, humans!"
spiders? hate 'em. scared of their sacred little bodies. it's a phobia and i bet you have it, too. i just keep reminding myself that it's not such a big deal and try to breath my way past encounters with the hairy things.
yeah, buddy, just breath...
posted by artof.mulata at 6:20 PM on January 20, 2009
i am not making this up. funnest house i ever lived in. one of the guys even had a pet wolf and she'd occasionally deliver a mangled rat carcass to us as a gift. "thanks for feeding me, humans!"
spiders? hate 'em. scared of their sacred little bodies. it's a phobia and i bet you have it, too. i just keep reminding myself that it's not such a big deal and try to breath my way past encounters with the hairy things.
yeah, buddy, just breath...
posted by artof.mulata at 6:20 PM on January 20, 2009
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posted by turgid dahlia at 5:27 PM on January 20, 2009