How can I sabotage my roommate's incense?
January 6, 2009 5:39 AM Subscribe
How can I sabotage my roommate's incense?
My roommate burns horrible, horrible incense sticks. I'm one of those people who get instant headaches from intense smells, and my roommate - despite my bitching - seems to buy the most offensive varieties.
As a compromising kind of sabotage, I'm hoping for a way to lessen the odor these give off (he'd never notice). Is there some way to kill the intensity of the smoke by somehow treating the sticks themselves?
Failing that, a more passive-aggressive kind of sabotage is in order. Can I make them harder to light without revealing my tampering?
My roommate burns horrible, horrible incense sticks. I'm one of those people who get instant headaches from intense smells, and my roommate - despite my bitching - seems to buy the most offensive varieties.
As a compromising kind of sabotage, I'm hoping for a way to lessen the odor these give off (he'd never notice). Is there some way to kill the intensity of the smoke by somehow treating the sticks themselves?
Failing that, a more passive-aggressive kind of sabotage is in order. Can I make them harder to light without revealing my tampering?
This post was deleted for the following reason: Poster's request -- restless_nomad
Come on. Don't be a child. Tell your roommate straight up that it's an issue. Does your roommate even know that you suffer headaches from the smell? If not, you have no right to be all passive aggressive without giving them a chance to remedy the situation. Better yet is if you drop this passive aggressive nonsense altogether, and solve your problems the way adults do, with words and reasoning.
posted by Meagan at 5:56 AM on January 6, 2009 [2 favorites]
posted by Meagan at 5:56 AM on January 6, 2009 [2 favorites]
I agree you should tell him straight up to quit burning it. If that fails, and you've tried everything else, you could buy a less potent kind and do a switcheroo; he might not notice. I can't believe he would continue burning it after you told him about your headaches. Is burning, uh, other stuff whose scent he is trying to cover up?
posted by bluefly at 5:58 AM on January 6, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by bluefly at 5:58 AM on January 6, 2009 [1 favorite]
Don't mess with you roommate's property unless you want to get into some sort of tit-for-tat escalation of stupidity.
Try to compromise. Would scented candles or oils be less of a problem for you?
The more grown-up you are about the issue, the more likely it is that your roommate will respond in a mature way.
posted by le morte de bea arthur at 6:05 AM on January 6, 2009
Try to compromise. Would scented candles or oils be less of a problem for you?
The more grown-up you are about the issue, the more likely it is that your roommate will respond in a mature way.
posted by le morte de bea arthur at 6:05 AM on January 6, 2009
This looks to be a sure-fire way to wreck a roommate relationship.
nthing the "tell him directly what the problem is" responses. He may not actually be aware of how much discomfort you are in because of it.
posted by DWRoelands at 6:07 AM on January 6, 2009
nthing the "tell him directly what the problem is" responses. He may not actually be aware of how much discomfort you are in because of it.
posted by DWRoelands at 6:07 AM on January 6, 2009
See your allergist. No, really, if you are getting "instant headaches" from smells you either have a serious allergy problem or need a therapist to treat your psychosomatic issues.
Also, what everyone else said, talk to your roommate. That will lessen the odor of the incense.
posted by Pollomacho at 6:18 AM on January 6, 2009 [2 favorites]
Also, what everyone else said, talk to your roommate. That will lessen the odor of the incense.
posted by Pollomacho at 6:18 AM on January 6, 2009 [2 favorites]
and my roommate - despite my bitching - seems to buy the most offensive varieties
These two things may be related.
Try treating them like a person and ask for their help in avoiding your headaches as opposed to tampering with their property.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:32 AM on January 6, 2009 [1 favorite]
These two things may be related.
Try treating them like a person and ask for their help in avoiding your headaches as opposed to tampering with their property.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:32 AM on January 6, 2009 [1 favorite]
How do you think you'll be able to convince your roommate that you get actual headaches from that smell, if you don't even really want to acknowledge it for yourself - compromising sabotage indeed...compromise between your headache and what?
[That said, I find it amazing that someone would just burn the stuff without asking first. That, and not your reaction, should be seen as a sure fire (literally. Hah) way to wreck a roommate relationship. So I do have some sympathy for your idea of sabotage. The only thing is, it never works. Grumpy sticky notes don't work, sabotage doesn't work, bitching doesn't work. Facts sometimes do.]
posted by Namlit at 6:35 AM on January 6, 2009
[That said, I find it amazing that someone would just burn the stuff without asking first. That, and not your reaction, should be seen as a sure fire (literally. Hah) way to wreck a roommate relationship. So I do have some sympathy for your idea of sabotage. The only thing is, it never works. Grumpy sticky notes don't work, sabotage doesn't work, bitching doesn't work. Facts sometimes do.]
posted by Namlit at 6:35 AM on January 6, 2009
I was your roommate, once. With cheapassed incense I bought because I didn't know better, and as it so happens, with one perfume in particular that I'd wear when out with my bf and his family (his mother bought it for me, she was really sweet, and it made her happy I wore it). Solution: get some better quality incense, burn even that in moderation and with ventilation, and put the perfume on outside.
The common thread with the perfume and the incense was synthetics in the fragrance. I switched over to Japanese stick incense (the kind you burn in sand), opened the window after it was done burning, and burned incense much less frequently when we were all home together.
Your roommate needs to be more accommodating, but you need to help them out by letting them know what kind of incense doesn't cave your head in. That means you do some footwork (nosework?) at your local meditation-friendly emporium and choose something that doesn't bother you. Don't be a dick about this and say nothing does... because unless you are allergic to all flowers and sandalwood, that's not very likely to be true.
If you make him completely give up his incense, you need to give up something in return. Just sayin'.
posted by Grrlscout at 6:42 AM on January 6, 2009 [2 favorites]
The common thread with the perfume and the incense was synthetics in the fragrance. I switched over to Japanese stick incense (the kind you burn in sand), opened the window after it was done burning, and burned incense much less frequently when we were all home together.
Your roommate needs to be more accommodating, but you need to help them out by letting them know what kind of incense doesn't cave your head in. That means you do some footwork (nosework?) at your local meditation-friendly emporium and choose something that doesn't bother you. Don't be a dick about this and say nothing does... because unless you are allergic to all flowers and sandalwood, that's not very likely to be true.
If you make him completely give up his incense, you need to give up something in return. Just sayin'.
posted by Grrlscout at 6:42 AM on January 6, 2009 [2 favorites]
Essential oils smell a million times better than incense sticks (the ones I've had any experience with, anyway), so why not buy your roommate an oil burner and a couple of bottles of pure essential oil plus a bag of tea candles? You put some water in the top of the burner, the lit tea candle underneath, and float a few drops of the oil in the water. Lavender is a good one for relaxation and against headache. I like citrus oils like lemon, orange or grapefruit for feeling cheerful and energetic. Here's a list.
posted by taz at 6:46 AM on January 6, 2009 [1 favorite]
posted by taz at 6:46 AM on January 6, 2009 [1 favorite]
That means you do some footwork (nosework?) at your local meditation-friendly emporium and choose something that doesn't bother you. Don't be a dick about this and say nothing does... because unless you are allergic to all flowers and sandalwood, that's not very likely to be true.
This is patently untrue, and you should determine the scope of your allergies with your allergist/immunologist before you decide how heavily to come down about this. If you have a serious allergy, then every exposure to incense could be making your condition worse, and you don't want it to progress to the point where it causes long-lasting health problems or anaphylaxis. The first suggestions in this thread are your best bet regardless--talk to the guy about it in such a way that you make it plainly obvious that it's making you ill, and that this is a Serious Issue. Don't complain halfheartedly about it every so often, or you won't be taken seriously.
If that fails, you have a couple of options. Are you in a dorm? If so, your school probably has some sort of conflict mediation program you can use to iron this out. Or just move out--if you're getting sick from it, your school is on the hook for it, and they're required to put you somewhere where this won't be an issue. If you're not in a dorm, look into finding a subletter, and let that be the end of it.
[That said, I find it amazing that someone would just burn the stuff without asking first. That, and not your reaction, should be seen as a sure fire (literally. Hah) way to wreck a roommate relationship. So I do have some sympathy for your idea of sabotage. The only thing is, it never works. Grumpy sticky notes don't work, sabotage doesn't work, bitching doesn't work. Facts sometimes do.]
Couldn't have said it better myself. Your roommate is the one being gauche, but since you're the one suffering from it, the impetus is on you to do something not-passive-aggressive about it.
posted by Mayor West at 7:10 AM on January 6, 2009
This is patently untrue, and you should determine the scope of your allergies with your allergist/immunologist before you decide how heavily to come down about this. If you have a serious allergy, then every exposure to incense could be making your condition worse, and you don't want it to progress to the point where it causes long-lasting health problems or anaphylaxis. The first suggestions in this thread are your best bet regardless--talk to the guy about it in such a way that you make it plainly obvious that it's making you ill, and that this is a Serious Issue. Don't complain halfheartedly about it every so often, or you won't be taken seriously.
If that fails, you have a couple of options. Are you in a dorm? If so, your school probably has some sort of conflict mediation program you can use to iron this out. Or just move out--if you're getting sick from it, your school is on the hook for it, and they're required to put you somewhere where this won't be an issue. If you're not in a dorm, look into finding a subletter, and let that be the end of it.
[That said, I find it amazing that someone would just burn the stuff without asking first. That, and not your reaction, should be seen as a sure fire (literally. Hah) way to wreck a roommate relationship. So I do have some sympathy for your idea of sabotage. The only thing is, it never works. Grumpy sticky notes don't work, sabotage doesn't work, bitching doesn't work. Facts sometimes do.]
Couldn't have said it better myself. Your roommate is the one being gauche, but since you're the one suffering from it, the impetus is on you to do something not-passive-aggressive about it.
posted by Mayor West at 7:10 AM on January 6, 2009
I agree with the oils suggestion. Since I got an oil burner I haven't been able to tolerate incense and I used to love the stuff.
posted by valadil at 7:31 AM on January 6, 2009
posted by valadil at 7:31 AM on January 6, 2009
Just say "I don't like the incense. The smell gets into my clothes, etc. Don't do it anymore." If it continues go to your administration or whoever's in charge.
posted by xammerboy at 7:34 AM on January 6, 2009
posted by xammerboy at 7:34 AM on January 6, 2009
Just say "I don't like the incense. The smell gets into my clothes, etc. Don't do it anymore." If it continues go to your administration or whoever's in charge.
Honestly, I had a bitchy, control freaky roommate ask me not to burn incense for fairly unsubstantial reasons like these once ("My ex in high school burned incense and it makes me think of him"--she was 25 by this point, FWIW) and I would burn it anyway, albeit only when she was not at home.
I wouldn't have burned it if her reasons were health-related, like headaches.
Be honest with the roomie and, if you can tolerate that, find a compromise--maybe get him some scented candles instead.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:57 AM on January 6, 2009
Honestly, I had a bitchy, control freaky roommate ask me not to burn incense for fairly unsubstantial reasons like these once ("My ex in high school burned incense and it makes me think of him"--she was 25 by this point, FWIW) and I would burn it anyway, albeit only when she was not at home.
I wouldn't have burned it if her reasons were health-related, like headaches.
Be honest with the roomie and, if you can tolerate that, find a compromise--maybe get him some scented candles instead.
posted by PhoBWanKenobi at 7:57 AM on January 6, 2009
compromise and negotiation <--these will be valuable tools for you as you enter the work force, marriage, social groups of people.
posted by Hands of Manos at 8:02 AM on January 6, 2009
posted by Hands of Manos at 8:02 AM on January 6, 2009
See your allergist. No, really, if you are getting "instant headaches" from smells you either have a serious allergy problem or need a therapist to treat your psychosomatic issues.
I have mild allergies (hayfever, but it seems to have disappeared in recent years), and I cannot stand any kind of artificial scent, including Dove dishwashing liquid, the scent of fabric softener on clothes, or various kinds of shampoos. My nose plugs up, I sneeze, and I get a headache... almost immediately.
What better reason for your roommate to stop burning that crap.
posted by KokuRyu at 8:17 AM on January 6, 2009
I have mild allergies (hayfever, but it seems to have disappeared in recent years), and I cannot stand any kind of artificial scent, including Dove dishwashing liquid, the scent of fabric softener on clothes, or various kinds of shampoos. My nose plugs up, I sneeze, and I get a headache... almost immediately.
What better reason for your roommate to stop burning that crap.
posted by KokuRyu at 8:17 AM on January 6, 2009
Incense, high quality or low, is necessarily smoky and scented (it’s scented stuff that you burn! what do you expect?). If you’re allergic to scented smoke, incense will likely bother you no matter how expensive of fancy. Rather than tamper with your roommate’s stuff or complain about the brand s/he buys, I think you ought to apologize for having been unclear and explain it this way: I’m sorry if I’ve seemed irritable or passive aggressive about your incense. The truth is, it’s not that I just don’t care for the smell, it’s that it literally makes me sick. I don’t think I’ve been clear that this is a health issue for me, so I’m sorry if I’ve confused you. I’m going to see my allergist about managing these odor-induced headaches, but in the mean time could you please stop burning incense in the apartment?
posted by Meg_Murry at 8:24 AM on January 6, 2009
posted by Meg_Murry at 8:24 AM on January 6, 2009
I was going to say something along the lines of Meg_Murry. Explain that the headaches made you cranky and that you apologize for being bitchy about it previously. Then state that you really cannot tolerate the incense because of the headaches, and ask him nicely to quit burning it.
posted by Nattie at 8:54 AM on January 6, 2009
posted by Nattie at 8:54 AM on January 6, 2009
I can give you some sympathy, poster. Not a room mate, but a downstairs neighbor who burned "incense" that smelled like burning leaves. The upstairs neighbor called the fire department at one point, resulting in the fire department fining the building for violations that were found in the hallways when they responded. The situation provoked aggravations and degraded relations with the landlord to the point where talk about evicting all the tenants in the building was resurrected.
I'm all for delicately placing spiders out the window, but when mice or roaches or any other element gets to the point of threatening my entire ability to persist, then the gloves come off.
posted by StickyCarpet at 9:02 AM on January 6, 2009
I'm all for delicately placing spiders out the window, but when mice or roaches or any other element gets to the point of threatening my entire ability to persist, then the gloves come off.
posted by StickyCarpet at 9:02 AM on January 6, 2009
get a negative ion generator and kill the smell.
or refuse to flush the toilet, ever, unless he/she stops burning that shit.
posted by dawdle at 10:23 AM on January 6, 2009
or refuse to flush the toilet, ever, unless he/she stops burning that shit.
posted by dawdle at 10:23 AM on January 6, 2009
How about this as a reason you don't want your roommate to burn incense. Also, there's no way of knowing what is really in those incense sticks. A few years ago I read something about cheap incense containing all sorts of stuff you wouldn't want to breath in, unfortunately I can't find this on the internet. Maybe get your roommate some more expensive (still pretty cheap) incense, perhaps some that list ingredients.
posted by miscbuff at 10:52 AM on January 6, 2009
posted by miscbuff at 10:52 AM on January 6, 2009
Incense, high quality or low, is necessarily smoky and scented (it’s scented stuff that you burn! what do you expect?). If you’re allergic to scented smoke, incense will likely bother you no matter how expensive of fancy.
This is completely contrary to my experience. I don't know what they put in the cheap stuff, or whether it's the burning-material or the synthetic scents (I suspect a combination of both) but the cheap stuff is sneeze-and-stuffy-head inducing, while I find good-quality incense quite pleasant.
posted by desuetude at 10:59 AM on January 6, 2009
This is completely contrary to my experience. I don't know what they put in the cheap stuff, or whether it's the burning-material or the synthetic scents (I suspect a combination of both) but the cheap stuff is sneeze-and-stuffy-head inducing, while I find good-quality incense quite pleasant.
posted by desuetude at 10:59 AM on January 6, 2009
I agree that good quality, resin incense is an entirely different animal than cheap head shop incense, for health and scent reasons. Maybe you can find some you like as a peace offering. Go for clean scents, like Pinon, Cedar, or Myrrh. Essential oils are also a good idea, provided your roommate doesn't then cheap out and get synthetic fragrance oils.
posted by oneirodynia at 11:19 AM on January 6, 2009
posted by oneirodynia at 11:19 AM on January 6, 2009
I'm another one who is bothered by incense smoke no matter what the quality. It makes my nose run and my head hurt. I don't know if it's the smoke particulates or the fragrance; maybe it's both (most essential oils, which are more often than not synthetic, have the same effect, though not as bad; and I suspect that many higher-quality incenses may still use synthetic fragrance). It's not psychological. I would really like to be able to tolerate a nice sandalwood incense. I have been tested for allergies and didn't have anything significant; but then again physical irritation, as from particulates, wouldn't show up. I do have a predisposition to a runny nose--used to have a deviated septum that, until it was fixed, caused my nose to constantly run.
Anyway. Nthing Meg_Murry.
posted by Herkimer at 11:21 AM on January 6, 2009
Anyway. Nthing Meg_Murry.
posted by Herkimer at 11:21 AM on January 6, 2009
Here's what you do:
Buy a sixpack of beer (assuming you are in a position to do so, legally and all that). Sit down with the bastard, crack a couple of beers and hand him one. Start off by saying something along the lines of "Look, man, I think I started off on the wrong foot here, my bad. I'm sorry if I came off like a controlling ass here. But we've got to hash this shit out."
Explain in non-accusatory terms what the problem is. Tell Mr. Scenty that you're perfectly willing to go to the local Cover-My-Weed-Smell Surplus Store with him and test-sniff some incense to see if you can find something that works for both of you, or, barring that, at least find something you can tolerate with the agreement that he be more sensitive to how often and when he's burning it.
If the time-honored "stop, apologize, and start over + peace offering beer" doesn't work, then the guy may honestly and truly just be a dick, in which case you ought to consider alternate living arrangements before you snap and kill the bastard. Either that or you're doing it wrong. But you'd be surprised how often that approach actually works.
posted by caution live frogs at 11:22 AM on January 6, 2009
Buy a sixpack of beer (assuming you are in a position to do so, legally and all that). Sit down with the bastard, crack a couple of beers and hand him one. Start off by saying something along the lines of "Look, man, I think I started off on the wrong foot here, my bad. I'm sorry if I came off like a controlling ass here. But we've got to hash this shit out."
Explain in non-accusatory terms what the problem is. Tell Mr. Scenty that you're perfectly willing to go to the local Cover-My-Weed-Smell Surplus Store with him and test-sniff some incense to see if you can find something that works for both of you, or, barring that, at least find something you can tolerate with the agreement that he be more sensitive to how often and when he's burning it.
If the time-honored "stop, apologize, and start over + peace offering beer" doesn't work, then the guy may honestly and truly just be a dick, in which case you ought to consider alternate living arrangements before you snap and kill the bastard. Either that or you're doing it wrong. But you'd be surprised how often that approach actually works.
posted by caution live frogs at 11:22 AM on January 6, 2009
It may be helpful to browse past Ask Metafilter posts on the subject of "I think my roommate is fucking with my stuff."
posted by rhizome at 11:46 AM on January 6, 2009
posted by rhizome at 11:46 AM on January 6, 2009
Buy him some Nag Champa. It's not just great incense, it's in a category all its own. It's really that good. I suspect you'll actually like it.
posted by muscat at 1:07 PM on January 6, 2009
posted by muscat at 1:07 PM on January 6, 2009
Buy him some Nag Champa...
Except that some people find many of the high-quality Tibetan incense varieties to be unpleasant-smelling, too. There are some fairly esoteric combinations of herbs and minerals in them that are likely to provoke a bad reaction in someone. Also if the roommate is just randomly burning incense or burning it to cover dope smell etc., they're not going to regularly shell out cash for more expensive varieties.
posted by aught at 1:44 PM on January 6, 2009
Except that some people find many of the high-quality Tibetan incense varieties to be unpleasant-smelling, too. There are some fairly esoteric combinations of herbs and minerals in them that are likely to provoke a bad reaction in someone. Also if the roommate is just randomly burning incense or burning it to cover dope smell etc., they're not going to regularly shell out cash for more expensive varieties.
posted by aught at 1:44 PM on January 6, 2009
Let out rancid farts in her company. She'll see (smell?) how it feels to smell something awful.
posted by sixcolors at 4:11 PM on January 6, 2009
posted by sixcolors at 4:11 PM on January 6, 2009
sixcolors: I've thought of doing things like that before. You know what really happens? "Man, it stinks in here. Better light some incense."
posted by rhizome at 6:04 PM on January 6, 2009
posted by rhizome at 6:04 PM on January 6, 2009
Response by poster: muscat: Actually, Nag Champa is the worst for me.
Regarding those of you with the "grow up, discuss this with him" answers, you're absolutely right. I'm a passive-aggressive fool and, I agree, Its childish. My AskMe post was written post-horrible sneezing fit and I was a bit ticked off.
I (we) will explore this scented oils suggestion. Strong scents kill me, but smoke is even worse. The oils sound like a promising compromise.
I am chagrined and highly amused. I <3 you MeFites!
posted by SilverTail at 6:20 AM on January 7, 2009
Regarding those of you with the "grow up, discuss this with him" answers, you're absolutely right. I'm a passive-aggressive fool and, I agree, Its childish. My AskMe post was written post-horrible sneezing fit and I was a bit ticked off.
I (we) will explore this scented oils suggestion. Strong scents kill me, but smoke is even worse. The oils sound like a promising compromise.
I am chagrined and highly amused. I <3 you MeFites!
posted by SilverTail at 6:20 AM on January 7, 2009
This thread is closed to new comments.
Passive agressiveness is never the answer. You know that, right?
posted by sugarfish at 5:51 AM on January 6, 2009 [17 favorites]