keep your frigid fingers away from me

October 4, 2008 9:37 PM

Our apartment is cold, we want to have sex. How do we make this work?

Our heater is warm enough for survival but too cold for being naked, under the covers is a bore, a space heater is an (expensive where I am) last resort.

Have you been in this position (ha!)? Any ideas that will help me not feel sexiled by winter? This is very frustrating.

posted by anonymous to sports, hobbies, & recreation (23 comments total)

Hot shower? It's a little restrictive, but that only lends to more creativity. Not really a permanent solution, but something in the meantime.
posted by InsanePenguin at 9:41 PM on October 4, 2008

On top of an electric blanket?
In the shower?
Wearing everything but pants?
Group sex?
posted by Inspector.Gadget at 9:45 PM on October 4, 2008

Insulate the room with wall hangings and carpet. Why do you think all those medieval castles hung so many tapestries? It wasn't just for their beauty as pieces of art.
posted by mosk at 9:52 PM on October 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

We had this problem when first living in our then unheated house. We got under the covers. I'm not sure what you're doing, but it was never boring.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:53 PM on October 4, 2008

One word: Friction.
posted by MikeMc at 10:10 PM on October 4, 2008

under the covers is a bore

You only have to start out under the covers. Once you warm up enough (which will happen pretty quickly if you're skilled/determined), you can throw off the covers and go wild.
posted by amyms at 10:11 PM on October 4, 2008 [3 favorites]

Yeah, I've lived in many a cold house and the trick was to have sex starting under the covers immediately after a hot shower.

After that, you'll be glad to cool down ;)
posted by grapefruitmoon at 10:15 PM on October 4, 2008

Instead of a space heater, you could use an electric oil radiator. Winter in an unheated Japanese home can deaden the sex life, but after buying one of these heaters, things definitely heated up. The oil heater is safer and uses less electricity than a regular space heater. Turn it on at about six o'clock, make and eat that romantic dinner, have a *hot* bath that warms your core up a bit, and by 830 the room will be toasty warm and ready for love.

But some sort of space heater is required.
posted by KokuRyu at 10:41 PM on October 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

Agreed that if you're not getting hot and sweaty under the covers enough to make you throw them off for the blissful sting of cooler air, you're doing it wrong.
posted by davejay at 10:59 PM on October 4, 2008 [1 favorite]

I think you need to shell out for a space heater. It sounds like you are a guy, but I'm guessing. Assuming she's smaller than you are, she probably gets colder than you do.

I'm a girl in New Zealand right now, it's springtime, but the houses don't have central heating. I was absolutely miserable until we got a space heater....having one has made all the difference.

Shop around - look for sales, and go on eBay or the equivalent. Post ads saying you're looking for a used spaceheater. Do whatever it takes!

If you're freezing, you'll both be grouchy, and that's not going to help your cause. You've got to find a way to make the room warmer - and you'll just be heating one room, not the whole house.
posted by Flying Squirrel at 11:16 PM on October 4, 2008

Exercise first! Dance a lot or get in a sexy wrestling match or pillow fight or tickle war until you're out of breath and your heart rate is up. Then tear off your clothes and have really active sex so you don't get cold.
posted by np312 at 11:23 PM on October 4, 2008

Oh man, being mutally cold is one of the better excuses I can think of for close personal relations.

And by that I mean crazy monkey sex.
posted by Ookseer at 11:52 PM on October 4, 2008

Candles.

Ahem.
posted by Mikey-San at 12:22 AM on October 5, 2008 [3 favorites]

Start out under the covers. It will get hot under there and you will kick them off. Trust me. Also, there's nothing that says the covers need to start out on the bed.
posted by iamkimiam at 12:48 AM on October 5, 2008 [1 favorite]

Imagine you're at a festival or camping in the desert or something. It gets very cold but people still manage to get wild. It's not inconceivable to get your swerve on while fully clothed. Hell, you can be the beast with two sleeping bags.
posted by skylar at 1:42 AM on October 5, 2008

Nthing the start under the covers. Especially if you're in a smallish room, just the general festivities/body heat/crazed simian throbbing will warm up the room quite a bit. Then the covers can be shed until cooling occurs. Start snug, shed blankets, dive under the blankets, repeat.
posted by Ghidorah at 5:51 AM on October 5, 2008

Agreed that if you're not getting hot and sweaty under the covers enough to make you throw them off for the blissful sting of cooler air, you're doing it wrong.

Yeah, this.

I honestly don't understand how under the covers can mean "boring." Yes, your field of vision is restricted, and there are a few positions that won't work, and sometimes your feet get tangled up. But you are still having sex.

I keep my house pretty cold in the winter. There's central heating, but keeping the thermostat low saves money, and I sleep better in a cold bedroom. So in the summer sex can happen totally out from the covers; in the fall the snuggling starts under the covers but they are thrown off almost immediately, and when things are really cold the whole event might take place under the duvet. It's all good, just a little different.

But that said, cold fingers and frozen feet are not a turn-on, and it is good manners to warm yours up before grabbing your partner.

Also, have you ever gone camping in the mountains? Have you noticed how your totally uninsulated tent can be 10 or 15 degrees warmer than the outside air, because of your body heat? You can get the same effect buy hanging fabric around your bed, like a homemade version of one of those four-poster/canopy beds. Go to a fabric store and buy really colorful and beautiful fabric, hang it from hooks, string, or curtain rod, and enjoy your cozy snuggle palace.
posted by Forktine at 6:28 AM on October 5, 2008 [1 favorite]

You learn something new everyday. It just never occurred to me being cold would deter someone who wanted to have sex from having sex. I know a *friend* who had sex in the backseat of a VW bug stuck in the snow and the engine not working.

So, if start under the covers doesn't work, or the elecric blanket, or hot shower, then I say move to a warmer climate.
posted by JohnnyGunn at 7:00 AM on October 5, 2008

Thick socks and longjohns.
posted by furtive at 7:14 AM on October 5, 2008

Not that it would work every time, but wear a skirt and just pull his pants down far enough. That can be pretty hot occasionally.
posted by Silvertree at 3:14 PM on October 5, 2008 [1 favorite]

Hot watter bottles strategically placed keep people warm even with the covers off.
posted by sondrialiac at 4:28 PM on October 5, 2008

electric mattress pad
posted by susanvance at 4:59 AM on October 6, 2008

Tell her to put some knee-high boots on and lift her skirt up?
posted by booknerd at 11:16 AM on October 6, 2008