I accidentally "stole" a neighbor's package. How do I give it back?
February 16, 2024 10:40 PM Subscribe
During the December holidays (which is also when my birthday is), I got a lot of packages. Combo of gifts and things I'd ordered. This included a cute dress that I immediately tried on. I figured it was from my sister in law. I don't recall seeing a name on the package. I now realize it was probably for my neighbor. How do I give it back?
I just moved to this neighborhood, and I don't know my neighbors. In fact, I rarely even see them. However, about a month ago (January) one of them knocked on my door and asked if I had gotten a package intended for her. English was not her first language, but she was able to explain that the shipper had sent the package to my address instead of hers. She even had a picture of the package on my doorstep. She mentioned it was a dress. I did not put two and two together, (this was roughly 3 weeks after I had received the mystery dress I thought was from my SIL). I just now realized that the mystery package with the dress was intended for my neighbor. I don't think the package had a name on it. If it had, I don't think I would have opened it. But it was also a very busy time, and it's possible I just didn't look at the package carefully enough.
Anyway, I feel terrible. How do I handle this? I want to return the dress and somehow explain what happened so she doesn't think I intentionally kept her package.
I just moved to this neighborhood, and I don't know my neighbors. In fact, I rarely even see them. However, about a month ago (January) one of them knocked on my door and asked if I had gotten a package intended for her. English was not her first language, but she was able to explain that the shipper had sent the package to my address instead of hers. She even had a picture of the package on my doorstep. She mentioned it was a dress. I did not put two and two together, (this was roughly 3 weeks after I had received the mystery dress I thought was from my SIL). I just now realized that the mystery package with the dress was intended for my neighbor. I don't think the package had a name on it. If it had, I don't think I would have opened it. But it was also a very busy time, and it's possible I just didn't look at the package carefully enough.
Anyway, I feel terrible. How do I handle this? I want to return the dress and somehow explain what happened so she doesn't think I intentionally kept her package.
Just tell the truth as you did here and show her the dress asking if it’s hers. I don’t see what the big deal is. Tell her you didn’t realize right away until now.
posted by Mr. Papagiorgio at 10:57 PM on February 16 [15 favorites]
posted by Mr. Papagiorgio at 10:57 PM on February 16 [15 favorites]
Yes, please tell her and if it turns out it was hers, you should absolutely apologize profusely. She paid for the dress and the shipping and got nothing but hassle.
I'd be really upset if someone got my dress, wore it and then acted like it was no big deal.
I'd also get her a gift card or cookies to pay for the wear and tear.
posted by M. at 1:09 AM on February 17 [26 favorites]
I'd be really upset if someone got my dress, wore it and then acted like it was no big deal.
I'd also get her a gift card or cookies to pay for the wear and tear.
posted by M. at 1:09 AM on February 17 [26 favorites]
I would probably try to find the dress online (google image search if you need to), buy one if it's not too expensive, and give her the new one (assuming youve taken the tags off the original dress).
posted by Tanya at 1:09 AM on February 17 [24 favorites]
posted by Tanya at 1:09 AM on February 17 [24 favorites]
This is going to be a bit tricky because there might be cultural elements in play in terms of whether she would want or accept an apology, whether she'd be willing to help you save face, etc.
I would present yourself in good humour and apologise, but don't be overly dramatic about it. Be willing to smile and laugh a bit if you feel like you can in the moment, be self-deprecating ("I've just been so scattered, you know how it is"). Paying for a new dress might be complicated, but you could offer to do it and arrange for shipping. I would at least make sure the dress is laundered, folded, and presented in a nice way.
Look at this as an opportunity to get to know your neighbour and find a bonding moment over a totally normal and common misunderstanding. If she rejects it, that's also fine and within her rights, but it's always a good idea to get to know the people around you.
posted by fight or flight at 3:16 AM on February 17 [2 favorites]
I would present yourself in good humour and apologise, but don't be overly dramatic about it. Be willing to smile and laugh a bit if you feel like you can in the moment, be self-deprecating ("I've just been so scattered, you know how it is"). Paying for a new dress might be complicated, but you could offer to do it and arrange for shipping. I would at least make sure the dress is laundered, folded, and presented in a nice way.
Look at this as an opportunity to get to know your neighbour and find a bonding moment over a totally normal and common misunderstanding. If she rejects it, that's also fine and within her rights, but it's always a good idea to get to know the people around you.
posted by fight or flight at 3:16 AM on February 17 [2 favorites]
Yeah, bring over the dress, ask her if it's hers, and maybe use it as an excuse to get to know your neighbor and invite her over for coffee or food (if you're at all into that).
Just say you got some gifts from family and thought this was one of them, but you were talking with your SIL and realized she's sent you something different. And apologize a lot, especially if you weren't too nice the first time around.
posted by trig at 3:17 AM on February 17 [2 favorites]
Just say you got some gifts from family and thought this was one of them, but you were talking with your SIL and realized she's sent you something different. And apologize a lot, especially if you weren't too nice the first time around.
posted by trig at 3:17 AM on February 17 [2 favorites]
Have you worn the dress? If so, I don't think returning it is great.
If you really want to give it to its owner (and are you 100 percent sure that your sil did not send you a dress?), just act clueless and say you inadvertently opened it. This might be tough because of the language issue--maybe write a note as well --on the chance she could either understand the written words more easily or get someone to help.
Actually, I think ordering a new dress to return would be the purest way to really make it right. But it has been a few months now, so I don't see it as a big deal if you just let it die. (This assumes it was not a wildly expensive piece of clothing.) For all you know, she received a replacement on her own.
posted by rhonzo at 3:36 AM on February 17 [9 favorites]
If you really want to give it to its owner (and are you 100 percent sure that your sil did not send you a dress?), just act clueless and say you inadvertently opened it. This might be tough because of the language issue--maybe write a note as well --on the chance she could either understand the written words more easily or get someone to help.
Actually, I think ordering a new dress to return would be the purest way to really make it right. But it has been a few months now, so I don't see it as a big deal if you just let it die. (This assumes it was not a wildly expensive piece of clothing.) For all you know, she received a replacement on her own.
posted by rhonzo at 3:36 AM on February 17 [9 favorites]
I agree that ordering a new dress is the way to make this right. In addition, if you know someone who speaks her native language, perhaps they could write a note for you explaining how it was an inadvertent mistake, for all the reasons you've told us, and which will enable the note to be more nuanced than if you just run it through a translator app.
posted by essexjan at 4:05 AM on February 17 [3 favorites]
posted by essexjan at 4:05 AM on February 17 [3 favorites]
What did your sister in law say when you thanked her for the gift? Did she say she sent you the dress?
posted by Polychrome at 4:18 AM on February 17 [6 favorites]
posted by Polychrome at 4:18 AM on February 17 [6 favorites]
If you do decide to talk to her, translation apps are pretty good these days. Microsoft Translater even works by speaking (both ways) for some of the languages.
posted by TWinbrook8 at 4:58 AM on February 17
posted by TWinbrook8 at 4:58 AM on February 17
Definitely talk to her before ordering a new dress—she may have gotten a replacement already and you may not even have received her dress. (did your SIL confirm she never sent one to you?)
posted by music for skeletons at 5:35 AM on February 17 [2 favorites]
posted by music for skeletons at 5:35 AM on February 17 [2 favorites]
2nding buying a new version of the dress for her (even if she may have gotten a refund or new one). 2 months of not catching the mistake, plus you'd denied you'd ever had the package... it may very well sour the relationship even if you apologize profusely.
If the tags are off the dress I'd advise you do not return it to her. Most people would find that not only deeply weird but also no one wants a potentially worn dress in this kind of situation. It'd just make it look like you intentionally kept it to wear.
posted by Pemberly at 9:22 AM on February 17 [2 favorites]
If the tags are off the dress I'd advise you do not return it to her. Most people would find that not only deeply weird but also no one wants a potentially worn dress in this kind of situation. It'd just make it look like you intentionally kept it to wear.
posted by Pemberly at 9:22 AM on February 17 [2 favorites]
Yes, new dress. You can use a translation app and have a friend check it if you know someone fluent that you don't mind involving in this mishap. Or if you feel like the whole thing is too convoluted to explain, take her the new unopened package when you get it and just say, "This was delivered to me, is this what you're looking for?" If she asks further, you can explain that it was a mistake on your part, but she may be just happy to get the dress and not care.
I would not be happy if you gave me a dress that you had already cut tags off and potentially or actually worn.
posted by BlueHorse at 12:03 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]
I would not be happy if you gave me a dress that you had already cut tags off and potentially or actually worn.
posted by BlueHorse at 12:03 PM on February 17 [1 favorite]
If you'd like to make the story more charming you can say that you loved the dress but when you thanked your SIL and she said it wasn't from her you realized that it must have been for the neighbor. Then you can say that since you've already worn it and you love it so much you've gone ahead and bought a new one just for the her.
It's a good story that you can leave in an envelope with a card on your neighbor's stoop. If you're in the U.S. I would probably put the note in English and then repeat it in their native language (but only if you can get a good translation).
Such follies are where friendships begin. It's a pretty good ice breaker with your neighbor.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 3:31 PM on February 17 [2 favorites]
It's a good story that you can leave in an envelope with a card on your neighbor's stoop. If you're in the U.S. I would probably put the note in English and then repeat it in their native language (but only if you can get a good translation).
Such follies are where friendships begin. It's a pretty good ice breaker with your neighbor.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 3:31 PM on February 17 [2 favorites]
One, if you haven't worn it out of the house yet, it's new. You don't need to buy another one. (which may help because, maybe you'll find it online, but maybe you won't. And it almost certainly won't be available at the Cyber Monday price) In any case, don't order a new one yet.
Two, if it is indeed in new condition, all you need to say when you present it to your neighbor is "I found your dress! It was in an unmarked box, piled with other incoming packages!" I don't think the delayed-realization part is necessary. Quite simply, it got lost in the shuffle. And now you've found it. You've done nothing conniving here. It does not matter if the neighbor got a replacement - offer her the one you received. If she lets you keep it because she got a replacement, it's a kindness - you can reciprocate with a gift if you like, particularly if she double-paid for the dress. If she accepts it kindly, you've made a friend. If she's unkind, that's her problem.
Third, if you did wear it and it is not in new condition, I would just order it new to give to the neighbor. In that case I wouldn't even coordinate on whether or not the neighbor has received a replacement. The outcome will be either that both of you have one dress, she has two dresses and you have one dress, or she has one dress & you have two dresses. A presumption here is that you liked it enough to wear it, so it's not a problem to have one or two of them. (Now you have a new one to give to your SIL for her birthday?)
I wouldn't worry so much about the language barrier thing. But if you know which language it is, you can write a note explaining the situation, use an online translator, and print it out to bring with the dress as a backup, in case spoken English doesn't get the job done.
posted by brianvan at 7:59 AM on February 18 [2 favorites]
Two, if it is indeed in new condition, all you need to say when you present it to your neighbor is "I found your dress! It was in an unmarked box, piled with other incoming packages!" I don't think the delayed-realization part is necessary. Quite simply, it got lost in the shuffle. And now you've found it. You've done nothing conniving here. It does not matter if the neighbor got a replacement - offer her the one you received. If she lets you keep it because she got a replacement, it's a kindness - you can reciprocate with a gift if you like, particularly if she double-paid for the dress. If she accepts it kindly, you've made a friend. If she's unkind, that's her problem.
Third, if you did wear it and it is not in new condition, I would just order it new to give to the neighbor. In that case I wouldn't even coordinate on whether or not the neighbor has received a replacement. The outcome will be either that both of you have one dress, she has two dresses and you have one dress, or she has one dress & you have two dresses. A presumption here is that you liked it enough to wear it, so it's not a problem to have one or two of them. (Now you have a new one to give to your SIL for her birthday?)
I wouldn't worry so much about the language barrier thing. But if you know which language it is, you can write a note explaining the situation, use an online translator, and print it out to bring with the dress as a backup, in case spoken English doesn't get the job done.
posted by brianvan at 7:59 AM on February 18 [2 favorites]
This happened to me during the early days of the pandemic, except it was a bra! I had just ordered a similar one so I didn't put 2 and 2 together until the actual bra I ordered arrived (the neighbor and I share a first name and our addresses are one number off). I was too embarrassed to to do anything in person, and anyway it was April 2020 and I couldn't show up on her doorstep to chat. I ended up contacted the company to tell them what happened, and they said they would ship her a new bra, told me to keep the one I got, and gave me a discount code to use in the future. So maybe a vote for contacting the company if it's an obvious one to see if a sympathetic customer service rep can help.
It's also possible she already handled it with the company and they shipped her a new dress weeks ago.
posted by LKWorking at 2:54 PM on February 21
It's also possible she already handled it with the company and they shipped her a new dress weeks ago.
posted by LKWorking at 2:54 PM on February 21
Like brianvan, I don't think you should get into the whole story about how you thought it was form your sister etc. etc. "I am so sorry, this package got lost in the shuffle, is this the dress you were missing?"
posted by metasarah at 6:41 AM on February 22
posted by metasarah at 6:41 AM on February 22
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I would say something like "I just came across this dress in my closet. At the time it arrived I just assumed it was a gift from my sister but now I'm wondering if it might be the dress that you said got misdelivered?" If she says "yes" then don't apologize, just expressed how happy you are that the mystery is solved and you are able to reunite her with her dress..
Act as if you view yourself as a charming but absent-minded neighbor and invite her to do the same. She should be happy to get it back - it would be bad manners on her part to grill you about the mistake or assume any bad intent on your part. So act as if that is exactly what the response you are expecting.
posted by metahawk at 10:52 PM on February 16 [9 favorites]