Gender non-binary hire, form only has check boxes for M and F. Help?
July 25, 2019 8:59 AM Subscribe
Our organization is onboarding a new employee who is gender non-binary next month. One of the required US Government forms that our US Government customer requires that new employees fill out has two check boxes labeled M and F for gender. I am not certain what to do in this case.
The person responsible for the new employee's technical onboarding spoke to me recently to say that he was helping to onboard the new employee. I have onboarded a lot of new employees recently so I offered to help with the paperwork. The technical lead said that the new employee is gender non-binary and uses they/them pronouns.
The form from our US Government customer that is the start of provisioning a new employee with the physical and logical access needed to perform our job only has two check boxes for gender, labeled M and F. I'm not sure what to do in this case and I feel like whatever I do will get me in trouble.
Typically what I do is fill out as much of the form as possible for a new employee and ask them to complete the rest in attempt to make onboarding easier for a new employee. Of course do not want to misgender the new employee, but the form only has a check box for M and a check box for F, so I can't check either box, neither box, nor only one box.
I could give the new employee a blank form, but I would still presenting them with a form that has a check box for M and a check box for F.
I have thought about asking HR in advance of the new employee's start date about what I should do in this situation. But I'm concerned that if I contact HR with such a question I might get in trouble for knowing that the new employee is gender non-binary, although I'm sure HR and other people in the organization know. I could probably present the question to the head of HR as a hypothetical, and she would answer it with no problem, but I'm not sure.
I have thought about asking my chain of command what to do because they are aware of the new employee's gender non-binary status, but again I'm worried about getting into trouble.
I could punt and wait until HR sends the form to the new employee, but I'm worried about getting into trouble for treating the new employee differently by not filling out as much of the form as i can myself before giving it to them.
I also could withdraw my offer to help this new employee but I actually like onboarding, plus I already offered to do this.
This form is not my organization's form, it is the form of a US Government agency, and there is no chance I can get the form changed, either before the employee starts or ever.
I most likely will ask HR what to do in this case, but I wanted to use an anonymous AskMe to get some advice. Any constructive advice would be welcome. I just want to onboard this new employee.
The person responsible for the new employee's technical onboarding spoke to me recently to say that he was helping to onboard the new employee. I have onboarded a lot of new employees recently so I offered to help with the paperwork. The technical lead said that the new employee is gender non-binary and uses they/them pronouns.
The form from our US Government customer that is the start of provisioning a new employee with the physical and logical access needed to perform our job only has two check boxes for gender, labeled M and F. I'm not sure what to do in this case and I feel like whatever I do will get me in trouble.
Typically what I do is fill out as much of the form as possible for a new employee and ask them to complete the rest in attempt to make onboarding easier for a new employee. Of course do not want to misgender the new employee, but the form only has a check box for M and a check box for F, so I can't check either box, neither box, nor only one box.
I could give the new employee a blank form, but I would still presenting them with a form that has a check box for M and a check box for F.
I have thought about asking HR in advance of the new employee's start date about what I should do in this situation. But I'm concerned that if I contact HR with such a question I might get in trouble for knowing that the new employee is gender non-binary, although I'm sure HR and other people in the organization know. I could probably present the question to the head of HR as a hypothetical, and she would answer it with no problem, but I'm not sure.
I have thought about asking my chain of command what to do because they are aware of the new employee's gender non-binary status, but again I'm worried about getting into trouble.
I could punt and wait until HR sends the form to the new employee, but I'm worried about getting into trouble for treating the new employee differently by not filling out as much of the form as i can myself before giving it to them.
I also could withdraw my offer to help this new employee but I actually like onboarding, plus I already offered to do this.
This form is not my organization's form, it is the form of a US Government agency, and there is no chance I can get the form changed, either before the employee starts or ever.
I most likely will ask HR what to do in this case, but I wanted to use an anonymous AskMe to get some advice. Any constructive advice would be welcome. I just want to onboard this new employee.
I came here to say what "chesty_a_arthur" said. Kudos to you for wanting to get this right! But employee is non-binary in a binary world, and until the world changes (we're working on it!), they'll have dealt with this before. Can you include a note for the employee with the form: "Welcome to Organization! Please fill out the attached form. I apologize now, but as I'm sure you're aware, the federal government categorizes gender as a binary, and while I don't want to be invasive, please check whatever box is on your identification and other legal paperwork1. We will use they/them in-house.2" or something like that?
1. Assuming this is the case, and since it's for the feds, that seems likely.
2. Since it sounds like $organization is committed to doing that?
posted by joycehealy at 9:09 AM on July 25, 2019 [38 favorites]
1. Assuming this is the case, and since it's for the feds, that seems likely.
2. Since it sounds like $organization is committed to doing that?
posted by joycehealy at 9:09 AM on July 25, 2019 [38 favorites]
Yeah, just apologize for the form being awful and outdated, and let the employee choose. Your compassion is great, but you don't have to save this person from the world; they are completely aware that it's discriminatory.
posted by lazuli at 9:42 AM on July 25, 2019 [9 favorites]
posted by lazuli at 9:42 AM on July 25, 2019 [9 favorites]
Ask the person. They have likely dealt with this a million times before and have an answer. They likely won't shoot the messenger, which is to say, be mad at you. I suspect folks here can help you with wording, but something like, "Hey, I'm required to complete this form, which forces a choice for gender between male and female. Which should I choose for you?"
posted by bluedaisy at 9:51 AM on July 25, 2019 [1 favorite]
posted by bluedaisy at 9:51 AM on July 25, 2019 [1 favorite]
It's not entirely clear who knows who in this situation, but I would actually have the person that knows that the new employee in non-binary reach out to them, instead of you, who is just some random person (as far as I can tell). Have them say something along the lines of "We are getting some of your paperwork filled out in advance and, unfortunately, one of the forms we have to use requires you to choose either male or female."
I'd also suggest not filling out the forms in advance, in general. People might have all sorts of weird edge cases around legal names, gender, etc. and it isn't really that big a deal to have to fill all that stuff in when you get on board. I've found it can be kind of comforting to have a familiar task to do in an unfamiliar situation.
posted by Rock Steady at 10:06 AM on July 25, 2019 [8 favorites]
I'd also suggest not filling out the forms in advance, in general. People might have all sorts of weird edge cases around legal names, gender, etc. and it isn't really that big a deal to have to fill all that stuff in when you get on board. I've found it can be kind of comforting to have a familiar task to do in an unfamiliar situation.
posted by Rock Steady at 10:06 AM on July 25, 2019 [8 favorites]
What other people said about asking the person, and also if you'd like to take the opportunity to make the world a friendlier place this would be a good time to go through all of the HR forms at your company and point out where they can be updated. There are undoubtedly also company databases where gender is a binary field but that's more than an individual can tackle.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 10:07 AM on July 25, 2019 [3 favorites]
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 10:07 AM on July 25, 2019 [3 favorites]
It depends on what the form is for. If it’s data collection only, let the employee choose. If it’s something that verifies identity or has to match their legal record, still let them choose but give them a heads up that it should match. You may need to do some digging to find out what it’s supposed to match— the DMV and SSA are different databases and not everyone has all the gender marker consistent across all databases.
It probably won’t matter if it doesn’t “match” other than you having to reconcile it later if the feds get the form and have a Computer Says No moment (YMMV if this is a security clearance issue. “Mistakes” on a security clearance can be a big problem.)
posted by blnkfrnk at 10:19 AM on July 25, 2019 [2 favorites]
It probably won’t matter if it doesn’t “match” other than you having to reconcile it later if the feds get the form and have a Computer Says No moment (YMMV if this is a security clearance issue. “Mistakes” on a security clearance can be a big problem.)
posted by blnkfrnk at 10:19 AM on July 25, 2019 [2 favorites]
Is this a W-9 or some similar form? If so, it must match the employee's federal record, and only they know which box would match the gender marker in their record. They have probably dealt with this issue many times and know how to navigate it; they are also the only person besides those at the SSA who know which marker the federal government has. Return the form with those boxes unchecked and let them pick the right one, they will understand.
Every person with a nonbinary or trans identity knows that these forms are like that. But it would be a kindness for you to include a note about your company's policy or something that will assure them that the work environment will be comfortable for them.
posted by epanalepsis at 10:33 AM on July 25, 2019 [3 favorites]
Every person with a nonbinary or trans identity knows that these forms are like that. But it would be a kindness for you to include a note about your company's policy or something that will assure them that the work environment will be comfortable for them.
posted by epanalepsis at 10:33 AM on July 25, 2019 [3 favorites]
Trans and government (local) person here. joycehealy has the best advice in a way that will really communicate the empathy you have for your new hire.
As someone who is binary, yet has legal docs split between M and F genders, I would not appreciate a 3rd party, especially a cisgender person, trying to make this decision for me.
Sometimes this data is just for aggregate reporting, sometimes it is not. Do not put your employee in a situation that will make things difficult for them. They have encountered this before.
Well-meaning folks have fucked up my health insurance and gotten me flagged for TSA checks by thinking they can send a "message to the man" by putting "M" on all of my forms, even after I asked to first be consulted. Please let the employee choose and if you're really committed, bring it up to a contact within the government agency.
(We are trying to work on his stuff, especially as more places allow for "X" as a gender designation.)
posted by Wossname at 11:07 AM on July 25, 2019 [15 favorites]
As someone who is binary, yet has legal docs split between M and F genders, I would not appreciate a 3rd party, especially a cisgender person, trying to make this decision for me.
Sometimes this data is just for aggregate reporting, sometimes it is not. Do not put your employee in a situation that will make things difficult for them. They have encountered this before.
Well-meaning folks have fucked up my health insurance and gotten me flagged for TSA checks by thinking they can send a "message to the man" by putting "M" on all of my forms, even after I asked to first be consulted. Please let the employee choose and if you're really committed, bring it up to a contact within the government agency.
(We are trying to work on his stuff, especially as more places allow for "X" as a gender designation.)
posted by Wossname at 11:07 AM on July 25, 2019 [15 favorites]
My HR brain wonders: Are you even supposed to know that the new hire self-identifies in a particular way? I mean ... they haven't even walked in the door yet. This person might be mortified to think people were discussing how they identify.
Okay, I know you are trying to be kind and helpful. Maybe just greet them, hand over the papers and say: here is my extension, call if you need help. Surely they have filled out forms like this before.
Given my tendency to oppose authority, were I the new hire I would likely draw another box, check it and add my preferred wording. Hand it to you with a smile.
Maybe give the newbie some autonomy here?
posted by alwayson_slightlyoff at 6:11 PM on July 25, 2019 [1 favorite]
Okay, I know you are trying to be kind and helpful. Maybe just greet them, hand over the papers and say: here is my extension, call if you need help. Surely they have filled out forms like this before.
Given my tendency to oppose authority, were I the new hire I would likely draw another box, check it and add my preferred wording. Hand it to you with a smile.
Maybe give the newbie some autonomy here?
posted by alwayson_slightlyoff at 6:11 PM on July 25, 2019 [1 favorite]
joycehealy is correct. I recently went through this as a new hire at a public university in Canada as a nonbinary person.
alwayson_slightlyoff, it's not necessarily speculation – I confirmed my pronouns, gender identity and bathroom preferences in advance of my on-campus panel interview, and my colleagues did the service of letting my future coworkers know the same. It was a great help as I didn't have to come out over and over and over and over again, just "regularly".
posted by avocet at 7:42 PM on July 25, 2019 [4 favorites]
alwayson_slightlyoff, it's not necessarily speculation – I confirmed my pronouns, gender identity and bathroom preferences in advance of my on-campus panel interview, and my colleagues did the service of letting my future coworkers know the same. It was a great help as I didn't have to come out over and over and over and over again, just "regularly".
posted by avocet at 7:42 PM on July 25, 2019 [4 favorites]
I could punt and wait until HR sends the form to the new employee, but I'm worried about getting into trouble for treating the new employee differently by not filling out as much of the form as i can myself before giving it to them.
You literally can't fill in the M/F checkbox for them, because you don't know which of these options they'd pick. That isn't a "punt." Fill in as much as you can, as if they were any other employee, and leave it to them to fill in the stuff they need to fill in. I assure you that they are aware that there are many federal government forms that maintain the fiction of the gender binary, and that it will not come as a surprise or an offense to them that the federal government is forcing them to choose one. They might find it annoying, of course. But not surprising.
I feel like you are treating this person's gender like some kind of dangerous, private knowledge. Presumably if the tech lead told you the new employee's gender identity and pronouns it's because they volunteered this information, either on their resume or in the interview. The only reason this new hire's gender is any different than one of the commoner genders is that it isn't an option on your form so you aren't certain which box to check. Identifying as nb is not something private or shameful that they'd expect the tech lead to keep from you. On the contrary, I gather that in employment situations it's almost always a pleasant surprise to be they/them'd correctly and non-awkwardly from day one without having to correct people or come out a whole bunch of times. Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but I know a fair few they/them folks and in literally all cases it's totally delightful for them to be they/them'd without having to say anything, because it means people care and they're trying.
In the future, maybe you shouldn't assume anyone's gender and let everyone fill in this form for themselves. You never know. It's not like you're saving them much work - it's just one checkbox.
posted by potrzebie at 11:21 PM on July 25, 2019 [6 favorites]
You literally can't fill in the M/F checkbox for them, because you don't know which of these options they'd pick. That isn't a "punt." Fill in as much as you can, as if they were any other employee, and leave it to them to fill in the stuff they need to fill in. I assure you that they are aware that there are many federal government forms that maintain the fiction of the gender binary, and that it will not come as a surprise or an offense to them that the federal government is forcing them to choose one. They might find it annoying, of course. But not surprising.
I feel like you are treating this person's gender like some kind of dangerous, private knowledge. Presumably if the tech lead told you the new employee's gender identity and pronouns it's because they volunteered this information, either on their resume or in the interview. The only reason this new hire's gender is any different than one of the commoner genders is that it isn't an option on your form so you aren't certain which box to check. Identifying as nb is not something private or shameful that they'd expect the tech lead to keep from you. On the contrary, I gather that in employment situations it's almost always a pleasant surprise to be they/them'd correctly and non-awkwardly from day one without having to correct people or come out a whole bunch of times. Of course there are exceptions to every rule, but I know a fair few they/them folks and in literally all cases it's totally delightful for them to be they/them'd without having to say anything, because it means people care and they're trying.
In the future, maybe you shouldn't assume anyone's gender and let everyone fill in this form for themselves. You never know. It's not like you're saving them much work - it's just one checkbox.
posted by potrzebie at 11:21 PM on July 25, 2019 [6 favorites]
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posted by chesty_a_arthur at 9:01 AM on July 25, 2019 [22 favorites]