I want to propose to my boyfriend! Should I?
February 21, 2019 2:07 AM Subscribe
Hey guys
Anonymous because I really want to keep it under wraps!
Anyway, I have been with my boyfriend for nearly five years. We've been living together for a little longer than a year, and things here have been great. I am thinking about proposing to him and would like some advice and insights, please!
During the time that we've been together, we've gone through multiple extremely traumatizing tragedies. The final one was the loss of my child from suicide. I am still a wreck from this about three years later, but my boyfriend has been so wonderful to me through those years. I have been there for him through some hard stuff as well. I feel like we've gone through most than even most married couples, and I love him so completely and fully. I really believe he saved my life in dark times. He's my rock, and I think he would like to be married someday, but he's done it a few times and is really gunshy about it.
I was married once before, many years ago (we are in our 40s), and have been divorced for more than a decade. He died a few years ago, so he didn't experience the death of our son.
I have never had a true, mature, supportive adult partner, and I want to marry him strictly because I love him so dearly and want the world to know that I am committed to him forever! So I very recently decided that I should just propose. I intend to make it very clear that I will be in no all-fire rush to actually get married ASAP, but I really want to do it. And I am truly okay if he says no, which is always in the realm of possibility. I will not be devastated. I love him so much that I would never want to pressure him into anything and want him to be as into it as I am.
In a few months, a musician we love will play a show in our area. I do NOT want to do this on stage, but I would be thrilled if the artist, who is somewhat indie, could be incorporated into it somehow. So I did send an email to a contact on his record label's website. Does anyone have a better idea about how to contact an artist?
My question, finally: Should I propose? It's unorthodox, but so am I. If you did something similar--are a woman who proposed to a man--I would love to hear from you about how it went and if you would do it again!
Thanks so much, friends!
During the time that we've been together, we've gone through multiple extremely traumatizing tragedies. The final one was the loss of my child from suicide. I am still a wreck from this about three years later, but my boyfriend has been so wonderful to me through those years. I have been there for him through some hard stuff as well. I feel like we've gone through most than even most married couples, and I love him so completely and fully. I really believe he saved my life in dark times. He's my rock, and I think he would like to be married someday, but he's done it a few times and is really gunshy about it.
I was married once before, many years ago (we are in our 40s), and have been divorced for more than a decade. He died a few years ago, so he didn't experience the death of our son.
I have never had a true, mature, supportive adult partner, and I want to marry him strictly because I love him so dearly and want the world to know that I am committed to him forever! So I very recently decided that I should just propose. I intend to make it very clear that I will be in no all-fire rush to actually get married ASAP, but I really want to do it. And I am truly okay if he says no, which is always in the realm of possibility. I will not be devastated. I love him so much that I would never want to pressure him into anything and want him to be as into it as I am.
In a few months, a musician we love will play a show in our area. I do NOT want to do this on stage, but I would be thrilled if the artist, who is somewhat indie, could be incorporated into it somehow. So I did send an email to a contact on his record label's website. Does anyone have a better idea about how to contact an artist?
My question, finally: Should I propose? It's unorthodox, but so am I. If you did something similar--are a woman who proposed to a man--I would love to hear from you about how it went and if you would do it again!
Thanks so much, friends!
I think the best thing for any proposal is that the content of the message not be a complete surprise.
The actual time and place, sure, if you want, but “do you want to get married?” needs to have been pretty thoroughly discussed beforehand. You might be okay with a no, but he might might not be. It puts him in the awkward position of having to examine his feelings, your feelings, his plans for the future, his fears and anxieties, his joys and his longing and his excitement, all in one moment when you ask.
I would at least start talking about how either of you feel about marriage in general and then a potential marriage to each other and go from there.
posted by lydhre at 2:35 AM on February 21, 2019 [19 favorites]
The actual time and place, sure, if you want, but “do you want to get married?” needs to have been pretty thoroughly discussed beforehand. You might be okay with a no, but he might might not be. It puts him in the awkward position of having to examine his feelings, your feelings, his plans for the future, his fears and anxieties, his joys and his longing and his excitement, all in one moment when you ask.
I would at least start talking about how either of you feel about marriage in general and then a potential marriage to each other and go from there.
posted by lydhre at 2:35 AM on February 21, 2019 [19 favorites]
Five years together, a year cohabiting, and some tough times -- it sure sounds like you'd be great as marrieds. And in this day and age, who cares about the gender of the proposer? That's not important at all, unless it's important to your guy for some reason, but you don't mention that.
I don't know exactly what you've got planned, but I will say I always get a tiny bit uncomfortable when I witness a surprise public proposal. They seem a bit coercive to me because the witnesses want to cheer the new lovers and who wants to abort a big cheer? Are you going to be okay recruiting your fave artist and making cunning plans and then hearing a no? In your position, I'd do the proposal privately and then maybe recruit your artist to send congratulations on your engagement from the stage.
Whatever happens, continued joy to you both!
posted by Sauce Trough at 2:38 AM on February 21, 2019 [12 favorites]
I don't know exactly what you've got planned, but I will say I always get a tiny bit uncomfortable when I witness a surprise public proposal. They seem a bit coercive to me because the witnesses want to cheer the new lovers and who wants to abort a big cheer? Are you going to be okay recruiting your fave artist and making cunning plans and then hearing a no? In your position, I'd do the proposal privately and then maybe recruit your artist to send congratulations on your engagement from the stage.
Whatever happens, continued joy to you both!
posted by Sauce Trough at 2:38 AM on February 21, 2019 [12 favorites]
Yes to the question, no to the public proposal. If the guy is seriously gunshy about getting married then don’t put a great big spotlight on him in front of an arena full of people. Seriously: take him somewhere nice (& relatively private) and tell him exactly what you’ve told us
posted by pharm at 2:50 AM on February 21, 2019 [12 favorites]
I want to marry him strictly because I love him so dearly and want the world to know that I am committed to him forever! So I very recently decided that I should just propose. I intend to make it very clear that I will be in no all-fire rush to actually get married ASAP, but I really want to do it. And I am truly okay if he says no, which is always in the realm of possibility. I will not be devastated. I love him so much that I would never want to pressure him into anything and want him to be as into it as I am.My wife proposed to me & it was lovely: I knew my answer immediately, although the time between her asking and my answering probably felt like an eternity. I hope it works out for you too.
posted by pharm at 2:50 AM on February 21, 2019 [12 favorites]
lovely thought, and I sincerely believe you are coming from a place of love in your heart - now, are you doing this just for yourself? for the both of you? for him? do you feel this would change anything in your relationship and move it towards a more positive place? If you both decide not to get married what would that mean for you? for your relationship? I live in a society where there are very few practical needs for marriage, and cohabitation is a fully recognised relationship, so that could be coloring my questions here.
definitely have a talk together about this - in private.
posted by alchemist at 4:03 AM on February 21, 2019
definitely have a talk together about this - in private.
posted by alchemist at 4:03 AM on February 21, 2019
You should always know the answer to a proposal before you ask it. I think it’s absolutely a great idea to bring up marriage with him and talk about building a specific type of life together. Once you know the answer to that then you can go forward with whatever type of details the both of you would like!
posted by raccoon409 at 4:52 AM on February 21, 2019 [6 favorites]
posted by raccoon409 at 4:52 AM on February 21, 2019 [6 favorites]
I am a woman who proposed to my husband. It was scary because every piece of advice I could find at the time warned me away from proposing — all “let him decide on his own without pressure,” “you’ll emasculate him,” bullshit. I eventually decided to trust myself and my knowledge of him. He doesn’t have that kind of traditionalist streak that would upset him because it’s not how proposals are “supposed” to go. (Some people do, and it can be deep-seated. But he really doesn’t.) And we’d often discussed in general how the person who wants to get married should feel like they can do the asking.
I also heard a lot of messages that I’d regret proposing because I’d miss out on being surprised. I’m here to tell you, I don’t feel like I missed out on anything! It was an intense, emotional peak experience to propose and be accepted.
I do, however, wish that I’d felt able to directly discuss marriage with him outside of a formal surprise proposal. We’d discussed marriage indirectly and generally, but I still felt like it would be “nagging” to directly talk about whether he thought about us getting married, and if so, when. I felt like, if I wanted to get married, my only options were “wait in silence pretending I don’t care” or “formally propose with a wedding ring”. I wish I’d trusted our relationship enough to talk more in advance of any actual proposal. I still think I would have done the proposing, and I’m still glad I did. Just, it was silence and stress that didn’t need to happen.
On the other hand, some dudes will panic and shut down, assuming that conversation really means “I demand that you propose NOW.” Can be tricky to unpack and address all of those emotions, and sometimes you have to do some extra reassurance that this isn’t code for anything, you aren’t demanding or expecting anything, you legit just want to know his thoughts and feelings and concerns. Again, you have to know the person and the relationship.
Neither of us are “public proposal” kind of people, so I can’t speak to that part. In general, I’d suggest having a less-formal conversation before committing to doing a public surprise proposal.
On preview — I also thought a lot about questions like alchemist‘s, why marriage was so important to me. It’s useful to think about. In the end it solidified my desire to get married. I realized I wanted the ritual of formally announcing our commitment surrounded by family and friends. I wanted it to be purposefully chosen, not just “eh, haven’t broken up yet”. We’d been together and cohabiting for years; I still wanted to make the formal, purposeful commitment, and it still felt different to me than the status quo. And the legal protections of marriage are very real, at least in the US — that mattered too.
posted by snowmentality at 5:08 AM on February 21, 2019 [6 favorites]
I also heard a lot of messages that I’d regret proposing because I’d miss out on being surprised. I’m here to tell you, I don’t feel like I missed out on anything! It was an intense, emotional peak experience to propose and be accepted.
I do, however, wish that I’d felt able to directly discuss marriage with him outside of a formal surprise proposal. We’d discussed marriage indirectly and generally, but I still felt like it would be “nagging” to directly talk about whether he thought about us getting married, and if so, when. I felt like, if I wanted to get married, my only options were “wait in silence pretending I don’t care” or “formally propose with a wedding ring”. I wish I’d trusted our relationship enough to talk more in advance of any actual proposal. I still think I would have done the proposing, and I’m still glad I did. Just, it was silence and stress that didn’t need to happen.
On the other hand, some dudes will panic and shut down, assuming that conversation really means “I demand that you propose NOW.” Can be tricky to unpack and address all of those emotions, and sometimes you have to do some extra reassurance that this isn’t code for anything, you aren’t demanding or expecting anything, you legit just want to know his thoughts and feelings and concerns. Again, you have to know the person and the relationship.
Neither of us are “public proposal” kind of people, so I can’t speak to that part. In general, I’d suggest having a less-formal conversation before committing to doing a public surprise proposal.
On preview — I also thought a lot about questions like alchemist‘s, why marriage was so important to me. It’s useful to think about. In the end it solidified my desire to get married. I realized I wanted the ritual of formally announcing our commitment surrounded by family and friends. I wanted it to be purposefully chosen, not just “eh, haven’t broken up yet”. We’d been together and cohabiting for years; I still wanted to make the formal, purposeful commitment, and it still felt different to me than the status quo. And the legal protections of marriage are very real, at least in the US — that mattered too.
posted by snowmentality at 5:08 AM on February 21, 2019 [6 favorites]
Through this all, I’d really take some time to try to see the relationship from his perspective. Ask yourself honestly if you’ve given him and are able to give him what he needs from a committed relationship. Marriage should be a genuinely shared goal. If you have significant doubts as to whether he’d say yes, I’d really think that through.
posted by alusru at 5:19 AM on February 21, 2019
posted by alusru at 5:19 AM on February 21, 2019
My proposal was preceded by a series of increasingly unambiguous conversations. One of the last conversations leading up to it had us looking on Etsy and Ebay together for the ring.
Would strongly, strongly advise against surprise proposals, especially public surprise proposals. If he's not on the same page, but cool under pressure, he'll pull you for a kiss and then a hug and while you're hugging he'll whisper, "We need to talk about this." If he's not cool under pressure he'll do something more awkward for everyone involved.
If you have some image in your head about a man dropping to one knee unexpectedly, know that it was very likely not unexpected at all: he probably spoke with the woman's father beforehand, who then warned the woman. Other cultures would use a third-party marriage-maker, or have the man's parents speak with the woman's parents.
posted by meaty shoe puppet at 5:56 AM on February 21, 2019
Would strongly, strongly advise against surprise proposals, especially public surprise proposals. If he's not on the same page, but cool under pressure, he'll pull you for a kiss and then a hug and while you're hugging he'll whisper, "We need to talk about this." If he's not cool under pressure he'll do something more awkward for everyone involved.
If you have some image in your head about a man dropping to one knee unexpectedly, know that it was very likely not unexpected at all: he probably spoke with the woman's father beforehand, who then warned the woman. Other cultures would use a third-party marriage-maker, or have the man's parents speak with the woman's parents.
posted by meaty shoe puppet at 5:56 AM on February 21, 2019
I want to marry him strictly because I love him so dearly and want the world to know that I am committed to him forever! So I very recently decided that I should just propose
That's very sweet. But it can also lead to a very poor outcome for your relationship if he doesn't actually want to get married. Why not have a conversation instead of a proposal "to let the world know." I know it isn't nearly as cinematic, but it may lead to a happier place than something more performative.
posted by 41swans at 6:15 AM on February 21, 2019
That's very sweet. But it can also lead to a very poor outcome for your relationship if he doesn't actually want to get married. Why not have a conversation instead of a proposal "to let the world know." I know it isn't nearly as cinematic, but it may lead to a happier place than something more performative.
posted by 41swans at 6:15 AM on February 21, 2019
Propose that you get engaged, not married.
I have friends who got engaged, not married 17 years ago. A house and two kids later, they are waiting until the youngest is a little older to get married. They always said that if either had wanted to make it government official, they could have.
Propose to get engaged and tell him that you are waiting for him to ask you to propose marriage next.
posted by AugustWest at 6:18 AM on February 21, 2019 [2 favorites]
I have friends who got engaged, not married 17 years ago. A house and two kids later, they are waiting until the youngest is a little older to get married. They always said that if either had wanted to make it government official, they could have.
Propose to get engaged and tell him that you are waiting for him to ask you to propose marriage next.
posted by AugustWest at 6:18 AM on February 21, 2019 [2 favorites]
I am very sorry about your son, that is the worst and glad your guy was supportive.
Talk to him in private, do not do the public thing. That puts him on the spot.
You said, " I think he would like to be married someday, but he's done it a few times and is really gunshy about it." Consider this very carefully, and think about what he has said about his several ex-wives and what he says went wrong. If it was somehow all their fault, reconsider the marriage idea again, no matter who proposes.
posted by mermayd at 6:41 AM on February 21, 2019 [2 favorites]
Talk to him in private, do not do the public thing. That puts him on the spot.
You said, " I think he would like to be married someday, but he's done it a few times and is really gunshy about it." Consider this very carefully, and think about what he has said about his several ex-wives and what he says went wrong. If it was somehow all their fault, reconsider the marriage idea again, no matter who proposes.
posted by mermayd at 6:41 AM on February 21, 2019 [2 favorites]
I do think you should propose!
Your reasons are very romantic and you have the practical experience together to back up those feelings. Speaking of which, I'm so, so sorry about the loss of your son. I'm glad you are so open to new love and chances despite the sadness and loss. That's a testament to your strength and also the strength of the relationship you and your boyfriend have!
I agree with the posters above who suggested you focus on being engaged first and that you do so privately. You could still do it at that concert but not on stage or with the musician involved. Believe me, it'll still be very special if it's a yes and much better for all if it's a no or maybe.
I'd also think more about what you want next: if he says yes, what would be your ideal timeline? What would be a dealbreaker? If he says no, how would you proceed? (For example, it's very different for him to say he never wants to get married again versus he'd like to revisit it in another year.) I can tell you that, after five years, he should know where he stands on your relationship and the potential of getting married to you. I feel very hopeful and positive but also know it's important to always prepare for the "worst" while hoping for the best.
posted by smorgasbord at 9:50 AM on February 21, 2019
Your reasons are very romantic and you have the practical experience together to back up those feelings. Speaking of which, I'm so, so sorry about the loss of your son. I'm glad you are so open to new love and chances despite the sadness and loss. That's a testament to your strength and also the strength of the relationship you and your boyfriend have!
I agree with the posters above who suggested you focus on being engaged first and that you do so privately. You could still do it at that concert but not on stage or with the musician involved. Believe me, it'll still be very special if it's a yes and much better for all if it's a no or maybe.
I'd also think more about what you want next: if he says yes, what would be your ideal timeline? What would be a dealbreaker? If he says no, how would you proceed? (For example, it's very different for him to say he never wants to get married again versus he'd like to revisit it in another year.) I can tell you that, after five years, he should know where he stands on your relationship and the potential of getting married to you. I feel very hopeful and positive but also know it's important to always prepare for the "worst" while hoping for the best.
posted by smorgasbord at 9:50 AM on February 21, 2019
I, a woman, proposed to my now husband. It went great.
I decided to keep it relatively low key, both because we are low key people, and also just in case he didn't respond well to being proposed to (I thought it would be fine, but hey, you never know) or had reservations about getting engaged in general (I also thought I knew the answer, but again, you never know).
I stupidly decided kind of spur of the moment and didn't have a lot of time to prepare anything elaborate. I didn't even have a ring! Which, in hindsight, would have been fun and I wish I'd proposed with a Ring Pop or novelty ring type object of some kind just for the story/memory. Even though I'm not an Elaborate Proposal person, I kind of wish I'd had a tad more fun with it. I asked him over brunch at our favorite place. I did not stand up and make an announcement or anything public like that. I just... asked.
He said yes! We are married now! The gods of How The Man Has To Also Ask And Someone Had Better Get Down On One Knee And Are You Even Really Engaged If There's No Ring did not smite us.
(We did choose engagement rings together soon afterward. We both got rings. I am happy we did it that way, and happy to share more info about that if you're curious.)
posted by the milkman, the paper boy at 1:06 PM on February 21, 2019 [1 favorite]
I decided to keep it relatively low key, both because we are low key people, and also just in case he didn't respond well to being proposed to (I thought it would be fine, but hey, you never know) or had reservations about getting engaged in general (I also thought I knew the answer, but again, you never know).
I stupidly decided kind of spur of the moment and didn't have a lot of time to prepare anything elaborate. I didn't even have a ring! Which, in hindsight, would have been fun and I wish I'd proposed with a Ring Pop or novelty ring type object of some kind just for the story/memory. Even though I'm not an Elaborate Proposal person, I kind of wish I'd had a tad more fun with it. I asked him over brunch at our favorite place. I did not stand up and make an announcement or anything public like that. I just... asked.
He said yes! We are married now! The gods of How The Man Has To Also Ask And Someone Had Better Get Down On One Knee And Are You Even Really Engaged If There's No Ring did not smite us.
(We did choose engagement rings together soon afterward. We both got rings. I am happy we did it that way, and happy to share more info about that if you're curious.)
posted by the milkman, the paper boy at 1:06 PM on February 21, 2019 [1 favorite]
If you’re not sure of a yes, wait on the rings. But if you’re confident that no matter the outcome, everyone will be okay, definitely go for it! (But as a private affair without celebrity endorsement.)
posted by rikschell at 3:35 PM on February 21, 2019
posted by rikschell at 3:35 PM on February 21, 2019
"I have never had a true, mature, supportive adult partner, and I want to marry him strictly because I love him so dearly and want the world to know that I am committed to him forever! So I very recently decided that I should just propose. I intend to make it very clear that I will be in no all-fire rush to actually get married ASAP, but I really want to do it. And I am truly okay if he says no, which is always in the realm of possibility. I will not be devastated. I love him so much that I would never want to pressure him into anything and want him to be as into it as I am."
This sounds really lovely. I suggest having a conversation with him at an opportune time and place - some sort of weekend away perhaps - where you say basically this to him. All the important elements are here.
"In a few months, a musician we love will play a show in our area. I do NOT want to do this on stage, but I would be thrilled if the artist, who is somewhat indie, could be incorporated into it somehow."
Assuming that it would be a surprise to him at that point, I would definitely not do anything like this. It goes against the whole "I would never want to pressure him into anything" idea.
Finally, I am so sorry to hear about your child. My father and one my of dearest friends took their own lives, yet I still find it hard to imagine how I would cope with losing my child this way. I'm very glad you had someone who could help you survive it. It's exceptionally big and difficult stuff and I'm not at all surprised that you're still processing it after 3 years.
posted by mewsic at 12:00 AM on February 22, 2019 [2 favorites]
This sounds really lovely. I suggest having a conversation with him at an opportune time and place - some sort of weekend away perhaps - where you say basically this to him. All the important elements are here.
"In a few months, a musician we love will play a show in our area. I do NOT want to do this on stage, but I would be thrilled if the artist, who is somewhat indie, could be incorporated into it somehow."
Assuming that it would be a surprise to him at that point, I would definitely not do anything like this. It goes against the whole "I would never want to pressure him into anything" idea.
Finally, I am so sorry to hear about your child. My father and one my of dearest friends took their own lives, yet I still find it hard to imagine how I would cope with losing my child this way. I'm very glad you had someone who could help you survive it. It's exceptionally big and difficult stuff and I'm not at all surprised that you're still processing it after 3 years.
posted by mewsic at 12:00 AM on February 22, 2019 [2 favorites]
I (female) proposed to my fiancé (male) almost two years ago.
I did it semi- publically, in that I got a bunch of our friends to help write puzzles, the answers to which added up to the question in question. I was pretty sure what the answer would be, but even so, *before* I dragged anyone else into it, I asked if he was ok with it.
In specific, a couple months before the proposal, I asked him in complete privacy “So, if I were to propose to you, what would you say? To be clear I am not proposing right now, but I would like to plan to. ”
This way if he had any issues, they could be privately discussed without embarrassment of ourselves or anyone else. Issues I was worried about: 1) maybe he didn’t want a proposal to be public at all. 2) maybe he didn’t want to get married. 3) maybe he had some unknown issue with getting asked instead of asking (highly unlikely but not something I would want to find out in the moment). 4). Maybe he was up for marriage but not with me/not yet.
Anyhow in our case I was mostly worried about number one, but in yours it sounds like (2) could also be a problem, even if (3) and (4) aren’t. I think this kind of “preproposal” is a good way to go for anyone who is interested in doing something public, and I do think before you do any more planning you should check in this way that it’s a good idea.
Especially because you don’t seem to be after the legal designations so much, you might also have a think about what it is you want from getting married and proposing. For me, part of what I wanted with proposing was to unambiguously tell him, and the friends whom I involved, that I love him tremendously and he and I plan to be together for the long term. It definitely worked out— and you’ll notice I still said fiancé. We aren’t in a super rush to actually get married, and I could definitely see a different relationship really benefiting from a public declaration of commitment even if an actual marriage is something you decide against.
(BTW I am SO glad I proposed. I had a ton of fun organizing it, our relationship has gotten even better, and I think doing the preproposal and discussing some parameters (eg is public ok? Is a surprise ok?) made the actual proposal be focused on all the positive aspects. And even though we don’t get any legal benefits until we actually get married, there are definite social ones to getting engaged. The only tough bit was telling people that we aren’t going to pick a date anytime soon. )
posted by nat at 1:43 AM on February 22, 2019
I did it semi- publically, in that I got a bunch of our friends to help write puzzles, the answers to which added up to the question in question. I was pretty sure what the answer would be, but even so, *before* I dragged anyone else into it, I asked if he was ok with it.
In specific, a couple months before the proposal, I asked him in complete privacy “So, if I were to propose to you, what would you say? To be clear I am not proposing right now, but I would like to plan to. ”
This way if he had any issues, they could be privately discussed without embarrassment of ourselves or anyone else. Issues I was worried about: 1) maybe he didn’t want a proposal to be public at all. 2) maybe he didn’t want to get married. 3) maybe he had some unknown issue with getting asked instead of asking (highly unlikely but not something I would want to find out in the moment). 4). Maybe he was up for marriage but not with me/not yet.
Anyhow in our case I was mostly worried about number one, but in yours it sounds like (2) could also be a problem, even if (3) and (4) aren’t. I think this kind of “preproposal” is a good way to go for anyone who is interested in doing something public, and I do think before you do any more planning you should check in this way that it’s a good idea.
Especially because you don’t seem to be after the legal designations so much, you might also have a think about what it is you want from getting married and proposing. For me, part of what I wanted with proposing was to unambiguously tell him, and the friends whom I involved, that I love him tremendously and he and I plan to be together for the long term. It definitely worked out— and you’ll notice I still said fiancé. We aren’t in a super rush to actually get married, and I could definitely see a different relationship really benefiting from a public declaration of commitment even if an actual marriage is something you decide against.
(BTW I am SO glad I proposed. I had a ton of fun organizing it, our relationship has gotten even better, and I think doing the preproposal and discussing some parameters (eg is public ok? Is a surprise ok?) made the actual proposal be focused on all the positive aspects. And even though we don’t get any legal benefits until we actually get married, there are definite social ones to getting engaged. The only tough bit was telling people that we aren’t going to pick a date anytime soon. )
posted by nat at 1:43 AM on February 22, 2019
Mod note: From the OP:
Thanks so much for all of the comments; they really made me think! I guess I didn't make it clear, but I never intended to propose publicly. I thought about maybe doing it at the show, before or after, and somehow getting to meet the artist.posted by goodnewsfortheinsane (staff) at 5:41 AM on February 22, 2019 [13 favorites]
I took multiple people's advice and had an actual talk with him last night. We have on and off discussed the possibility through the years, but never super seriously. Well, I found out that he has actually been planning a proposal--not imminently, but he was already planning to. And he told me he was gonna just spring it on me, haha. So I am very happy now knowing that he and I are indeed on the same page. We both agree that the main reason we want to is because of the vows--publicly committing to each other for life. We already are anyway, but getting married will cement that in a special way for us.
I appreciate all of the feedback!
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by JonB at 2:33 AM on February 21, 2019 [22 favorites]