Help for a caretaker

October 13, 2017 5:39 PM

Hi! Someone I know has had to move back in with her parents, probably temporarily, to help care for her mother after a big surgery. There are some complicating things -- she's depressed, just had a disappointment with regards to her treatment options, and now she's comparatively isolated while helping take care of her mother. I'd like to give or send or offer her something that would help lift her mood, if possible. What would have helped you while you took care of a parent?

(She's not alone as a caretaker, but she's still, you know, in her parents' house and far away from friends.)

posted by schadenfrau to Human Relations (5 answers total)

If I had the money, I'd be sending the person a nice Zingerman's box--one of the ones that emphasizes foods that can be meals with minimal prep like the Weekender--every month. Cooking has got to be an endless wearisome task in that situation.
posted by praemunire at 5:46 PM on October 13, 2017 [1 favorite]

When you're caretaking, so much of your life revolves around the person who is recovering that you can kind of lose yourself in the process. This is extra hard if you're depressed. If it were me, I might like (in addition to some nifty care packages) maybe a regular check-in where it could, temporarily, be all about her? When I was taking care of my mom, and then her affairs after she died, some friends sent me a nice little food basket, just some standard off the shelf assortment of munchables. And at first I was skeptical "Look at all this food" but over time I liked having a little thing that was mine, that I could share with other visitors or well-wishers (so I didn't have to prepare anything) that had a lot of weird little things that I could try. I had other friends who got me an aeropress because I LOVE coffee and my mom's coffee machine sucked. So think about the things that usually bring her joy and especially if there are things that she doesn't have or are less-joyful at her parents place and help her recover some of that.
posted by jessamyn at 5:53 PM on October 13, 2017 [3 favorites]

A pretty cup and a selection of teas to encourage her to take a moment to relax. A soft, squishy shawl or lap blanket to warm her and to be a virtual hug from you anytime she needs one.
posted by goodsearch at 10:22 PM on October 13, 2017 [1 favorite]

When a friend of mine moved into a caretaker role, I put together a little caretaker basket for her - some nicely-scented bath stuff, a small cake of her favorite soap; a scented candle, some tea, and an assortment of candy. Her favorite gift was the soft pashmima shawl I got her in her favorite color, so she could "wear a hug" as goodsearch suggests up above.

Later on, I also got her a journal and some nice pens, and for her birthday that year, I got her a pedicure. These were all just ways to (hopefully) let her know it was okay to take care of herself, too, and relax for a bit.
posted by dancing_angel at 8:21 AM on October 14, 2017 [1 favorite]

Gift certificates to get her nails done and a massage (if that's the sort of thing she is comfortable with; I would be totally enthused with this sort of gift, other people would not, so ask first). Gift certificates to a movie theater would be nice, too.
posted by shalom at 11:05 AM on October 14, 2017