Is anything worth a long commute?

April 25, 2024 11:59 AM

Continuing the job hunt and received a job interview invite for a job I'd be excited about, but I realized how bad of a commute it would be. Should I go through with the interview or give it up? What would make a long commute worth it to you?

The job hunt continues! I am trying to tamper the desperation of leaving my current job (and field in general) when trying to make decisions. When I applied to this job, we didn't know where we'd live (as we were moving from out of state.) We haven't committed to anything, but my partner's job is located in a cute area (MD, outside of north DC) and so we started looking at that area.

My current job is WFH but relatively miserable, underpaid, and increasing my stress. Two team mates just resigned. It also is pulling me deeper into a part of the field I don't want to work in any longer.

I found a job that sounded interesting, it would pay me potentially 55% more in salary. I'm unsure if it would take me out of my field, but it would take me out of my current area of the field.

Coming from out of state, I didn't realize that 15-20 miles commute could be 1+ hour in the afternoons! But now I do.

I wasn't sure if this role was hybrid (turns out it's likely not) or would have earlier hours (7am-3pm, turns out that it still would make a bad afternoon commute) so I applied, especially because we were considering a few different cities in case I did find something I liked. And I honestly didn't think they'd call me back so I just threw my hat in to see.

Well a month later (read: today) I got a call back for the interview. And we are getting pretty excited to live at my partner's job city. When I checked Reddit, everybody says the commute from partner's job city (MD) to this potential work city (in NOVA) is HELL. So I now know that the traffic will be absolutely awful.

I feel like I'm in a potential pickle.

I've been job searching for a year and while I've got one offer (which I turned down and am so glad I did now), and 3 interviews, nothing has landed. Thinking about working at my current job for another year and still not making enough money makes me really anxious. I also have that dreaded feeling of "What if no other job in this area that I'm qualified for ever pops up again" but I know that's probably not 100% true. Remote jobs are harder to find. And the area of MD we're in doesn't have as many jobs that would be a fit for me. My ideal spot would be a hybrid job in DC or Baltimore due to the current job market availability.

This job could be a window out, but I don't know anything about the work culture--or even if I would be offered the job, I haven't even had an interview! All I know now is: 55% potential higher salary (but still, not breaking 6 figures), path out of my field, looong commute, and 5 days in person.

My partner is open to moving somewhere in the middle of MD/NOVA, but he's been commuting a far distance for years and was really excited about having a less than 20 minute commute. We also are really liking the city his job is in.

I don't want my career to be my entire life. I don't want to run myself into the ground in a different kind of burnout via commute. But I also am feeling a bit desperate at leaving this part of my field and making more money.

I'm considering the possible options:
a) Interview, tell them I haven't committed to which city I would live in yet (in case they're worried about the commute), and see if I make it through the process. Consider having a long commute. I don't love that.
b) Interview, same as above, but consider moving to a city in the middle, or by myself to NOVA. We both don't love this option.
c) Just do the interview for practice and learn more, just don't freak out about the options.
d) Decline the interview. Save their time and mine. (My therapist was leaning towards this.)

I'm likely future tripping too hard, but I'm wondering if it's really even worth it to interview and take their time and my anxiety. I just wonder if a long commute is worse, or staying in an underpaid/stressful yet WFH job for longer is worse. Thankfully with the WFH job I can take my therapy appointments almost any time during the day! (As an aside, I have calculated the cost of the long commute and trying to factor that in my salary expectations. Perhaps I'd have more money, but lose out on time.)

Does anyone have thoughts on or experiences with long commutes for higher salary and a different career path?

Thank you!

posted by socky bottoms to Work & Money (33 answers total)

Have you considered an e-bike? I had a pre-pandemic commute that was 30min by train followed by 12mi by bike. I owned a battery charger at each end and during traffic season (spring and autumn here in the Bay Area) my combined Oakland/Palo Alto commute was faster this way than by freeway. I enjoyed being outside and the electric assist on the bike made it so I did not arrive sweaty. Your area does not have a big bay in the middle of it, maybe your cycling options are better than mine?
posted by migurski at 12:04 PM on April 25 [1 favorite]

I spent a couple of years with a one hour commute each way, because the job was lucrative and interesting. It was great for learning a second language (off CDs). If I thought of it as allocating two hours/day to language learning it didn't feel like wasted time.
posted by Rhedyn at 12:05 PM on April 25 [5 favorites]

If you're willing to share which specific parts of MD and VA you're talking about it might help with some suggestions for beating traffic or compromising on a more central location to live. The e-bike idea could be a good one -- but the feasibility of that is really going to depend on where you're trying to commute to and from.
posted by fancypants at 12:16 PM on April 25 [6 favorites]

Get the interview under your belt for the experience of interviewing and to feel more positive about your job search. Since you're ready to throw in the towel with it already, bring up your concerns about the commute while you're interviewing, and ask about your options for hybrid working.
posted by phunniemee at 12:18 PM on April 25 [18 favorites]

Keep interviewing. Discuss potential of hybrid when you are further in the interview process.

Even if they don't allow you hybrid, it's not the last job you'll ever have to have, and if they give you an offer and everything else looks good, I'd accept. You can always try to switch to another job a year or two down the line if the commute ends up being too horrible. But extra money and getting out of a job you already hate sounds pretty good to me.
posted by greta simone at 12:20 PM on April 25 [11 favorites]

There's the additional consideration that you get the job, take it, suck up the commute for 6-9 months and get that massive salary hike in your history, and then pivot that into a better role, with much better pay, and a better commute ~a year from now.
posted by phunniemee at 12:20 PM on April 25 [33 favorites]

I concur with greta simone and phunniemee. You don't have to commit to this job forever, and you can probably put up with an awful commute for at least a year. If you are a good enough applicant/employee they may be willing to discuss hybrid options down the road (pardon the pun).

I'll also add that reddit - in my area at least - is verrrry dramatic when it comes to how bad traffic is, so don't let them scare you too bad.
posted by Rock Steady at 12:25 PM on April 25 [1 favorite]

I don't think you should cancel the interview, beyond anxiety brain self-sabotage which I am very familiar with.

* You haven't moved to MD yet.

* You haven't personally experienced the commute.

* You haven't confirmed there's no option for hybrid or shifted schedule work.

No way would I cancel an interview based just on reddit's perception of a bad commute from a place you don't yet live to a place you may not need to go every day.

Take the interview. If you get past the early screening interviews, ask the interviewees what they think about the commute.
posted by muddgirl at 12:27 PM on April 25 [16 favorites]

I haaate commuting but for the right opportunity I would do a commute for a year or so. A salary jump today means higher salaries forevermore, and a better job title today fast-tracks your career forever, too.

I would also try to make it a passive commute (public transit) so you can read, or a healthy commute (bike) so you can get exercise. If motorcycles or e-bikes are an option for you, they tend to be faster than cars because you can lane-split and race ahead of traffic jams. And try to cut it down to 3 or 4 days per week. If you do need to drive, podcasts, language learning, and a few commute phone buddies can also get you back some of that time. It doesn't need to be the rest of your life, it could just be a season of your life!

A commute also means less time for house chores, so spend a bit of your extra money on a cleaner, laundry service, grocery deliveries, and meal prep, so you can reclaim some of that time, too.
posted by nouvelle-personne at 12:31 PM on April 25 [5 favorites]

I had about an hour commute each way when I lived in Maryland. Sometimes I was able to combine it with public transportation - drive to the park n' ride, take the light rail, walk to work - and sometimes I just drove for an hour. I did it for three years and while I don't know if I would do it again, no regrets. I went into it for two important personal reasons: it was the only way I could live in a rural area (I am just happier in the country) and I wanted my daughter in a better high school than the city could offer at that time. I think if you go into it very clearly understanding why you are doing it, then you'll be fine. Also, audio books.
posted by mygothlaundry at 12:31 PM on April 25 [4 favorites]

Any possibility of taking transit most or all of the way? I did a 1.5-hr each way commute for a year and, while it wasn't great, if you're not driving, you can read or knit or (advanced technique) doze lightly.
posted by praemunire at 12:33 PM on April 25

I'd do C to be honest.

Funny thing, something similar just happened to me this week. I live in DC, my friend invited me to talk to folks at his company which is multiple days a week in the office in MD exurbs, commute is 40mins - hour driving (public transit would be fine) to aan which is sort of my version of hell.

I thought I shouldn't waste their time and thought about not going, but it ended up being a great conversation, 2 hours with some big wigs in the company. I was a bit down on my job search but it really has boosted my confidence, it gave me some ideas of what type of company I would work for and maybe, must maybe I could deal with the commute for awhile.
posted by sandmanwv at 12:35 PM on April 25 [1 favorite]

If this is purely for a pay increase, do consider the costs of any tolls (?) or if work can subsidize park of the trip on public transit. If in the end it’s more wear and tear and gas for your car, you may feel like that hour is even less “worth it”
posted by raccoon409 at 12:35 PM on April 25

If you have to cross the river twice to get to/from a job....it would have to be very well paid, and low stress. I did a stint from Virginia to Bethesda and every time you get to the bridge it was....so much waiting and stress.
posted by 922257033c4a0f3cecdbd819a46d626999d1af4a at 12:50 PM on April 25 [2 favorites]

I had a MD to western NOVA commute for a year. It was more like 20 miles, an hour out and 1.5 or more hours home. I hated the commute, but the job was great and I was able to make job location more flexible over time. One thing to make it more bearable was to use the work gym or join a nearby gym. That way I’d workout before heading home, and the offset to my commute time meant that gym + leaving late was the same duration as simply leaving after the work day.
posted by sizeable beetle at 1:07 PM on April 25 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Yes, I can share the actual-ish locations if that's helpful. Though I'm not 100% which office the job would be located at. But it would be considering living in North Bethesda/Rockville and commuting down to Falls Church. I don't think I could e-bike with that big ol bridge.

I certainly could ask about hybrid options but based on more research I've done in the past 10 minutes, I highly doubt they would :/ Hoping they don't get offended with me asking about the possibility though. I feel like they'd just be like...well just move down here??

And very good point about staying for a year or so and using that as a hop to another well-paying job. I will definitely think about that! I'm deathly afraid of being a job hopper (my jobs have all been 2-3 year stints and I'm nearly 31) so I really hoped to stay in a job 5 years, but this commute part is not feeling like it'll be the one.

Thank you all for the answers so far!
posted by socky bottoms at 1:08 PM on April 25

Response by poster: (And...I will do the interview!)
posted by socky bottoms at 1:10 PM on April 25 [6 favorites]

I did a long commute when I was young and didn't know better and couldn't figure out what was happening with my time and why I couldn't save any money. When the light went off, it was the most beneficial life improvement I've done as an adult.
posted by The_Vegetables at 1:15 PM on April 25

There is (was?) one weird trick for going from MD to VA, which is to leave after 10 AM. Getting back is trickier unless you leave before 3 PM or after 8 PM. But it's a lousy commute no matter what. You can take the Metro but it's at least an hour just for the train rides.

I don't think it's bad to ask for hybrid/flexible work options. Like, everyone has the same commuting problem.

But whatever you're going through with your WTF gig, spending 2+ hours in traffic every day is very stressful, and you might consider assigning a $ amount to the commute, at least $0.67 per mile.
posted by credulous at 1:26 PM on April 25 [1 favorite]

I would definitely choose the Metro for that commute if at all possible. It's still a big chunk of your time but it's so much better to be able to turn your brain off for a lot of it.
posted by redfoxtail at 1:35 PM on April 25

Since you were already considering cancelling the interview, what is the harm in raising the commute and asking about hybrid or flex time schedules? The worst thing that would happen is they say no, you decide the commute isn't worth extra money, and you are no worse off than you are today. In fact you are better off because now you know that you won't bother with jobs farther than X away for less than Y money.

But another real possibility is they like you and either agree to a hybrid schedule or offer you more money. You won't get this outcome if you don't ask.
posted by muddgirl at 1:39 PM on April 25 [1 favorite]

I'm not familiar with that particular area but one thing to keep in mind with general rail commutes is to consider the last mile. Rockville and Falls Church both have metro stops; you can easily drive to the one in Rockville but what are you going to do if your worksite is 1.5 miles from the metro? Are buses reliable/frequent enough/get you where you need to go without adding a significant amount of time to your commute and/or shitting the bed to the point where you're stranded?

Adding more travel methods to a trip is doable on one-offs but it gets very tiresome if it's a regular thing.
posted by rhymedirective at 1:42 PM on April 25

I don’t know the locations but one other way to maybe make it easier - is the salary bump enough to mean you could comfortably stay in a hotel or AirBnB near work sometimes? If you did it on Monday night and Thursday night, then there’d only be Wednesday that you had to do the commute both ways.

Obviously it’s more disruptive to your overall life and time at home with your partner, but just an idea that might help you stick it out for a year before looking for your next move, so you get the overall long term career benefits of this step up.
posted by penguin pie at 2:26 PM on April 25

What would make a long commute worth it to you?

A job I would enjoy for a few years.

I have to say that my best long commute was with a carpool. Being able to use the HOV lanes didn't save all that much time, but zipping along with my companions past all those other poor suckers had a certain pleasure to it. Being in a carpool also forces you (and gives you a good excuse) to keep a handle on your work hours.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 3:50 PM on April 25 [2 favorites]

Interview and see what happens.

What if you and partner lived in DC?
posted by oceano at 4:04 PM on April 25

You have nothing to lose by attending the interview. You can at least ask about hybrid options and mention the commute as your reason for asking. Along the lines of 'I'm really excited about the possibilities this job offers, but concerned about how the commute will impact my productivity'.

Definitely look at public transport - even if it's longer, it's time you can use for something else even if it's just reading a book. I currently work from home after commuting 1.5 hours each way for over 15 years. I drove that commute for a few years and hated that, but mostly didn't mind the train commute so much (yeah, some days it just plain sucked, but it was mostly OK). I don't enjoy working from home much, even though it's given me back a lot of time and flexibility. Would I go back to commuting for 1.5 times the salary and a job I'd enjoy more? Yes, I would.

I would definitely do the interview - at the absolute worst, you get to practice your technique and maybe get a bit of a boost in confidence for future interviews. It's also a way to test out what the commute is really like for you.
posted by dg at 4:41 PM on April 25 [1 favorite]

I was just in a similar situation (except the pay increase was less dramatic), and I chose D because I didn't want to continue investing in pursuing a role that would include an hour+ commute (driving or public transit) for hybrid... there is, actually, no amount of money or right opportunity that would make me want to do that again. I am 100% certain of that. However, you sound much less sure and, particularly if your upcoming interview is the HR screening, I would do that because it's not as much of a time/energy commitment as later rounds, and it's good practice for things that you will repeat many many times.

Just touching on this:
I'm deathly afraid of being a job hopper (my jobs have all been 2-3 year stints and I'm nearly 31)

This may be industry dependent, but I'm about ten years older than you and none of my roles are more than 2-3 years. No one even asks about it, but when I "tell [me] about yourself" I try to create a narrative about my job history that emphasizes what I've learned and accomplished more than the different stops along the way. (I always hope and intend to stay longer, but shit happens, you know?)
posted by sm1tten at 5:51 PM on April 25 [2 favorites]

I see that keeping your partner’s commute short is a priority, and that you like the town where his job is, but there are lots of nice little towns in that area. Maybe you could put up with the commute for a shorter time period with an agreement from you’d look for a location that works for both of you in 9 months or so. And seconding figuring out public transit if you can - the years I drove in the DMV put me off car commuting for good!
posted by tinymojo at 8:18 PM on April 25

Given those potential job locations, I would maybe consider Tenleytown or one of the upper NW DC neighborhoods as a compromise location to live. That could get you each a public transit commute of under an hour or a somewhat reasonable driving commute (on a good day). Welcome to the DC area!
posted by fancypants at 6:35 AM on April 26

For what it's worth, the notion of a "job hopper" absolutely benefits the employer at the expense of the employee. It's a bogeyman label that shames employees into staying in less than desirable jobs for longer than they'd like, thereby reducing pressure for the employer to make their workplaces more desirable to stay at.

Generally speaking for certain types of jobs, the fastest way to increase one's compensation is to get a new job.
posted by Goblin Barbarian at 3:48 PM on April 26

You gotta learn to enjoy the ride. Truth is, you are just sitting, much like you would sit at home- the only difference is the scenery changes around you.
posted by bkeene12 at 10:31 AM on April 27

How would that be an hour commute at 3pm? I'd drive it at the hours when you'd be commuting just to check that assumption. I could see the odd very bad day taking that long but if you can avoid rush hour you would probably be okay.
posted by _cave at 2:46 PM on April 27

I had a similar commute (25 miles drive in Atlanta traffic--40 minutes in the morning and an eternity in the evening, or 2 hours on transit) for 11 years. We finally moved to a place we could afford (there are few) that shortened my commute to 15 miles drive on a much easier route, but unfortunately with a worse transit route. In Atlanta, and I think in the DMV area as well, this is just how a lot of us live. It sucks, but this is the way many US urban areas were built. I keep advocating for better transit, and in the meantime, I just end up driving a whole lot.
posted by hydropsyche at 5:35 AM on April 28