So I have to work through this two month notice period…

June 14, 2023 6:10 PM

I resigned yesterday. It wasn’t the best or most professional way to resign, but it was necessary. Things are now weird.

So yesterday my line manager called me in to my 1:1. I walked in and the grandmanager was also in the room. I was surprised and didn’t really know what to say, because they started basically lambasting me together. (Isn’t this supposed to be a 1:1? Plus I’ve also been trying to communicate with them in the last two months, basically asking them for feedback every two weeks.)

Things that were said by them:
- you need to reply to emails within two hours (I understood that within 24h would be appropriate, this was communicated to me when I started here)
- you don’t take notes during meetings (I do, I offered to show them my OneNote)
- you mixed up a deadline (yes, this was a genuine mistake that I felt badly about and I ended up working late to fix it that very day + apologised profusely when it happened)
- you were dozing off during a meeting (I asked for an exact time and date this happened and they couldn’t produce one)

… so on and so forth, until I blurted out that actually, I came in today to give them my notice. To which both managers looked like they were about to cry, and then the grandmanager went “Ok. I knew it. You were checked out anyway. There’s no point in this.”

She started to leave the room and then I emphasised that I would complete my notice period and do everything I can to help transition the work smoothly and I got a response that basically said “yes I hope you do.”

And that was that. They’ve been cold and borderline hostile - leaving me alone at my desk during lunch (abnormal) which felt very high-school-mean-girl. I was ignored for the rest of the day and I expect this behaviour to continue throughout my two month notice period.

Do I just grin and bear it with a smile? I have to do the notice period, it’s in my contract and I am not in the US. This is much worse than I had thought it would be. I’m swearing and am very anxious about all this internally, and I don’t know if I can handle the next 60 days. What do I tell HR in the exit interview? Or the great grandmanager? She wants to talk to me this week.

Am I crazy or are they really treating me badly? What the hell???

posted by antihistameme to Work & Money (24 answers total)

IMO, grin, bear it, and don't do shit. They'll fire you by Monday, or next Friday at the latest if there's any way it's legally feasible for them to do so. You're already not going to get a recommendation out of them, so fuck it.

If they can't, you get free money for doing nothing. Like, literally learn how to sleep sitting up at your desk (I did this when I was young and life sucked in every possible way; free tip, hold papers in your hand -- if your sleep gets too deep you'll drop them and wake up).

[warning: I am, and have always been, an oppositional bastard so this may not apply to your personality]
posted by aramaic at 6:24 PM on June 14, 2023 [27 favorites]

Show up every day, be professional, and don't actively sabotage any projects. With just those things, you're already behaving better than these two. You tell HR all and only true things, and you don't editorialize. Stick to the facts, be dispassionate.

Living well is the best revenge, and not letting them see how worked up you are (deservedly so! they're being assholes!) is living quite well indeed.
posted by cooker girl at 6:31 PM on June 14, 2023 [31 favorites]

Yep, they're treating you badly. Grin and bear it. This too shall pass. Remember, all you have to do is hand off work, and you are not required to give a single flying fuck anymore.

Do you have friends who are up to date on this situation? Can you live-text the office nonsense at them to make it feel more like a ridiculous and awkward sitcom that you can all laugh about later?
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 6:36 PM on June 14, 2023 [5 favorites]

It sounds to me like they were creating a paper trail to fire you in this meeting anyway. Vent to your friends but be a pro at work - do the bare minimum since that is the job you were hired to do. Tell the great grandmanager everything you've said here clearly and calmly - I would guess they will not be happy with the two you met with, since as you've said they didn't substantiate their issues well, and that's their job.
posted by BlackLeotardFront at 6:48 PM on June 14, 2023 [5 favorites]

Do the absolute minimum you have to do in order to fulfill your contract and not one OUNCE of work more. Sorry ... not one GRAM more since you are not in the U.S. :)

Do what you can to not screw over your co-workers, because (I assume) none of this is their fault and you are fundamentally a good person who doesn't want to adversely affect the innocent.

Do zero things to make your manager look good or to help them unless it's required by your contract. Document and hand over your work professionally, but don't kill yourself to make it perfect.

These people sounds like total jerks, they are treating you poorly, and you don't owe them anything beyond your contract ... not productively or psychologically or emotionally. Spend the time updating your resume and thinking about/finding a new job. You could read e-books on your phone or hand-write letters to friends or make lists in a notebook, anything you can do quietly and unobtrusively that doesn't use the company's resources (e.g. don't slack around on their computer).

As aramaic said, they'll probably end up letting you out of the contract before 60 days if you've wrapped up/handed off your stuff and it wouldn't create a staffing problem. Or they will move on to treating somebody else like s**t.
posted by mccxxiii at 6:53 PM on June 14, 2023 [5 favorites]

As stressful and upsetting as their current behavior is, it's also GREAT because it confirms you were right to quit. Let every petty and childish moment remind you that you belong elsewhere and it's a toxic environment. Hang in there!
posted by Ink-stained wretch at 7:03 PM on June 14, 2023 [27 favorites]

Hey just here to say you don't have to grin. Bear it yes, but fuck if you have to do any of it with a smile. Do your job but otherwise feel free to treat these mofos with nothing more friendly than benign neglect.
posted by phunniemee at 7:16 PM on June 14, 2023 [9 favorites]

you need to reply to emails within two hours

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA yeah, no.

On the clock is on the clock. Off is off. You want two hour response time 24x7, you pay me for two hour response time 24x7.

Congratulations on surviving the worst attack that these pound shop Dementors have got.

If I were in your shoes, I'd be treating the next 60 days as an exercise in total commitment to the most malicious compliance I could possibly devise.
posted by flabdablet at 7:33 PM on June 14, 2023 [13 favorites]

You’re still processing an incredibly stressful (and sudden) event! I guarantee you’ll feel better next week. Do something fun over the weekend for sure.

Really the only choice is to be a pro and work through the notice period. But don’t work too hard, just wind down, do what they ask, and look for a new job.

Of course the vibe is a bit weird—I think it’s natural to give someone who quits mid performance conversation a bit of distance and space. It would be a little weird if everyone was all buddy-buddy and back to normal the next day like nothing happened.

When you feel yourself getting worked up, just remember it’s literally not your problem anymore, and rejoice. You’ve been dying to leave and you took your chance! I would honestly count down the days on an app or old school calendar, and whenever someone pissed me off I’d think “fifty one days” or what have you to calm down.
posted by kapers at 8:00 PM on June 14, 2023 [5 favorites]

What you do is the job you are being paid to do, preferably with grace and upmost professionalism.

It's not worth your personal integrity to futz around. If you need more reason then consider that the story of your resignation will be told far and wide and your coworkers (who, unless you're retiring, are probably some of your future coworkers) will hear it. Everyone will be aware that you are a dead man walking and will note how you deal with it.

Overall you should base your thinking in terms of your entire career. Hard to do when the company you're working for has just pissed you off, but it will be worthwhile in the days ahead.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 8:19 PM on June 14, 2023 [3 favorites]

You're going to look back at this story and laugh, I promise. As e_d said, you called their bluff, and they swallowed their gum in shock.

Show up, do the bare minimum; what do you care what these people think of you?
posted by praemunire at 8:31 PM on June 14, 2023 [8 favorites]

leaving me alone at my desk during lunch (abnormal) which felt very high-school-mean-girl

It sounds like maybe there used to be some social element to your interactions, so this feels more personal than it might otherwise? If so I'm sorry. I think I'd grin and bear it, remember that it's only 2 months, and maybe look around for other people to get to know in the time left, or go for nice walks during lunch if that's a thing where you are, and so on.
posted by trig at 9:20 PM on June 14, 2023 [1 favorite]

And as with any bad breakup - if you were unsure at the beginning, by God, you will be certain at the end that this was EXACTLY what you needed to do.

You are in an EXCELLENT negotiating position - you really REALLY want to leave. So what are they going to do? Fire you?

askamanager.org has scripts for how to handle this, "I can do A and B. If you want X, do I cancel A or B?" "It is not possible for me to answer emails after 5pm or before 8am."
posted by Barbara Spitzer at 9:23 PM on June 14, 2023 [5 favorites]

I would gamify this. Make a bingo card of all the mean annoying shit they do: ignore you at lunch, roll their eyes, make up a grievance, sigh, pronounce a word wrong, slurp their Diet Coke, whatever they do. Make an actual 5x5 grid of these offences and habits, on your phone if you’re sure you won’t get caught. Doing it on paper is ok too as long as you use a code, drawings, or other language they can’t read. Here’s the fun part: Plan that if you complete bingos, you get treats! Maybe a fancy coffee for each line, a new outfit if you fill the whole card, etc. Keep a friend updated with how the card is filling in. Make it funny! I did this to help me deal with an asshole boss once and it really took the sting off her behaviour.

Be nice to coworkers too- write them little notes for your last day.

Most of all, remember, you’ll get through this and it will never follow you! Nobody cares about people getting fired. Everyone knows that some bosses are assholes and some workplaces are a bad fit. As soon as you get your next job, it will be like this never happened. They sound awful and good for you for quitting so shockingly!!
posted by nouvelle-personne at 10:39 PM on June 14, 2023 [3 favorites]

What do I tell HR in the exit interview?

Tell them you're available to answer practical questions about the transition to whoever succeeds you (e.g. "where is file X stored?", "how often does the gizmo/widget interaction report need to be run?") but that you decline to discuss your reasons for leaving.

Or the great grandmanager? She wants to talk to me this week.

You know your workplace better than any of us do and you can have a conversation with this person if you think it would be helpful but.. I advise you to think hard ahead of time about what you think you can accomplish by having the conversation and what some potential pitfalls may be. It will be super tempting to try and explain your side of things and make a case for why you feel you were not treated well. Get that out of your system here if you can - I'll say it for you, it doesn't sound like you were treated well.

But as far as the conversation with boss's boss's boss, you are very unlikely to get any emotional closure you are seeking, it's vanishingly unlikely that significant changes will be made in response to points you raise, and there is a small but non-zero chance that you could do yourself and your future prospects significant damage. It will be hard, but if I were you I'd try to confine yourself to mild expressions of gratitude for the chance to contribute and anodyne statements of regret that things didn't work out for reasons which you do not go on to specify.
posted by Nerd of the North at 11:11 PM on June 14, 2023 [8 favorites]

mild expressions of gratitude for the chance to contribute and anodyne statements of regret that things didn't work out for reasons which you do not go on to specify

Exactly. Just weaponize your employer's primary product against its own HR department. Turn a little of that optimal corporate communication strategy right back on its source.
posted by flabdablet at 12:35 AM on June 15, 2023 [4 favorites]

When I handed in my notice at my last job my manager was really weird with me for the first couple of weeks afterwards - making snide comments, criticising my work where before they had had no issue with the same kind of work, changing goalposts, etc. But then they got over it and I worked the remainder of my notice period without incident. Your horrible manager and grandmanager will get over themselves in time. They will stop being horrible and might actually end up being nice to you again. You keep your head down and eyes on the prize. Two months and you're out of that dumpster fire!
posted by unicorn chaser at 4:55 AM on June 15, 2023

They'll fire you by Monday, or next Friday at the latest if there's any way it's legally feasible for them to do so. You're already not going to get a recommendation out of them

As difficult as that may be to imagine for those in North America - that's really not how it works in a lot of the rest of the world. People can have lengthy notice periods (due to length of service and seniority mine is 5 months) and they are expected to work them. And in a number of jurisdictions, a reference is a legal right. Employers can't just withhold it and can't just sabotage the employee's job prospects by highlighting or implying poor performance for example.

Give it a few more days. You're all settling into a new 'normal' at the moment. You're coming up to the weekend which means you can all get some distance from the unpleasant meeting. If you can just get through the next few days there's a good chance everybody will have calmed down next week. In the meantime, be professional, do your job, transition anything you're asked to transition.

If you've got any accrued vacation or TOIL figure out how much that is and work with HR to determine your last day in the office, which may or may not be the last day you get paid. And focus on your next move.
posted by koahiatamadl at 6:01 AM on June 15, 2023 [12 favorites]

When I handed in my notice at my last job my manager was really weird with me for the first couple of weeks afterwards

I had the same experience, except that it persisted. People having weird reactions and feeling betrayed when you leave is fairly normal, even if (or maybe especially when) their previous bad behavior is why you are leaving.

This is a situation where you suck it up and act like the grown-up, since clearly your superiors are not. It's only two months, you can put up with a lot for that short of a period. So you show up, you work reasonably diligently (not slacking, but not going over and above either), and you do your best to not engage with any petty, immature behavior from them.

Personally, I'd print out a calendar for the next two months and every evening when you get home, use a marker to cross out the day. It will feel good to see the number of days remaining dwindle down.
posted by Dip Flash at 6:13 AM on June 15, 2023 [3 favorites]

Don't say anything in the exit interview. It will not help you in any way, and you have no responsibility to help others. Do whatever you can to minimize the time you spend in the office, and the amount of energy you give these vampires.

You have my permission to slack off. No one will judge you.
posted by Geckwoistmeinauto at 7:52 AM on June 15, 2023

When feelings have died down a bit, its probably worth having a meeting with your manager and say something about wanting to do a good job of handover and wrapping up any outstanding work and is there any way to schedule that to enable you to have garden leave once that's completed.
There is an upside for them in getting your goodwill for the remaining time you work and you have the incentive to get it done so you can stop work there. They might say no, in which case just do the minimum to be professional and run out the clock.
Exit interview etc - what Nerd of the North said.
posted by crocomancer at 7:55 AM on June 15, 2023

Or the great grandmanager? She wants to talk to me this week.

Oh, you go into this one extremely interested to hear what she has to say.

Don't be surprised if it turns out ggm had NO idea the other two were setting up a hit to get rid of you and has now mostly figured it out. I have seen this before, especially with the paper trail they're trying to manufacture, and I have seen how it was actually those managers having a history of periodically setting someone up to be fired so they can then blame that person for their poor performance.

You don't go in there to defend yourself, you go in there expecting an explanation. You have all the power at this point. If she doesn't provide any additional useful information, you can just shrug and say you saw very clearly what they were trying to do to you and you see no need to operate in a system like that, you can email over your handoff plan when you get back to your desk, and good luck with all this, have a nice day, byeeee.
posted by Lyn Never at 8:58 AM on June 15, 2023 [14 favorites]

See how much of your vacation time you can take during the notice period and then shorten it accordingly.

“My last day at company will be August 14th but I will take vacation my accrued vacation days starting July 24th. Thank you for the opportunity”.

Bye, jerks!
posted by lydhre at 10:16 AM on June 15, 2023 [3 favorites]

In a professional setting, being an arsehole is never a good idea if you don't have power. You don't know who your bosses know in other companies and what they might say if you act in a malicious way. So, do your job, turn up exactly on time and leave exactly on time. Take your full lunch and other breaks to the minute. Commonly known as 'work to rule' - do exactly what you are paid to do and not one single thing more.

I would go to the meeting with the great-grand-manager prepared to be open and honest, but don't voluntarily criticise anyone - if they ask why you're leaving, tell them the truth. If they ask how you've been treated, tell them the truth. You have nothing to hide and nothing to gain from protecting your boss.

Definitely take any and all leave you can, including sick leave. Unless you live in some utopia, you don't get paid out for unused sick leave, so work out what you can take and take every bit of it. Unless you want the payout of annual leave, take all of that as well.

Remember, it's just a job. It doesn't define you unless you let it and two months isn't a great deal of time in the whole scheme of things, although it probably feels like an eternity right now. Hang in there.
posted by dg at 4:15 PM on June 15, 2023 [2 favorites]