Work Demotion, Humiliated and Sad. What to Do?
May 4, 2022 2:50 PM Subscribe
I'm a school administrator and a few weeks ago, all my administrative duties were taken over by my supervisor and my work was shifted to direct student service. Problem is, word throughout the district is I was demoted, and I'm now dealing with anxiety and panic all day because I'm so completely humiliated. What to do? Lawyer up? Take a medical leave?
3 years ago, I applied for a sped teaching position but was instead asked to be a special education administrator, and in those 3 years I have enrolled in educational leadership classes, asked for feedback and have never had a single negative performance review. Nothing but stellar reviews.
My school is part of a larger district, and there are 2 admins per building; a building-based principal and a special ed director (me).
Last year--during COVID school--the principal had to leave midyear and I took over doing the work of the principal as well as my own. No complaints, lots of applause.
This year, the school hired a new principal. She lacks the ability to do the job (the hiring committee strongly recommended not hiring her), and she has been unable to rally support. It came to my attention a few month back that she was in almost constant contact with the superintendent, blaming school issues on me.
In the past 3 months, district-level administrators have been working from my school to help this struggling principal, and 2 weeks ago my supervisor noted a myriad of leadership concerns and had a solution.
The solution was for me to take over a needed school-based behavioral component (what I had been initially hired to do 3 years back), and that my supervisor would take over my administrative work. They have literally moved their office into my school building to work from here twice a week.
Professionally, the optics for this are nothing short of humiliating. It is common gossip I have been demoted for an inability to do my work, and I am now anxious and queasy constantly. This was a job I loved and I had no reason to believe I was bad at the work.
I have a contract at a private school for next year (although I have heard a rumor it is being rethought) and I'm not sure how to play out the rest of this year. Do I take a medical leave? Get a lawyer? Just move on?
3 years ago, I applied for a sped teaching position but was instead asked to be a special education administrator, and in those 3 years I have enrolled in educational leadership classes, asked for feedback and have never had a single negative performance review. Nothing but stellar reviews.
My school is part of a larger district, and there are 2 admins per building; a building-based principal and a special ed director (me).
Last year--during COVID school--the principal had to leave midyear and I took over doing the work of the principal as well as my own. No complaints, lots of applause.
This year, the school hired a new principal. She lacks the ability to do the job (the hiring committee strongly recommended not hiring her), and she has been unable to rally support. It came to my attention a few month back that she was in almost constant contact with the superintendent, blaming school issues on me.
In the past 3 months, district-level administrators have been working from my school to help this struggling principal, and 2 weeks ago my supervisor noted a myriad of leadership concerns and had a solution.
The solution was for me to take over a needed school-based behavioral component (what I had been initially hired to do 3 years back), and that my supervisor would take over my administrative work. They have literally moved their office into my school building to work from here twice a week.
Professionally, the optics for this are nothing short of humiliating. It is common gossip I have been demoted for an inability to do my work, and I am now anxious and queasy constantly. This was a job I loved and I had no reason to believe I was bad at the work.
I have a contract at a private school for next year (although I have heard a rumor it is being rethought) and I'm not sure how to play out the rest of this year. Do I take a medical leave? Get a lawyer? Just move on?
Response by poster: Administrators do not have a union.
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 3:13 PM on May 4, 2022
posted by yes I said yes I will Yes at 3:13 PM on May 4, 2022
In your shoes, without union representation, I would first talk to an employment lawyer and get their take on your situation.
I'm not sure from your description if your supervisor and the principal are the same person. If they are not, I'd suggest having a direct conversation with them--after you have the bottom line from the lawyer-- to explain how this is being viewed and how it is affecting you both professionally and personally. It's possible, albeit unlikely, that they are just clueless and unaware of how this is playing out. They should have worked all of this through with you beforehand.
In general, though, it sounds like this is not a very well-managed workplace, so ultimately, moving on is probably the ultimate solution. Still, getting information about your rights and giving them information about the effects of your action is better than letting them completely off the hook by fading away.
posted by rpfields at 3:56 PM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
I'm not sure from your description if your supervisor and the principal are the same person. If they are not, I'd suggest having a direct conversation with them--after you have the bottom line from the lawyer-- to explain how this is being viewed and how it is affecting you both professionally and personally. It's possible, albeit unlikely, that they are just clueless and unaware of how this is playing out. They should have worked all of this through with you beforehand.
In general, though, it sounds like this is not a very well-managed workplace, so ultimately, moving on is probably the ultimate solution. Still, getting information about your rights and giving them information about the effects of your action is better than letting them completely off the hook by fading away.
posted by rpfields at 3:56 PM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]
How much time is left in the school year? Is your biggest concern here about the untrue rumors?
posted by bluedaisy at 3:58 PM on May 4, 2022 [4 favorites]
posted by bluedaisy at 3:58 PM on May 4, 2022 [4 favorites]
I think at the very least you can let yourself off the hook. It doesn't sound at all like this had to do with your performance. From what I'm reading it sounds like they made a bad hire and threw you under the bus to compensate. I got this from your description of the facts so it's probably likely that this is also the way your coworkers are interpreting it as well. And if they're really taking the administration's side in the what happened and really think you're being punished for poor performance then they're not worth impressing. Everything I've read about the teaching profession tells me it's quite common for clueless administrators to make bad decisions & then even worse decisions in attempts to fix the first bad decision.
posted by bleep at 4:04 PM on May 4, 2022 [25 favorites]
posted by bleep at 4:04 PM on May 4, 2022 [25 favorites]
There is no legal obligation by your employer to not humiliate you. Your employer does not legally need to make you happy. There are no required "optics" for your employer to provide.
So far as I can tell, you are being offered the job you were hired to do ("[t]he solution was for me to take over a needed school-based behavioral component (what I had been initially hired to do 3 years back)"). Since you have not mentioned it, I am assuming you are not getting a pay decrease. You are, so far as I can tell, getting exactly what your employer promised you.
It is very difficult for me to imagine a world a lawyer could help you. Feel free to talk to a lawyer for an initial free consultation, but I would be very skeptical of paying anything for a paid consultation.
It sounds like you hate your job right now. Given that your employer sounds inept, that sounds appropriate. Also, it sounds like your employer has a difficult time recognizing working above and beyond, and does not support employees when they work outside of their expertise. However, the solution to those problems is to find a new job. You will not be able to "fix" your employer - you can only find a better one.
posted by saeculorum at 4:46 PM on May 4, 2022 [34 favorites]
So far as I can tell, you are being offered the job you were hired to do ("[t]he solution was for me to take over a needed school-based behavioral component (what I had been initially hired to do 3 years back)"). Since you have not mentioned it, I am assuming you are not getting a pay decrease. You are, so far as I can tell, getting exactly what your employer promised you.
It is very difficult for me to imagine a world a lawyer could help you. Feel free to talk to a lawyer for an initial free consultation, but I would be very skeptical of paying anything for a paid consultation.
It sounds like you hate your job right now. Given that your employer sounds inept, that sounds appropriate. Also, it sounds like your employer has a difficult time recognizing working above and beyond, and does not support employees when they work outside of their expertise. However, the solution to those problems is to find a new job. You will not be able to "fix" your employer - you can only find a better one.
posted by saeculorum at 4:46 PM on May 4, 2022 [34 favorites]
Secure the bag, which in this case is next year's private school gig. Is the contract with them signed already, if not do you have a written offer from them? Get one of these two things as soon as possible. If you are in a small town, it is quite possible the narrative of you "being demoted" will eventually get to next year's employer. However, as you have a clear history of doing good work, once you are in the private school gig, the rumors they might have heard won't matter.
posted by hworth at 5:11 PM on May 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by hworth at 5:11 PM on May 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
Hm, wow, I think you are totally misreading what happened here. (No offence! Maybe I am misreading it!)
It seems really clear to me that your supervisor took the in-school position so they could paper-trail and then fire your principal, and they are expecting afterwards to immediately hand you back your old job. (Maybe they will need to be interim principal for a while then, or maybe it will be you.) They took your job because it's their only way into the school. But they can't tell you that explicitly, because that would be admitting they're planning to fire her rather than support/mentor/coach her, which could end up getting them sued.
Think back to when & how you learned about this plan. Did your supervisor tell you directly one-on-one? Was it in the context of a discussion about the principal? Did they say anything that implied your performance is a problem? Or was their demeanor more appreciative, like you were helping them solve a problem?
I think your supervisor is hoping you will figure out what's going on, spend a few months happily doing direct service work, and then happily take back your old job once the principal is fired.
posted by Susan PG at 5:17 PM on May 4, 2022 [34 favorites]
It seems really clear to me that your supervisor took the in-school position so they could paper-trail and then fire your principal, and they are expecting afterwards to immediately hand you back your old job. (Maybe they will need to be interim principal for a while then, or maybe it will be you.) They took your job because it's their only way into the school. But they can't tell you that explicitly, because that would be admitting they're planning to fire her rather than support/mentor/coach her, which could end up getting them sued.
Think back to when & how you learned about this plan. Did your supervisor tell you directly one-on-one? Was it in the context of a discussion about the principal? Did they say anything that implied your performance is a problem? Or was their demeanor more appreciative, like you were helping them solve a problem?
I think your supervisor is hoping you will figure out what's going on, spend a few months happily doing direct service work, and then happily take back your old job once the principal is fired.
posted by Susan PG at 5:17 PM on May 4, 2022 [34 favorites]
I would say the recourse here is therapy and collegial solidarity.
In the education world, a new administrator can easily change everything. Trust that experienced teachers/colleagues have their own opinions of you and won't change them based on this because they know to take administrators with a grain of salt.
It's good to have a medical leave as a last resort if you don't need the money, but if you can find the resilience to pull through this, I think that may ultimately be more empowering for you. I have faced some pretty tough times with supervisors and sometimes I think about how I encourage my struggling students to keep believing in themselves and keep trying through their sometimes really herculean struggles and frequent failures, and try to encourage myself to be as strong as they are.
It seems like now is a time to build up some emotional support either at school or in your district too. It can be tough for admin because teachers are a little wary and the power difference makes genuine relationships hard, but if you can find others who are safely outside of your line of command, or in parallel positions at other schools, that can be a great source of emotional support - as well as insight into the system, and connections for job hunting.
posted by Salamandrous at 5:22 PM on May 4, 2022 [4 favorites]
In the education world, a new administrator can easily change everything. Trust that experienced teachers/colleagues have their own opinions of you and won't change them based on this because they know to take administrators with a grain of salt.
It's good to have a medical leave as a last resort if you don't need the money, but if you can find the resilience to pull through this, I think that may ultimately be more empowering for you. I have faced some pretty tough times with supervisors and sometimes I think about how I encourage my struggling students to keep believing in themselves and keep trying through their sometimes really herculean struggles and frequent failures, and try to encourage myself to be as strong as they are.
It seems like now is a time to build up some emotional support either at school or in your district too. It can be tough for admin because teachers are a little wary and the power difference makes genuine relationships hard, but if you can find others who are safely outside of your line of command, or in parallel positions at other schools, that can be a great source of emotional support - as well as insight into the system, and connections for job hunting.
posted by Salamandrous at 5:22 PM on May 4, 2022 [4 favorites]
I forgot the question-answering part :)
My advice is to hold your head high, and tell close colleagues that you're happy to step aside so that the administrator can get on-site to mentor, coach and support the brand-new principal. You want to do what's best for the school. You're excited to spend a little time working with kids again. That kind of thing.
posted by Susan PG at 5:29 PM on May 4, 2022 [18 favorites]
My advice is to hold your head high, and tell close colleagues that you're happy to step aside so that the administrator can get on-site to mentor, coach and support the brand-new principal. You want to do what's best for the school. You're excited to spend a little time working with kids again. That kind of thing.
posted by Susan PG at 5:29 PM on May 4, 2022 [18 favorites]
Do you have a good relationship with your supervisor and reason to believe they're on your side? If so, could you talk about this with them and see what they can do to restore your reputation? (I couldn't tell from the question if you think your supervisor was intentionally screwing you over or just clueless as to unintended side effects.)
posted by trig at 6:16 PM on May 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by trig at 6:16 PM on May 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
A similar-ish thing happened to me and I was sad about it but ultimately chose to focus on doing the work that I liked to do in the first place. Can you reframe it in your head that you no longer have to do the boring admin paperwork and get to focus on helping kids?
posted by MadMadam at 6:44 PM on May 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by MadMadam at 6:44 PM on May 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
First, don't listen to or participate in gossip, some people enjoy stirring things up.
You are going to feel how you feel, but being "completely humiliated" seems a strong reaction. As much as I can tell, you are doing what you wanted to do initially? Since you are trained and able, it actually makes sense to have you work with the kids and let others do the admin stuff. I don't think it is an actual demotion, it is a different role.
If the principle is bad-mouthing you to the Superintendent, that is terrible. (Another reason to stop listening to gossip and hearsay!) But I find it hard to believe that all the problems can be blamed on you, and I would hope the Superintendent has some acumen to understand the situation. And it seems so, since there are measures being taken to address the underperforming principle.
Things change, people come and go, and it is not unheard of for educators (and others) to move in and out of roles. Stop freaking out. You know you are a good employee and those who work with you do as well. Swallow hard and finish the year.
posted by rhonzo at 6:45 PM on May 4, 2022 [4 favorites]
You are going to feel how you feel, but being "completely humiliated" seems a strong reaction. As much as I can tell, you are doing what you wanted to do initially? Since you are trained and able, it actually makes sense to have you work with the kids and let others do the admin stuff. I don't think it is an actual demotion, it is a different role.
If the principle is bad-mouthing you to the Superintendent, that is terrible. (Another reason to stop listening to gossip and hearsay!) But I find it hard to believe that all the problems can be blamed on you, and I would hope the Superintendent has some acumen to understand the situation. And it seems so, since there are measures being taken to address the underperforming principle.
Things change, people come and go, and it is not unheard of for educators (and others) to move in and out of roles. Stop freaking out. You know you are a good employee and those who work with you do as well. Swallow hard and finish the year.
posted by rhonzo at 6:45 PM on May 4, 2022 [4 favorites]
The optics/"common gossip"/rumor portion of this are very far from how I'd read the facts, I like Susan PG's framing (you're making room for the principal to get the help they need, doing something you'll enjoy for a bit etc).
It may be hard for your supervisor to say this loudly and publicly, because it'd further undermine the principal. But I do wonder if you've talked about your concerns with them and whether they're savvy enough to help?
posted by ethand at 6:46 PM on May 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
It may be hard for your supervisor to say this loudly and publicly, because it'd further undermine the principal. But I do wonder if you've talked about your concerns with them and whether they're savvy enough to help?
posted by ethand at 6:46 PM on May 4, 2022 [1 favorite]
Something similar happened to me and when the opportunity arose I grass roots seeded a counter narrative and a year later it’s ancient history for those gossipy children.
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:15 PM on May 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
posted by St. Peepsburg at 9:15 PM on May 4, 2022 [3 favorites]
It sounds like common gossip is wrong, which is infuriating. If you've got any well-connected friends, seed an alternative explanation. And then, I think if you act as if this is a sideways move or (even better) you're doing your supervisor a favour rather than a humiliation, it will help people believe that alternative over the idea that you've been demoted. If you get on well with your supervisor and consider them supportive, I would ask for their help in this.
posted by plonkee at 1:26 AM on May 5, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by plonkee at 1:26 AM on May 5, 2022 [2 favorites]
A similar thing happened to me, too. I even lost my physical office for a cube (across from the toilets and kitchen).
I stewed for a bit, but went back to work on my core thing. I showed that I still had mastery and confidence, and when I looked around I realized that everything had...evaporated.
There will be a new subject of chatter soon enough, and when they turn their attention elsewhere, you will remain.
Hang in there, it's probably them and not you.
posted by wenestvedt at 6:01 AM on May 5, 2022 [3 favorites]
I stewed for a bit, but went back to work on my core thing. I showed that I still had mastery and confidence, and when I looked around I realized that everything had...evaporated.
There will be a new subject of chatter soon enough, and when they turn their attention elsewhere, you will remain.
Hang in there, it's probably them and not you.
posted by wenestvedt at 6:01 AM on May 5, 2022 [3 favorites]
Everyone working in a school knows how good the principal is. They know your principal is not skilled. If they work with you, they probably know you are skilled.
Are you also exhausted? It's been an exhausting few years in schools, and it sounds like you've been doing way more work than average.
Unless you have way more information about the rumors that you're sharing here, I would suggest you try your best to ignore them. I suspect they're not nearly as rampant as you think.
Then look after yourself. If you need to take leave, that's what it's there for. Or if you're okay, at least for now, put your head down and try to enjoy your new(ish) job... and go home early sometimes now that you're not the boss!
posted by MangoNews at 8:22 AM on May 5, 2022 [4 favorites]
Are you also exhausted? It's been an exhausting few years in schools, and it sounds like you've been doing way more work than average.
Unless you have way more information about the rumors that you're sharing here, I would suggest you try your best to ignore them. I suspect they're not nearly as rampant as you think.
Then look after yourself. If you need to take leave, that's what it's there for. Or if you're okay, at least for now, put your head down and try to enjoy your new(ish) job... and go home early sometimes now that you're not the boss!
posted by MangoNews at 8:22 AM on May 5, 2022 [4 favorites]
In the past 3 months, district-level administrators have been working from my school to help this struggling principal, and 2 weeks ago my supervisor noted a myriad of leadership concerns and had a solution.
The solution was for me to take over a needed school-based behavioral component (what I had been initially hired to do 3 years back), and that my supervisor would take over my administrative work.
I’m having such a hard time understanding the part of this that is a professional humiliation. The principal is fucking up, you are not fucking up. They needed a school-based behavioral specialist and you are such a person. You have an excellent work record and good reviews; As others have said, this is the job you were originally hired for and they know that you can totally do it and do it well, in stark contrast to the flailing principal.
Certainly your duties have changed. And it’s totally fair to ask your boss if this is intended to be a permanent change. But unless your pay has been cut, I don’t understand how this is a demotion. I understand that some people are calling it a demotion, at least according to gossip, but that does not make it true.
One of the hardest principles for me to accept in Al Anon is that one should neither gossip nor listen to gossip. Another challenging principle is accepting that we cannot affect what other people may believe nor how they act. But here’s what we can work on: accepting reality and changing our own perspective as needed. You can accept other people’s interpretations of your experience and decide that you have been demoted and feel shitty about it. Or you could consider talking directly to your boss about the rumors and finding out if there is any basis in reality for them.
Either way, you have some choice in how you decide to feel about your work situation. Not initially maybe but it’s been a minute so now you can think about how you want to frame this situation. Nothing that I have read suggests anything other than management doing the best it can with the resources it has including your training and expertise.
You have a choice about how to proceed. I don’t believe that you’re obligated to feel sad or humiliated about this. You get to have your feels but feelings are not necessarily facts. Is feeling sad and humiliated serving you? I totally get that maybe you needed to do that for a while but please talk to your boss and try to push past this. If you hate your job anyway, then by all means try to hang on to the upcoming gig. Best of luck!
posted by Bella Donna at 1:23 PM on May 7, 2022
The solution was for me to take over a needed school-based behavioral component (what I had been initially hired to do 3 years back), and that my supervisor would take over my administrative work.
I’m having such a hard time understanding the part of this that is a professional humiliation. The principal is fucking up, you are not fucking up. They needed a school-based behavioral specialist and you are such a person. You have an excellent work record and good reviews; As others have said, this is the job you were originally hired for and they know that you can totally do it and do it well, in stark contrast to the flailing principal.
Certainly your duties have changed. And it’s totally fair to ask your boss if this is intended to be a permanent change. But unless your pay has been cut, I don’t understand how this is a demotion. I understand that some people are calling it a demotion, at least according to gossip, but that does not make it true.
One of the hardest principles for me to accept in Al Anon is that one should neither gossip nor listen to gossip. Another challenging principle is accepting that we cannot affect what other people may believe nor how they act. But here’s what we can work on: accepting reality and changing our own perspective as needed. You can accept other people’s interpretations of your experience and decide that you have been demoted and feel shitty about it. Or you could consider talking directly to your boss about the rumors and finding out if there is any basis in reality for them.
Either way, you have some choice in how you decide to feel about your work situation. Not initially maybe but it’s been a minute so now you can think about how you want to frame this situation. Nothing that I have read suggests anything other than management doing the best it can with the resources it has including your training and expertise.
You have a choice about how to proceed. I don’t believe that you’re obligated to feel sad or humiliated about this. You get to have your feels but feelings are not necessarily facts. Is feeling sad and humiliated serving you? I totally get that maybe you needed to do that for a while but please talk to your boss and try to push past this. If you hate your job anyway, then by all means try to hang on to the upcoming gig. Best of luck!
posted by Bella Donna at 1:23 PM on May 7, 2022
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posted by furnace.heart at 3:05 PM on May 4, 2022 [2 favorites]