Beyond dating apps, how to meet new people or partners around Brooklyn?
September 20, 2021 1:35 PM Subscribe
I live in Brooklyn, NY and am having a terrible time with dating apps. I would love to meet more people IRL, even if it leads to just friendships. Does anyone have group things they do around Brooklyn that are social and fun?
I think I had a fantasy when I moved here that meeting women would either be through dating apps (so far a total cat and mouse game) or chatting at bars (this pretty much doesn't happen because I am trying to be respectful and am sensitive to the idea that I am bothering someone by talking to them).
Any ideas or experiences to share? Any specific Meetup groups (or whatever) that might appeal to a mid-40s male? And yes, covid is making this all that much more daunting!
I think I had a fantasy when I moved here that meeting women would either be through dating apps (so far a total cat and mouse game) or chatting at bars (this pretty much doesn't happen because I am trying to be respectful and am sensitive to the idea that I am bothering someone by talking to them).
Any ideas or experiences to share? Any specific Meetup groups (or whatever) that might appeal to a mid-40s male? And yes, covid is making this all that much more daunting!
Re talking to people in bars, you have to:
- Sit at the bar and not at a table (obvs)
- Pick the right bar. Neighborhoody is good, too crowded is bad, too date-y is bad.
- Pick the right time. Weekdays after work is the best, Fri/Sat nights are the worst.
- Be sensitive to the dynamics of the bar -- is there a group of people who arrived together and just want to talk to each other? is someone clearly waiting for their friend, like have they reserved a seat? Usually if someone is chatting with the bartender you can get in on the conversation, or if someone is sitting alone you can start talking to them. If someone's on their phone/reading a book they're not necessarily out of bounds but you have to pay attention to body language.
Some other things to try:
- Shorewalkers -- If you're walking all day it's hard to avoid making friends
- Board gaming nights/meetups (try Brooklyn Strategist, Squarrel, 20-Sided Store)
- Music -- join an amateur choir or band maybe (but this was easier before covid)
- Take a pottery class -- it's a cliche I know but for a reason!
- Volunteer at your local park or join a community garden
The key for meeting people at events is it should be something that's recurring (so you see people multiple times), participatory (so you're not all just shutting up and listening) and interest-based (so you know you have something in common). The more an event/meetup is about "networking", the harder it is to meet people -- I've had a very bad time meeting people in NYC's tech meetup scene. You also have to NOT be on the prowl for dates -- if you meet someone who wants to date, great, but if that's why you're there, people will figure you out fast. Make sure to talk to men too.
posted by goingonit at 3:35 PM on September 20, 2021 [5 favorites]
- Sit at the bar and not at a table (obvs)
- Pick the right bar. Neighborhoody is good, too crowded is bad, too date-y is bad.
- Pick the right time. Weekdays after work is the best, Fri/Sat nights are the worst.
- Be sensitive to the dynamics of the bar -- is there a group of people who arrived together and just want to talk to each other? is someone clearly waiting for their friend, like have they reserved a seat? Usually if someone is chatting with the bartender you can get in on the conversation, or if someone is sitting alone you can start talking to them. If someone's on their phone/reading a book they're not necessarily out of bounds but you have to pay attention to body language.
Some other things to try:
- Shorewalkers -- If you're walking all day it's hard to avoid making friends
- Board gaming nights/meetups (try Brooklyn Strategist, Squarrel, 20-Sided Store)
- Music -- join an amateur choir or band maybe (but this was easier before covid)
- Take a pottery class -- it's a cliche I know but for a reason!
- Volunteer at your local park or join a community garden
The key for meeting people at events is it should be something that's recurring (so you see people multiple times), participatory (so you're not all just shutting up and listening) and interest-based (so you know you have something in common). The more an event/meetup is about "networking", the harder it is to meet people -- I've had a very bad time meeting people in NYC's tech meetup scene. You also have to NOT be on the prowl for dates -- if you meet someone who wants to date, great, but if that's why you're there, people will figure you out fast. Make sure to talk to men too.
posted by goingonit at 3:35 PM on September 20, 2021 [5 favorites]
My BF and I met on the apps, but practically all of his other friends, male and female, are from his running club. There are also a number of couples who met through the club. There’s a spread of ages and it’s beginner friendly (SBRC, if you happen to live in the area.)
posted by rabbitbookworm at 5:31 PM on September 20, 2021 [1 favorite]
posted by rabbitbookworm at 5:31 PM on September 20, 2021 [1 favorite]
I'm a mid 30s F on Long Island, and I also find dating apps to be terrible. I get ghosted a lot. I don't think I'm a bad conversationalist, but I don't know. Maybe I'm too slutty or not slutty enough. It's hard to say. I like going to bars to meet people, but it definitely helps when there's a wingman involved. As a single person, I've had success joining conversations when there are a couple people already talking. I think it helps to have a regular place where you're friends with the bartender, and they can introduce you to people or bring you into conversations. This obviously can't happen when they're super busy, but medium busy is usually good. Usually, when I go to bars alone as a single female, I am low key hoping to talk to people even if I'm reading something on my phone or watching the game on the bar TV. I think appropriate conversation starters are asking about the team on TV or the food I'm eating. You should be able to read whether the person is interested in talking based on how that initial conversation starter goes.
As for group things, does your alma mater have an alumni network in NYC? I just went to a football viewing event with my alumni network, and I met some nice people. I'm pretty sure they do non-sports events too, if that's not your thing. I think the thing about NYC is finding your niche, and then you will meet like-minded people.
posted by DEiBnL13 at 8:59 PM on September 20, 2021 [1 favorite]
As for group things, does your alma mater have an alumni network in NYC? I just went to a football viewing event with my alumni network, and I met some nice people. I'm pretty sure they do non-sports events too, if that's not your thing. I think the thing about NYC is finding your niche, and then you will meet like-minded people.
posted by DEiBnL13 at 8:59 PM on September 20, 2021 [1 favorite]
Never tried myself but I've heard people say that using the BFF setting on Bumble is a good way to meet platonic friends.
posted by erattacorrige at 9:24 AM on September 21, 2021
posted by erattacorrige at 9:24 AM on September 21, 2021
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posted by 8603 at 2:00 PM on September 20, 2021 [4 favorites]