Help me get a massage
August 11, 2015 11:48 AM Subscribe
I've been getting massages from a chain here in TX for about a year, not always with the same therapist, but occasionally I'll get the same one. I sort of enjoy it, but not very much, and I don't leave with that feeling of "aaahhhhhh" that I hear about from other folks. I assume it must be me. Please help me to enjoy this experience!
For one thing, I have a lot of trouble relaxing into the experience, and so I am in my head trying to convince myself to relax THE WHOLE TIME (which is weird, because I have no problem being touched, or naked, or whatever). Another issue is that I don't know how to explain what I want. Typically the therapist asks up front what kind of massage I need (relaxation, deep tissue, etc.), and we talk about anything that is hurting, but then they are silent for the rest of the session, and I really don't feel comfortable talking while they're busy. If you get massages, how do you communicate with your therapist? How do you let your body relax? If you are a therapist, how do you want your client to communicate?
For one thing, I have a lot of trouble relaxing into the experience, and so I am in my head trying to convince myself to relax THE WHOLE TIME (which is weird, because I have no problem being touched, or naked, or whatever). Another issue is that I don't know how to explain what I want. Typically the therapist asks up front what kind of massage I need (relaxation, deep tissue, etc.), and we talk about anything that is hurting, but then they are silent for the rest of the session, and I really don't feel comfortable talking while they're busy. If you get massages, how do you communicate with your therapist? How do you let your body relax? If you are a therapist, how do you want your client to communicate?
Most massage therapists are happy to talk about the different kinds of massage and even demonstrate the differences. They are following your lead on talking - they're not that busy that they can't talk about what they're doing.
They have to take a lot of anatomy and ergonomics and stuff, and I've never met one who wasn't perfectly happy to talk to me about how stuff fits together and how to use a computer with less damage and how X kind of massage does this thing but Y does that thing.
Some people do like starting with head or feet to get into the mood. Mine's my hands, and I felt really dumb asking the first time, but the response was an enthusiastic agreement and encouragement to give whatever feedback and preferences I wanted to.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:02 PM on August 11, 2015
They have to take a lot of anatomy and ergonomics and stuff, and I've never met one who wasn't perfectly happy to talk to me about how stuff fits together and how to use a computer with less damage and how X kind of massage does this thing but Y does that thing.
Some people do like starting with head or feet to get into the mood. Mine's my hands, and I felt really dumb asking the first time, but the response was an enthusiastic agreement and encouragement to give whatever feedback and preferences I wanted to.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:02 PM on August 11, 2015
I am one such person that does not particularly enjoy the experience, and have never felt that "ahhh" feeling. I have reframed massage as massage therapy, with emphasis on its therapeutic values. Once I stopped believing I needed to find the activity relaxing, I found the experience much easier. Massage therapy helped me recover from a major injury, and I still go several times a year for preventative maintenance.
Try to seek out other activities that you find truly relaxing. Massage may not be that for you.
posted by Juniper Toast at 12:03 PM on August 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
Try to seek out other activities that you find truly relaxing. Massage may not be that for you.
posted by Juniper Toast at 12:03 PM on August 11, 2015 [1 favorite]
what ocherdraco said, I really just don't ever feel good or relaxed from massage--though I appreciated the results from physical therapy which included some massage.
On the other hand, saunas and steam rooms make me relax and go ah in a totally unexpected way (i'm one of those strung like a piano wire people). I was surprised to learn I like saunas and steam rooms, as I get uncomfortably warm easily. It's a totally different feeling.
posted by crush-onastick at 12:04 PM on August 11, 2015
On the other hand, saunas and steam rooms make me relax and go ah in a totally unexpected way (i'm one of those strung like a piano wire people). I was surprised to learn I like saunas and steam rooms, as I get uncomfortably warm easily. It's a totally different feeling.
posted by crush-onastick at 12:04 PM on August 11, 2015
Oh yeah, massages for me are more of a "aughhh" than an "ahhh", and I'm such a dainty flower that even a puny massage will likely leave me sore the next day, but physically a bunch of parts of me feel better for having gotten through the experience.
(Except for my hands. That part leaves me drooling on myself. I've never quite been brave enough to ask them to just spend 30 minutes from the elbows down and 15 minutes each on my neck and feet, but if I could choose that sort of thing beforehand on a website I totally would.)
posted by Lyn Never at 12:14 PM on August 11, 2015
(Except for my hands. That part leaves me drooling on myself. I've never quite been brave enough to ask them to just spend 30 minutes from the elbows down and 15 minutes each on my neck and feet, but if I could choose that sort of thing beforehand on a website I totally would.)
posted by Lyn Never at 12:14 PM on August 11, 2015
Adding another data point: I, too, never get that aaaahhh feeling from massage. I actually find it stressful and kind of unpleasant, and I tried a bunch of different therapists, methods, etc. It took me years to figure out that I wasn't some sort of weirdo; I just don't really like massage. So it's very likely not that you're not doing the right things or what have you. You might just be one of those people who doesn't really care for massage as a practice, and I think it's fine to just give yourself permission to say you don't like it and will try to pursue other methods to find the result you're looking for.
posted by holborne at 12:14 PM on August 11, 2015
posted by holborne at 12:14 PM on August 11, 2015
When I can't relax during a massage I find that it's often because my mind is too busy thinking about stuff. So sometimes doing a quick, 5-minute meditation to calm my mind prior to hopping on the table helps calm my body as well.
As for providing direction during the massage, you can just say, "Okay, where that knot is. Can you dig in there a little bit?" And then, "that's good" or "that's a little too intense" etc. Straightforward and simple is totally fine.
posted by hapax_legomenon at 12:15 PM on August 11, 2015
As for providing direction during the massage, you can just say, "Okay,
posted by hapax_legomenon at 12:15 PM on August 11, 2015
I think there's a lot of difference between massage therapists, so you might also dig around Yelp reviews in your area to see if someone else has much higher ratings. I find it helpful to focus on breathing, and when I've had massages, the therapist usually tells me when to take in a deep breath or let it out. That helps muscles relax. I think masseuses expect you to talk if you want anything harder or softer or more attention in a different area. All that said, you might find it easier to relax with something like yoga (where you're in charge)...to me, it provides the same benefits.
posted by three_red_balloons at 12:44 PM on August 11, 2015
posted by three_red_balloons at 12:44 PM on August 11, 2015
To echo other people, I don't and have never enjoyed massage. If you're not enjoying it, I don't understand why you'd continue.
posted by crazy with stars at 1:34 PM on August 11, 2015
posted by crazy with stars at 1:34 PM on August 11, 2015
When I started getting massages, I struggled with the same issue and so I did a little research about what might be the problem. Here is what I came up with. When we are mentally stressed or preoccupied, the body is hardwired from evolution to adopt certain evolutionary advantageous postures to protect itself. These responses include the tightening of core muscles, especially the back and diaphragm, to confer some kind of measure of physical robustness and readiness to deal with threats. These responses might benefit an animal in the wild, but not a civilized human in post-industrial society. To deactivate these stress postures, it takes a little bit of practice and effort I have found. Here is what really helps me to have a successful massage:
1. Begin relaxing before you go to the massage. Sit with good posture in a quiet place and do deep breathing exercises. Focus on getting your breathing to be long and easy. This begins to relax the diaphragm and our innermost muscles.
2. Do very light stretching beforehand. You just want to go through your range of motion and get your joints aligned and comfortable. If there is any tension that is moderately difficult to move through, don't strain, let the massage address it.
3. Practice meditation in your free time. This not only reduces the background level of stress related tension in the body, but more importantly gives you practice in how to clear your mind and try to "decouple" mind from body, so that you are more of an observer of what is being done to you than anything else. A lot of the problem during the massage is tied to you sensing that you are bumping into a barrier to relaxation and becoming mentally fixated on that barrier, thus making a sort of frustration feedback loop.
4. Get familiar with which areas of your body are most sensitive and expect that when they are initially being touched, you will feel uncomfortable for a time. Try not to let that derail you.
Good luck, and approach this as something to practice. I think you will be surprised at how much you can improve them over time.
posted by incolorinred at 2:38 PM on August 11, 2015
1. Begin relaxing before you go to the massage. Sit with good posture in a quiet place and do deep breathing exercises. Focus on getting your breathing to be long and easy. This begins to relax the diaphragm and our innermost muscles.
2. Do very light stretching beforehand. You just want to go through your range of motion and get your joints aligned and comfortable. If there is any tension that is moderately difficult to move through, don't strain, let the massage address it.
3. Practice meditation in your free time. This not only reduces the background level of stress related tension in the body, but more importantly gives you practice in how to clear your mind and try to "decouple" mind from body, so that you are more of an observer of what is being done to you than anything else. A lot of the problem during the massage is tied to you sensing that you are bumping into a barrier to relaxation and becoming mentally fixated on that barrier, thus making a sort of frustration feedback loop.
4. Get familiar with which areas of your body are most sensitive and expect that when they are initially being touched, you will feel uncomfortable for a time. Try not to let that derail you.
Good luck, and approach this as something to practice. I think you will be surprised at how much you can improve them over time.
posted by incolorinred at 2:38 PM on August 11, 2015
First, try going somewhere better than one of the chain places. Those are the massage equivalent of Supercuts. Read Yelp reviews to get names of particular massage therapists who are highly rated and/or ask your friends who they know.
Then when you're having the massage, speak up. That's too hard. That's too soft. That doesn't really feel that good. My legs don't need much attention today, can you do some extra work on my shoulders?
Like hairstylists, just because someone says they're qualified doesn't mean they're going to be any good.
posted by MsMolly at 2:49 PM on August 11, 2015
Then when you're having the massage, speak up. That's too hard. That's too soft. That doesn't really feel that good. My legs don't need much attention today, can you do some extra work on my shoulders?
Like hairstylists, just because someone says they're qualified doesn't mean they're going to be any good.
posted by MsMolly at 2:49 PM on August 11, 2015
All the "eh" massages I've had have been at chains or huge hotels, and the "OMG FANTASTIC" ones have been from independent therapists or at very small independent salons/spas. As three_red_balloons suggested, I would find online reviews (or personal recommendations) for a particular therapist, and try going to that therapist at least a few times. I find that I'm more relaxed with a therapist I already know, and the therapist can tailor the massage a bit better once they know my particular muscle/anatomy issues.
posted by jaguar at 2:50 PM on August 11, 2015
posted by jaguar at 2:50 PM on August 11, 2015
I don't love all types of massage, but have had very good experiences with the Esalen technique, and it might be worth trying out. The institute that created it is as woo as they come, but individual therapists in my experience are like the majority of dedicated masseurs/masseuses. Lots of long connected strokes, slow movements and focused pressure, and my favorite, rolling out the body along with a lifting of the limbs-- the therapist supports the joint and rotates or rocks the limb (shown to some extent here). It is heavenly.
As far as preparation, meditating in bed before sleep can help you build your ability to shut off thoughts and just read into relaxation. A mantra may help, either a simple phrase that appeals to you or a single repeated word, like "Loosen." Practice your ability to maintain deep breathing, at a rate that feels comfortable. A good exercise (borrowed from acting classes) to try while lying down is to sequentially let each part of your body go limp, relating all muscles until your limbs feel difficult to move. Someone walking into the room and lifting your leg or arm or head should have to support its full weight with absolutely no help from you. You can also do it (carefully) sitting up, just watch that you don't drop your head at an angle that isn't good for your neck.
posted by notquitemaryann at 3:48 PM on August 11, 2015
As far as preparation, meditating in bed before sleep can help you build your ability to shut off thoughts and just read into relaxation. A mantra may help, either a simple phrase that appeals to you or a single repeated word, like "Loosen." Practice your ability to maintain deep breathing, at a rate that feels comfortable. A good exercise (borrowed from acting classes) to try while lying down is to sequentially let each part of your body go limp, relating all muscles until your limbs feel difficult to move. Someone walking into the room and lifting your leg or arm or head should have to support its full weight with absolutely no help from you. You can also do it (carefully) sitting up, just watch that you don't drop your head at an angle that isn't good for your neck.
posted by notquitemaryann at 3:48 PM on August 11, 2015
I have a hard time relaxing during massage, but having a good friend who's a LMT has helped. Partly because I'm comfortable with her, but also because she's trained me to give feedback to my massage therapists. The "what's hurting" conversation for me is always rushed/vague, but once they're actually working on an area (and if I'm hurting, I'll usually ask for them to spend half of the massage on that), I'll give them feedback on where my pain points are, which areas the pain refers to, and how bad it is on a scale of 1-10. I tell them not to worry about it being too much unless we get over a 7.
This may be most relevant if you're doing trigger point work on neck/back/shoulder issues. Personally, I've always found Swedish massage and lighter bodywork frustratingly light and hard to relax during.
posted by deludingmyself at 4:15 PM on August 11, 2015
This may be most relevant if you're doing trigger point work on neck/back/shoulder issues. Personally, I've always found Swedish massage and lighter bodywork frustratingly light and hard to relax during.
posted by deludingmyself at 4:15 PM on August 11, 2015
I am usually able to eventually get to "aaah" during a massage, but it takes a while. I always tell the massage therapist that I have trouble relaxing so they'll usually do something at the beginning to help me unwind. One thing that helps a lot (you can just ask them to do it) is for them to instruct me to breathe deeply. Usually they'll tell me to inhale slowly, then exhale slowly, and on the exhale they'll do a long deep stroke on my back that sorta feels like they're helping me push the air out (does that make sense?). A couple deep breaths really helps me get in the right mindset.
And definitely speak up if something feels good or bad. They want to know.
posted by radioamy at 7:45 PM on August 11, 2015
And definitely speak up if something feels good or bad. They want to know.
posted by radioamy at 7:45 PM on August 11, 2015
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When I am having trouble relaxing, I ask the therapist to start with my feet. For some reason that nearly puts me to sleep. This may just be me, though, so YMMV.
Also, there are people who just don't feel good from massage. Might you be one such person?
posted by ocherdraco at 11:55 AM on August 11, 2015