Cat burnout! Is a dog going to be easier?
December 18, 2023 1:46 PM Subscribe
This question might be a bit of a long noodle inside, but I'll try to stick to the most relevant aspects. With the type of burnout I'll be describing, would welcoming a dog into our lives feel like a relief or would it be opening a different kind of Pandora's box?
I grew up with dogs and my husband with cats. We are very much pet people and need a furry friend in our lives. When we got together we went with cats due to our lives not being very dog friendly at the time. We've since had many wonderful feline friends, but recent years have been rough with a series of aging, medically difficult kitties.
Part of our burnout is for sure due to the demands of senior pets, especially with a group that's been very close in age. We could see the avalanche of their problems coming and needed to say goodbye without having much of a breather in between. It could also be that we've always had more than one cat, which is fantastic in a lot of ways! But also really overwhelming with vet bills coming all at once sometimes, scheduling mealtimes with separate prescription foods, not always being able to tell who's producing what litter box issue, hairball on the floor, etc.
A large part of me is starting to feel like maybe it's time to think about pivoting . Especially since: we now own our home, both work remotely, are right across from a park, close to hiking trails, etc. This is the part that could use some real talk to see if I'm imagining (misremembering?) that the grass is greener.
Main reason for this: my personal absolute biggest anxiety trigger with cats is around food. We've had so many instances of cats losing their appetite due to this or that (or nothing at all, because cats), and it being critical to monitor. Gotta get calories in them somehow, offer bribes and food toppers and appetite stimulants, go through all the possible brands of expensive and junk food available, etc. Plus the number of times we bought a case of wet food that was immediately rejected has honestly been crazy making. It feels like it has been a very long time since we had a cat who ate without prompting, even before they reached senior-cat-maybe-there's-something-going-on status.
It could just be that we've been unlucky, several cats in a row. And while I know dogs are not a walk in the park, the fact that they are generally more willing to EAT THEIR DANG FOOD when hungry, and not be at risk of a serious disease when skipping some meals, makes them incredibly appealing right now. (I understand that dogs are more work in a lot of ways - potty training, high need for socialization, vet bills still being a cornerstone of our lives etc. But if my husband and I are willing to put in the work... I feel like it might be a good change.)
On the other hand, maybe better the devil you know since we have so much cat experience now? And a future kitty might be The Perfect One?
Metafilter, if you have gone from one type of pet to the other please tell me what you thought of the change!
(I also want to mention that we have a fantastic cat-only vet that we trust with all diagnostics and treatments, and this is genuinely not a case of us Not Doing Cats Right. Please no suggestions on How To Cat Better.)
I grew up with dogs and my husband with cats. We are very much pet people and need a furry friend in our lives. When we got together we went with cats due to our lives not being very dog friendly at the time. We've since had many wonderful feline friends, but recent years have been rough with a series of aging, medically difficult kitties.
Part of our burnout is for sure due to the demands of senior pets, especially with a group that's been very close in age. We could see the avalanche of their problems coming and needed to say goodbye without having much of a breather in between. It could also be that we've always had more than one cat, which is fantastic in a lot of ways! But also really overwhelming with vet bills coming all at once sometimes, scheduling mealtimes with separate prescription foods, not always being able to tell who's producing what litter box issue, hairball on the floor, etc.
A large part of me is starting to feel like maybe it's time to think about pivoting . Especially since: we now own our home, both work remotely, are right across from a park, close to hiking trails, etc. This is the part that could use some real talk to see if I'm imagining (misremembering?) that the grass is greener.
Main reason for this: my personal absolute biggest anxiety trigger with cats is around food. We've had so many instances of cats losing their appetite due to this or that (or nothing at all, because cats), and it being critical to monitor. Gotta get calories in them somehow, offer bribes and food toppers and appetite stimulants, go through all the possible brands of expensive and junk food available, etc. Plus the number of times we bought a case of wet food that was immediately rejected has honestly been crazy making. It feels like it has been a very long time since we had a cat who ate without prompting, even before they reached senior-cat-maybe-there's-something-going-on status.
It could just be that we've been unlucky, several cats in a row. And while I know dogs are not a walk in the park, the fact that they are generally more willing to EAT THEIR DANG FOOD when hungry, and not be at risk of a serious disease when skipping some meals, makes them incredibly appealing right now. (I understand that dogs are more work in a lot of ways - potty training, high need for socialization, vet bills still being a cornerstone of our lives etc. But if my husband and I are willing to put in the work... I feel like it might be a good change.)
On the other hand, maybe better the devil you know since we have so much cat experience now? And a future kitty might be The Perfect One?
Metafilter, if you have gone from one type of pet to the other please tell me what you thought of the change!
(I also want to mention that we have a fantastic cat-only vet that we trust with all diagnostics and treatments, and this is genuinely not a case of us Not Doing Cats Right. Please no suggestions on How To Cat Better.)
Best answer: Some dogs are picky eaters and if you don’t get a picky eater you’ll get one with some other inconvenient and expensive problem. That is the nature of pets. You are doomed to disappointment if you believe otherwise. However as a Cat Person turned Dog Person I will say that I will break my own heart and empty my bank account over and over for dogs until the day I die because they make life worth living. And on preview, hard agree about multiple pets. One is one and two is ten.
posted by HotToddy at 2:02 PM on December 18, 2023 [5 favorites]
posted by HotToddy at 2:02 PM on December 18, 2023 [5 favorites]
I have had both cats and dogs and did not find one species vs. the other to be easier to feed, or easier to get through their final years. (Except to the extent that helping a large dog with mobility issues in and out of the car was a nightmare vs. popping a cat into a carrier.)
I think which set of difficulties will be more or less stressful for you is mostly just a matter of personality. It’s going to be a gamble either way, so just talk with your spouse and decide which gamble you two want to take!
That said, *if* you have the constitution for it, I wonder if you might try short term fostering a dog for a while to see how that feels to you. If it feels great and you foster fail, that might be a lovely outcome, and if it doesn’t, you can go back to the feline devil you know after you’ve helped a dog or two find loving homes.
posted by Stacey at 2:19 PM on December 18, 2023 [9 favorites]
I think which set of difficulties will be more or less stressful for you is mostly just a matter of personality. It’s going to be a gamble either way, so just talk with your spouse and decide which gamble you two want to take!
That said, *if* you have the constitution for it, I wonder if you might try short term fostering a dog for a while to see how that feels to you. If it feels great and you foster fail, that might be a lovely outcome, and if it doesn’t, you can go back to the feline devil you know after you’ve helped a dog or two find loving homes.
posted by Stacey at 2:19 PM on December 18, 2023 [9 favorites]
Hi, hello, the last 2 of my 3 dogs died at 17 in 2022, my cats were all gone in 2010. Last week we were adopted by a cat.
I agree with you that cats are harder. Getting this 10 pounds of pointy apathy to do ANYTHING that wasn't her idea is impossible. Our dogs - the smallest of whom was about 50lbs and the largest 88 in his prime years - were slightly easier to manhandle even when they were unable to walk unassisted in their final days than getting this cat off my desk. One of our dogs had a really challenging anxiety/anger management/reactive disorder that meant sometimes having to protect the other dogs from her, but you can just put up a gate rather than constructing an acrobat-proof barricade.
Our dogs only ever had accidents in our bed in their last months, and they were actually accidents. I'm no longer sure if my cats EVER walked past a laundry hamper or packing box of textiles, much less exposed bedding, without leaving some kind of substance behind.
Our dogs were, blessedly, mostly on the average range of intelligence. Smart dogs are a whole different kind of trouble, more like a cat in some ways. Cats are, on the whole, either much smarter or at least much more stubborn. I can never find the cat unless she wants to be found, I always knew where the dogs were. I could generally guess what the dogs would choose to do given an opportunity to do chaos, cats simply are chaos.
Points to cats: you can leave the house for more then 8 hours without hiring assistants.
And: I'm not ready to have dogs again. I don't even know if this cat is permanent - she theoretically needs us, or someone, and we do enjoy her company - but if I found a dog in a similar situation I would spend lots of money and time getting it into someone else's capable hands, because I'm just not ready to even have to think about losing more dogs yet.
I think ultimately, you will both regret and not regret whatever decision you make. I think if you have cat burnout it's probably ideal dog time, just like our dog burnout apparently means it's cat time.
posted by Lyn Never at 2:32 PM on December 18, 2023 [1 favorite]
I agree with you that cats are harder. Getting this 10 pounds of pointy apathy to do ANYTHING that wasn't her idea is impossible. Our dogs - the smallest of whom was about 50lbs and the largest 88 in his prime years - were slightly easier to manhandle even when they were unable to walk unassisted in their final days than getting this cat off my desk. One of our dogs had a really challenging anxiety/anger management/reactive disorder that meant sometimes having to protect the other dogs from her, but you can just put up a gate rather than constructing an acrobat-proof barricade.
Our dogs only ever had accidents in our bed in their last months, and they were actually accidents. I'm no longer sure if my cats EVER walked past a laundry hamper or packing box of textiles, much less exposed bedding, without leaving some kind of substance behind.
Our dogs were, blessedly, mostly on the average range of intelligence. Smart dogs are a whole different kind of trouble, more like a cat in some ways. Cats are, on the whole, either much smarter or at least much more stubborn. I can never find the cat unless she wants to be found, I always knew where the dogs were. I could generally guess what the dogs would choose to do given an opportunity to do chaos, cats simply are chaos.
Points to cats: you can leave the house for more then 8 hours without hiring assistants.
And: I'm not ready to have dogs again. I don't even know if this cat is permanent - she theoretically needs us, or someone, and we do enjoy her company - but if I found a dog in a similar situation I would spend lots of money and time getting it into someone else's capable hands, because I'm just not ready to even have to think about losing more dogs yet.
I think ultimately, you will both regret and not regret whatever decision you make. I think if you have cat burnout it's probably ideal dog time, just like our dog burnout apparently means it's cat time.
posted by Lyn Never at 2:32 PM on December 18, 2023 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Dogs are not inherently easier, they're just different. Pick your hard. I've had both at the same time and I currently have three cats (one a senior, all of whom require different prescription food) and I will still take their care over the dog's (who I very much loved) any day. The barking, the picking up poop from the yard, the having to walk in all kinds of weather, much higher vet bills, getting my car full of fur and mud, and the inability to come home late or leave them alone overnight are big nos for me personally.
Agree with those upthread who said your burnout is likely due to the number of pets you have plus them all being seniors, and not tied necessarily to the species.
posted by anderjen at 2:45 PM on December 18, 2023 [3 favorites]
Agree with those upthread who said your burnout is likely due to the number of pets you have plus them all being seniors, and not tied necessarily to the species.
posted by anderjen at 2:45 PM on December 18, 2023 [3 favorites]
I used to be a cat person, and when my last cat died (in 2014) my then spouse and I decided to get a dog. I thought that I would not love a dog as much as I loved cats, and therefore it would be "easier." I was totally committed to caring for the dog, I just thought the end of live stuff would be easier. Wow, was I wrong. My now senior dog has his own heartbreaking health issues, including losing his hearing and some cognitive decline. And it hurts every day.
posted by OrangeDisk at 3:48 PM on December 18, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by OrangeDisk at 3:48 PM on December 18, 2023 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I think generally speaking, dogs are more willing to eat things. That also means they can be more willing to get into the garbage, grab some mystery item on a walk, take things off the table, or get into your backpack and eat an entire chocolate bar. So you can have a new set of anxieties around food sometimes. It depends on the mutt though: our dog Frankie was entirely food un-motivated, which made our trainer insist she be hungry for lessons so that treats worked. She never got into the garbage or ate random things, though she did like to bring unripe or rotten fruit into the house for some reason. But over the last year she got canine cognitive dementia and getting her to eat was incredibly hard and we bought so many kinds of foods and toppers and stuff, so I totally feel you on the cat point. It can be very hard to convince elderly animals to eat. I would agree that there's an extraordinary amount of stress that comes with taking care of elderly pets. We are fortunate at the moment our cats are willing to eat lots of things (and frequently finished the dog's food for her).
posted by oneirodynia at 6:21 PM on December 18, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by oneirodynia at 6:21 PM on December 18, 2023 [3 favorites]
Best answer: After being a life-long cat person, my soul-kitty passed and my house seemed empty with only 2 cats left... so I added a dog! I'd always wanted one, and just couldn't imgaine replacing my departed cat quite yet. So a dog it was.
Food wise... the dog is pickier than the cats! To be fair though, all three will kill for Fancy Feast, and its not like i regularly offer the cats the random foods like the blueberries the pup gets. But of the pet foods purchased, the cats willingly will eat more varieties than pup. So YMMV.
A dog is a completely different experience. You can do things with a dog, take them places, have adventures. The cats are.. well, more like opinionated furniture. It really depends what kind of relationship you want with your animals. The dog will be unhappy not being with you. The cats on the other hand are perfectly content to laze around by themselves all day as long as you come back in time to feed them and give them a warm lap and scritches eventually.
Cat vs Dog is a lifestyle choice. I definitely wouldn't make my pet decisions based on elder pet care burnout - cats and dogs are both going to have issues, whether it's food issues, bladder or bowel control, mobility issues... or whatever. It's part of the responsibilities of having a pet, regardless of species. If you're not up for it again that's completely and totally fair and understandable... but then maybe it's not the right time for another pet.
posted by cgg at 7:21 PM on December 18, 2023 [2 favorites]
Food wise... the dog is pickier than the cats! To be fair though, all three will kill for Fancy Feast, and its not like i regularly offer the cats the random foods like the blueberries the pup gets. But of the pet foods purchased, the cats willingly will eat more varieties than pup. So YMMV.
A dog is a completely different experience. You can do things with a dog, take them places, have adventures. The cats are.. well, more like opinionated furniture. It really depends what kind of relationship you want with your animals. The dog will be unhappy not being with you. The cats on the other hand are perfectly content to laze around by themselves all day as long as you come back in time to feed them and give them a warm lap and scritches eventually.
Cat vs Dog is a lifestyle choice. I definitely wouldn't make my pet decisions based on elder pet care burnout - cats and dogs are both going to have issues, whether it's food issues, bladder or bowel control, mobility issues... or whatever. It's part of the responsibilities of having a pet, regardless of species. If you're not up for it again that's completely and totally fair and understandable... but then maybe it's not the right time for another pet.
posted by cgg at 7:21 PM on December 18, 2023 [2 favorites]
I can’t speak to dogs, but I do think you’ve been unlucky with your cats’ appetites. I’ve been mom to seven cats over the years and they all ate pretty much what was put in front of them.
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 8:22 PM on December 18, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by computech_apolloniajames at 8:22 PM on December 18, 2023 [3 favorites]
You sound like you’re in a great position to foster an adult dog to test out the idea. The shelter we foster for occasionally is often overwhelmed (especially this time of year), but tries to match foster homes with animals such that we’ve been able to ask for, say, a female adult dog who needs a break from the shelter chaos but who probably won’t bother or be bothered by our smaller older dog who dislikes newcomers.
posted by deludingmyself at 8:22 PM on December 18, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by deludingmyself at 8:22 PM on December 18, 2023 [1 favorite]
Best answer: Seconding a foster.
When I was wrangling kids, I (we) had only cats. I finally got a dog when the last kid left home. For me, dogs are high emotional maintenance--almost as bad as kids. I (we) now have two cats and a dog. The cats are fairly independent, as is their wont. The dog is needy and can never get enough attention. (She really is a good dog, but even right now, when I thought she was sleeping on her rug--she's STILL looking at me.)
posted by BlueHorse at 8:35 PM on December 18, 2023 [1 favorite]
When I was wrangling kids, I (we) had only cats. I finally got a dog when the last kid left home. For me, dogs are high emotional maintenance--almost as bad as kids. I (we) now have two cats and a dog. The cats are fairly independent, as is their wont. The dog is needy and can never get enough attention. (She really is a good dog, but even right now, when I thought she was sleeping on her rug--she's STILL looking at me.)
posted by BlueHorse at 8:35 PM on December 18, 2023 [1 favorite]
Team cat. Elder animals are never easy but at least you have a few years extra. And maybe just feed the next one mostly dry food -- cats are assholes and will always hold out on you to see how many cans you can open in a day
posted by credulous at 9:00 PM on December 18, 2023
posted by credulous at 9:00 PM on December 18, 2023
Best answer: We have two cats and a dog. The cats are about 10 minutes work per day and the dog is an hour and a half minimum (walking, playtime, and food but not including cuddles). Then if you're going to be out of the house for any length of time the dog is a different kettle of fish to the cats entirely. Don't get a dog if your goal is to make your life easier!
posted by Tanya at 3:02 AM on December 19, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by Tanya at 3:02 AM on December 19, 2023 [3 favorites]
I find my dogs more work than the cats overall. Personality is a huge difference - I have had cuddly close cats and dogs that wanted mostly to hang out on their own. Definitely do a foster or volunteer at a shelter so you can try out walking the dogs etc first.
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 6:34 AM on December 19, 2023
posted by dorothyisunderwood at 6:34 AM on December 19, 2023
Response by poster: Thank you folks! Every answer was the best, really. It's immensely helpful to know that we wouldn't necessarily be escaping picky eating with a dog. Whoever joins our lives next I can guarantee there will be one of them though!
posted by It Was Capitalism All Along at 7:11 AM on December 19, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by It Was Capitalism All Along at 7:11 AM on December 19, 2023 [2 favorites]
Just nth-ing that my dog is in the grips of old age (and probably cognitive decline), and has gone from "eating so fast she needed a special bowl" to "having to be coaxed to start eating with extra smelly meal additions and being shut in her crate for ten minutes or so until it clicks that she's supposed to be eating."
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 2:50 PM on December 19, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by Blue Jello Elf at 2:50 PM on December 19, 2023 [1 favorite]
My dog is a bit picky and used to be super picky as a puppy. But honestly, I sort of prefer that to the dogs that will just inhale anything. I've known too many people with dogs who had to get surgery to remove a bowel obstruction because the dog swallowed a sock. My dog might pick up something in his mouth (he likes carrying socks around) but he would never eat it/swallow it. But at the same time, it is really convenient to have one of those dogs who do whatever you ask if you have a tasty treat. My dog likes certain types of treats, but it's not going to be enough to convince him to do something he doesn't want to do. Fortunately he lives for attention and praise and to be glued to my side so it still works out.
At the same time, I do find handling vet care for my dog is SO MUCH EASIER than my cat. My dog gets stressed going to the vet, but he bounces back quickly, and he still takes treats and likes saying hi to people. My cat is terrified and I feel like I'm torturing him every time I have to put him in the carrier and take him somewhere. My dog loves car rides! He loves going out! (Obviously a big part of this is positive, early exposure when they are young. My dog tends to be on the nervous side, but a lot of positive exposure in his early months helped with this.)
My cat has asthma, and I cannot get him to let me use the spacer on him. I've watched a million videos, I've spent a year trying to slow introduce it. I can get it on his face, but it needs to be tight enough to form a seal, and it won't work.
Both my cat and dog need to take pills, but if the dog needs liquid medication or ear cleaning - he hates it, but it's doable. My cat needs to be put into a straight jacket to tolerate that stuff. And the dog bounces back right away. The cat won't let me touch him for the next 24 hours.
Obviously different dogs and different cats have different personalities. I will say that getting my dog was the best thing that ever happened to me. I love my cat so much, but the bond I have with my dog is just something else entirely. And I hate to admit it, but I dread having to do any medical stuff with my cat because it is just so much harder (especially being single) and it just feels like it tortures him so much more.
My dog is exponentially more work than the cat. A whole other level. But for me, it doesn't feel like work. Cleaning out the litter box feels like work. Taking the dog for a walk, training him, cuddling him, giving him attention (he needs A LOT of attention), those are all things i really enjoy. But I also always knew I wanted a dog. I planned for it the way some people plan for kids.
posted by litera scripta manet at 4:28 PM on December 19, 2023
At the same time, I do find handling vet care for my dog is SO MUCH EASIER than my cat. My dog gets stressed going to the vet, but he bounces back quickly, and he still takes treats and likes saying hi to people. My cat is terrified and I feel like I'm torturing him every time I have to put him in the carrier and take him somewhere. My dog loves car rides! He loves going out! (Obviously a big part of this is positive, early exposure when they are young. My dog tends to be on the nervous side, but a lot of positive exposure in his early months helped with this.)
My cat has asthma, and I cannot get him to let me use the spacer on him. I've watched a million videos, I've spent a year trying to slow introduce it. I can get it on his face, but it needs to be tight enough to form a seal, and it won't work.
Both my cat and dog need to take pills, but if the dog needs liquid medication or ear cleaning - he hates it, but it's doable. My cat needs to be put into a straight jacket to tolerate that stuff. And the dog bounces back right away. The cat won't let me touch him for the next 24 hours.
Obviously different dogs and different cats have different personalities. I will say that getting my dog was the best thing that ever happened to me. I love my cat so much, but the bond I have with my dog is just something else entirely. And I hate to admit it, but I dread having to do any medical stuff with my cat because it is just so much harder (especially being single) and it just feels like it tortures him so much more.
My dog is exponentially more work than the cat. A whole other level. But for me, it doesn't feel like work. Cleaning out the litter box feels like work. Taking the dog for a walk, training him, cuddling him, giving him attention (he needs A LOT of attention), those are all things i really enjoy. But I also always knew I wanted a dog. I planned for it the way some people plan for kids.
posted by litera scripta manet at 4:28 PM on December 19, 2023
Oh, and some wise advice that I think I read on ask mefi or maybe r/puppy101:
A puppy isn't a dog. It's a baby.
That is 100% true. If you get a puppy, don't expect it to be anything like a cat. It's much closer to having a baby - and a baby that can run around everywhere.
posted by litera scripta manet at 4:29 PM on December 19, 2023 [1 favorite]
A puppy isn't a dog. It's a baby.
That is 100% true. If you get a puppy, don't expect it to be anything like a cat. It's much closer to having a baby - and a baby that can run around everywhere.
posted by litera scripta manet at 4:29 PM on December 19, 2023 [1 favorite]
Oh, yes, okay -- will definitely amend my stress level report re: elder dog to note that in terms of vet visits, the dog is much easier than SOME* of my past cats. I still have scars, both physical and emotional, from my last kitty's vet visits. Meanwhile the elder dog loves the vet and the car even though the car makes her carsick now.
*Not all! One kitty would happily trot into his lil' carrier just for funsies, and a couple others were simple to coax with treats. Pets are a land of contrasts.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 3:08 PM on December 20, 2023
*Not all! One kitty would happily trot into his lil' carrier just for funsies, and a couple others were simple to coax with treats. Pets are a land of contrasts.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 3:08 PM on December 20, 2023
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This particular dog does not eat a damn thing unless she feels like it, and we'll never know in advance whether she feels like it. Now, admittedly, we don't have to worry that she is in imminent danger when she goes a few days barely picking at her dish. But if you find the pickiness/rejection stressful in and of itself, just know that dogs are not immune.
I don't find the dog less stressful than the cats overall -- of course a healthy, functioning dog is less stressful than multiple elderly cats. But a sick, old dog and a sick, old cat have pretty well the same levels of anxiety attached in my opinion.
From what I have experienced/observed, multiple pets of any kind can just be very, very difficult, so it seems very plausible that the burnout you're feeling is from having multiple pets and that one pet of any genre would be less stressful.
posted by We put our faith in Blast Hardcheese at 1:59 PM on December 18, 2023 [4 favorites]