Dealing with job negotiation discomfort and how to pick which job to take
March 7, 2023 7:45 AM Subscribe
I am AFAB and I'm pretty assertive compared to general female socialization but salary stuff is an area that is very uncomfortable for me. I am being put in a position where there could be a kind of bidding war to get me or keep me and I need help thinking about this the right way.
I can't really negotiate the salary but I can negotiate other benefits. I am having a really hard time using my current offer to attempt to maximize the offer I've received for a different position.
How do I conceptualize this so I don't feel icky leveraging my current employer's value of me to see if I can maximize the value offered to me by the employer that wants to hire me? It seems like men have zero problems with this. I'm negotiating with a woman and the grand boss is also a woman. I just feel all kinds of yucky being all "so current widget maker wants to keep me so bad they offered x. Can you beat that?"
Relatedly, how do I know I'm making the right decision in general? I feel terribly ineffectual in my current role but clearly they value me or they wouldn't want to jump through extra hoops to keep me around. I thought transitioning to a new job was going to be straightforward but I wasn't prepared for them to value me enough to offer me more money to stick around.
My current role has tons of flexibility, easy work load, low stress, and my boss appreciates my work even though I feel like my performance is mediocre. Because I have ADHD, all of that is actually kind of bad for me as it doesn't get my brain working the way higher stress, strict deadlines, and forced accountability do. Current role is also more pay. I telework but could be made to come to the office. It's my supervisor's first supervisory role and she's fine but doesn't really offer the type of positive feedback that helps me maintain motivation at work.
The new role is slightly less pay (with a cap that will mean XX,XXX less over time), fully remote, a team that understands how to supervise virtually with words of affirmation from management (my love language and therefore my greatest need at work also), but much less flexibility in the work and probably more stress most of the time. New role will also make it more complicated to take time off because the position is much more structured.
I just don't know what to do. Exasperated emoji. Thanks for any help around mindset to negotiate or ways to think about making this decision.
I can't really negotiate the salary but I can negotiate other benefits. I am having a really hard time using my current offer to attempt to maximize the offer I've received for a different position.
How do I conceptualize this so I don't feel icky leveraging my current employer's value of me to see if I can maximize the value offered to me by the employer that wants to hire me? It seems like men have zero problems with this. I'm negotiating with a woman and the grand boss is also a woman. I just feel all kinds of yucky being all "so current widget maker wants to keep me so bad they offered x. Can you beat that?"
Relatedly, how do I know I'm making the right decision in general? I feel terribly ineffectual in my current role but clearly they value me or they wouldn't want to jump through extra hoops to keep me around. I thought transitioning to a new job was going to be straightforward but I wasn't prepared for them to value me enough to offer me more money to stick around.
My current role has tons of flexibility, easy work load, low stress, and my boss appreciates my work even though I feel like my performance is mediocre. Because I have ADHD, all of that is actually kind of bad for me as it doesn't get my brain working the way higher stress, strict deadlines, and forced accountability do. Current role is also more pay. I telework but could be made to come to the office. It's my supervisor's first supervisory role and she's fine but doesn't really offer the type of positive feedback that helps me maintain motivation at work.
The new role is slightly less pay (with a cap that will mean XX,XXX less over time), fully remote, a team that understands how to supervise virtually with words of affirmation from management (my love language and therefore my greatest need at work also), but much less flexibility in the work and probably more stress most of the time. New role will also make it more complicated to take time off because the position is much more structured.
I just don't know what to do. Exasperated emoji. Thanks for any help around mindset to negotiate or ways to think about making this decision.
How did you get the new job offer? Out of the blue, or did you go looking for it? Because if you’re unhappy enough with your current job to be actively looking for work, I’d be inclined to resolve all issues in favor of leaving.
posted by LizardBreath at 7:55 AM on March 7, 2023
posted by LizardBreath at 7:55 AM on March 7, 2023
Response by poster: I got the offer because an old colleague told me their team was hiring and he really likes it there. He knew it would likely be a pay cut and said as much. I've missed the kind of work they are doing so I decided to apply. Also remote vs telework is appealing due to chronic illness and sensory issues. At the time I wasn't actively looking for other work but once they interviewed me and made an offer I realized I've been pretty unhappy with my current role. Some of that can be addressed and some can't. The retention incentive on offer is pretty hefty so I'm really torn now.
posted by crunchy potato at 8:09 AM on March 7, 2023
posted by crunchy potato at 8:09 AM on March 7, 2023
It seems like men have zero problems with this
As a man who worked for 15 years before having the courage to even ask anything like this, and who has never particularly succeeded with it, I can assure you that's not true.
The solution is twofold: First, stop imbuing everything with moral significance. Neither company is treating this as a moral quandary, and you shouldn't either. Each company is doing what's best for itself. If you end up taking the new offer, your current company isn't going to hang a picture of you on the dartboard in the breakroom because you broke their heart by leaving for somewhere else.
Second, stop trying to guess what other people are thinking entirely. Just because your current company is offering more money for you to stay doesn't mean they value you. There are any number of reasons why they could be offering this. Maybe you're working on something time-sensitive, and hiring and training someone new would throw off the project timeline. But also, if your current company values you so much, why weren't they already paying you what they're offering now?
Lots of questions; none of them matter. You can't know the answers to any of them. The only question you can answer is, what would make you happy? Ask them for what would make you happy. Their response is their responsibility.
So... what would make you happy? People generally don't apply for new jobs if they're happy at their current job. If you're already considering a pay cut, it doesn't sound like money matters to you, so would extra money from your current employer actually fix any of the issues you have with them? You've mentioned remote work, boredom, and unhelpful supervision, and yeah, none of those can be fixed with more money. There are plenty of situations where more money is helpful enough that it should be the deciding factor (if you can't afford to pay your bills, for example), but you haven't mentioned any of them here.
Additionally, I've read secondhand accounts of social science research that seems to indicate there is a threshold above which marginal income is unrelated to marginal happiness. That is, once you make a certain amount of money, making more money doesn't make you any happier. I don't know where you are in relation to that threshold (I've usually seen it around $75,000 USD), but that's something to consider as well.
All the available evidence so far indicates that a raise at your current job will not affect you much, and that you're torn primarily out of some misplaced sense of loyalty to your current employer.
posted by kevinbelt at 8:18 AM on March 7, 2023 [11 favorites]
As a man who worked for 15 years before having the courage to even ask anything like this, and who has never particularly succeeded with it, I can assure you that's not true.
The solution is twofold: First, stop imbuing everything with moral significance. Neither company is treating this as a moral quandary, and you shouldn't either. Each company is doing what's best for itself. If you end up taking the new offer, your current company isn't going to hang a picture of you on the dartboard in the breakroom because you broke their heart by leaving for somewhere else.
Second, stop trying to guess what other people are thinking entirely. Just because your current company is offering more money for you to stay doesn't mean they value you. There are any number of reasons why they could be offering this. Maybe you're working on something time-sensitive, and hiring and training someone new would throw off the project timeline. But also, if your current company values you so much, why weren't they already paying you what they're offering now?
Lots of questions; none of them matter. You can't know the answers to any of them. The only question you can answer is, what would make you happy? Ask them for what would make you happy. Their response is their responsibility.
So... what would make you happy? People generally don't apply for new jobs if they're happy at their current job. If you're already considering a pay cut, it doesn't sound like money matters to you, so would extra money from your current employer actually fix any of the issues you have with them? You've mentioned remote work, boredom, and unhelpful supervision, and yeah, none of those can be fixed with more money. There are plenty of situations where more money is helpful enough that it should be the deciding factor (if you can't afford to pay your bills, for example), but you haven't mentioned any of them here.
Additionally, I've read secondhand accounts of social science research that seems to indicate there is a threshold above which marginal income is unrelated to marginal happiness. That is, once you make a certain amount of money, making more money doesn't make you any happier. I don't know where you are in relation to that threshold (I've usually seen it around $75,000 USD), but that's something to consider as well.
All the available evidence so far indicates that a raise at your current job will not affect you much, and that you're torn primarily out of some misplaced sense of loyalty to your current employer.
posted by kevinbelt at 8:18 AM on March 7, 2023 [11 favorites]
Don't make any job moves based upon expectations of work from home policies. Those can and will change on very little notice, especially in the direction of less or no work from home.
Don't negotiate with the new employer based upon what your old employer is or may be doing. They (quite properly) don't care. "I like this offer and will accept it if you can offer me X improvement."
Do negotiate with your current employer based upon the outside job offer existing, but not it's particulars. Once again, nothing they care about or should. "I have a job offer, but I like it here and I will stay if you give me Y improvement."
Overall, be dispassionate and succinct, and don't waste time justifying what you want or having the employer explain their constraints.
posted by MattD at 8:30 AM on March 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
Don't negotiate with the new employer based upon what your old employer is or may be doing. They (quite properly) don't care. "I like this offer and will accept it if you can offer me X improvement."
Do negotiate with your current employer based upon the outside job offer existing, but not it's particulars. Once again, nothing they care about or should. "I have a job offer, but I like it here and I will stay if you give me Y improvement."
Overall, be dispassionate and succinct, and don't waste time justifying what you want or having the employer explain their constraints.
posted by MattD at 8:30 AM on March 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
In some industries (eg: tech, finance, etc.) here exists an entire ecosystem of compensation consultants who will work with you to optimize your offers (in return for a slice of the increase from your initial offer to whatever you finally accept; some will also do flat-rate if you're, um, lower down in the industry hierarchy).
...one of the things they do is coach you on negotiation strategies, how to correctly determine your effective "worth" to the company, and so on. They're quite expensive, but a friend of mine used one such firm and was genuinely staggered at how much of a difference they made to her confidence (and, in her case, the $$$ she ended up getting).
I am only familiar with tech-adjacent firms, so I may not be able to speak to your specific industry, but as an underrepresented person you may want to consider looking around for "career advisors" or the like. My friend literally doubled her pay by using the firm she chose, and she was already well-compensated.
[also, yeah, remote work is absolutely not guaranteed be very careful about that unless you get it in writing, preferably with a severance clause of some description (eg: if we stop allowing remote work, we pay you $large_monies$ to move or quit)]
posted by aramaic at 8:36 AM on March 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
...one of the things they do is coach you on negotiation strategies, how to correctly determine your effective "worth" to the company, and so on. They're quite expensive, but a friend of mine used one such firm and was genuinely staggered at how much of a difference they made to her confidence (and, in her case, the $$$ she ended up getting).
I am only familiar with tech-adjacent firms, so I may not be able to speak to your specific industry, but as an underrepresented person you may want to consider looking around for "career advisors" or the like. My friend literally doubled her pay by using the firm she chose, and she was already well-compensated.
[also, yeah, remote work is absolutely not guaranteed be very careful about that unless you get it in writing, preferably with a severance clause of some description (eg: if we stop allowing remote work, we pay you $large_monies$ to move or quit)]
posted by aramaic at 8:36 AM on March 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
This one weird trick is particular to my own psychological makeup, so very much YMMV, but for "How do I conceptualize this so I don't feel icky leveraging my current employer's value of me to see if I can maximize the value offered to me by the employer that wants to hire me?" I've successfully used "I owe it to women/femmes to get out of my comfort zone and negotiate" to do just that. It's obviously silly, but it helped me get over the hurdle of feeling like negotiating is some kind of unacceptable imposition on the prospective employer. As kevinbelt says, the employers here know what their interests/limits are here around hiring or keeping you. You're not being unfair to anyone by pushing them to the best offer they can provide.
posted by EvaDestruction at 8:57 AM on March 7, 2023 [8 favorites]
posted by EvaDestruction at 8:57 AM on March 7, 2023 [8 favorites]
In terms of negotiating, mentally frame this as earning the money for your family, not just for yourself. This money will improve the quality of life for your partner and any children you might have (now or in the future), your parents and other relatives that might run into financial crises. You're also setting up your eventual retirement, so that you won't be a financial burden on any children or other relatives.
Negotiating is not selfish, it's the loving thing to do for your family.
You can also say this to the companies: "In order to be financially responsible to my family, I need X compensation."
posted by sandwich at 9:04 AM on March 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
Negotiating is not selfish, it's the loving thing to do for your family.
You can also say this to the companies: "In order to be financially responsible to my family, I need X compensation."
posted by sandwich at 9:04 AM on March 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
Response by poster: @kevinbelt I have seen that research too. What I saw was 80k. I wonder if (a) that factors in providing for other members of your family and (b) if it factors in inflation (maybe yes generally but I suspect no for the extremely high inflation we have dealt with lately). Like yes if all adults make 75-80k I can see no need for more but if they make 75-80 between them, I'm not sure that is really the same 75-80 it was when they did that research.
The question of why weren't they paying more already is complicated to answer publicly. There's less room for movement on salary compared to other incentives, independent of how much they want a particular hire.
I could use the bonus to improve my quality of life in other ways - hire cleaners, hire a mothers helper to restore some of my weeknight spoons, more spa days which I can take more easily now than in the position I have been offered, etc. But the day to day work would not change much, and can't as there is meant to be a bright line separating the type of work I did before from what I'm doing now. I have to decide if I am ok with continuing to do work I feel less energized by in exchange for a better life outside of work hours. I've never really been able to do that before. I realize a lot of people bide their time in jobs they feel meh about because it affords them other benefits. Maybe I haven't hacked the current role adequately to do that.
I'll stop the back and forth stuff now. If anyone else asks questions, I may respond in MeMail but otherwise I am now spectating.
posted by crunchy potato at 9:06 AM on March 7, 2023
The question of why weren't they paying more already is complicated to answer publicly. There's less room for movement on salary compared to other incentives, independent of how much they want a particular hire.
I could use the bonus to improve my quality of life in other ways - hire cleaners, hire a mothers helper to restore some of my weeknight spoons, more spa days which I can take more easily now than in the position I have been offered, etc. But the day to day work would not change much, and can't as there is meant to be a bright line separating the type of work I did before from what I'm doing now. I have to decide if I am ok with continuing to do work I feel less energized by in exchange for a better life outside of work hours. I've never really been able to do that before. I realize a lot of people bide their time in jobs they feel meh about because it affords them other benefits. Maybe I haven't hacked the current role adequately to do that.
I'll stop the back and forth stuff now. If anyone else asks questions, I may respond in MeMail but otherwise I am now spectating.
posted by crunchy potato at 9:06 AM on March 7, 2023
I have to decide if I am ok with continuing to do work I feel less energized by in exchange for a better life outside of work hours. I've never really been able to do that before. I realize a lot of people bide their time in jobs they feel meh about because it affords them other benefits. Maybe I haven't hacked the current role adequately to do that.
I think you found your own answer.
I think it's not a bidding war. I think it's more that you've asked two organizations for their best and final offers. So do your best to make sure you have those ("I just have to ask, is it at all possible to raise that offer by $3k/yr?") and then really it's just that it's a hard decision.
As a counter to a post above that said it sounds like you're done with your current job, what I saw is that you are thinking of going to a job that you described as worse paying, less flexible holiday time, and more stressful, because you believe the environment will be more positive for you.
I totally get that, but I'm slightly skeptical that the new management style will be all you need. But sometimes making a change is better regardless.
posted by warriorqueen at 9:15 AM on March 7, 2023 [11 favorites]
I think you found your own answer.
I think it's not a bidding war. I think it's more that you've asked two organizations for their best and final offers. So do your best to make sure you have those ("I just have to ask, is it at all possible to raise that offer by $3k/yr?") and then really it's just that it's a hard decision.
As a counter to a post above that said it sounds like you're done with your current job, what I saw is that you are thinking of going to a job that you described as worse paying, less flexible holiday time, and more stressful, because you believe the environment will be more positive for you.
I totally get that, but I'm slightly skeptical that the new management style will be all you need. But sometimes making a change is better regardless.
posted by warriorqueen at 9:15 AM on March 7, 2023 [11 favorites]
I had a similar read to this as warriorqueen. I'd take the new offer at your current place, and see if that extra money to hire more household help makes a difference. If not, you can always apply to new jobs in the future, and this time from an even stronger position (i.e. higher salary, more experience, etc.).
posted by coffeecat at 9:29 AM on March 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by coffeecat at 9:29 AM on March 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
You could also hire a job/motivational coach, just as something to think about.
posted by warriorqueen at 9:33 AM on March 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
posted by warriorqueen at 9:33 AM on March 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
Just based on what you describe, your current job sounds better in a holistic sense compared to the outside offer. It's not perfect, and perhaps it is time for you to start casually looking for new opportunities, but the other offer you have in hand right now doesn't sound like it would make your situation better overall. You certainly don't sound excited about the new offer, and it's rarely a good idea to jump ship for something that you aren't excited about.
That is separate from the question of how to negotiate effectively. A lot of the advice is really simplistic (like "Always negotiate!", when sometimes an offer is good and negotiation isn't needed, say), and a lot the advice papers over gendered issues. Negotiating doesn't need to be high-conflict or morally loaded, but you should only do it when you have a pretty clear idea of what you are looking for. I'd argue that in negotiating you should leverage whatever you have that will help, whether that is a new offer or anything else, but you also have to be ready for the other party to say "no" and have a plan for that.
It's also good to get a sense of what pieces of an offer are actually negotiable. It sounds like maybe they don't have a lot of salary movement, but could they improve the overall offer (including compensation, benefits, time off, opportunities for advancement, flexibility, etc.) enough to compensate? It sounds like you would be potentially giving up a lot of money over time, which can seem small at the time but if it means, say, saving less each year for retirement, can really hurt you in the long run -- make sure when you are comparing costs and benefits that you consider impacts like that.
posted by Dip Flash at 10:18 AM on March 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
That is separate from the question of how to negotiate effectively. A lot of the advice is really simplistic (like "Always negotiate!", when sometimes an offer is good and negotiation isn't needed, say), and a lot the advice papers over gendered issues. Negotiating doesn't need to be high-conflict or morally loaded, but you should only do it when you have a pretty clear idea of what you are looking for. I'd argue that in negotiating you should leverage whatever you have that will help, whether that is a new offer or anything else, but you also have to be ready for the other party to say "no" and have a plan for that.
It's also good to get a sense of what pieces of an offer are actually negotiable. It sounds like maybe they don't have a lot of salary movement, but could they improve the overall offer (including compensation, benefits, time off, opportunities for advancement, flexibility, etc.) enough to compensate? It sounds like you would be potentially giving up a lot of money over time, which can seem small at the time but if it means, say, saving less each year for retirement, can really hurt you in the long run -- make sure when you are comparing costs and benefits that you consider impacts like that.
posted by Dip Flash at 10:18 AM on March 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
It sounds like maybe you have kid(s). In which case, I'd really urge you not to under-value flexibility, especially if other parent does not have a lot of flexibility
posted by DebetEsse at 10:47 AM on March 7, 2023 [3 favorites]
posted by DebetEsse at 10:47 AM on March 7, 2023 [3 favorites]
A woman professor once told us, "Ask for more money. If you can't do it for you, do it to make it easier for women and others who came after you."
You said you can't ask for more money, but I'd push back a bit on that and say, are you sure? Early in my career, I once had an HR person told me they could never pay relocation expenses, and then, when I turned down the offer, the head of the organization offered me relocation money. (I as SO MAD. I didn't want the job at that point anyway, but I was furious that they would have taken advantage of an early career person like that.)
So, always ask. I have always asked, and I have always gotten more. If you truly can't ask for more money, figure out what you can ask for. I know my heart pitter patters a bit doing it. But you can write or say something like, "I'm very excited about this opportunity. Right now this would be a pay cut for me, and my employer has offered a retention raise. Is there any possibility of a higher salary [or more benefits or whatever]? I was hoping for [salary they've offered plus a few thousand OR starting bonus OR whatever else you are going to ask for]."
Also, what's the worst case scenario if you ask for more and they say no? They're not going to yell and scream at you (or it would be super weird if they did!), and then you can go back to your current employer and get the raise.
In the big picture, though, once you get that retention money, you'll still be in the same job, listless and a bit bored. That glow of feeling good because of the raise won't last for long, and it might be worth figuring out how much more money you'd actually take home each pay check, because that's really how it's going to feel, not like the bigger amount they are saying now.
posted by bluedaisy at 12:29 PM on March 7, 2023 [6 favorites]
You said you can't ask for more money, but I'd push back a bit on that and say, are you sure? Early in my career, I once had an HR person told me they could never pay relocation expenses, and then, when I turned down the offer, the head of the organization offered me relocation money. (I as SO MAD. I didn't want the job at that point anyway, but I was furious that they would have taken advantage of an early career person like that.)
So, always ask. I have always asked, and I have always gotten more. If you truly can't ask for more money, figure out what you can ask for. I know my heart pitter patters a bit doing it. But you can write or say something like, "I'm very excited about this opportunity. Right now this would be a pay cut for me, and my employer has offered a retention raise. Is there any possibility of a higher salary [or more benefits or whatever]? I was hoping for [salary they've offered plus a few thousand OR starting bonus OR whatever else you are going to ask for]."
Also, what's the worst case scenario if you ask for more and they say no? They're not going to yell and scream at you (or it would be super weird if they did!), and then you can go back to your current employer and get the raise.
In the big picture, though, once you get that retention money, you'll still be in the same job, listless and a bit bored. That glow of feeling good because of the raise won't last for long, and it might be worth figuring out how much more money you'd actually take home each pay check, because that's really how it's going to feel, not like the bigger amount they are saying now.
posted by bluedaisy at 12:29 PM on March 7, 2023 [6 favorites]
Here's an article about negotiating that's been useful to me in the past. The most helpful bit is about "relational negotiating" -- in other words, framing your negotiation as "I-we" -- a win for both sides. Here's how that can look inside your own head:
"If I negotiate for a 4-day workweek, I believe I will actually be more productive and better able to bring my best to the job."
"If I negotiate for better pay now, that's going to maximize my ability to stay at this job over the long term and become an experienced asset for the team."
"If I negotiate for professional development dollars, that's going to give me skills that will make me even more effective and able to contribute."
...etc.
Make sure you believe it! Once you believe it in your own head, it's easier to present it to others. "I'm really excited about this job and this team. I want to make sure I can bring my best to the team, and I believe I can do that better with ________________."
There are other negotiating tactics out there, but if you're having a hard time asking for what you want as an AFAB person, this one might help. Good luck to you!
posted by ourobouros at 2:00 PM on March 7, 2023 [5 favorites]
"If I negotiate for a 4-day workweek, I believe I will actually be more productive and better able to bring my best to the job."
"If I negotiate for better pay now, that's going to maximize my ability to stay at this job over the long term and become an experienced asset for the team."
"If I negotiate for professional development dollars, that's going to give me skills that will make me even more effective and able to contribute."
...etc.
Make sure you believe it! Once you believe it in your own head, it's easier to present it to others. "I'm really excited about this job and this team. I want to make sure I can bring my best to the team, and I believe I can do that better with ________________."
There are other negotiating tactics out there, but if you're having a hard time asking for what you want as an AFAB person, this one might help. Good luck to you!
posted by ourobouros at 2:00 PM on March 7, 2023 [5 favorites]
This is probably suboptimal negotiating advice, so definitely go for a more assertive approach if you can bring yourself to do it. But if the more likely option is that you talk yourself out of negotiating at all, in a situation where negotiation would make sense...
My deal with myself about making hard asks is that if it's the only way I can get myself to do it, I'm allowed to openly acknowledge that I feel weird or awkward or conflicted about whatever I'm asking, as long as I'm still clear about what I am asking for. This does not always work, but sometimes it does the trick surprisingly well.
posted by eponym at 5:34 PM on March 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
My deal with myself about making hard asks is that if it's the only way I can get myself to do it, I'm allowed to openly acknowledge that I feel weird or awkward or conflicted about whatever I'm asking, as long as I'm still clear about what I am asking for. This does not always work, but sometimes it does the trick surprisingly well.
posted by eponym at 5:34 PM on March 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
a My current role has tons of flexibility, easy work load, low stress, and my boss appreciates my work even though I feel like my performance is mediocre. Because I have ADHD, all of that is actually kind of bad for me as it doesn't get my brain working the way higher stress, strict deadlines, and forced accountability do.
The latter doesn’t necessarily follow from the former or imply that you need a job that’s higher stress etc. As a fellow ADHD person, I’d be careful to make these short-term benefits chronic and inescapable conditions. Someone above suggested a coach, that would be one way to give you these properties when desired but not in a way that’s chronic stress, consequences for missed deadlines, forced accountability for when things don’t work out perfectly, also due to cumulative stress and deadlines and ADHD, with potentially serious impact on your livelihood. Instead of a coach right away, you could start by trying your own ways to get these boosts by restructuring your work, an accountability buddy, etc. Just be careful about committing to work conditions that only benefit you when things go well.
posted by meijusa at 1:04 AM on March 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
The latter doesn’t necessarily follow from the former or imply that you need a job that’s higher stress etc. As a fellow ADHD person, I’d be careful to make these short-term benefits chronic and inescapable conditions. Someone above suggested a coach, that would be one way to give you these properties when desired but not in a way that’s chronic stress, consequences for missed deadlines, forced accountability for when things don’t work out perfectly, also due to cumulative stress and deadlines and ADHD, with potentially serious impact on your livelihood. Instead of a coach right away, you could start by trying your own ways to get these boosts by restructuring your work, an accountability buddy, etc. Just be careful about committing to work conditions that only benefit you when things go well.
posted by meijusa at 1:04 AM on March 8, 2023 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by If only I had a penguin... at 7:55 AM on March 7, 2023 [18 favorites]