workplace... stuff
January 6, 2023 1:50 PM Subscribe
How to accept a situation I cannot change? Probably a common scenario, but I am seeking perspective just the same. Details below.
I am a manager in a service-oriented industry. I like my job, but part of working service, obviously, is about working weekends holidays, etc.
My organization has an employee, "Kaitlyn" who somehow wiggles out of every holiday weekend and peak-traffic time due to, she says, illness or emergencies. These illnesses and emergencies invariably coincide with peak-traffic times and holidays. She also convinces the scheduling manager to set her schedule to where she works the days she wants, at the hours she wants - only to call out unexpectedly on some of those days.
Recently Kaitlyn had an emergency and was out for the entire holiday season. I do not know if there was a genuine emergency or not; I do not want to know. I understand people legitimately need leave from time to time, and I am not disputing that right. What I do know is that I find it very frustrating that her work falls on everyone else, time and time again. My co-managers and I would like the opportunity to find someone to replace Kaitlyn, but are told over and over that Kaitlyn is to remain on the schedule, at the hours that suit her, for as long as it suits her, to avoid, I imagine, legal issues that may arise by letting her go without "cause" - such as defrauding the company, or similar, for which I have seen people let go immediately.
How I can accept this situation? I don't know Kaitlyn's whole story, after all. Whether I do or not, though, I need some advice on how to accept that this situation is not going to change anytime soon, and get some advice on how to move past it with equanimity.
I am a manager in a service-oriented industry. I like my job, but part of working service, obviously, is about working weekends holidays, etc.
My organization has an employee, "Kaitlyn" who somehow wiggles out of every holiday weekend and peak-traffic time due to, she says, illness or emergencies. These illnesses and emergencies invariably coincide with peak-traffic times and holidays. She also convinces the scheduling manager to set her schedule to where she works the days she wants, at the hours she wants - only to call out unexpectedly on some of those days.
Recently Kaitlyn had an emergency and was out for the entire holiday season. I do not know if there was a genuine emergency or not; I do not want to know. I understand people legitimately need leave from time to time, and I am not disputing that right. What I do know is that I find it very frustrating that her work falls on everyone else, time and time again. My co-managers and I would like the opportunity to find someone to replace Kaitlyn, but are told over and over that Kaitlyn is to remain on the schedule, at the hours that suit her, for as long as it suits her, to avoid, I imagine, legal issues that may arise by letting her go without "cause" - such as defrauding the company, or similar, for which I have seen people let go immediately.
How I can accept this situation? I don't know Kaitlyn's whole story, after all. Whether I do or not, though, I need some advice on how to accept that this situation is not going to change anytime soon, and get some advice on how to move past it with equanimity.
Well, perhaps the real thing problem here isn't that Kaitlyn isn't there, but that extra work is falling on others. Is there another solution?
And yes, I agree with praemunire that there could be some sort of HR-authorized accommodation that you don't know about, and you don't get to know about (like a medical or family issue). There have been times at different jobs when I've been in positions to know things that are private, and when people get out of joint because of this, it's just not great for anyone.
posted by bluedaisy at 2:36 PM on January 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
And yes, I agree with praemunire that there could be some sort of HR-authorized accommodation that you don't know about, and you don't get to know about (like a medical or family issue). There have been times at different jobs when I've been in positions to know things that are private, and when people get out of joint because of this, it's just not great for anyone.
posted by bluedaisy at 2:36 PM on January 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
This is practically a case study for why it's a good idea to use a third point of reference. It's not you, it's not her, it's the...
...100+ hours (off) that are showing on the spreadsheet.
What can we do about that? (You ask, referring to the actual number & showing the doc & chart if possible)
(Options do include changing your attitude after some reasonable discussion, but this does affect your motivation and thus your ability to do your job. So you have every right to push back gently, persistently.)
Document it objectively, ideally alongside everyone else's hours, review the document formally & objectively, and keep doing so. And let others know you are doing so.
Usually there's a way out of this that doesn't involve 1) trashing your motivation and 2) embarrassing her. That way # 3) or 3) 4) 5) is what you are looking for, if you ever need to clarify why you are keeping track of things around here. Good luck.
posted by circular at 2:40 PM on January 6, 2023 [8 favorites]
...100+ hours (off) that are showing on the spreadsheet.
What can we do about that? (You ask, referring to the actual number & showing the doc & chart if possible)
(Options do include changing your attitude after some reasonable discussion, but this does affect your motivation and thus your ability to do your job. So you have every right to push back gently, persistently.)
Document it objectively, ideally alongside everyone else's hours, review the document formally & objectively, and keep doing so. And let others know you are doing so.
Usually there's a way out of this that doesn't involve 1) trashing your motivation and 2) embarrassing her. That way # 3) or 3) 4) 5) is what you are looking for, if you ever need to clarify why you are keeping track of things around here. Good luck.
posted by circular at 2:40 PM on January 6, 2023 [8 favorites]
Kaitlyn, whether by choice or luck is unable to help out when you most need hours. It sucks. It sucks that you have to pick up the pieces, it sucks for her she's chronically ill, has a chaotic life and is likely not getting the pay-bumps and general pay as everyone else.
Has your org turned down the option of hiring someone else to add capacity to the team, so that when anyone has illness or emergencies your team isn't overly stressed? If you can show that you're consistently under-hours that should be pretty black and white. "We're averaging X hours a week sick over the year, we used to average Y.. can we get a full or part-timer to improve quality for our customers?"
Can coverage be handled with double/time-and-a-half? If someone's ill/out-- can the business recognize the impact on the other member and reward them for having to go the extra mile?
The other side-- if you're truly powerless and your co-workers are in the same place and the org isn't willing to do anything, is-- call in sick a little more, if you get X days sick a year, start using them. If you have an emergency that you *might* have handed off to a friend, take the day.
posted by Static Vagabond at 2:48 PM on January 6, 2023 [8 favorites]
Has your org turned down the option of hiring someone else to add capacity to the team, so that when anyone has illness or emergencies your team isn't overly stressed? If you can show that you're consistently under-hours that should be pretty black and white. "We're averaging X hours a week sick over the year, we used to average Y.. can we get a full or part-timer to improve quality for our customers?"
Can coverage be handled with double/time-and-a-half? If someone's ill/out-- can the business recognize the impact on the other member and reward them for having to go the extra mile?
The other side-- if you're truly powerless and your co-workers are in the same place and the org isn't willing to do anything, is-- call in sick a little more, if you get X days sick a year, start using them. If you have an emergency that you *might* have handed off to a friend, take the day.
posted by Static Vagabond at 2:48 PM on January 6, 2023 [8 favorites]
It might help you feel less frustrated and stuck if you focused on advocating for yourself and others to get more of the perks Kaitlyn enjoys. Or, alternative perks that reward those who take less desirable shifts, etc. Because it doesn’t seem like Kaitlyn is getting away with terrible behavior so much as she’s figured out how to get for herself the things everyone wants. It sounds like there’s some reason she’s untouchable (nepotism? blackmail? asking the right person nicely?), and it’s understandable that would be frustrating. However, since the dilemma isn’t, “how do I accept that this person will keep ruining projects with their incompetence,” or worse, it makes sense to look at how you might take management’s tolerance of her behavior and approach them with ideas for increasing others’ satisfaction with their work/scheduling/etc.
posted by theotherdurassister at 3:07 PM on January 6, 2023
posted by theotherdurassister at 3:07 PM on January 6, 2023
How I can accept this situation?
You can recognize it as a sign that your workplace takes illness and emergencies seriously, and will be likely to do so for you too if, heaven forbid, you're ever in a position to need it.
posted by trig at 3:08 PM on January 6, 2023 [10 favorites]
You can recognize it as a sign that your workplace takes illness and emergencies seriously, and will be likely to do so for you too if, heaven forbid, you're ever in a position to need it.
posted by trig at 3:08 PM on January 6, 2023 [10 favorites]
You and your co-managers can... stop "saving the day" and actually let some of the work that would normally fall to Kaitlyn just not get done. Customers complain? Work is delayed? Well... that is the consequence of approving time off AND not hiring a backfill/float person for busy periods.
For me, part of accepting the situation is also accepting the consequences of the situation. And you may think that means accepting you're gonna have to do extra work each time, but why not flip it around and make the company accept the missed revenue when you are missing one person during busy times? There is no incentive for change when there is no negative impact to any other part of the business (because it is absorbed by your team).
posted by tinydancer at 3:16 PM on January 6, 2023 [34 favorites]
For me, part of accepting the situation is also accepting the consequences of the situation. And you may think that means accepting you're gonna have to do extra work each time, but why not flip it around and make the company accept the missed revenue when you are missing one person during busy times? There is no incentive for change when there is no negative impact to any other part of the business (because it is absorbed by your team).
posted by tinydancer at 3:16 PM on January 6, 2023 [34 favorites]
Stop doing this flake's work, hire an additional person, and eventually zero hour her schedule.
posted by fluttering hellfire at 3:19 PM on January 6, 2023 [4 favorites]
posted by fluttering hellfire at 3:19 PM on January 6, 2023 [4 favorites]
Yes, stop doing the flake's work and let the pieces fall where they may. Document the repeated absences.
posted by shoesietart at 4:09 PM on January 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by shoesietart at 4:09 PM on January 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
Could you ask your company to pay more for weekend and holiday work? That would incentivize people to work at those times, and also be fairer to those who do.
posted by splitpeasoup at 5:04 PM on January 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
posted by splitpeasoup at 5:04 PM on January 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
Best answer: I have no advice. I am a lifelong retail worker, and there are lots of "Kaitlynsaaaaaaaaa' out there. They come in when they please; they work when they want; they have the nerve to complain about how hard they have it. There's always a crisis around holidays. And for the most part, the rest of us just have to suck it up. It's not fair; it's frustrating; it's demeaning; and it kills morale. And corporate just doesn't care. They tell us to do more. And with the world being what it is, it's darn near impossible to get "extra help", or even decent help, these days.
Since you are management (department or store?) I like the idea of cataloging how many hours are lost when Kaitlyn does her stunts. Otherwise, I would go for the allowing her job to just not get done. (Unless, of course, you are in food service, and someone needs to cover her tables or make platters or produce specific items that MUST be done).
Otherwise: I completely understand your frustration, and I hear you.
posted by annieb at 5:56 PM on January 6, 2023 [5 favorites]
Since you are management (department or store?) I like the idea of cataloging how many hours are lost when Kaitlyn does her stunts. Otherwise, I would go for the allowing her job to just not get done. (Unless, of course, you are in food service, and someone needs to cover her tables or make platters or produce specific items that MUST be done).
Otherwise: I completely understand your frustration, and I hear you.
posted by annieb at 5:56 PM on January 6, 2023 [5 favorites]
Assume Kaitlyn's going to be out, every single day, and plan things accordingly. Sure, she's on the schedule "whenever," but assume she won't be there and if she actually shows up, it's a nice bonus. "Oh, Kaitlyn, you're actually here today, go help so-and-so with the appetizers." Don't think of her as a reliable employee you can count on, think of her as the occasional bonus employee and otherwise you're relying on your team of four or whatever it is without her.
I have no idea if whatever Kaitlyn has going on is justified (health, child care, flakitude, second job, who knows) but given the situation, you're probably happier not knowing. Clearly Kaitlyn has SOME advantage to get what she wants forever.
Beyond that, works are frequently crap, annieb has it nailed. There are a billion problems that COULD be fixed at every job, but TPTB absolutely refuse to fix it, and if you can't quit/find another job, you're stuck with that forever. Nothing you can do but move to dull acceptance eventually.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:13 PM on January 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
I have no idea if whatever Kaitlyn has going on is justified (health, child care, flakitude, second job, who knows) but given the situation, you're probably happier not knowing. Clearly Kaitlyn has SOME advantage to get what she wants forever.
Beyond that, works are frequently crap, annieb has it nailed. There are a billion problems that COULD be fixed at every job, but TPTB absolutely refuse to fix it, and if you can't quit/find another job, you're stuck with that forever. Nothing you can do but move to dull acceptance eventually.
posted by jenfullmoon at 6:13 PM on January 6, 2023 [2 favorites]
Kaitlyn needs to be fired. She knows it, so do you, so does your entire work force.
It's a very difficult thing for some people to fire someone, ridiculously easy for the next person. I was terrible at it, thus put up with a lot of Kaitlyn-bs, and everybody on the crew knew it needed to be done, including the person who is going to be fired.
If it's any comfort to you, reflect on the fact that you are helping Kaitlyn not be a worthless employee in her next job. i saw one guy - a continual whiner, complainer, sniveling even - I watched him get run off and fall into an amazing gig, and he was excellent in the role, and highly valued.
The ball is in your hand now. We're past the holidays, she won't be able to pull on anyones heartstrings by using that thread-bare bullshit.
Two weeks notice. Alternately, if she has access to *any* data, you can cut off her ability to get into your systems - that happened to me in one job I had, they gave me a box for any items of mine, someone from HR standing right there. She'll still get her severance package. You could even get HR to do the whole deal - that's part of their job, actually - like they did me at that bank, she'll be out of the office inside half an hour.
Fire Kaitlyn.
posted by dancestoblue at 8:43 PM on January 6, 2023 [1 favorite]
It's a very difficult thing for some people to fire someone, ridiculously easy for the next person. I was terrible at it, thus put up with a lot of Kaitlyn-bs, and everybody on the crew knew it needed to be done, including the person who is going to be fired.
If it's any comfort to you, reflect on the fact that you are helping Kaitlyn not be a worthless employee in her next job. i saw one guy - a continual whiner, complainer, sniveling even - I watched him get run off and fall into an amazing gig, and he was excellent in the role, and highly valued.
The ball is in your hand now. We're past the holidays, she won't be able to pull on anyones heartstrings by using that thread-bare bullshit.
Two weeks notice. Alternately, if she has access to *any* data, you can cut off her ability to get into your systems - that happened to me in one job I had, they gave me a box for any items of mine, someone from HR standing right there. She'll still get her severance package. You could even get HR to do the whole deal - that's part of their job, actually - like they did me at that bank, she'll be out of the office inside half an hour.
Fire Kaitlyn.
posted by dancestoblue at 8:43 PM on January 6, 2023 [1 favorite]
My co-managers and I would like the opportunity to find someone to replace Kaitlyn, but are told over and over that Kaitlyn is to remain on the schedule
So, that’s the nub of it. Today it’s Kaitlyn, but tomorrow it might be Fred that the company decides to bless with special privileges. It would be easier if you were given reasons for her unique status, but the bureaucracy will roll on regardless.
For me, recognizing both that I work for a bureaucracy and that bureaucracies are by their nature capricious and impersonal are key. There is always something out of balance, always some unintended side effect, always something unfair going on. It’s the nature of the beast.
As a frontline manager part of your job is to protect your employees from the randomness and you are being prevented from doing that. It has got to be immensely frustrating but dealing with contradictions like this are why, as they say, you are paid the big bucks.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:52 AM on January 7, 2023
So, that’s the nub of it. Today it’s Kaitlyn, but tomorrow it might be Fred that the company decides to bless with special privileges. It would be easier if you were given reasons for her unique status, but the bureaucracy will roll on regardless.
For me, recognizing both that I work for a bureaucracy and that bureaucracies are by their nature capricious and impersonal are key. There is always something out of balance, always some unintended side effect, always something unfair going on. It’s the nature of the beast.
As a frontline manager part of your job is to protect your employees from the randomness and you are being prevented from doing that. It has got to be immensely frustrating but dealing with contradictions like this are why, as they say, you are paid the big bucks.
posted by Tell Me No Lies at 12:52 AM on January 7, 2023
Is this person full-time/with benefits? I'm guessing yes, because otherwise the traditional method of reducing their hours would have been used by now. But there will always be employees who act like this, either because they have legitimate reasons or because they only want to work if it's really convenient for them.
I think as a manager, your priority should be shielding the other employees you manage from fallout. Maybe there are practical ways you can reduce the impact of her unpredictability. Is there some sort of bullshit role you can shunt her into? As far as the other employees, I really like the idea of giving them money or perks when they step in to cover. A lot of employees will come in to cover, or do extra work and they won't complain, but at a certain point they will get tired of doing it-- in general, or when it's because of the same person every time. If it just makes for a bad day whenever you are short a person, look for ways to ameliorate that.
posted by BibiRose at 6:00 AM on January 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
I think as a manager, your priority should be shielding the other employees you manage from fallout. Maybe there are practical ways you can reduce the impact of her unpredictability. Is there some sort of bullshit role you can shunt her into? As far as the other employees, I really like the idea of giving them money or perks when they step in to cover. A lot of employees will come in to cover, or do extra work and they won't complain, but at a certain point they will get tired of doing it-- in general, or when it's because of the same person every time. If it just makes for a bad day whenever you are short a person, look for ways to ameliorate that.
posted by BibiRose at 6:00 AM on January 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
Practice coming up with imagined scenarios that make you feel good about her taking the time off she needs. Imagine she’s caring for several disabled family members or dealing with an invisible health issue or whatever helps you feel more like this situation is just and less like it’s an injustice.
Every time it comes up and you feel frustrated, pause and wish her well in your mind/heart.
posted by spindrifter at 6:05 AM on January 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
Every time it comes up and you feel frustrated, pause and wish her well in your mind/heart.
posted by spindrifter at 6:05 AM on January 7, 2023 [1 favorite]
I feel like this is an issue of “Don’t blame the person, blame the system.” You’ve said you don’t really want to know why Kaitlyn is out so often. If you did know why, perhaps it would require you to have more sympathy for her and it would be harder to find someone to blame on days you have more work due to a call out.
Scheduling has told you that her schedule needs to remain as they have it, so they obviously know something that Kaitlyn doesn’t feel comfortable sharing with you. And as tempting as it may be to eyeroll about her having emergencies on long weekends, imagine how awkward it feels for her to need to call out legitimately but knowing she’ll be judged on the timing by her manager. Emergencies don’t care if it’s a holiday or not.
If coverage is a problem, ask for scheduling to assign added staff to days that Kaitlyn is scheduled. It would show that you understand Kaitlyn’s needs while still needing adequate numbers of people to do the work. If scheduling refuses this then the issue is more that the company expects staff to juggle too much.
posted by donut_princess at 8:12 AM on January 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
Scheduling has told you that her schedule needs to remain as they have it, so they obviously know something that Kaitlyn doesn’t feel comfortable sharing with you. And as tempting as it may be to eyeroll about her having emergencies on long weekends, imagine how awkward it feels for her to need to call out legitimately but knowing she’ll be judged on the timing by her manager. Emergencies don’t care if it’s a holiday or not.
If coverage is a problem, ask for scheduling to assign added staff to days that Kaitlyn is scheduled. It would show that you understand Kaitlyn’s needs while still needing adequate numbers of people to do the work. If scheduling refuses this then the issue is more that the company expects staff to juggle too much.
posted by donut_princess at 8:12 AM on January 7, 2023 [2 favorites]
This thread is closed to new comments.
(If this is the U.S., since you can be fired for almost anything most of the time--no need for "cause", real or purported--the only other big reason a corporation would be likely to cover for her would be if she was a family member of or romantically involved with someone important...which is definitely something you can't fix, so better to focus on the more reasonable option.)
posted by praemunire at 2:12 PM on January 6, 2023 [1 favorite]