I can't bring myself to apply for jobs. Help!
May 15, 2022 5:29 PM Subscribe
So, after the debacle of my previous job (see prior questions), I've been unable to bring myself to apply for a job. I applied for one job that I kind of obviously wouldn't get, in February... just to say I applied for something. I've been in therapy, which has been helping, but I am still struggling at getting over some sort of job-search barrier and I don't know what to do.
I think what's preventing me from applying for jobs is three fold:
1) I'm convinced that no one in my field (libraries) will hire me after the debacle of my last job. Yes, it's slim to none that most hiring managers would know what happened, that's true.
2) I find job searching to just be a horrendous ordeal overall. I've been feeling quite good about myself since I quit my job in the non-career areas of my life, and have actually been enjoying myself. I have some sort of black and white thinking where job searching will open a Pandora's box of the negative feelings I associate with job searching: I'm not good enough, I'll never get a job, no one will hire me, I'm too over/under qualified... never just "qualified," how much I hate job interviews, etc. I know none of these feelings are really "special," but I hate feeling that way so much. So ignoring job searching has allowed me to, uh... ignore those feelings?
3) I truly don't know how I feel about my profession as a whole anymore after that whole ordeal. I know that not all libraries (or workplaces) will be like that. I feel so disconnected from the entire field after that experience. I had a mentor who helped me a lot get that job, who hasn't spoken to me ONCE since I quit. I feel like a bit of a persona-non-grata and I have a bit of sour grapes towards the entire field (well, if they don't want me, I don't want them!!!!), but then... I also have no idea where else I should be applying or how to get there. I feel stuck in a field that a) I probably won't get a job in and b) I don't care about anymore.
I need to get another job, I mean, I really can't stay unemplpyed indefinitely. It's just not realistic!!!! I just can't bring myself to job search. Every aspect of it is so unpleasant. I haven't touched my resume since February. I'm sincerely thinking of finding someone to write my cover letter for me, because I cannot fucking stomach it.
How can I get through this? I seriously hate, hate, hate what has happened to my career. I feel like I'm never going to be able to get another job ever again after quitting my last job after exactly 6 months (ugh, after being unemployed for 5 months, too). I mean, it's the point where my insane mother (see previous questions, too) has actually told me (in a nice way) "well, if you don't apply for jobs, you won't get one!" Which is a shocking amount of logic from someone like her, I must admit. It's kind of crazy that the tables are turned.
Again, I *am* in therapy and I have been working on this with her, but I would like to hear advice/anecdotes from other people who might have been though the same thing. What worked for you? What didn't? Did you ever get another job?
I think what's preventing me from applying for jobs is three fold:
1) I'm convinced that no one in my field (libraries) will hire me after the debacle of my last job. Yes, it's slim to none that most hiring managers would know what happened, that's true.
2) I find job searching to just be a horrendous ordeal overall. I've been feeling quite good about myself since I quit my job in the non-career areas of my life, and have actually been enjoying myself. I have some sort of black and white thinking where job searching will open a Pandora's box of the negative feelings I associate with job searching: I'm not good enough, I'll never get a job, no one will hire me, I'm too over/under qualified... never just "qualified," how much I hate job interviews, etc. I know none of these feelings are really "special," but I hate feeling that way so much. So ignoring job searching has allowed me to, uh... ignore those feelings?
3) I truly don't know how I feel about my profession as a whole anymore after that whole ordeal. I know that not all libraries (or workplaces) will be like that. I feel so disconnected from the entire field after that experience. I had a mentor who helped me a lot get that job, who hasn't spoken to me ONCE since I quit. I feel like a bit of a persona-non-grata and I have a bit of sour grapes towards the entire field (well, if they don't want me, I don't want them!!!!), but then... I also have no idea where else I should be applying or how to get there. I feel stuck in a field that a) I probably won't get a job in and b) I don't care about anymore.
I need to get another job, I mean, I really can't stay unemplpyed indefinitely. It's just not realistic!!!! I just can't bring myself to job search. Every aspect of it is so unpleasant. I haven't touched my resume since February. I'm sincerely thinking of finding someone to write my cover letter for me, because I cannot fucking stomach it.
How can I get through this? I seriously hate, hate, hate what has happened to my career. I feel like I'm never going to be able to get another job ever again after quitting my last job after exactly 6 months (ugh, after being unemployed for 5 months, too). I mean, it's the point where my insane mother (see previous questions, too) has actually told me (in a nice way) "well, if you don't apply for jobs, you won't get one!" Which is a shocking amount of logic from someone like her, I must admit. It's kind of crazy that the tables are turned.
Again, I *am* in therapy and I have been working on this with her, but I would like to hear advice/anecdotes from other people who might have been though the same thing. What worked for you? What didn't? Did you ever get another job?
Well this isn't going to help if you don't already get it (emotionally), but the secret is just not caring very much. We treat job seeking as a test of one's fundamental worth as a person, and behave as if it's a high-stakes game of identity, when it just isn't; it's form-filling for money. Last time I was unemployed for a good while I had the process down so that I could apply for several jobs a day with actually meaningful cut-and-paste responses from a constantly growing text file. Tap tap tap, send, never think about it again. Maybe you'll get an interview in 1:20 or 1:50, but if each application doesn't take much energy or effort, who cares. As I said before in your ask, every application is worth doing, not a single one is worth worrying about at all. Apply for some jobs you don't really want. Apply for jobs in distant places you might not want to live. Apply for some jobs you're grossly underqualified for. Who cares?
There's so much anxiety that people attach to the job seeking process that just isn't reciprocated by selection panels; how many times do people respond to extensive criteria tests, or go to job interviews, or multiple job interviews, then get just radio silence?
Most of all, you shouldn't make the intellectual mistake that naturally goes with job seeking—that more emotional energy or more caring or more desire on your part will make any difference. When there is a job opening for you, you can be hired, and not before. You're unemployed; you don't get a say in other people's hiring, and in the meantime, you may as well be Buddhist about it.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 5:55 PM on May 15, 2022 [10 favorites]
There's so much anxiety that people attach to the job seeking process that just isn't reciprocated by selection panels; how many times do people respond to extensive criteria tests, or go to job interviews, or multiple job interviews, then get just radio silence?
Most of all, you shouldn't make the intellectual mistake that naturally goes with job seeking—that more emotional energy or more caring or more desire on your part will make any difference. When there is a job opening for you, you can be hired, and not before. You're unemployed; you don't get a say in other people's hiring, and in the meantime, you may as well be Buddhist about it.
I'm sincerely thinking of finding someone to write my cover letter for meYes. This is a good idea and you should do it, and your resume as well. Find someone who comes recommended or who you trust. I had a mate with a good deal of hiring experience do this to mine and it was revelatory.
posted by Fiasco da Gama at 5:55 PM on May 15, 2022 [10 favorites]
I forget what they are called -- maybe "accountability buddies" or "_____ doubles"? But you can get someone to be with you, each doing your own thing, virtually. Maybe having someone in the "room" with you would help you focus.
posted by NotLost at 6:15 PM on May 15, 2022
posted by NotLost at 6:15 PM on May 15, 2022
I went through a period where I needed to look for a new job but had a hard time finding motivation / overcoming anxiety. My therapist told me to just focus on getting the application submitted. Don't even think about the next part. Just submit, submit, submit.
posted by radioamy at 6:23 PM on May 15, 2022 [2 favorites]
posted by radioamy at 6:23 PM on May 15, 2022 [2 favorites]
It sounds like you are not only feeling anxious about the application process, but also having ambiguous feelings about whether you like this career anymore.
For the latter issue, I'd recommend applying for a job that you deliberately don't care too much about but that will build your self-esteem back up again.
After walking away from academia a few years ago, I'm currently working in a relatively low-paid hospital job where I care for patients and assist the nurses. For me, it's a wonderful contrast. I have low responsibility, but really small things I do make patients/busy nurses very happy. I don't use a computer. I go home and don't think about my work until I clock in the next shift. The hospital drama and politics are totally alien to me, so don't upset me. I feel competent and happy at work, despite the low pay and low status, and that's been amazingly therapeutic after years and years of bullying and misery in the career I thought I was passionate about.
For you, the opposite of the library might be, as phunniemee said above, temping or other low-stakes office work. Not dealing with the public or doing any emotional labor. Completing simple tasks that other people are grateful for. Being able to observe the interoffice drama without being part of it. No expectations of loyalty or 'passion'.
It doesn't have to be forever - that's kind of the point. But it might help you feel useful and competent again, and to get some perspective while you think about whether your dissatisfaction with library work is a reaction to your last position or a real change of heart.
posted by EllaEm at 7:19 PM on May 15, 2022 [3 favorites]
For the latter issue, I'd recommend applying for a job that you deliberately don't care too much about but that will build your self-esteem back up again.
After walking away from academia a few years ago, I'm currently working in a relatively low-paid hospital job where I care for patients and assist the nurses. For me, it's a wonderful contrast. I have low responsibility, but really small things I do make patients/busy nurses very happy. I don't use a computer. I go home and don't think about my work until I clock in the next shift. The hospital drama and politics are totally alien to me, so don't upset me. I feel competent and happy at work, despite the low pay and low status, and that's been amazingly therapeutic after years and years of bullying and misery in the career I thought I was passionate about.
For you, the opposite of the library might be, as phunniemee said above, temping or other low-stakes office work. Not dealing with the public or doing any emotional labor. Completing simple tasks that other people are grateful for. Being able to observe the interoffice drama without being part of it. No expectations of loyalty or 'passion'.
It doesn't have to be forever - that's kind of the point. But it might help you feel useful and competent again, and to get some perspective while you think about whether your dissatisfaction with library work is a reaction to your last position or a real change of heart.
posted by EllaEm at 7:19 PM on May 15, 2022 [3 favorites]
All of the above suggestions are good - as is a multi-pronged strategy.
I went through the same set of feelings last year — along with the accountabilibuddy - someone to whom I’d report my progress - focusmate.com helped me a lot. It pairs you up with another person anywhere on the globe who also is working on a task. You say hello, state your intention for the session, and get to work. At the end, you again say what you were able to complete. It kept me in my chair, and even if my progress wasn’t great, I did make progress each time.
posted by Silvery Fish at 4:49 AM on May 16, 2022 [1 favorite]
I went through the same set of feelings last year — along with the accountabilibuddy - someone to whom I’d report my progress - focusmate.com helped me a lot. It pairs you up with another person anywhere on the globe who also is working on a task. You say hello, state your intention for the session, and get to work. At the end, you again say what you were able to complete. It kept me in my chair, and even if my progress wasn’t great, I did make progress each time.
posted by Silvery Fish at 4:49 AM on May 16, 2022 [1 favorite]
Maybe bring some job applications to your therapy session and have your therapist sit with you while you submit them.
I think getting started is harder than keeping going, and that the more you do, the easier each individual one will be.
posted by plonkee at 5:36 AM on May 16, 2022 [3 favorites]
I think getting started is harder than keeping going, and that the more you do, the easier each individual one will be.
posted by plonkee at 5:36 AM on May 16, 2022 [3 favorites]
Maybe you should consider transition to a different career that you may be interested in.
I was IT / Programmer (i.e. a techie), but I'm in my 3rd year of non-tech jobless-ness as practically EVERY tech job application I made came back "we've decided not to move forward". I think I've made it to maybe 4-5 Zoom interviews and only once I made it to 3rd round (and was ultimately not chosen).
I ended up doing something ELSE I did and sorta enjoyed... Tour guiding. Pay is decent, but amount of work is low (as tours are maybe a couple times a week, and there are other guides), so I have to watch my own spending. But it gave me time to catch up on things I missed out when I was working full-time, and thus gave me some ideas on doing side-hustles I may put into practice.
So maybe you don't have to struggle to get yourself back into the "rat race"... just yet.
posted by kschang at 8:56 AM on May 16, 2022 [1 favorite]
I was IT / Programmer (i.e. a techie), but I'm in my 3rd year of non-tech jobless-ness as practically EVERY tech job application I made came back "we've decided not to move forward". I think I've made it to maybe 4-5 Zoom interviews and only once I made it to 3rd round (and was ultimately not chosen).
I ended up doing something ELSE I did and sorta enjoyed... Tour guiding. Pay is decent, but amount of work is low (as tours are maybe a couple times a week, and there are other guides), so I have to watch my own spending. But it gave me time to catch up on things I missed out when I was working full-time, and thus gave me some ideas on doing side-hustles I may put into practice.
So maybe you don't have to struggle to get yourself back into the "rat race"... just yet.
posted by kschang at 8:56 AM on May 16, 2022 [1 favorite]
Have you been spending all of your time since your last job churning about this? Because it sounds like maybe you've basically spent the time since leaving either processing what happened at your last job or stressing out about your inability to find a new one. If it's economically possible, I'd suggest taking one month to relax. During that time, you are not allowed to apply to new jobs. So you don't need to devote all that mental energy to beating yourself up for not looking for a job - you're not allowed! It seems to me that you need something to mentally close the chapter of your life that was represented by your last job, because right now I think you're still in it.
posted by Ragged Richard at 10:30 AM on May 16, 2022
posted by Ragged Richard at 10:30 AM on May 16, 2022
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You'll be ok.
posted by phunniemee at 5:47 PM on May 15, 2022 [8 favorites]