Confessions Of A Flappy Bird: How to stop flapping my hands when I talk?

October 16, 2017 11:39 AM

Whenever I do public speaking as a hobby, I get great feedback except for one thing -- I flap my hands too much! If you're a Former Flapper, how did you train yourself out of the habit?

I got some feedback recently that my over-active gestures were taking away from the message of my speech. Which makes perfect sense. But I am speaking about something I am VERY excited about, and I'm a very enthusiastic person. My gestures and flapping are how I express this... and I don't know how to stop!

I want to work on this, in order to be a more effective speaker. But I have no idea how to train myself out of gesticulating wildly. And most of the resources I see via Google are "learn these specific gestures" not "how to stop flapping". Any tips or tricks to share? It's not as simple as just "keep your hands in your pockets" because a good speaker *does* use their hands to a certain extent...

posted by rogerrogerwhatsyourrvectorvicto to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (11 answers total)

I started holding a pencil with both hands.
posted by janey47 at 11:43 AM on October 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

Grip the sides of the podium and return to that position after gesturing with your hands. If I’m using my dominant hand to advance slides, I leave it on the device.
posted by carmicha at 11:50 AM on October 16, 2017

Hold chalk/marker in one hand, eraser in the other. You can still gesture, but having your hands full (in theory) reduces the number and size of said gestures.
posted by SaltySalticid at 11:52 AM on October 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

Practice! Practice in front of a mirror. Take video of the presentation and re-watch it. Ask a friend to sit in on a practice session and tell them to stop you if you're flapping your hands. And if you're doing this a lot, try adopting some of the too-simple approaches like "Keep your hands in your pockets," since if you gesture way too much, you probably won't adhere to the "simple" fix anyway, it'll just cut down on your flappyness.
posted by craven_morhead at 12:10 PM on October 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: Just to add, the public speaking I do is standing, sans props or podium, in front of a group of people -- so, I need to do this without physical props or things to hold on to!
posted by rogerrogerwhatsyourrvectorvicto at 12:21 PM on October 16, 2017

So you *can't* bring something to hold onto, like a pencil, even if you don't need one? Even a quarter, which no one would see that you were holding, would force you to keep one hand closed and probably make you more conscious of it.

If you can't use a prop, I would suggest you actually take the "learn these gestures" advice. If you're making deliberate, planned, measured gestures that are part of your presentation, you will not be making the over-excited ones that you're concerned about.

One trick I was taught to keep my hands still was to relax them at my sides, then press just the middle finger against my leg. My hands still look relaxed, but I'm actively doing something with them, which makes it easy to remember to keep them still.
posted by gideonfrog at 12:45 PM on October 16, 2017 [6 favorites]

When I was in public speaking competitions in college I had to remind myself to leave my hands at my sides, and only gesture deliberately on words or phrases that really made a point. It took a lot of practice to learn, but after that it was habit, even when giving new speeches where I hadn't specifically rehearsed the gestures.
posted by christinetheslp at 1:48 PM on October 16, 2017

Following onto what christintheslp said, one thing that we worked on a lot when I did public speaking in college was figuring out gestures that were strong and natural, and building those into a habit. What this means:

• Hands generally palms down or to the side - palms up is a "supplicating" posture, and looks weak
• Fingers together or gently spread, but not completely splayed and not pointing.
• Hands at about elbow height, and in a narrow space in front of you. If they're too low, you look like you've been tranquilized. Too high, and you get the flappy bird effect.
• Find points in space for your arguments, and use those as reference points for gesturing. When you walk, lead the movement with a gesture in the same direction.
• Use gestures to emphasize words, and practice delivering sentences with the gestures used with stress and pauses. But also practice dropping your hands, so that you don't always have them in front of you.

If you focus on these gestures, it gives you something specific to do with your hands, so they won't just be all over. Also, tape yourself and watch it. It's painful, and it takes a long time. I was also a flappy bird when I first started, and my coach would throw paperclips at me whenever he saw it. But over time, you get better, and it becomes a part of your natural movement.
posted by Four String Riot at 1:57 PM on October 16, 2017 [1 favorite]

Repeat to yourself when you feel the flapping start: let my arms be arms. Then press the sides of your thumbs into the seams of your pants/skirt. Repeat as necessary.
posted by songs_about_rainbows at 3:36 PM on October 16, 2017

I was taught that people's eyes follow our hands, so excessive hand motion is certainly distracting. One solution is to think carefully about what the most exciting/important parts of your talk are, and use those moments to gesture broadly. The rest of the time (again, this is what I was trained to do) you can try using the triangle: put your fingers to touch and thumbs to touch so when you look down at your hands, you see a triangle (example). Hold this at waist height. You can even press your fingers together as a way to use your energy on something besides gesticulating. It feels kind of weird at first, but when I see other presenters do it, it looks polished, and a bit less stiff than arms-at-the-side.

Also, watch some Ted Talks! There are some skilled presenters there without any podiums or props, who use gesturing purposefully.
posted by violetish at 4:56 PM on October 16, 2017

most of the resources I see via Google are "learn these specific gestures" not "how to stop flapping"

Well you need to replace the flapping with something. You can't just will your arms to to exist, they are going to be doing something even if that's just being at your sides.

Learn whatever gestures would work for you, and practice them, including practicing holding your arms by your side or other neutral position. Practice more. Continue practicing.
posted by yohko at 9:12 PM on October 16, 2017