16646 Ask MetaFilter answers by jessamyn (displaying 1 through 50)

I’m a widowed parent and family members are pressuring me to get back in the game. I don’t want to. I’m not sure I ever will. Is this more common than I think?
comment posted at 10:31 AM on Jul-15-20


Hello, a family member of mine died this weekend, who I believe named another family member in their will. I'd like to know if there is any possibility of the executor or anyone else interfering with my family member who is due to inherit, or if it is straightforward and difficult to manipulate. If it's the former, I would like to know what I could do to make sure that the will is executed according to the deceased family member's wishes.
comment posted at 3:06 PM on Jul-14-20


I filed a claim with my health insurance for reimbursement for a $2500 facility fee paid out-of-pocket for a pre-approved procedure. After many iterations with customer support, their current (last?) requirement is that a representative from the facility must call them to provide a location code. Trouble is -- a representative already has.
comment posted at 9:56 AM on Jul-11-20


My landlady's 17" Macbook Pro is finally dying a slow death and she wants help getting a new computer. She is 96, only uses Gmail and maybe reads or watches online news, and occasionally prints things from email. I think a Chromebook is a good bet, but which one? A few other requirements below.
comment posted at 9:23 AM on Jul-11-20


Spy Magazine once posted a table showing number of deaths associated with the production of various consumer products. Like one (human) death per million UPS deliveries, or hundred-thousand pounds of meat butchered, etc., so that any individual could see what fraction of a human life their own consumption was responsible for ending. But I can't find it. Anyone?
comment posted at 10:09 AM on Jul-10-20


My brother did not have any alerts on his credit card. Last week someone accessed his Amazon account, changed the email, ordered a very nice laptop, archived the order to hide it, had UPS change the delivery address, and when it was delivered today changed email back.
comment posted at 10:16 AM on Jul-10-20


A bad update crashed our nonprofit WordPress website. We aren't able to rollback the update because we can't reach the person responsible for the hosting. To workaround the problem, we created a new stripped-down version of the website at another host. Now we'd like to get a copy of the old site so we can eventually migrate the old content to this new site. But the hosting company won't provide a copy of the old site without the old account credentials, and we can't reach the person who had/has them.
comment posted at 9:01 AM on Jul-9-20


My bf and I are discussing how to split the rent on an apartment. One of us will be using an office in the apartment. What makes sense?
comment posted at 3:23 PM on Jul-8-20


While taking advantage of all the COVID down time during PRIDE, I have been reading and listening to books (also this), as well as an amazing podcast to understand more of the history and development of my community, While these are amazing for filling in the gaps, I would like to read some of the original gay publications/source documents, especially "The Native" which was very active in the initial AIDS crisis. Unfortunately my googling hasn't helped - are there any recommendations? Thanks
comment posted at 7:02 PM on Jul-7-20
comment posted at 7:08 PM on Jul-7-20


I have a fairly large basement family room with a low ceiling that gets no natural light, which I hate. I need to figure out what kind of lighting would work best to not make me feel like it's a tomb during the day but not be overwhelming in the evening. Ideas?
comment posted at 8:00 PM on Jul-6-20


I woke up to a damaged car on Sunday morning, it had been hit by another vehicle while parked in front of my place. I have some dents and a missing side mirror now, but other than that it's ok. Everyone seems angrier about this damage to my car than I actually am? Should I be angrier? Is something wrong with me?
comment posted at 5:40 PM on Jul-6-20


They say wisdom is "accepting the obvious" and I am finally accepting what I feel is quite an embarrassing situation, which is that I'm early 50s and with a couple of exceptions don't really have a clue about friendship or interacting with others. Pre-lockdown I used to go out mainly to cafes or cinema by myself (mental illness means I haven't worked in a long time). Recently a social worker assessed me as needing a couple of hours a week to supervise/ encourage while I tidied, and she has also advocated for me to get another two hours with a support worker to get "out and about" as my hermit lifestyle is clearly not helping my mental health any. However I don't have a clue what to do with this time allocated and it's making me anxious ...
comment posted at 8:33 AM on Jul-6-20


Tips on offering suggestions in a way that acknowledges the agency for the ultimate end decision lies with that person, so that it doesn't sound 'controlling-out-of-love'?
comment posted at 7:59 PM on Jul-5-20


This is obviously none of my business, but I've always been curious and he's dead, so: how did Harlan Ellison make a living? He wrote a bunch of short fiction over the years, sure, and intermittently wrote for TV (mostly in the '60s and '70s), but it doesn't seem like it'd be enough to get by. Was one season of "The Starlost" plus the settlement from The Terminator plus short fiction royalties really enough to live on for the rest of his life? (I always wondered if he'd inherited money...)
comment posted at 4:34 PM on Jul-5-20


My husband has started reading books by John Grisham and loves them. Not my cup of tea at all, so I don't know where to start, but for his birthday, I would like to give him books that scratch a similar itch but by different authors. Specifics below.
comment posted at 4:23 PM on Jul-5-20


Is there a polite way to steer the conversation away from a touchy topic?
comment posted at 11:34 AM on Jul-4-20


Just received my beautiful new MBP (with Touchbar) from work. I want to keep it as clean as possible and avoid the grody fingerprint stains that my last MacBook developed over time. What should I buy to maintain the screen, keyboard, and trackpad? Bonus points if you can also tell me how to better protect the power cable.
comment posted at 10:24 AM on Jul-4-20


My family lives in Chicago which has notoriously tragic headlines every week like June 1, 2020: “92 people shot, 27 killed over weekend,” or “3 year old girl shot and killed by stray bullet while standing at her window.”
comment posted at 10:57 AM on Jul-2-20


I'm back, again; please don't judge me. I am waiting on a consult with a family law attorney. I need a little help thinking through all the stuff I might not anticipate if I move forward with a divorce.
comment posted at 11:50 AM on Jun-30-20


Family member who is 70+ and considered high-risk for Covid because of diabetes and recent history of cardiac disease, now needs cataract surgery. The doctor didn't say now-now. Help me weigh the risk involved in a possible exposure at the hospital/follow up appointments and via any complications that might occur.
comment posted at 5:54 PM on Jun-29-20


how much truth is the right level of truth for a guest?
comment posted at 1:50 PM on Jun-29-20
comment posted at 6:30 PM on Jun-29-20


I’m looking for the 990 form from a nonprofit, but can’t find any recent filings.
comment posted at 5:08 PM on Jun-28-20


I'm considering a move to a small town or an exurb of a metro area. Where should I look and is it even a feasible idea?
comment posted at 11:45 AM on Jun-28-20


Who said "Security is inversely proportional to convenience"? I first heard it in the early 1990s, but it easily could be centuries old. Quote sites aren't helping out.
comment posted at 4:07 PM on Jun-27-20


There were a ton of great answers for my food that makes you happy question. This is the drinks version. Say you're sitting on a covered patio outside of your cabin in the woods, watching a stream flow by, it's 95°, and all is right with the world. What are you drinking to stay cool?
comment posted at 4:39 PM on Jun-27-20


I'm looking for documentaries I can stream about bands or artists that do a deep dive into their history or follow them for a period of time. Examples inside.
comment posted at 6:27 PM on Jun-26-20


We don't have room in our homes or lives for hard shell kayaks. We mostly paddle on gentle waters. We would like the option of bringing a picnic along for the ride. Do you have an inflatable kayak or have experience with them? Give us your tips, recommendations, things to look for!
comment posted at 9:06 AM on Jun-25-20


My brother's gf asked if I could include her brother on my drive to visit them later this week. I declined, mainly due to mental health concerns. Am I being reasonable?
comment posted at 5:47 PM on Jun-24-20


So I just found out that as an ex-wife who was a stay at home Mom during our marriage, now that I am old enough to get Social Security, I will get half as much as my ex-spouse. I mean I know I can't change the policy of the SSA, but can someone please explain to me the policy reasons behind giving one partner half the amount of the other. When married, we agreed that we wanted someone home to be with kids, and one to be out earning the money for the entire family.
comment posted at 10:33 AM on Jun-24-20


In the past few years, I've found it harder to concentrate on reading for pleasure- I keep making it only halfway through books. But I miss my voracious reading days! So I need a recommendation for a book that's so engaging that I'll actually look forward to picking it back up.
comment posted at 12:11 PM on Jun-21-20


Who sang the lead on the track John Donne Song, on the Album Sweet Child by Pentangle from 1968?
comment posted at 3:18 PM on Jun-20-20
comment posted at 3:22 PM on Jun-20-20


As my profile indicates, I used to live in Columbus, Ohio. I still have a lot of family and friends there, and I visit as often as I can. But Christopher Columbus is not a great namesake for a modern, progressive city, and with recent events, I've heard some talk that the city should change its name. I obviously don't have a say since I don't live there anymore, but it is a concept about which I frequently think and speak, so I would be affected. I'm interested in hearing about how this works.
comment posted at 11:17 AM on Jun-19-20


It was a small, iridescently-colored but dark red (head & neck) and blue (body) bird. The two calls it made, it repeated as it traveled further and further away in the treetops. I'm in eastern Massachusetts, in a dense suburban area. This footage was taken on an early evening in June.
Here's a link to 16-second video. Please ignore the cardinal. Thanks for your help!
comment posted at 2:10 PM on Jun-18-20
comment posted at 7:10 PM on Jun-18-20


How can I learn to deal with people who don’t follow up?
comment posted at 10:13 AM on Jun-18-20


Instead of endlessly scrolling through titles on various streaming platforms, are there other ways you've found to find something you're actually in the mood to watch?
comment posted at 8:24 PM on Jun-17-20


I remember that there used to be internet indexers, but don’t remember much beyond their sheer existence. Google is doing a version of this (All, Images, Videos, News, Shopping, etc), but I think it is insufficient and at times self-serving. I think the internet should be indexed. Do internet indexes still exist? If yes, what are they? If no, why not?
comment posted at 8:42 PM on Jun-17-20


My fiancé in short, has no need for me or my opinions, advice or help. I have been the same person with him as I am with everyone and that is I offer help when I see they have a need for it, or give my advice when they pose a dilemma. The only problem is he never takes my advice, or he says "I think I can handle it". In a lot of instances his handling of it did not go as planned and the advice he shunned would have helped him. (For instance I told him not to take his phone on a recent camping trip and he did anyway and it fell out of the boat into the lake). I'm not allowed to say I told you so, but its in my mind. Does this happen to every couple and is it as big a problem as I see it as?
comment posted at 3:55 PM on Jun-15-20


A friend has been carefully quarantining for weeks, but yesterday they got their car serviced. They wore a mask, half the other people waiting in the waiting room wore masks, and no staff were wearing masks. I'm living with two immunocompromised people...
comment posted at 12:56 PM on Jun-15-20


I'm in the market for a new sofa, and although there are some good AskMes about sofas the answers focus on how well a sofa has stood up for the last 10-15 years. There is a phenomenon of stores getting good brand recognition, then reducing quality, so I'd like some more recent data. Have you bought a sofa/couch new in the last 1-2 years? Were you impressed by the quality? If so, what company was it (and which model)? Conversely, are there furniture companies that have declined in quality?
comment posted at 5:20 PM on Jun-14-20


A dear friend of mine died a couple months ago; their roommate is still caring for their cat, but has physical health issues that make this untenable for the long term. I am trying to help my friend’s roommate find a local home for the cat, but nothing has panned out so far. I would love to adopt him myself, but I live across the country (USA). What would be the safest way to achieve this if it came to that?
comment posted at 6:23 PM on Jun-13-20


Looking for a gift for a birder who doesn't like to own a lot of stuff.
comment posted at 9:57 AM on Jun-11-20


When people say "Abolish The Police," what do they mean?
comment posted at 12:38 PM on Jun-9-20


Help me compile a list of situations where computer engineers have been asked to change engineering terms to avoid being racist, sexist, etc. Examples within.
comment posted at 3:51 PM on Jun-9-20


While cleaning out a stack of papers that had been sitting around for a few years, I discovered underneath them a Kindle Fire (5th Generation) that I recall having won as a door prize in a raffle. To my surprise, after I found it and plugged it in, it has come back to life despite sitting completely depleted since 2017 at the latest. What do I do with it?
comment posted at 12:10 PM on Jun-8-20


People around me are convinced that a well-organized, national terrorist group called antifa is responsible for recent protests devolving into rioting and looting. I don’t believe it, but how can I learn more?
comment posted at 7:27 PM on Jun-7-20


My fiance startled me terribly with a hard doubled-sided poke from behind and I went full Rottweiler on him.
comment posted at 2:24 PM on Jun-7-20


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