Grieving for my mom; looking for a DBT perspective; she was young
August 17, 2008 6:07 AM Subscribe
I live in the Cleveland, Ohio area (live in upper far east side, work in lower far east side) and am looking for grief resources for any of the following:
people with a DBT background who are grieving, people in their 20s who are grieving, people whose parents died young, "radical Catholics" or "glass-half-full agnostics" who are grieving, Italian-Americans who are grieving a fellow Italian, people who are grieving a loved one that died of a liver ailment.
I am kind of an introvert, so while getting a feel for what groups are out there is good, I could also use websites, books, etc. re: same. Thanks.
Further notes that may help you help me (and honestly maybe some of this is just talking about it, which they say helps):
My mom died a month ago today of autoimmune hepatitis. She was 52. She died at home, though she had been in and out of nursing homes and hospitals a lot. Though apparently she died from the liver failure itself, she had a lot of infections, as well as complications from the steroids she was taking to try and preserve her liver. She had a great deal of osteoporosis and neuralgia for the last year or so, and she'd had diabetes. So she was a far cry from the person I was used to interacting with even only a couple of years ago.
She had varying degrees of ammonia in her blood because her liver wasn't disposing of all the toxins, so one thing I am trying to sort out is whether she meant some things she said in the past year or so, or if that was the ammonia talking. That said, I know we both loved each other very much, and I think we both said what we needed to to each other with a clear head before she died.
She died in the house I am currently living in with my dad, where I've lived for 20 years except when I was off to college. I had put off moving out because of what was going on, and now I think I should move on and do that, but in a way that isn't too disruptive for my father. He and I both have plenty of relatives in the Cleveland area looking out for us. We'll see each other often, both alone and with our other family.
Though I took DBT group therapy when I was about 20, I do not fit the diagnostic criteria for BPD, and I feel worlds away from the person I was when I was 20. I have previously had depression, but I do not feel that my grief has moved beyond "normal" grief into anything else. In fact, when I went through a sort of denial period, I was worried that when I was eventually slammed with the reality of my mom's death, that it would be too big and I would need to move quickly and effectively to avoid crisis, but reality hit, I am not in crisis and now feel that as long as I am proactive and conscious of my grieving process, make time to cry and go through memories, that will not be a concern.
Her birthday is coming up in mid-September and I want to be ready, if that makes sense.
Further notes that may help you help me (and honestly maybe some of this is just talking about it, which they say helps):
My mom died a month ago today of autoimmune hepatitis. She was 52. She died at home, though she had been in and out of nursing homes and hospitals a lot. Though apparently she died from the liver failure itself, she had a lot of infections, as well as complications from the steroids she was taking to try and preserve her liver. She had a great deal of osteoporosis and neuralgia for the last year or so, and she'd had diabetes. So she was a far cry from the person I was used to interacting with even only a couple of years ago.
She had varying degrees of ammonia in her blood because her liver wasn't disposing of all the toxins, so one thing I am trying to sort out is whether she meant some things she said in the past year or so, or if that was the ammonia talking. That said, I know we both loved each other very much, and I think we both said what we needed to to each other with a clear head before she died.
She died in the house I am currently living in with my dad, where I've lived for 20 years except when I was off to college. I had put off moving out because of what was going on, and now I think I should move on and do that, but in a way that isn't too disruptive for my father. He and I both have plenty of relatives in the Cleveland area looking out for us. We'll see each other often, both alone and with our other family.
Though I took DBT group therapy when I was about 20, I do not fit the diagnostic criteria for BPD, and I feel worlds away from the person I was when I was 20. I have previously had depression, but I do not feel that my grief has moved beyond "normal" grief into anything else. In fact, when I went through a sort of denial period, I was worried that when I was eventually slammed with the reality of my mom's death, that it would be too big and I would need to move quickly and effectively to avoid crisis, but reality hit, I am not in crisis and now feel that as long as I am proactive and conscious of my grieving process, make time to cry and go through memories, that will not be a concern.
Her birthday is coming up in mid-September and I want to be ready, if that makes sense.
Best answer: I'm sorry about your loss. My dad died of liver failure, and during his last year or so he spent a fair amount of time with his ammonia levels out of whack. Sometimes he didn't even know where he was. So if your mom said things that were out of character, I would suspect the ammonia.
posted by PatoPata at 7:48 AM on August 17, 2008
posted by PatoPata at 7:48 AM on August 17, 2008
Best answer: The universities in your area (Case Western Reserve, John Carroll, etc.) might have Thomas Moore centers (for relatively hip young Catholics) that run grief support groups....priests/nuns at these centers tend to be a bit on the liberal spectrum as well, so might have ideas for individual counseling.
posted by availablelight at 10:55 AM on August 17, 2008
posted by availablelight at 10:55 AM on August 17, 2008
Response by poster: They're all the best answer. And yeah, Mom was with Hospice of the Western Reserve. Thanks.
posted by RobotHeart at 3:44 AM on August 21, 2008
posted by RobotHeart at 3:44 AM on August 21, 2008
This thread is closed to new comments.
Is it possible for you to see a therapist for a while? All those emotions kicked loose would destabilize the strongest of souls. And a therapist is going to be able to guide you through a healthy grieving process far more effectively than a book will. It's going to take some time, and a certain amount of obsession and rumination is part of that. Having someone who knows the lay of the land would probably help you a lot.
posted by felix betachat at 6:45 AM on August 17, 2008