How do I get myself off quicker?
July 20, 2008 12:34 PM   Subscribe

So! As a guy, taking a while to get off during sex is fine. But when I wank, I'd prefer to just get it over with. I have no problem watching porn, I'm just sick of it taking at least half an hour to come.

I bought a little wank sleeve. Meh. I bought a Fleshlight. Still takes forever and washing out that big synthetic tube feels pathetic and embarrassing. I tried all kinds of free porn -- Flash sites, torrents -- then started paying for porn -- Bang Bros. None of it gets me off very quickly.

Basically, I want to satisfy the urge to come as quickly and easily as possible, be it the perfect vibrating toy or the right technique (I'm still fuzzy on HOW Kegels help me control orgasm). If there were a pill with no side effects, I'd take it.

Again, I still want a sex drive, I just don't want to waste an hour a day wanking. I like working at home, and I don't want to make myself go to a cafe all day just so I won't masturbate.

As for learning to enjoy the experience, I have plenty of sex (three to five times a week) that I enjoy just fine. The masturbation is more of a necessity than a pleasurable hobby. Does that mean I'm addicted? Should I look into getting therapy? Does masturbation addiction get mental health coverage under Kaiser Permanente?
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (10 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite

Two things.

First, let's deal with the timing issue. While it's possible to get yourself to come in less time, that's not always a good idea; your body doesn't much know the difference between you doing it to yourself and someone else assisting. Most changes like that will affect both situations. And given that 1-on-1(or more) sex is vastly more stimulating, well...

Second, let's talk about addiction.

In my experience, men masturbate for one of two reasons:

1) Horny. Gotta get off. Rock'n'roll and grab a Kleenex.

2) Clearing out the pipes. For many guys, jerking off is sort of an instant reset button. Yeah, it feels good and all, but it's more about a moment of relaxation and achieving mental clarity. For a humorous treatment of this, pay attention to Lawrence Waterhouse Pritchard in Neal Stephenson's Cryptonomicon.

So.. is it an addiction? That depends. Are you unable to function without doing it? Is it (apart from the timing issue) eating into normal day-to-day activities? If yes, could be an addiction, see a therapist.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:42 PM on July 20, 2008

go twice as long between wank sessions. like, if you usually get yourself off once a day, wait until tomorrow. change your technique - this activity might take you all day but, see if you can find some other way to stroke yourself or add something with it (play with your balls, finger your ass, pinch your nipple). you might have a quick fire button you didn't know about, but if you find it your day to day sessions could get quicker. you might be overstimulated with the porn. sometimes i find if i watch just teasing videos for the first five minutes and then turn to a tried and true clip for the next five, i'm all built up from the tease and then i'm watching something very, very sexy.

is it an addiction? does it get in the way of your romantic life? do you chose to masturbate instead of going out with girls, friends, doing projects you should be doing? do you have disdain for doing anything besides because you'd rather be touching yourself? in my opinion far too many people call bad habits an addiction. you probably just have some habits you need to get yourself out of.

for the working at home and not getting distracted - that's just self control. don't keep any porn on the computer you work on. it'd be best if you had a whole new area to work that wasn't the same one you jerked in. if you're working and you get the urge to get off but you know you should wait, go for a run instead. you'll get the endorphins, the energy, and you'll be helping your overall fitness.
posted by nadawi at 12:56 PM on July 20, 2008

Maybe try to start thinking about your favorite back-pocket fantasy (your go-to girl, if you will.... aka the person you can always slap it to) on your way home from work. As much as you can, work yourself up (please don't TOUCH yourself while driving, that's dangerous, and truck drivers can totally see what your up to, or so i've heard) so that you're already there mentally when it comes time to run off a batch. If you are so busy that it's messing with your work/social life, maybe there are other issues you have to deal with. Overall good health has to be helpful in this area as well, so maybe make a change or two to improve your health be it diet/exercise/both and see if that helps with your chaffing problem. Kidding about the chaffing, i hope.

Fleshlight. Slightly creepy name. How is it?
posted by high0nfire at 1:31 PM on July 20, 2008

Do you actually want to masturbate? Or are you doing it out of habit?

When I do it out of habit, I don't enjoy it, I don't necessarily feel aroused, it takes ages and it's not worth the hassle of clearing up. If I get to that point, I know I'm doing it too often.

Kegels exercise the same muscle group that is used when you ejaculate. Strengthening that muscle gives you a much more powerful orgasm, and it gives you better control over that orgasm. With practice, it's possible to delay ejaculation a few times, which leads to a much better orgasm when it happens.
posted by Solomon at 1:45 PM on July 20, 2008

Seconding waiting longer between the previous ejaculation and your next masturbation session.

Also, have you tried stimulation of the prostate? Fingers, toys, what have you?

Sometimes "teasing" yourself might work. Watch some porn without touching yourself for a bit maybe, then when you're worked up, start playing with your junk, but not stroking, then finish the job when you're really really worked up. Foreplay, but by yourself.
posted by gauchodaspampas at 1:58 PM on July 20, 2008

Kegels are all well and good, but the most powerful sexual organ you can exercise is the one between your ears. I don't object to porn, but in my experience, regular viewing of porn tends to damp the sexual imagination, or even substitute for it entirely. Fantasy is easily replaced by recollections of somebody else's choice of camera angle and action (even if you're into custom stuff you "direct"). If you let your subconscious come to a boil over the slow fire in your loins, it's quite possible that you'll not only start coming faster, but that you'll learn quite a bit about your own sexuality, that you don't from porn. Our limbic brain has some pretty deep connections to our visual memory, and our higher faculties, including imagination. View some porn occasionally, if you like, as a chef would use spice to provide a bit of focus for a dish, but don't make a steady diet of it.
posted by paulsc at 2:14 PM on July 20, 2008

Try a buttplug or, even better, anal vibrator (ones specifically for prostate stimulation). It's great in those rare moments that I want to get come FAST; I can get off in 30 seconds end to end using a vibe.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 6:12 PM on July 20, 2008

eep..gauchodaspampas beat me to it! I'll preview better next time.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 6:13 PM on July 20, 2008

Jerk off when you're horny and stop feeling so much shame about it and overthinking it. It's your body- enjoy it.
posted by ethnomethodologist at 6:56 PM on July 20, 2008 [1 favorite]

2 words... baby oil
posted by Redhush at 4:21 PM on July 21, 2008

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