New friends (or lack thereof).
May 30, 2008 8:22 PM Subscribe
Insecurity/CollegeFilter: Making new friends in a new place (college)?
So: This August, I'll be moving from Atlanta to Santa Fe for my first year of college; I'm attending CSF, which has an enrollment of ~700 students.
I'm terrified of making new friends and meeting new people.
I've lived in the same town my whole life--and I've kept the same friends this whole time. I'm not overly concerned about losing my current friends; I'll stay in touch with everyone I feel necessary. I'm more concerned about finding new friends, and especially a new best friend and/or girlfriend. Everyone I know now are all on great terms with one another: hugging to say hello/goodbye, having worthwhile conversation, etc.
I know that everyone says the same old thing: "You'll make all kinds of new friends in college! The best you've had!"
I just need help believing that.
So: This August, I'll be moving from Atlanta to Santa Fe for my first year of college; I'm attending CSF, which has an enrollment of ~700 students.
I'm terrified of making new friends and meeting new people.
I've lived in the same town my whole life--and I've kept the same friends this whole time. I'm not overly concerned about losing my current friends; I'll stay in touch with everyone I feel necessary. I'm more concerned about finding new friends, and especially a new best friend and/or girlfriend. Everyone I know now are all on great terms with one another: hugging to say hello/goodbye, having worthwhile conversation, etc.
I know that everyone says the same old thing: "You'll make all kinds of new friends in college! The best you've had!"
I just need help believing that.
Making friends in college? Can't be done.
No, I'm just kidding of course. If you do activities or take any classes you're interested in, you will be surrounded with people, who are at the same stage in life as you, who share the same interests as you. If you live in the dorms, which I highly recommend, all of these people will live within a close proximity to you.
Be friendly to strangers, and do stuff, and you will have no trouble.
posted by aubilenon at 8:31 PM on May 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
No, I'm just kidding of course. If you do activities or take any classes you're interested in, you will be surrounded with people, who are at the same stage in life as you, who share the same interests as you. If you live in the dorms, which I highly recommend, all of these people will live within a close proximity to you.
Be friendly to strangers, and do stuff, and you will have no trouble.
posted by aubilenon at 8:31 PM on May 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
I just need help believing that.
It's not a given.
I don't say that to be harsh, but to get across that you have to try at it. A lot of people don't, or they get discouraged and give up, and it can be pretty miserable. If you do try though, it's usually not too hard. Don't compare them to your friends back home, or expect to be close with people over night - just let things progress as they will. All you can do is try to be a good friend, and if you run in to people who aren't ready to reciprocate, move on.
On Preview: Yeah, whatever you're interested in, find a way to make that a non-solo activity.
Good luck, sante fe is a cool place.
posted by phrontist at 8:32 PM on May 30, 2008
It's not a given.
I don't say that to be harsh, but to get across that you have to try at it. A lot of people don't, or they get discouraged and give up, and it can be pretty miserable. If you do try though, it's usually not too hard. Don't compare them to your friends back home, or expect to be close with people over night - just let things progress as they will. All you can do is try to be a good friend, and if you run in to people who aren't ready to reciprocate, move on.
On Preview: Yeah, whatever you're interested in, find a way to make that a non-solo activity.
Good luck, sante fe is a cool place.
posted by phrontist at 8:32 PM on May 30, 2008
Best answer: Definitely look for clubs or activities as desjardins mentioned, as you'll have an immediate pool of people to become friendly with. You might see about starting something of your own, too. I've never felt the need for a "best friend," personally, and I wouldn't worry too much about forming such strong attachments just yet. Things like that come naturally - just look for social events, don't hide yourself in corners, and smile with confidence.
Remember also that you're not limited to a campus setting when it comes to meeting new people, so try exploring the surrounding area. Cafes, quirky restaurants (every town has at least one), and parks can become fun meeting grounds.
Most of all however, I would stress feeling comfortable with and positive about yourself. Those who are willing to smile, lend a hand, and show no discomfort at making spontaneous conversation can put others immediately at ease and draw them in. If this doesn't come naturally to you, keep pushing yourself outside of possible cocoons - it won't seem so scary after a while. And if this is something you're already capable of, you've nothing to worry about.
Best of luck, and have fun first and foremost!
posted by Bakuun at 8:41 PM on May 30, 2008
Remember also that you're not limited to a campus setting when it comes to meeting new people, so try exploring the surrounding area. Cafes, quirky restaurants (every town has at least one), and parks can become fun meeting grounds.
Most of all however, I would stress feeling comfortable with and positive about yourself. Those who are willing to smile, lend a hand, and show no discomfort at making spontaneous conversation can put others immediately at ease and draw them in. If this doesn't come naturally to you, keep pushing yourself outside of possible cocoons - it won't seem so scary after a while. And if this is something you're already capable of, you've nothing to worry about.
Best of luck, and have fun first and foremost!
posted by Bakuun at 8:41 PM on May 30, 2008
Dude. Making friends in college is a piece of cake. It's like one big insecure pile of crazy. Everybody is in the same boat as you are. Big city, small town, popular in high school, world's biggest loser -- it doesn't matter. Freshman year in college is the great equalizer among equalizers. The key is to not try too hard and not come off as being desperate. Just be you. Even in a small school I can virtually guarantee that there are three dozen people who you could be friends with, close friends even, within the first week, if you're just open to it. Go with the flow, accept invitations of every stripe with no hesitation, and you'll forget you even ever asked this question of us wayyy back in May. Just don't be fake, pretend to be someone you aren't, or overdo it. And good luck, and don't worry.
posted by brain cloud at 8:42 PM on May 30, 2008 [2 favorites]
posted by brain cloud at 8:42 PM on May 30, 2008 [2 favorites]
You have to realize that being a freshman in college means you have a blank slate to be essentially whoever you want to be. I'm not saying you should be the life of the party if you are naturally introverted but feel comfortable being yourself.
As far as making friends is concerned I think the best way to approach is to be as socially neutral possible early on. What I mean is that you shouldn't be locked in your room all the time nor should you try to join every club or play every intramural sport.
Be friendly and approachable in general.
After a few weeks, when you find people who share the same interests as you then that's when you should start to pursue more specific friendships and activities.
posted by Kevbo947 at 8:44 PM on May 30, 2008
As far as making friends is concerned I think the best way to approach is to be as socially neutral possible early on. What I mean is that you shouldn't be locked in your room all the time nor should you try to join every club or play every intramural sport.
Be friendly and approachable in general.
After a few weeks, when you find people who share the same interests as you then that's when you should start to pursue more specific friendships and activities.
posted by Kevbo947 at 8:44 PM on May 30, 2008
Everyone feels like you. Everyone is scared.
Let that give you confidence to walk up to strangers and introduce yourself, to go into open doors and introduce yourself. To forget names and feel okay about asking. Other people are freaked out, too, and it's cliché but they'll be glad to meet someone friendly.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 8:46 PM on May 30, 2008
Let that give you confidence to walk up to strangers and introduce yourself, to go into open doors and introduce yourself. To forget names and feel okay about asking. Other people are freaked out, too, and it's cliché but they'll be glad to meet someone friendly.
posted by Solon and Thanks at 8:46 PM on May 30, 2008
Your college will probably have 10,000 events during your first semester set up to help you meet people. Go to all of them. Not just the required ones. Especially the ones that offer food. You'll be fine.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:52 PM on May 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 8:52 PM on May 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
Best answer: All the other first years? They feel like this too. They're all as terrified and nervous as you are, even the extroverts.
I'm 41. My best friend has been my friend since - get this - winter term of freshman year, 1985. Another friend, a classmate, lives right downstairs from me.
You can do it. Say hi to people. Smile. Leave your room door open when you're in there so people can just say hey. Ask people if they want to go to dinner/breakfast/lunch. Will you be doing any kind of work-study job? That's how I made friends in the beginning - it's easy to bond when you're bitching about the dish machine or having to wipe tables or something.
Join an organization. Join lots of organizations. Go to events, even if they don't sound like something you'd do at home, because you never know.
Lots of people will be in your same boat. College is set up to make the first years feel welcomed and included, so let yourself be so.
posted by rtha at 8:54 PM on May 30, 2008
I'm 41. My best friend has been my friend since - get this - winter term of freshman year, 1985. Another friend, a classmate, lives right downstairs from me.
You can do it. Say hi to people. Smile. Leave your room door open when you're in there so people can just say hey. Ask people if they want to go to dinner/breakfast/lunch. Will you be doing any kind of work-study job? That's how I made friends in the beginning - it's easy to bond when you're bitching about the dish machine or having to wipe tables or something.
Join an organization. Join lots of organizations. Go to events, even if they don't sound like something you'd do at home, because you never know.
Lots of people will be in your same boat. College is set up to make the first years feel welcomed and included, so let yourself be so.
posted by rtha at 8:54 PM on May 30, 2008
Best answer: Never tolerate an awkward elevator ride. Try to break the silence with something simple like "good morning" and start some conversation if they respond well.
Don't sit at lunch or dinner by yourself. Always try to form a small group to go with. As a rule of thumb, I try to ask three people to dinner. Usually, at least one person isn't busy.
For the first month or so, don't go home for the weekend. The first couple weekends are valuable socializing time, so tell your parents you'll see them in a month.
Cliques still exist in college, but not nearly as much as in college. Don't be afraid to make friends who aren't exactly like you. Be open minded.
You'll make all kinds of new friends in college! The best you've had!
Related question.
posted by theiconoclast31 at 9:35 PM on May 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
Don't sit at lunch or dinner by yourself. Always try to form a small group to go with. As a rule of thumb, I try to ask three people to dinner. Usually, at least one person isn't busy.
For the first month or so, don't go home for the weekend. The first couple weekends are valuable socializing time, so tell your parents you'll see them in a month.
Cliques still exist in college, but not nearly as much as in college. Don't be afraid to make friends who aren't exactly like you. Be open minded.
You'll make all kinds of new friends in college! The best you've had!
Related question.
posted by theiconoclast31 at 9:35 PM on May 30, 2008 [1 favorite]
Get involved in the Outdoor Recreation Program. You'll be in a beautiful area. I have a friend who met his wife on a trip sponsored by a university hiking club.
posted by lukemeister at 9:54 PM on May 30, 2008
posted by lukemeister at 9:54 PM on May 30, 2008
Best answer: College is one of the easiest places to make friends, but it's not automatic by any means.
I would wholeheartedly recommend staying in the dorms if you can, for a semester at least. I was a town student at my college, living with my parents a half-hour away, and that was a huge mistake socially. I had virtually no new friends, because I'm extremely shy. If you're like that too, you'll want to immerse yourself in the local culture as much as possible. Don't stay in your room doing homework all the time. There's an old cliche about how ninety percent of success is just showing up, that seems to hold up for social situations especially.
Talk to strangers. They're friendly, most of the time. (I say this to myself as much as to you.)
Most importantly, relax, smile, and be enjoyable to be around. You'll find people to hang out with.
posted by JDHarper at 10:25 PM on May 30, 2008
I would wholeheartedly recommend staying in the dorms if you can, for a semester at least. I was a town student at my college, living with my parents a half-hour away, and that was a huge mistake socially. I had virtually no new friends, because I'm extremely shy. If you're like that too, you'll want to immerse yourself in the local culture as much as possible. Don't stay in your room doing homework all the time. There's an old cliche about how ninety percent of success is just showing up, that seems to hold up for social situations especially.
Talk to strangers. They're friendly, most of the time. (I say this to myself as much as to you.)
Most importantly, relax, smile, and be enjoyable to be around. You'll find people to hang out with.
posted by JDHarper at 10:25 PM on May 30, 2008
Stay in touch with your existing friends. It will help you focus on being yourself and help keep you from trying too hard to make new friends. As others have said, your shared interests and insecurities will be natural friendship incubators. As long as you are relaxed and confident, you will find new friends, and they you.
posted by owhydididoit at 10:29 PM on May 30, 2008
posted by owhydididoit at 10:29 PM on May 30, 2008
The first friend I made in college was a guy who lived on the ground floor of my dorm (I was on the 3rd). That first night, he went around with his roommate room by room introducing himself. I'm sure it didn't "take" with everyone, but he turned out to be in one of my classes so of course I sat by him when I saw him in class the next day, and we were friends from then on. Pretty simple, actually.
If you're in the dorms, leave your door open sometimes in those early months, so that people will say "Hi" to you as they pass. Take those opportunities to chat and you will have friends before long.
posted by xo at 10:42 PM on May 30, 2008
If you're in the dorms, leave your door open sometimes in those early months, so that people will say "Hi" to you as they pass. Take those opportunities to chat and you will have friends before long.
posted by xo at 10:42 PM on May 30, 2008
I'll agree with being socially neutral. Don't try too hard, and just be yourself.
posted by xammerboy at 11:16 PM on May 30, 2008
posted by xammerboy at 11:16 PM on May 30, 2008
I just want to reiterate what some other people have said about the fact that everyone is coming in fresh. It means that making friends is totally different from almost any other time. Nobody has their group, their routine, their comfort zone. At the beginning, you can just start randomly talking to people, or randomly sit down with people at meals, or do anything else you can think of. There are no rules when you get there. That's what is so great about it. Definitely, like some other people have mentioned, don't make yourself scarce. Stay around on the weekends, go to places, and just put yourself in places where you'll meet people, and it shouldn't really be too hard at all.
posted by kosmonaut at 11:38 PM on May 30, 2008
posted by kosmonaut at 11:38 PM on May 30, 2008
College may be the easiest time in your life to make many friends.
If there's on-campus housing, you should probably live there, as you'll be around the people you'd like to meet at meal times and after classes.
Join a study group, try out some extra-curricular activities. You'll start to meet people that you have something in common with.
After that, be friendly and talk to them.
posted by zippy at 12:27 AM on May 31, 2008
If there's on-campus housing, you should probably live there, as you'll be around the people you'd like to meet at meal times and after classes.
Join a study group, try out some extra-curricular activities. You'll start to meet people that you have something in common with.
After that, be friendly and talk to them.
posted by zippy at 12:27 AM on May 31, 2008
Several posters have gotten it right-- everyone feels like you. The vast majority of people coming in are also leaving friends behind (or at best, coming with friends they will grow to hate freshman year).
I really benefited from being in the marching band freshman year. From day one, I had things to do and my section members to talk to. None of them were lasting friends, but that camaraderie kept me calm for the month or so it took for the girls in my dorm hall to become friends. The dorm friends were a sudden acquisition as well, though. No one was talking to anyone but their roommates until one day, I stopped to tell a neighbor how cool their furniture was (note that they followed the rule of leaving their door open), and then the talking in the hall drew out half a dozen girls. We had a blast after that. Dorms just lead to that kind of thing once someone gets it going.
If you like video games and you play one with the door open, I think that's the key for guys to make friends. I know 007 was the beginning of many beautiful friendships in the GA Tech boys' dorms in 1999.
So that's my specific experience. What I think it means is that activities really help. I'm skeptical about club meetings, though. You can sit through a college republicans or student government meeting without really talking to anyone. Try to get involved with actual activities, like a sports team or Habitat for Humanity, where you really have to interact with others.
posted by parkerjackson at 7:22 AM on May 31, 2008
I really benefited from being in the marching band freshman year. From day one, I had things to do and my section members to talk to. None of them were lasting friends, but that camaraderie kept me calm for the month or so it took for the girls in my dorm hall to become friends. The dorm friends were a sudden acquisition as well, though. No one was talking to anyone but their roommates until one day, I stopped to tell a neighbor how cool their furniture was (note that they followed the rule of leaving their door open), and then the talking in the hall drew out half a dozen girls. We had a blast after that. Dorms just lead to that kind of thing once someone gets it going.
If you like video games and you play one with the door open, I think that's the key for guys to make friends. I know 007 was the beginning of many beautiful friendships in the GA Tech boys' dorms in 1999.
So that's my specific experience. What I think it means is that activities really help. I'm skeptical about club meetings, though. You can sit through a college republicans or student government meeting without really talking to anyone. Try to get involved with actual activities, like a sports team or Habitat for Humanity, where you really have to interact with others.
posted by parkerjackson at 7:22 AM on May 31, 2008
I was so busy learning about other people in the first few weeks of my freshman year that I totally forgot be nervous. Not everyone can sit alone at a table at lunch, so everyone's got to talk to strangers. You have to wait in line. You have to ask if someone's taken that desk already. And you have guaranteed opening material. (Where are you from?)
And EVERYONE is in the same boat as you, feeling a bit unsettled by this new experience -- even the ones who look like they're super-confident. Seriously. And since your school is small, in a few months you'll feel like you know almost everyone.
That said, the first few months are a flurry of meeting new people -- don't worry about making a best friend immediately. Acquaintances will turn into friends who will turn into close friends. This happened when you were little, too, but you were too young to be analyzing it day-by-day!
posted by desuetude at 11:19 AM on May 31, 2008
And EVERYONE is in the same boat as you, feeling a bit unsettled by this new experience -- even the ones who look like they're super-confident. Seriously. And since your school is small, in a few months you'll feel like you know almost everyone.
That said, the first few months are a flurry of meeting new people -- don't worry about making a best friend immediately. Acquaintances will turn into friends who will turn into close friends. This happened when you were little, too, but you were too young to be analyzing it day-by-day!
posted by desuetude at 11:19 AM on May 31, 2008
Don't internalize blanket statements about the people you go to school with if you don't immediately find people you click with, e.g. "Everyone at this school is so lame." No matter what the population size of a school is, the friends I have who are unhappiest at college are those who give up on their schools because the only friends they make in the first week/month/whatever aren't OMG BFF as soon as they meet. (And you will get a lot of people like that in the first month of college - just try to ignore them...)
It may take you a year or two in college to find out who your true friends are, so don't expect everything to just fall into place as soon as you get there. Just keep going to parties, getting drunk, and being open to new experiences. I would disagree with the sentiment that it's "hard as hell" or a "piece of cake" - the difficulty or ease depends entirely on your attitude and what you are and are not willing to do. If you're not willing to push the boundaries of your comfort zone and try new things, it will be harder.
Good luck and have fun!
posted by Muffpub at 2:45 PM on May 31, 2008
It may take you a year or two in college to find out who your true friends are, so don't expect everything to just fall into place as soon as you get there. Just keep going to parties, getting drunk, and being open to new experiences. I would disagree with the sentiment that it's "hard as hell" or a "piece of cake" - the difficulty or ease depends entirely on your attitude and what you are and are not willing to do. If you're not willing to push the boundaries of your comfort zone and try new things, it will be harder.
Good luck and have fun!
posted by Muffpub at 2:45 PM on May 31, 2008
Best answer: N-thing the people who've said that everybody is going to be looking to make friends, but I have an important corallary to add. It's extremely important that you capitalize on the friend-making potential of the first couple of weeks. During this time, *everybody* will be open to making friends; after the first couple of weeks, people start breaking off into cliques and pairs and it can get harder to meet people (not impossible, just harder). Whatever you do, don't spend your first week getting your room just-so or shopping for school supplies or whatever. You can do that later-- your first priority should be getting into the social swim.
Take every opportunity to hang out with people. Never go to the dining hall alone (if you find it hard to ask someone to lunch or dinner, remember that they'll likely be very glad that you're sparing them the stress of going alone). Go to all the orientation events, and try to go to at least a few without your roommates. Strike up conversations everywhere: in line buying textbooks, before class starts, in your dorm. Do it lightly and casually-- it might not make you an instant best friend, but it will help people start thinking of you as friendly and approachable. Do your homework in your dorm's common room or in a group study area in the library. Share your stuff-- if your parents send you a few dollars, use it to buy pizzas and share them with everybody on your floor. Bake cookies and bring them to a club meeting or pass them around to the people you want to become friends.
You really will be fine as long as you make an effort. (It took me a while to figure out that those great college bonds everybody talks about aren't automatic-- you have to seek them out and nurture them.) Honestly, I didn't make the best friends of my life in college, but I did make friends and I did enjoy college. I'm still close with some of my high school friends, and I've made excellent friends since college. So either way, you'll have a great time.
posted by chickletworks at 10:18 PM on May 31, 2008
Take every opportunity to hang out with people. Never go to the dining hall alone (if you find it hard to ask someone to lunch or dinner, remember that they'll likely be very glad that you're sparing them the stress of going alone). Go to all the orientation events, and try to go to at least a few without your roommates. Strike up conversations everywhere: in line buying textbooks, before class starts, in your dorm. Do it lightly and casually-- it might not make you an instant best friend, but it will help people start thinking of you as friendly and approachable. Do your homework in your dorm's common room or in a group study area in the library. Share your stuff-- if your parents send you a few dollars, use it to buy pizzas and share them with everybody on your floor. Bake cookies and bring them to a club meeting or pass them around to the people you want to become friends.
You really will be fine as long as you make an effort. (It took me a while to figure out that those great college bonds everybody talks about aren't automatic-- you have to seek them out and nurture them.) Honestly, I didn't make the best friends of my life in college, but I did make friends and I did enjoy college. I'm still close with some of my high school friends, and I've made excellent friends since college. So either way, you'll have a great time.
posted by chickletworks at 10:18 PM on May 31, 2008
Best answer: I went to CSF for two years - it's an amazing place, and one of the easiest places to make friends. And the best part is that the easiest way to make friends there is by being as active in your program as possible. Go to gallery openings, shows in the Sub, etc...
It's a really cool school, and you'll have a great time.
posted by clcapps at 7:19 AM on June 1, 2008
It's a really cool school, and you'll have a great time.
posted by clcapps at 7:19 AM on June 1, 2008
Hahah, living in dorms is both a curse and a blessing. I lived off campus my first year of university, mostly for financial reasons (and also because I'm a total introvert), and while it was extremely difficult being so extremely isolated and excluded, it had one advantage - I was forced to try much harder to find people I would get along with, and I was a lot more active around campus in different clubs. My friends in residence, while they always had people around them, sometimes went away from the year with no real friends because you're fooled by the constant presence of people into thinking that you didn't have to try.
Friendship is always about trying. It's hard to find deep friends at first, because - like everyone sort of mentioned - everyone is scared. What I found was that this fear often made people pretend. They pretend to be interested, pretend to be super-cheerful, pretend to be more into the friendship than they actually are, and the shallowness really got to me. But basically, what I would say is to keep trying, and don't give up. I didn't really make any friends I felt like I could genuinely talk to until about two months in, and during those two months I was a total wreck thinking everyone hated me and I should never have gone to this school, etc. etc. ... And even then, I didn't start seeing them regularly until second term.
It's really really hard, and I think that's an aspect of university that a lot of people just gloss over. A lot of people don't remember how scary it is - but it's no more than what you can handle. Hang in there, and everything will be fine.
PS: A trap a lot of people get into is only talking to people on their floor or only talking to people in their program. Which can shut you in and make you feel isolated if you don't immediately click. There are so many opportunities and so much you can do here. Effort is really all it takes.
posted by Phire at 3:06 PM on June 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
Friendship is always about trying. It's hard to find deep friends at first, because - like everyone sort of mentioned - everyone is scared. What I found was that this fear often made people pretend. They pretend to be interested, pretend to be super-cheerful, pretend to be more into the friendship than they actually are, and the shallowness really got to me. But basically, what I would say is to keep trying, and don't give up. I didn't really make any friends I felt like I could genuinely talk to until about two months in, and during those two months I was a total wreck thinking everyone hated me and I should never have gone to this school, etc. etc. ... And even then, I didn't start seeing them regularly until second term.
It's really really hard, and I think that's an aspect of university that a lot of people just gloss over. A lot of people don't remember how scary it is - but it's no more than what you can handle. Hang in there, and everything will be fine.
PS: A trap a lot of people get into is only talking to people on their floor or only talking to people in their program. Which can shut you in and make you feel isolated if you don't immediately click. There are so many opportunities and so much you can do here. Effort is really all it takes.
posted by Phire at 3:06 PM on June 1, 2008 [1 favorite]
Oh. Side note. Hal_c_on is right about the not trying too hard bit, and I touched on this but didn't clarify. Be yourself. Pretending just makes things harder. I mean, be nice to people and everything, but really, just be yourself. Having to pretend around people who're supposed to be your friends is miserable.
posted by Phire at 3:08 PM on June 1, 2008
posted by Phire at 3:08 PM on June 1, 2008
I lived in a notoriously quiet dorm. My roommate and I always had our door open and always had music playing. Just by saying hi to our hall mates in the elevator and when they were walking by we knew everybody on our floor with in the first two days, and all of their friends. Soon, everybody on our floor followed suit and we all got to know each other for better or worse. I gained three of my best friends from the thirty or so people on that floor.
It is easy. Just start conversations. By breaking that initial awkward silence, you'll meet people, and their friends, and so on. Also, say 'Hi' to girls the first time you cross paths, they will remember it. They also have friends.
If you aren't in a dorm, I don't see why setting up a few lawn chairs and a barbeque couldn't achieve the same results if you live in a college neighborhood.
posted by clearly at 7:55 PM on June 1, 2008
It is easy. Just start conversations. By breaking that initial awkward silence, you'll meet people, and their friends, and so on. Also, say 'Hi' to girls the first time you cross paths, they will remember it. They also have friends.
If you aren't in a dorm, I don't see why setting up a few lawn chairs and a barbeque couldn't achieve the same results if you live in a college neighborhood.
posted by clearly at 7:55 PM on June 1, 2008
I made all of three friends in college. I'm marrying one of them and have already fallen out of touch with the other two, pretty much. I've made more friendships I hope will last in my first nine months of work than I did in four years of school.
It's not a given. You can't wait for friends to fall from the sky. Work at it, or you're going to have a shitty four years and you won't miss it once it's over. I don't love working life - I miss spending time outside, and the flexible schedule I had - but at least I don't go full days without talking to anyone, like I did in college. Be outgoing. Join something, even if the people seem lame at first. In general, don't let yourself think "These people are so lame/stupid/pretentious/dorky". That way lies madness.
I think it's probably going to be easier for you because you're going to a small school, so most people won't know anyone from high school and even if you don't work at it maybe someone else will. At a large public school, it can be hard to make friends.
posted by crinklebat at 8:34 PM on June 1, 2008
It's not a given. You can't wait for friends to fall from the sky. Work at it, or you're going to have a shitty four years and you won't miss it once it's over. I don't love working life - I miss spending time outside, and the flexible schedule I had - but at least I don't go full days without talking to anyone, like I did in college. Be outgoing. Join something, even if the people seem lame at first. In general, don't let yourself think "These people are so lame/stupid/pretentious/dorky". That way lies madness.
I think it's probably going to be easier for you because you're going to a small school, so most people won't know anyone from high school and even if you don't work at it maybe someone else will. At a large public school, it can be hard to make friends.
posted by crinklebat at 8:34 PM on June 1, 2008
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posted by desjardins at 8:30 PM on May 30, 2008 [1 favorite]