He's Half My Age (But That's Okay, Right?)
March 4, 2008 12:33 PM Subscribe
What are the social norms and/or taboos regarding a single 44 year old women approaching men who are slightly more than half her age?
I'm attending a multi-week co-ed sport training session (however our actual teams are not co-ed). The majority of men at training are in their twenties and early thirties. I would like to let some of the single guys know that I find them sexually attractive and I am interested in getting to know them outside of our club activities. Do all the typical dating pursuit rules (the stuff that many other askme questions/answers are about) still apply when the woman is quite a bit older than the man? I guess I'm making the assumption that there is nothing wrong with me pursing these guys... so, what is the best way to go about the process? Since there are several guys I'm interested in, I really don't want to end up getting pegged as "working the circuit" when I potential strike out.
I'm attending a multi-week co-ed sport training session (however our actual teams are not co-ed). The majority of men at training are in their twenties and early thirties. I would like to let some of the single guys know that I find them sexually attractive and I am interested in getting to know them outside of our club activities. Do all the typical dating pursuit rules (the stuff that many other askme questions/answers are about) still apply when the woman is quite a bit older than the man? I guess I'm making the assumption that there is nothing wrong with me pursing these guys... so, what is the best way to go about the process? Since there are several guys I'm interested in, I really don't want to end up getting pegged as "working the circuit" when I potential strike out.
Single women showing attention to single men was never a bad thing when I was single. I say go for it!
posted by Silvertree at 12:53 PM on March 4, 2008
posted by Silvertree at 12:53 PM on March 4, 2008
The standard creepiness rule is: don't date under half your age + 7.
posted by kidbritish at 1:03 PM on March 4, 2008
posted by kidbritish at 1:03 PM on March 4, 2008
I think there is nothing wrong with flirting with younger men. I just think it is important to be sexually confident and flirt as you are, don't try to flirt like you think a girl their age would flirt. It is always sad to see an older woman trying too hard. As long as you act like yourself and try not to 'dumb' yourself down to appear younger, I think it would be fine to approach a younger guy in the same fashion as you would any other man. If I guy a guy finds you attractive, he will bite, regardless of your age (most likey, I'm obviously making generalizations here, YMMV, etc-standard-disclaimers).
posted by greta simone at 1:06 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by greta simone at 1:06 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]
Yea, don't try too hard. For one thing, they imagine you know all kinds of wonderful sex tricks they can only dream about. The allure of the older woman. Second of all, many younger guys get tired of women their own age and the grasping materialism that many young women use to measure young men. You will appeal to them in a way a younger woman usually does not because you are evaluating them in a different way. Go, cougar, go, make us all proud!
posted by 45moore45 at 1:12 PM on March 4, 2008
posted by 45moore45 at 1:12 PM on March 4, 2008
If you see a man at this gathering that you're genuinely interested in because you share some physical attraction/similar interests, smile, flirt, go over and talk with him in an age-appropriate, confident way. Grown women acting kittenish is not attractive IMVHO.
posted by notjustfoxybrown at 1:27 PM on March 4, 2008
posted by notjustfoxybrown at 1:27 PM on March 4, 2008
Oh, and try not to piss off/skeeve out the young women. Their tacit approval of the situation if they don't see you as the agressive cougar could be to your benefit. (You're aiming for "can you beleive she's 44?", not "can you beleive a 44 year old is doing that?".
posted by Kololo at 1:35 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by Kololo at 1:35 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]
It is always sad to see an older woman trying too hard.
It's always sad to see anyone trying too hard, young or old, male or female. I'd advise that you approach the man of your choice and act very friendly. Be sensitive to both verbal and non-verbal cues - things like whether he's leaning towards you, or making lots of eye contact, lighting up when you compliment him. If he's interested he'll meet you more than halfway and seem eager to spend time with you. If not... try someone else.
posted by orange swan at 2:20 PM on March 4, 2008
It's always sad to see anyone trying too hard, young or old, male or female. I'd advise that you approach the man of your choice and act very friendly. Be sensitive to both verbal and non-verbal cues - things like whether he's leaning towards you, or making lots of eye contact, lighting up when you compliment him. If he's interested he'll meet you more than halfway and seem eager to spend time with you. If not... try someone else.
posted by orange swan at 2:20 PM on March 4, 2008
Embrace the cougar within.
posted by loiseau at 2:28 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]
posted by loiseau at 2:28 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]
I think age is just one of the factors that influence someone's attractiveness. Some guys may write you off because of your age, and you won't have a shot with them even if you are flirty. Other guys, though, may be neutral or positively attracted to you despite or even because of your age. You're all adults, so act adult-y and have fun!
posted by Chris4d at 4:08 PM on March 4, 2008
posted by Chris4d at 4:08 PM on March 4, 2008
I had a Mrs Robinson experience a long time ago in my twenties, where the lady did the chasing and I was eternally grateful for the experience.
Embrace the Anne Bancroft within. Good luck!
posted by arcticseal at 5:40 PM on March 4, 2008
Embrace the Anne Bancroft within. Good luck!
posted by arcticseal at 5:40 PM on March 4, 2008
Assuming you're both over the age of consent, unrelated by blood, unencumbered by any obligations, and not in any overt power relationship, go for it. It's no-one else's business.
The standard creepiness rule is: don't date under half your age + 7.
This "rule" itself is a far creepier thing than an age differential between consenting adults in a relationship. (I'm not calling you out on it personally, kidbritish; lots of people cite it, and I wish "they", as an aggregrate group, would get over it already.)
posted by aeschenkarnos at 6:14 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]
The standard creepiness rule is: don't date under half your age + 7.
This "rule" itself is a far creepier thing than an age differential between consenting adults in a relationship. (I'm not calling you out on it personally, kidbritish; lots of people cite it, and I wish "they", as an aggregrate group, would get over it already.)
posted by aeschenkarnos at 6:14 PM on March 4, 2008 [1 favorite]
This thread is closed to new comments.
So don't work the circuit. Have any of your targets been flirty with you or given you any signs of attraction? If not, work on that first. If so, choose the one who has given you the most attention and focus on him.
If it works, great!
If you strike out, you strike out.
You shouldn't then move straight to the next guy on your list. Lie back, and wait, because now the word is out that you wouldn't mind a younger man, since you just hit on Guy 1.
Then you can see if any of the other guys are giving you more attention after that happens. Then you wait for them to make a move, and try not to be too aggressive or public about it, if you are really worried about your reputation.
posted by rmless at 12:50 PM on March 4, 2008