MeFite Stairway to Heaven

June 29, 2004 9:33 PM

Who would you want to meet if you died, went to a heaven, and there was a great big Metafilter reunion in the sky, free drinks? Who would you beat up? Do you think it's best we don't know each other personally?
posted by Keyser Soze to Grab Bag (28 answers total)

First, I'd want to meet the bartender.
posted by ook at 9:46 PM on June 29, 2004

I'm not a violent person. I'd probably duck in for a few drinks and then get the hell out of there before the carnage started.
posted by birdherder at 9:53 PM on June 29, 2004

"...if you died, went to a heaven, and there was a great big Metafilter reunion in the sky..."

I would wonder how any of us got there in the first place.
posted by mr_crash_davis at 10:19 PM on June 29, 2004

I think Keyser's already met the bartender this evening.
posted by falconred at 10:19 PM on June 29, 2004

I would want to meet you, Keyser Soze, get to know the real you, find out what makes Keyser Soze tick.

I honestly wish I knew even ONE of your in person. But alas, the cold, harsh isolation of the open praries makes that kind of tough (*little tear*).

On that note, I don't think there is anyone here that I would want to beat up. . . yet.

Another round, on me.
posted by Quartermass at 10:23 PM on June 29, 2004

Response by poster: The pianos been drinking, but not me.






Seriously. I have school at 7am tomorrow.
posted by Keyser Soze at 11:04 PM on June 29, 2004

I think if I ever lay eyes on mathowie I'm going to freak him instantly. Considering he's like a foot taller than me, it might be kind of a 2/3-freak from his perspective, but I'll make the most of what I got.

I think if I ever meet Miguel I'll take a shot at kicking his ass. Not because I want to hurt him. I don't even dislike him. I just get the impression he's a nice, doughy, easy target. I picture him half-falling backward, sloshing his drink onto himself, and protesting the blows with choice lines from Hemingway novels.

I've got the keenest feeling that if I ever meet you, Keyser, you'll have one of the following: an eye patch, an inhaler, or an earring. No clue why. Whatever the case, I'll buy you a sweet, yeasty, unripe glass of beer and toast your health :)

Hopefully I'll find hummus at the food table, and some nice bread to spread him on. I'll try to bump into XQZYPHR, so I can yell "well XQuuuuuse me!" And if I go into the heaven mens' room at any point and find Stan Chin at the urinal, I'm totally pantsing him. And, of course, should I find myself facing Quonsar, I'll put on my best Patrick Stewart voice and demand: "What do you want with us, Q?"
posted by scarabic at 1:24 AM on June 30, 2004

Not Konolia. Given the situation, how smug would she be?
posted by biffa at 3:15 AM on June 30, 2004

I think if I ever lay eyes on mathowie I'm going to freak him instantly.

I'm assuming this means something very different where you live.
posted by yerfatma at 4:52 AM on June 30, 2004

After four or five shots of tequilla, I'd like a shot at hama7 or a couple of the neocons from MeFi.

Other than that, I'd swill with all the fine folks here.

Can we smoke in heaven? I hope it's not a non-smoking bar.
posted by damnitkage at 5:46 AM on June 30, 2004

Not Konolia. Given the situation, how smug would she be?

I'm fond of Konolia, but that one had me nearly falling out of my chair. I say we sic the very smug Konolia on the very sulky Skallas. The two of them ought to be able to keep each other busy for awhile.

And I know Miggy'd be tending the bar, which means I probably couldn't even get near it.
posted by orange swan at 5:56 AM on June 30, 2004

There is beating up in Heaven?
posted by caddis at 6:54 AM on June 30, 2004

Response by poster: "an eye patch, an inhaler, or an earring."

Didn't like the answer I gave you? :)
posted by Keyser Soze at 7:36 AM on June 30, 2004

Are you kidding? In that situation, konolia would be my new best friend. I'd hang out with her, straighten her robes, fend off paparazzi (they'd be nice ones, of course, just wanting pictures for their Eternity Albums, but still annoying). I'd point out interesting events happening Down Below she might have missed. Then when St. Peter got pissed off at me and threatened me with the Chute (oh, you think once you're in Heaven you've got no worries? piss off the wrong people and you find out otherwise in a hurry, and that Chute goes a lo-o-ong way down) she'd say "Oh, no, Pete, not languagehat -- languagehat is a fine fellow." And he'd give me the fish eye, but he'd say "OK, konolia, anything for you." Meanwhile Keyser would be desperately trying to convince Miguel he was of legal drinking age, and Miguel would be tolerantly shaking his head and tossing off bon mots as he wielded the martini shaker. Good times!
posted by languagehat at 7:44 AM on June 30, 2004

Meanwhile Keyser would be desperately trying to convince Miguel he was of legal drinking age

Which would suck, in heaven, because, you know, you're not getting any older, being dead and all. Don't die till you're legal, Keyser!
posted by IshmaelGraves at 7:52 AM on June 30, 2004

I think we'd have more fun in hell, actually. Konolia could come visit if she wanted.
posted by amberglow at 8:34 AM on June 30, 2004

Well, if we were ALL in heaven, konolia wouldn't have a whole lot to be smug about, right?
posted by signal at 8:55 AM on June 30, 2004

Well, if we were ALL in heaven, konolia wouldn't have a whole lot to be smug about, right?

My thought exactly. Either she'd be none too pleased to see all of us, or she would be really happy for us - I can't decide which. ; )
posted by widdershins at 9:11 AM on June 30, 2004

I'm pretty sure she'd be happy for us. She's just that kind of gal.
posted by languagehat at 9:33 AM on June 30, 2004

Somehow I'm not expecting to be there. But if I were, and if all the drinks were free, I'd want Mig's recommendation on what I should be drinking.
posted by DevilsAdvocate at 9:58 AM on June 30, 2004

Ack! I don't want to spend eternity with you people! I need to reconsider my religious principles now. Dammit.
posted by Dreama at 11:43 AM on June 30, 2004

Actually, if we all make it to heaven, I think Konolia will have been proved *wrong* not right.
posted by scarabic at 12:05 PM on June 30, 2004

If any of you decide you DO want to go, let me know. I can get you directions.

(There will be wine in heaven;nothing would delight me more than seeing Migs try out the new stuff.)
posted by konolia at 12:11 PM on June 30, 2004

this heaven you speak of, there is beating-up there...?

/goes and finishes off another bottle of vinhoverde
posted by dorian at 12:37 PM on June 30, 2004

I don't consume alcohol in any form, nor do I enjoy being around alcohol and people who are actively consuming it.

BUT -- in heaven, I would like to buy a large beer for jonmc and chat him up. Politically, we're usually on opposite sides, but he's witty, insightful, humourous, and generally an all-around nice guy with an interesting perspective on life. Plus, he knows just about every song ever recorded.

Sorry to embarrass ya, Jon.
posted by davidmsc at 5:07 PM on June 30, 2004

david, you and jonmc can get a private room up there ; >
posted by amberglow at 5:20 PM on June 30, 2004

I'd hang out with Jesus, and we'd crash the party like three and a half hours into it, and we'd both be drunk as hell.
posted by Hildago at 6:11 PM on June 30, 2004

Rushmc will corner God and complain bitterly that He isn't running heaven the way Rushmc would do it.
posted by orange swan at 6:18 AM on July 12, 2004