S/he's bi. Still interested?
January 29, 2008 5:51 PM   Subscribe

You: Either gender, heterosexual or homosexual. Your potential date: identifies as your preferred gender, but bisexual. Would you be willing to pursue a romantic relationship, not just a sexual one, with that person? Why or why not?

I am writing a piece of creative nonfiction addressing various aspects of bisexuality, including the experiences and opinions of people who do not identify as bi (or pansexual, if you prefer vocabulary that avoids the two gender system).

Columnists like Dan Savage actively discourage people from becoming romantically involved with bisexual people, but while he gives general advice, he is also addressing specific people in specific situations, and I am interested in how a greater population feels about the topic. I realize that there is an exception to every rule, even personal ideals, but I’m interested in the general. It is the 'because' statements that interest me the most, as I'm trying to see if there is a trend or commonality in people's reasoning.

Similarly, have you had an experience dating a bisexual person? Would you do it again? Why or why not?

If you have an opinion or experience but don’t want it shared on a public forum, please email me: bvk3630 (at) gmail.com

NOTE: This is not the place for a discussion of anyone else’s opinions or experiences to take place. Please do not criticize anyone for what they say; I am just as interested in the ‘no, I wouldn’t because’ than I am in the ‘yes, I would because’ and in order for that to happen, it needs to be an open, nonjudgmental forum.
posted by plaingurl to Human Relations (58 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
 
Yes, I would date a bisexual male if I were single (I'm female). Yes, I have had that experience, more than once. Why? I find male-male sexuality erotic.
posted by desjardins at 5:57 PM on January 29, 2008


From my point of view (straight male), if we're going to be monogamous then it doesn't really make a difference. I dated a girl once who'd had a few relationships with other women, and it didn't bother me/ thrill me especially... if you were going to be afraid that 'she'll leave me for another woman!' then it's just the same paranoia coming through that can affect a straight relationship. I don't think it makes a difference.
posted by twirlypen at 5:59 PM on January 29, 2008


I wouldn't know until I'd met her. The overt facts as described wouldn't matter to me.
posted by Steven C. Den Beste at 6:01 PM on January 29, 2008 [2 favorites]


My ex was bi, and it never worried me- gender preference was really not an issue. If she wanted to sleep with someone else, I wouldn't have cared whether they were male or female- the important thing was that I knew she was loyal to me.

I don't think bisexuality needs to be an issue- either you will cheat or you won't, regardless of who you're with. That said, one of my friends is in a relationship with a bi man, and they have an agreement that he can sleep with men as long as he is discreet. I couldn't deal with that kind of relationship, personally, but it seems to be working out very well for them.
posted by indienial at 6:02 PM on January 29, 2008


Two of my exes were bisexual (I'm straight), and for me, it was a total non-issue. However, almost all of my friends are bisexual or gay -- I'm the freak -- so that's probably a heavy influence.

I'd do it again. I actually found it a bonus. A lot of the straight guys I dated were unwilling to do a lot of things, sexual or otherwise, because they were afraid of being perceived as gay, which was not a problem with the bi guys. Plus we could ogle hot guys together...
posted by Gianna at 6:03 PM on January 29, 2008


Absolutely. I'm with Kinsey on this one, and I think there are more guys that have occasional homoerotic fantasies than those that admit to it. I'd appreciate their openness with their sexuality (e.g. that they were reflective enough to realize that they were at least partially bi-sexual) and would hope that that might bode good things for the relationship, if one were to develop. Entirely irrelevant for me, though the context in which they told me this would matter. Was it on the online questionnaire they filled out on the dating site? Or did they meet me at a bar and spontaneously blurt that out? That might be significant for me and I'd be curious to determine why they told me then. I have a couple of bi friends and it only came up well into my acquaintance with them.

I'm with twirlypen- I wouldn't be less interested because they might be more likely to leave me for another man (I'm a girl). If they're someone who is unlikely to be faithful, whether they are bi, straight, or gay is entirely irrelevant.

The one caveat is that I would want to make sure I felt like they *were* bi rather than actually homosexual (or, heck, hetero) and uncomfortable for any reason with their orientation and trying to make it work what the gender pairing that they thought should be more natural/right.
posted by arnicae at 6:07 PM on January 29, 2008


I'm a heterosexual woman and it would be a non-issue for me as well. More than anything I'd want someone comfortable with their sexuality, be it straight or bi.
posted by red_lotus at 6:08 PM on January 29, 2008


I'm a gay male. The idea that a potential relationship might be with a bisexual male would not matter to me. If we got "serious" I'd probably want us to be either monogamous or perhaps in a gay triad. I don't mind if my partner is attracted to women or appreciates women's sexuality, provided that he is fully participating and faithful to our primary relationship (however we define it).
posted by Robert Angelo at 6:17 PM on January 29, 2008


Would you be willing to pursue a romantic relationship, not just a sexual one, with that person? Why or why not?

I dated several bisexual women because, never-mind their bisexuality, they just were the sort of women I like to date; funny, smart and easy going. The only reason I would not date a bisexual again is because I'm married and my wife is good with knives.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:17 PM on January 29, 2008 [5 favorites]


Probably not. Like Carrie Bradshaw, I wonder if "bisexuality" is just really a "layover to gaytown" (colored by personal experience of having my heart broken by a guy who ended up identifying as gay).
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 6:18 PM on January 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'm a straight man in a long term relationship with a bisexual woman, so I'm evidently willing. Why? Basically because I can't imagine any reason it would make a difference. Hard to elaborate, really: I'd date a bisexual person for the same reasons I'd date a straight person. I guess the big worry people might have is that being bisexual is just a stage on the way to being gay (or, from the other side, that it's something straight people pretend to be so they can feel adventurous), but that hasn't really been my experience.
posted by moss at 6:19 PM on January 29, 2008



Similarly, have you had an experience dating a bisexual person? Would you do it again? Why or why not?


Yes, and yes. It gives you one more thing in common. It's refreshing to be in a relationship where you can say "Hey, that stranger is hot." and have your partner answer "Mmm... yeah!"

Beats jealousy, anyway.
posted by rokusan at 6:20 PM on January 29, 2008


Sure, as long as they have been monogamous successfully with either gender and treated their exes well and haven't picked up any stds from them. I don't really care much else about the past relationships other than those points.
posted by rmless at 6:22 PM on January 29, 2008


I dated a bisexual man years ago. He didn't feel the need to tell me he was but I figured it out by myself toward the end of the relationship. It did not help things. Mostly because it was one more incentive for him to be unfaithful in the relationship-he just had a greater pool of people to choose from.

This seems to be as good a place as any to share an observation that I have-it seems to me that every bisexual man I ever ran across preferred their ladyfriends to be overweight. Has anyone else ever noticed that?
posted by konolia at 6:24 PM on January 29, 2008


Granted, as a gay man, that a bisexual/pansexual man is somewhat akin to finding a unicorn, I would say that it wouldn't matter to me what they consider their sexuality to be so long as they're faithful to me.

I think that the people who are afraid of dating someone attracted to the opposite gender that they are, are more tapping into their own ideas that they're not fulfilling the other person because they can pinpoint something which can neg them. "I'm not fulfilling the same/opposite sex need" is much easier to address than "I'm not good enough for them".

But, I'm just being an armchair psychologist.
posted by Gular at 6:24 PM on January 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


I'm a lesbian and my girlfriend always said she and her friends always said they wouldn't date bisexuals because that was asking for trouble because they were more likely to change their mind on which gender they wanted to be with at that time. (In other words if they were with a dude, they'd decide they wanted a chick and vice versa.)

She dated a bi and other girl later decided she wanted a guy. She (my gf) said that was more heartbreaking than her falling for another woman somehow.
posted by CwgrlUp at 6:25 PM on January 29, 2008


If we correct for bigotry, we are left with, "why not"? And the only reason "why not" is potential jealousy/cheating. And that goes to the person's character, not their sexual preference. I suspect people who get neurotic about this are the same ones who get neurotic about hetero ex lovers.
posted by gjc at 6:25 PM on January 29, 2008 [2 favorites]


Ack, on failure-to-preview, I should say that my last sentence wasn't intended as a dig at ThePinkSuperhero, whose comment I didn't see till after I'd posted mine. I'm speaking from my own experience, and don't mean to dismiss anyone else's.
posted by moss at 6:27 PM on January 29, 2008


I'm a lesbian. A good number of my girlfriends have been bi. Some identified as lesbians, but had had sex with men. Some identified as bisexual. I did have a ten-second freak-out one time when the second ex-girlfriend in a row started dating guys after breaking up with me. Then I got over it.

Date another bi girl? Sure! (if my girlfriend says it's okay, of course!)

NB: I do know that there was/is a strong bias in the dyke community against dating bi women (it's been a while since I was in the dating pool, so maybe things have changed). I think it's dumb.
posted by rtha at 6:43 PM on January 29, 2008


No. At least, not anyone who was my age (college) and identified themselves as bisexual. If I were dating someone older who was secure in their identity--securely bisexual--then yeah, I would be a lot more lenient to it. My skepticism comes from the plethora of young women who identify as "bicurious" or "bisexual" when they don't mean "I form long-term, stable, meaningful relationships with either sex" but "Hey guys lookit me make out with this chick WOW!"

Now if you really want to get into the twitchy nature of sexual politics--and expose my secret, raging hypocrisy--note I am over a year into a relationship with a man, yet before that was 100% pure dyke.

So here's where the implications laden in the term "bisexual" come in, though, because despite my current happy relationship I highly resent being labeled with the term "bisexual", partly because of the negative connotations I associate with it, mostly because I have never been attracted to any guy besides him, and honestly he took a while to grow on me. So there's my long, overly personal answer for you!
posted by schroedinger at 6:47 PM on January 29, 2008


I'm a straight male who has dated a bisexual female. It's not really a big deal. And if she decided she preferred chicks to dudes and dumped my ass, it wouldn't be worse then her just preferring another dude.

Would I do it again? Sure, no question.
posted by Optimus Chyme at 6:51 PM on January 29, 2008


Why not? The only issue I see is in dating someone who hasn't figured out their sexuality yet and might feel like they're missing out on the things they hadn't tried. But a guy who's bi and comfortable with that, yeah, no problem there.
posted by you're a kitty! at 6:53 PM on January 29, 2008


Ehh, as long as they're interested in a monogamous romantic relationship, why not?
posted by that girl at 7:00 PM on January 29, 2008


I'm a bisexual chick. When I was single, there were both lesbians and straight men who were reluctant to get involved with me because they had a problem with my bisexuality. The lesbians felt that I wasn't gay enough and resented the het privilege thing. The straight men were put off by the queer identity part of me, which they didn't understand.
posted by desuetude at 7:04 PM on January 29, 2008 [2 favorites]


I'd date a bi woman. The preference thing isn't a big deal as long as you can trust the person to be monogamous (if that's what you want, etc).

I dated a woman briefly who described herself as gay, but we hooked up and started a brief dating thing, then she went back to being gay. I was bummed but not because she was gay, just for the usual heartbreak reasons.
posted by jonmc at 7:19 PM on January 29, 2008


I dated a guy who claimed once to be bi, but he was full of it (he was straight).

So I haven't actually dated a bisexual guy but I would.

There's kind of a stand-up-comic logic that says "There are no bisexual guys, just gay guys in denial" ....

Except that even the people saying it can't really believe it, because half the time that's followed by "or who are really greedy for sex" ... and how many guys don't want to have lots of sex?
posted by dagnyscott at 7:40 PM on January 29, 2008


You know, in theory there is no reason why not. As long as he's into me (I'm a hetero female) and is monogamous what does it matter who else he is or was into? I have friends of all orientations and don't really care.

But the world doesn't work in abstracts. And I'm not out there dating or looking around, but have been in a long term relationship for a long time, since I was pretty young. There is no way I'd stay with my boyfriend if he was bisexual, probably because he isn't and to become so would make him a totally different person. So I don't want to date someone bisexual because I only ever-again want to date this one guy, who isn't bisexual. What I'd do single doesn't matter, because I'm not and never again will be, and this is how it works for the vast majority of people in relationships so is still a valid reaction.

My boyfriend being heterosexual wasn't entirely an accident either. We were young when we started going out. I had less experience of the world or with gay people, came from a conservative small town where homophobia was rife, it was my first 'proper' relationship and I was less sure of myself in general. If he was bisexual, back then it would have been enough to scare me off. Not because of prejudice exactly, I've never been homophobic, but just because that would have put him into the too complicated basket for the only-just-turned-19 me and I would have run away. I seem to remember gritting my teeth and ignoring my instincts for those first few days, letting him know I liked him and trying not to panic until I was sure he liked me too. So back when I was single the answer still would have been no, probably followed by 'what do you mean exactly, bisexual?' because I really was that naive.

I've talked about issues like this with my friends, most of whom are in relationships. The answer is generally no and there isn't a because. Just no, it's not what they want (after all, I like brunettes and can't give you a rational reason for that either). You're a lot less likely to get answers like that here (especially after the answers that have already been given), so keep that in mind when thinking about bias in what you're being told.
posted by shelleycat at 8:06 PM on January 29, 2008


I have (I am male) and would again; it doesn't strike me as particularly important factor in the 'do I want to date this person' decision.

Whether they're interested in the same amount of monogamy/exclusivity -- that's an important question. (And, I suppose, if I wasn't into monogamy than it might matter more. But I am, so who else they might be attracted to is irrelevant. It's either 'me' or 'not me.' Whether 'not me' is XX or XY is a bit academic.)
posted by Kadin2048 at 8:11 PM on January 29, 2008


I've found that my mild bi-ness is a selling point to boyfriends, but they mysteriously seem to turn this into 'Awesome! Threesome!' requests. However my boyfriend says that if I was full on bi he'd be worried he could satisfy all my needs.

It seems 'bi' means 'poly' to far too many people.
posted by Phalene at 8:11 PM on January 29, 2008 [1 favorite]


it seems to me that every bisexual man I ever ran across preferred their ladyfriends to be overweight. Has anyone else ever noticed that?

No, I haven't. I'm 95 lbs and have attracted my fair share of bi guys.
posted by desjardins at 8:13 PM on January 29, 2008


I've had a bisexual girlfriend, and I have a preference for that if the relationship isn't for keeps: a girl leaving me for another girl doesn't get my genetic imperative into a knot the way her leaving me for another guy does.
posted by Ryvar at 8:13 PM on January 29, 2008


It would not bother me to date a bi guy or girl, but I sort of identify in that direction myself.

I've dated a couple guys who tried really hard not to mind my preferences (or lack thereof, really), but they definitely seemed to have some insecurity about the issue. One of them explained that he was afraid I would be unsatisfied, since there were things I might want to do sexually that he couldn't provide. Other guys simply said, "Please just don't date a girl right away if we break up," which I never entirely understood. I guess they imagined a sense of "Wow, I sucked so much that you had to try dating a different gender?!?" Of course that wouldn't be the rationale behind my future choices of partners, but people often take things more personally than they should. I think it also plays into the general suckiness of being suddenly excluded from the life of someone you used to be very close to. It's no fun to have your ex dating anyone else, but having them date someone who is not your own gender really underscores how very much different their life is without you.
posted by Inconceivable! at 8:27 PM on January 29, 2008


My fiancée is bi, and she's perfectly content with just me. She does like looking at women in addition to men, but because we're in a monogamous relationship, it doesn't matter.
posted by explosion at 8:31 PM on January 29, 2008


I dated a bisexual woman. It almost completely didn't matter, except she would sometimes find naked pictures of girls for me to look at. That was pretty cool. So far, though, it was the best relationship I've been in. (Past tense intended.)

More recently, I've been looking at online dating sites, and it seems like an inordinate number of the profiles that seem interesting to me are girls who list themselves as bisexual. I don't seek it out, and often I don't even see it on their profiles until I go back and look at them later. I find it annoying because I believe it's seen as fashionable these days and I think some people are probably posing. Especially on the internet. And furthermore, I don't even like the thought of girl-on-girl. It doesn't do it for me like it seems to for most guys.

My unscientific theory is that girls who are bisexual tend to be smarter than straight girls. Maybe they're more open minded. I don't know, but I do know that I like brains, and it seems to be a pretty reliable indicator of brains.
posted by kpmcguire at 8:42 PM on January 29, 2008


I don't think I've dated a bisexual guy since high school. The only thing I would mind about dating one would be that I couldn't donate blood with the Red Cross anymore, but that's their loss really.
posted by jessamyn at 8:43 PM on January 29, 2008


Yes, I've dated bisexuals before, and yes I would do it again, all other things being equal. I somewhat prefer bi guys to straight guys, and it doesn't make much difference to me with women. The main bi-related criteria for me is that they don't freak that *I'm* bi. Other than that, not really much of an issue, or at least much lower on my list of concerns than a lot of other things.
posted by gingerbeer at 8:57 PM on January 29, 2008


Speaking for myself (straight male), I probably wouldn't be much interested in a bi girl, if it meant her acting on that preference, as opposed to just fancying other girls from time to time, or having a wank over such a fantasy. I guess that's just because I'm more into romantic monogamy, which far outweighs any thoughts of hurf durf lesbians!!1! threesomes!!1!!1! that straight males might be expected to have.

Why not? I guess I just don't think it's easy for most people to navigate poly / open relationships, that involve more than just sex. Other people might be able to handle it, but it's tricky enough having a successful relationship with just one other person in the picture without adding further sexual partners into the mix, considering that sex can be such a powerful thing, a potential minefield of insecurities & jealousies.

Of course, I could change my mind in an instant for the right girl, so it probably comes down to the person. Speaking abstractly, though a big "no, thanks!" from me.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:11 PM on January 29, 2008


I'm female, pretty much straight I guess but occasionally attracted to women and generally open-minded. I definitely would become involved with a guy who's been with guys even if he didn't consider himself bisexual. (I would find it even more attractive if he didn't particularly feel the need to name his orientation one way or another. Come to think of it I guess I don't feel that need either.)

I do think male-male sexuality is Teh Hottness (and would like to partake of some) but it's really just about a general sense that openmindedness is good and I respect people who follow their own needs and desires wherever they might lead. I'm mildly put off by anyone who's too rigid about their straightness and I think being intimate with a variety of people makes us better lovers.
posted by loiseau at 9:11 PM on January 29, 2008


shellycat makes a good point, and if you're seriously writing a NONfiction book then I'm sure you know all this chatfilter anecdotal evidence multiplied by selection bias raised to the impossible to verify could never become a part of it.

For the sake of the conversation I've had positive experiences with this and would second Steven C. Den Beste's comment. In my social circle excluding those positive relationships, I've literally only heard of really bad experiences that involved dishonesty and jealousy. Those will kill any relationship.
posted by oblio_one at 9:13 PM on January 29, 2008


Gianna: I'd do it again. I actually found it a bonus. A lot of the straight guys I dated were unwilling to do a lot of things, sexual or otherwise, because they were afraid of being perceived as gay, which was not a problem with the bi guys.

This has been true in my experience as well. It goes to what I said about openmindedness.
posted by loiseau at 9:17 PM on January 29, 2008


Following up from what loiseau said, I'd generally agree with her. In a recent thread, somebody concluded that I might as well self-classify as bi because I've messed around a bit with guys in the past, and can appreciate guys' looks on a sexual sort of level, even though I've discovered that I really have pretty close to zero interest in playing with cocks or doing much else with guys on a physical basis. That last fact has had other people call me "definitely straight, without a doubt". Meh to that. I don't particularly care either way what the label is, but my behaviour is now functionally heterosexual as a matter of simple fact, and has been for a number of years. Still, I'd prefer partners to have experimented a bit, as loiseau describes. Better not to be too rigid, except in appropriate circumstances.
posted by UbuRoivas at 9:22 PM on January 29, 2008


I dated a bisexual man years ago. He didn't feel the need to tell me he was but I figured it out by myself toward the end of the relationship. It did not help things. Mostly because it was one more incentive for him to be unfaithful in the relationship-he just had a greater pool of people to choose from.

This sentiment is absolutely the most ridiculous sentiment about bi/pansexuality I've ever heard, and sadly it's one that I hear all the time (I'm pansexual).

Ok, so for example you're a straight girl. Which means you like guys, yes? Do you like all guys? Do all guys like you?

just because we seemingly have a "wider pool to choose from" doesn't make us poly or promiscuous. I personally like someone for who they are - gender and sexuality doesn't even come into it (well, unless I'm crushing over a straight girl or a gay guy, which unfortunately happens way too often).

FWIW, I'm dating a straight guy. I often wish he was bisexual just because that'd make him a bit more interesting (and I could legitimately pair him up with other guys...hahaha) but I love him the way he is. While I am curious about how it's like with other women (I'm attracted to them but never seem to get the chance - see "crushing on straight women" above), I'm not going to leave him just because I haven't had my fill of vagina yet. He loves me for who I am, though he's probably going to chime in here and say that the bisexuality is a turn-on for him. Haha.

Someone mentioned upthread the benefits of a bisexual partner - an ogling partner and a finder of similarly-attractive-gender porn. They are both quite right. ;)
posted by divabat at 10:00 PM on January 29, 2008


Would you be willing to pursue a romantic relationship, not just a sexual one, with that person? Why or why not?

Do I like them? If so, yes.
posted by Ironmouth at 10:31 PM on January 29, 2008


I lost my virginity to a bisexual of the opposite sex at a time when I identified as straight; I now identify as bi. So go for it, but watch out -- you may catch teh half-gay!
posted by Drexen at 3:18 AM on January 30, 2008


My wife is bisexual, and I've never had any sort of problem with it. She's loyal to me and we love each other, which is what matters. The upshot of course, is that we can look at women together, which is fun.
posted by Bulgaroktonos at 3:58 AM on January 30, 2008


My data point; Single hetro male, would date bi female.
posted by krisjohn at 4:36 AM on January 30, 2008


I'm a gay man, and I would date a bisexual man. Simply: bisexual doesn't mean non-monogamous.
posted by awesomebrad at 4:45 AM on January 30, 2008


If we agree to be monogamous and I feel like they'll be faithful, sure, go for it. Of course that applies to straight people of all genders, although my empirical evidence says that (when in relationship with a woman) straight men stray more often than bi, and bi girls stray more often than gay. Go figure.
posted by anaelith at 5:29 AM on January 30, 2008


What difference does it make who they are attracted to overall? If they are attracted to you right now and want to have a relationship isn't that what is important?
posted by Silvertree at 6:00 AM on January 30, 2008


I'm a gay woman. My first girlfriend was bi. Well, she identified as bi when we were together, though she has only dated women since. It wasn't an issue, nor would it have occurred to me to make it an issue. As long as each of us liked each other, what was there to worry about? In a monogamous relationship, the other people we might have passing attractions to just aren't important.

I I ever find myself single again (and I hope like hell I never do), I probably wouldn't care if potential girlfriends were gay or bi.
posted by bassjump at 7:05 AM on January 30, 2008


As with pretty much everything in the realm of romantic connection, I prefer to judge on a case-by-case basis.
posted by box at 7:13 AM on January 30, 2008


Well, to throw a data point on the other side of the fence. I'm bi and while heterosexuality or homosexuality is not an automatic deal-killer, I've had enough frustrating experiences with how straights and gays perceive bisexuality that I'd be a bit more cautious about feeling out the territory. This ranges from "you are more interested in men/women and will cheat sooner or later" to "gay sex is teh hotness! Let me set up something with that guy you find easy on the eyes so I can watch."
posted by KirkJobSluder at 7:38 AM on January 30, 2008


I'm female hetero. If I were single again, I would date a bi guy, if I could be sure he was really bi rather than internally closeted.
posted by happyturtle at 12:31 PM on January 30, 2008


As a queer femme (in my case, female who dates/partners with women and men who were born with female parts), I wouldn't date a bisexual woman or transman again. I've dated a bisexual woman and married a pansexual man, so it's not like I haven't been open to the idea, but any bisexual I'd be with at this point would by definition be into men, and to be (probably too) bluntly honest, sex with cisgendered men skeeves me out to the point I wouldn't be able to have a sexual relationship with the person in question, and that's a deal-breaker for me. If that's bigoted, as gjc asserted, then I guess I'll just have to own that, but it's a visceral thing <shrug> and having had dozens of cisgendered male sex partners in the past, it's not like it's an uninformed position on my part.
posted by notashroom at 12:47 PM on January 30, 2008


My male partner and I both identify as bisexual. The sexual identity was a point of interest for us both, but did not ultimately have anything to do with our decision to date (we've been together off and on for over three years now). We liked each other, so we went out. It had more to do with common interests, compatible personalities, and sexual chemistry than anything. I imagine that if he had been a woman or if I had been a man, the outcome would still be similar, because we were open to meeting a person we wanted to be with regardless of gender.
posted by angeline at 2:35 AM on January 31, 2008


If they were capable of total long-term monogamy, meaning no exceptions for group sex, I'd be down. It wouldn't be an issue at all.
posted by starbaby at 2:26 PM on January 31, 2008


Could care less, so long as they happen to be attracted to geeky female chicks with brains. I'm the straightest woman ever born, I think, so bi women would be out of luck.
posted by ysabet at 3:09 AM on February 1, 2008


KirkJobSluder: Well, to throw a data point on the other side of the fence. I'm bi and while heterosexuality or homosexuality is not an automatic deal-killer, I've had enough frustrating experiences with how straights and gays perceive bisexuality that I'd be a bit more cautious about feeling out the territory. This ranges from "you are more interested in men/women and will cheat sooner or later" to "gay sex is teh hotness! Let me set up something with that guy you find easy on the eyes so I can watch."

I assume it's my comment you're remarking on all sidelong because I used the term "teh hottness". And it sounds like you're saying someone with my attitude should be avoided. Which I find slightly offensive. I didn't say anything about setting up anyone with anyone or watching anything like it's a circus act. Well I respect my partners' sexuality the way I expect mine to be respected. What turns me on shouldn't be the basis of a judgement on my character. That's no better than the people who assume if someone's bisexual they're somehow naturally prone to unfaithfulness.
posted by loiseau at 10:09 PM on February 1, 2008


« Older Refurb decor advice..   |   Tips for a monthlong business trip to Hyderabad Newer »
This thread is closed to new comments.