support our troops with extreme noise terror
December 3, 2007 9:29 AM   Subscribe

I need to find the LOUDEST, most ABRASIVE music EVER MADE. Please advise, in as EXTREEEEME a manner as possible.

One of my friends is studying at the US Air Force Academy, and he is looking for an effective (and moderately creative/amusing) way to wake up the new cadets in the morning.

I have compiled a small collection of loud, unpleasant music for him. I have grindcore (Anal Cunt, Agoraphobic Nosebleed, Nasum), speedcore/terrorcore/extratone/glitchcore (Mister Joker, Gabba Front Berlin), and a bit of hardcore punk (Big Black). I'd like to find stuff that's even more ridiculous, if that's possible. Stuff that any normal person wouldn't qualify as music.

Extra points if you can recommend particular songs/tracks in addition to just musicians.

(PS I've heard good things about Japanese hardcore, so any recommendations on that front are quite welcome.)
posted by Vic Morrow's Personal Vietnam to Media & Arts (135 answers total) 36 users marked this as a favorite
Lightning Bolt
posted by sanko at 9:31 AM on December 3, 2007 [2 favorites]

For Japanese noise, I suggest Merzbow.
posted by zennoshinjou at 9:31 AM on December 3, 2007

Yoko Ono
posted by iconomy at 9:33 AM on December 3, 2007 [6 favorites]

Lightning Bolts "Wonderful Rainbow" is probably the most abrasive noise that is still music:
posted by 2bucksplus at 9:33 AM on December 3, 2007 [1 favorite]

Seconding Merzbow. That man is depraved.
posted by beaucoupkevin at 9:33 AM on December 3, 2007

Damn it, great minds and all that sanko.
posted by 2bucksplus at 9:34 AM on December 3, 2007

Seconding Merzbow.

Raising you Whitehouse.

posted by brautigan at 9:35 AM on December 3, 2007

Big Black
posted by mrbugsentry at 9:38 AM on December 3, 2007

I can handle about 10 seconds of most hard trance/dance variants in the morning. Anything that has really loud, fast, abrasive beats.
posted by smackfu at 9:38 AM on December 3, 2007

Some of this german stuff. Especially this, though.
posted by dersins at 9:38 AM on December 3, 2007

I've never heard it myself, but there's always Metal Machine Music by Lou Reed.

Maybe some Glenn Branca? His early works are basically symphonies for an army of electric guitars, plus percussion. In the third movement of his first symphony, percussion consists of hitting trash cans with 2x4s. Each movement of his second symphony starts off with a section by Z'ev, who basically bangs a bunch of metal plates together. Branca was basically an incubator for Sonic Youth, so you may want to investigate some of their louder stuff as well.

Songs to Fan the Flames of Discontent by Refused kind of combines grindcore with hardcore punk, but you'd probably want to start it at track 5. The Shape of Punk to Come is probably an easier album to find, but it's just not as pure in its thrashin as their earlier stuff. "New Noise" off that album is a very easy video to find on YouTube if you need some idea of their sound though.

I'd also say My Bloody Valentine, but that's almost too dreamy--it might just put you back to sleep.
posted by LionIndex at 9:39 AM on December 3, 2007

if big black is on the list you might want to check out rapeman.

as both bands fall into noise core the wikipedia article on the genera may be helpful.
posted by phil at 9:39 AM on December 3, 2007

The "dance music" played in the middle of MP David Amess's anti-Cake segment on "Brass Eye".
posted by Mayor Curley at 9:40 AM on December 3, 2007

..and their offshoot Sutcliffe Jugend.
posted by brautigan at 9:40 AM on December 3, 2007 [1 favorite]

Alec Empire - "When You've Reached Your Peak, It's Time To Die!"

Guaranteed to give an anxiety attack
posted by doppleradar at 9:40 AM on December 3, 2007

Atari Teenage Riot is pretty loud, abrasive, and obnoxious. Merzbow is probably the way to go but it can't hurt to mix it up a little bit every now and then.
posted by polyhedron at 9:42 AM on December 3, 2007

Better Whitehouse link.
posted by brautigan at 9:43 AM on December 3, 2007

If you're willing to go off the "-core" route, you could try Aqua's "Happy Boys and Girls" off of their Aquarium album. Ridiculous enough at normal volume, played loudly it is abrasive, obnoxious, and has that extra demeaning edge when played for macho, testosterone-fuelled men and women. I've never been as close to death as when I've used it to wake up friends.
posted by Anonymous at 9:43 AM on December 3, 2007

How about some more genres? kid606 makes abrasive electronic music (as do plenty of other people, but it's not my strong suit). Peter Brotzmann plays an abrasive saxophone (try Machine Gun or Alarm). Ooh, or turntablist practice tapes, especially the weirder stuff (e.g., Mr. Dibbs, Eddie Def, D-Styles, etc.)

(And, if you want things that most people wouldn't consider music, why not pick up a sound effects record or something?)
posted by box at 9:44 AM on December 3, 2007 [1 favorite]

Diamanda Galas - The Litanies of Satan
posted by R. Mutt at 9:48 AM on December 3, 2007 [3 favorites]

Nthing Lightning Bolt. I also suggest Masonna and AIDS Wolf.
posted by burnmp3s at 9:49 AM on December 3, 2007

Take some of this and mix in the velvety smooth sounds of Mel Torme and you've just bumped it up the psychosis meter a notch or two. I call it "Melcore."
posted by user92371 at 9:49 AM on December 3, 2007

I wouldn't call Refused anything like noisy enough, but then they're one of my favourite bands. I even find Atari Teenage Riot pretty listenable generally, but their Live At Brixton Academy CD is definitely what you're looking for. I can't cope with that.
posted by corvine at 9:49 AM on December 3, 2007

posted by adamrice at 9:51 AM on December 3, 2007

Definitely Merzbow & Whitehouse. Masonna and KK Null - also Japanese noise. Khanate is slooooow and painful. Con-Dom, Sutcliffe Jügend. (N.b.: while power electronics groups like these certainly qualify, many of them are offensive - use of Nazi symbolism, actual racism, etc.) Some American groups like the Sightings, Wolf Eyes, early Prurient, Panicsville. Maybe the Yellow Swans. (All of these are way more extreme than Lightning Bolt, though I love Lightning Bolt - a lot of them are on Load Records, and many are from Providence.)

Really, for most of these bands, pretty much any track will have the effect you want.
posted by ubersturm at 9:51 AM on December 3, 2007

Seconding "Metal Machine Music". The last part is insane!
posted by SansPoint at 9:59 AM on December 3, 2007

Several tracks from Aphex Twin fit the bill.
posted by nitsuj at 9:59 AM on December 3, 2007

Swans - Raping a Slave or Time is Money (Bitch), but yeah this thread was pretty much over at Metal Machine Music.
posted by oh pollo! at 10:00 AM on December 3, 2007

Yes, Lou Reed got it.

Metal Machine Music review by Lester Bangs. More from Wikipedia, Amazon.

AND -- YouTube, YouTube, YouTube remix.
posted by maudlin at 10:00 AM on December 3, 2007

Mix it up - go with hardcore thrash one day, and switch it to Neil Diamond cranked up to eleven or something extra-syrupy from a Disney movie the next.
posted by FritoKAL at 10:00 AM on December 3, 2007

Metal Machine Music
posted by OmieWise at 10:02 AM on December 3, 2007

posted by yerfatma at 10:05 AM on December 3, 2007

No Neubaten? Drawings of Patient O.T. is pretty good.
posted by jdfan at 10:06 AM on December 3, 2007

Seconding Big Black and the less accessible Swans stuff. And how about a little Throbbing Gristle and Einsturzende Neubauten? It hurts.
posted by bedhead at 10:07 AM on December 3, 2007

whoops, should've previewed. but yeah, neubaten!
posted by bedhead at 10:07 AM on December 3, 2007

posted by dydecker at 10:07 AM on December 3, 2007

Laurence Welk.

I'm serious. Cadets listen to stuff that would make fornicating cats sound mellifluous. This at least would be different.
posted by konolia at 10:08 AM on December 3, 2007

Oh, and Thai traditional music might be worth investigating as well. I had a very interesting dinner at a khantoke restaruant in Chiang Mai and the musical accompaniment would have more than likely fit your requirements.
posted by konolia at 10:11 AM on December 3, 2007

Coil - Moon's Milk (in Four Phases) CD ALBUM (Eskaton 2002)
posted by mkb at 10:13 AM on December 3, 2007

Some great answers already. I think the thread could have stopped at Yoko Ono. Or the Swans. I can't top them, but...

Japanese hardcore: Jellyroll Rockheads, Exclaim, The Futures, Gauze. (And check out Sound Pollution Records)

New Zealand noise: Dead C, Gate, probably anything on Corpus Hermeticum Records

That neo-metal stuff all the kids are listening to these days: Sun O))), Boris, etc.

And so on: Skullflower, Unsane, The Locust, The Flying Luttenbachers, Harry Pussy, Severed Head of State

All this bolding of band names makes me feel like I'm writing for Maximum Rock n' Roll. Another dream come true.
posted by cobra libre at 10:15 AM on December 3, 2007

Oh, and Thai traditional music might be worth investigating as well.

Oh, yes. Gamelan. Probably quite unnerving played at extreme volume.
posted by LionIndex at 10:16 AM on December 3, 2007

Early Butthole Surfers, particularly Something and The Shah Sleeps in Lee Harvey's Grave off Brown Reason for Living.

Most of the Birthday Party's Junkyard album. Release the Bats, Big Jesus Trashcan, She's Hit. Awesome.
posted by Elmore at 10:19 AM on December 3, 2007

Death Metal + Screeching Parrot = Hatebeak
posted by i_am_a_Jedi at 10:21 AM on December 3, 2007

Grindcore. The genre.
posted by dead_ at 10:21 AM on December 3, 2007

Yeah, I would switch it up and play Dillinger Escape Plan one day and Perry Como the next. Also consider playing polkas and Yoko Ono.

Wait, scratch that. I have the answer, the only thing you need, the thing GUARANTEED to make people flee the area screaming and trying to staunch the bleeding from their ears:

The Shaggs
posted by BitterOldPunk at 10:24 AM on December 3, 2007

Lambsbread - Water Damage and Stereo Mars

Skullflower - Xaman

Swans - Raping a Slave EP

Sun City Girls - Valentines from Matahari - a truly "out" set from SCG; sounds like Greg Ginn is sitting in on some boombox recordings

Nthing Big Black, especially the track "Ergot."
posted by porn in the woods at 10:26 AM on December 3, 2007 [1 favorite]

John Zorn's Kristallnacht.
posted by Wolfdog at 10:27 AM on December 3, 2007

posted by breaks the guidelines? at 10:27 AM on December 3, 2007

I heartily second nitsuj's recommendation of Aphex Twin. That music, or what I've heard of it, probably won't wake anyone up, but it will destroy their nerves. I used to control the stereo when I worked at the music department of a local book store, and after putting on Selected Ambient Works, Vol. 2, people would be twitching and scowling within minutes. Sometimes after half an hour, the atmosphere would be sufficiently poisoned that arguments would break out. I never played the record much longer than that.

I was surprised to find that customers also could not deal with the Pogues, of all music. Unlike Aphex Twin, however, customers could always identify the irritant and would always ask me to turn it off.
posted by cobra libre at 10:30 AM on December 3, 2007

Agnostic Front is pretty un-fucking-listenable.
posted by jeffamaphone at 10:31 AM on December 3, 2007

Mescalium United - We Have Arrived (Aphex Twin Remix)
Laibach - Tanz Mit Laibach

Some friends of mine are in noise bands, some of which are pretty well known in the field. Wolf Eyes stands out.
posted by phrontist at 10:32 AM on December 3, 2007

(oh, and wolf eyes makes lightning bolt look like elevator music)
posted by phrontist at 10:33 AM on December 3, 2007

Venetian Snares. Not all of his work quite fits the bill, but some of it definitely does. Also, from my home town! :)
posted by utsutsu at 10:35 AM on December 3, 2007

Ignore anybody recommending noise rock (Lightning Bolt, AIDS Wolf, etc) as these are not really that abrasive (although they will definitely be more abrasive than many air force people will be familiar with).

Merzbow (try Tauromachine) and Whitehouse, as mentioned before, are good.

Also try: Hair Police (screechy and horrible), Wolf Eyes, and John Wiese (computorz noize).
posted by beerbajay at 10:35 AM on December 3, 2007

ventolin by aphex twin
posted by antitext at 10:42 AM on December 3, 2007

Nthing Diamanda Galas and Metal Machine Music.

Also I find Pere Ubu to be particularly grating, as well as Boredoms and GG Allin.
posted by Koko at 10:43 AM on December 3, 2007

beerbajay: I work with two guys from hair police, they would be honored by that description.

On further reflection I think you go with a hair police or wolf eyes track with two different bubblegum dance tracks over it (Aqua and the Venga Boys would do nicely). Drop one of track's speed down just a bit (so none of the pitches between the two tracks work), to ensure maximum dissonance. You'll get some horrible screechy noise with two out of sync and out of key tracks over it... and those cadets will probably want to kill themselves.
posted by phrontist at 10:45 AM on December 3, 2007

Yeah, you can't please (or displease, I guess, in this case) everybody.

The mention of gamelan music got me thinking--there might be a place for native drumming in the rotation. Say, Japanese kodo drumming, or Caribbean steel-drum records, or Indian tabla playing.

And the mention of Lawrence Welk, Perry Como, etc. also got me thinking: How about J-pop, Radio Disney, Kidz Bop, etc.? The one cadet who loves Merzbow and Metal Machine Music will probably hate Hannah Montana.

This is fun, and not just because a lot of the stuff that people are mentioning is part of my regular listening. One more suggestion: screw music.
posted by box at 10:46 AM on December 3, 2007

Hrvatski's "Vatstep DSP" from Swarm and Dither.
posted by rabbitsnake at 10:47 AM on December 3, 2007

antitext already said it, but I'll second Ventolin by Aphex Twin. From personal experience, not fun to wake up to.
posted by ellenaim at 10:57 AM on December 3, 2007

Assumed that Mike Patton's Adult Themes for Voices would be here already.
posted by Wolfdog at 10:58 AM on December 3, 2007

I am going to go in an opposition direction. My grandmother told me the story of how her father used to wake her and her siblings in the morning. He would blast things like the 1812 overture and other pieces that had a lot of trumpets. She hated it because it would immediately make her jump out of bed and onto the cold floor. So think trumpets, lots of trumpets.
posted by lilacorlavender at 11:02 AM on December 3, 2007

I'm gonna go on a totally different tangent and suggest the eternal, the deathless, the ear-piercingly annoying "Cold Lampin' With Flavor" off of Public Enemy's It Takes A Nation... album. That would get me right out of bed.
posted by mynameisluka at 11:10 AM on December 3, 2007

The Michael Caine character in Children of Men uses some type of "music" as an warning alarm. It's probably the most god-awful thing I've ever heard and would definitely fit your bill. Not sure if it's a track you could find though . . .
posted by quadog at 11:17 AM on December 3, 2007

Someone mentioned John Zorn, I'd also recommend sampling tracks from John Zorn and Naked City (the Naked City LP would seem to fit the bill).

Killdozer for more of a, erm, pop idiom.
posted by nanojath at 11:20 AM on December 3, 2007

25 Suaves (early recordings), Ass Baboons of Venus, Nautical, Wolf Eyes, Prehensile Monkeytail Skink, Couch (the Bulb records one, not the stupid trip-hop one), Chicken Mechanic, Slovak, Paul Velat's Stop/Eject albums, 10VT, anything else from Stop/Eject, Muslimgauze, Birdseed, Nurse With Wound, Whitehouse, anything from American Tapes, Boris's Feedbacker, Boredoms' Cassette Recordings (Surfing Jah), anything from the MishMashMush mp3 fest I linked to a while ago, Forcefield, Black Dice's early albums, pretty much anything from Load records.

I'd add Rated X by Miles Davis, and if you want me to look, I can come up with some Archie Shepp or Brotzman or other skronk jazz.

That's a good start. I'll check around for more unlistenables once I get home. Contacting Pete Larson from Bulb Records (even though it's not a noise label, he knows a lot of noise dudes) would be fruitful. As would searching for the All Noize Dudes Summertime Pickle Bar board and asking there.
posted by klangklangston at 11:21 AM on December 3, 2007

I'd try a bootleg of any of the shows on Wikipedia's list of loudest bands in the world.
posted by tapeguy at 11:22 AM on December 3, 2007

There's Something Dead in Here or Little Pieces of Seaweed - Steve Vai
posted by plinth at 11:30 AM on December 3, 2007

Is it just me, or is any group or song whose name/title refers to rape a bad idea for the Air Force Academy?

I'd go with loud classical music, personally. Most of them will run screaming. Better yet if you get one or two songs they can really learn to hate instead of a huge mix. At Caltech, they (used to?) play the Ride of the Valkyries early in the mornings during finals--and only during finals, as anyone playing it at any other time got thrown in a shower.

I still cringe when I hear it, over a decade later.
posted by Cricket at 11:31 AM on December 3, 2007

Solid Gold Chartbusters: "I Wanna 1-2-1 With You. Featuring the original Nokia ringtone.
posted by iviken at 11:42 AM on December 3, 2007

Galas is good. How about something from the Plague Mass?

I find MMM just kind of dull. There's a lot more grating out there.

Lightning Bolt really doesn't fit the bill either. I mean, Wonderful Rainbow is quite melodic at points. It's beautiful music, really.

I'd go with Wolf Eyes, personally. I find most of Slicer just unlistenable.
posted by mr_roboto at 11:43 AM on December 3, 2007

Happy Tree Friends will give them cute nightmares. I'm pretty sure that's the song that will play in my head when I *snap* and lose all sanity.
posted by idiotfactory at 11:53 AM on December 3, 2007

I humbly submit this entry.
posted by phrontist at 11:54 AM on December 3, 2007

Diamanda Galas - Vena Cava. After all, how many CDs have "Play At Maximum Volume Only" printed right on the disc?
posted by grabbingsand at 12:05 PM on December 3, 2007

Hair Police managed to be too abrasive for a crowd at a Sonic Youth show. I was impressed.

Muslimgauze has some very noisy stuff that crosses with middle-eastern type stuff - perhaps it would piss off military type people, or at least give them nightmares. I can't comprehend the worldview of someone who would sign up to be in a military academy right now, so I couldn't say.
posted by mike_bling at 12:09 PM on December 3, 2007 [1 favorite]

Anything by Spiritualized should send the troops into a homicidal frenzy.


Zappa - Uncle Meat
posted by KevinSkomsvold at 12:10 PM on December 3, 2007

Whatever the hell House was playing on last week's episode. Good grief that could have taken paint off the walls.
posted by deadmessenger at 12:18 PM on December 3, 2007 [1 favorite]

One of the original free jazz recordings and a personal favorite on the noisy tip is Machine Gun by the Peter Brotzmann Octet.

Recordings by Oval and the first record by Suicide have been extremely useful in clearing out a party that overstayed its welcome.

Seconding Diamanda Galas. I love noise, but that woman's voice drives me absolutely batty.

And of course there is always Stock, Hausen, and Walkman. Allow me to recommend Organ Transplants V. 2.
posted by modernpoverty at 12:18 PM on December 3, 2007

Wumpscut has some atrociously bad and abrasive mixes. The kind of screeching you think "dear god, how did they even MAKE this," and then you realize the only explanation is that they, themselves, have never listened to it. Not once.
posted by devilsbrigade at 12:34 PM on December 3, 2007

Not just grindcore: Pitbull Grind Core.

If it sounds like a Michael Vick victim having a grand mal seizure into a microphone, that's because it is just that.

See also: Hatebeak. Parrot as lead vocalist.

And then play some Frank Crumit's 'No One Has Endurance Like The Man Who Sells Insurance,' followed by 'Yes, We Have No Bananas.' Just to screw with them.
posted by laughinglikemad at 12:43 PM on December 3, 2007

Looks like there has been no mention of Boyd Rice/NON yet. "Easy Listening for Iron Youth" would be a good place to start.
posted by malocchio at 12:44 PM on December 3, 2007

Lamb of God will have you covered in the Cookie Monster Being Burned Alive vocals department.

Crank Sturgeon is a Fucking Lunatic who makes totally horrible noise art. He was also in my wedding.
posted by Scoo at 12:53 PM on December 3, 2007

Anything off the Happy Flowers album, 'My Skin Covers My Body'.

"The Sun That Burns" and "Jenny Tried To Kiss Me At Recess" are particularly poignant painful.
posted by RoseovSharon at 1:03 PM on December 3, 2007

Some good suggestions so far... I'll chime in with a couple more:

"Snakes & Ladders" by The Assdroids
"Raped by Elephants" by Torsofuck
"Locking Jaws" by Caninus
"Burn to an Absolute Crisp" by Fuck... I'm Dead
posted by saladin at 1:08 PM on December 3, 2007

I think Aphex Twin is soothing. I'm really surprised that I'm apparently alone in that one.

Play some Mahler. His Fifth at top volume would get them up and ready to rassle bears.

If you really want to enrage them, play Beijing opera. When I have people in my house who claim to like all music, I play some for them. They usually stop making that claim.
posted by winna at 1:23 PM on December 3, 2007 [1 favorite]

posted by zoinks at 1:24 PM on December 3, 2007

It's got to be Dogs of War by the Exploited, although it might be a bit too musical for your purposes.
posted by idb at 1:25 PM on December 3, 2007

Extreme Noise Terror.
posted by blaneyphoto at 1:28 PM on December 3, 2007

Also, John the Postman does a 17+ minute version of Louis Louis that is as out of tune as it is retarded. Highly recommended.
posted by modernpoverty at 1:28 PM on December 3, 2007 [1 favorite]

Tony Conrad
Anthony Braxton's "Dedicated to Multi-Instrumentalist Leroy Jenkins"
Kevin Drumm - Sheer Hellish Miasma

I like all of the above, but I wouldn't want to wake up to it. Please don't tell these artists, who have my utmost respect, that I recommend using their work to hilariously annoy people.

Costes (very NSFW, audio) gets my vote for the most offensive performer ever. You probably shouldn't even look at his wikipedia entry at work. Playing him for cadets could easily lead to sexual harassment complaints. Bonus: He's French.
posted by hydrophonic at 1:43 PM on December 3, 2007

Consider using children's music, like the Wiggles, the Doodlebops, etc.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 1:53 PM on December 3, 2007


Called the heaviest band in the world by Metallica.

Swans is a good call too.
posted by Max Power at 2:11 PM on December 3, 2007

posted by Electrius at 2:12 PM on December 3, 2007

(especially the album ROLL BABY O'CLOCK, released under the name "JUHO + KAIT FUN BAND")
posted by Electrius at 2:13 PM on December 3, 2007

2bucksplus: Lightning Bolts "Wonderful Rainbow" is probably the most abrasive noise that is still music:

Eh? I thought that was pretty damn nice, actually! Aphex Twin and Spiritualized (both mentioned above) are hardly what I'd call "extreme noise terror" either.

My suggestion would be the fuckin' Crazy Frog. He has a whole album of material for you to choose from.
posted by afx237vi at 2:21 PM on December 3, 2007

Oh, as well as Crazy Frog, you could try some Cradle of Filth.
posted by afx237vi at 2:25 PM on December 3, 2007

Definitely Swans. I recommend the album Public Castration Is a Good Idea.

Curiously, a lot of Swans is quite listenable, particularly Omniscience, White Light from the Mouth of Infinity, Great Annihilator era. But anything from the Filth era will suit your needs well.

I also agree that it'd be easier and eviller to wake them up with a little Debbie Gibson.
posted by Kafkaesque at 2:35 PM on December 3, 2007

"Threnody for the Victims of Hiroshima" by Krysztof Penderecki.

Why not go the other way and open the day with a little "Sound of Music" or "Don't Rain On My Parade"? Showtunes, man, showtunes!
posted by Madamina at 2:40 PM on December 3, 2007

Melt Banana's vocalist sounds a bit like fingernails on a chalkboard. They are very abraisive till you get used to them. One of my favorite bands now.
posted by subtle_squid at 2:47 PM on December 3, 2007

"Thousand," by Moby. It's supposedly the fastest song ever (1015 BPM). It makes my head asplode.
posted by 4ster at 2:53 PM on December 3, 2007 [1 favorite]

Pita on the Mego label is on the far edge of laptop noise music. Some of the tracks have a thing for extremely high pitched synthesized sounds which would contrast nicely with a lot of the bass driven selections coming out here (speaking as someone who's fallen asleep next to a bass bin). Actually a lot of the Mego stuff would not be recognized as music by most people.

There's also a CD of Survival Research Laboratory's live soundtrack on Sub Rosa.

Ash 4.9 Santa Pod ("PLAY LOUD. DO NOT MISTAKE THIS COMPACT DISC FOR A MUSICAL PRODUCT") is a CD of recordings made at the Santa Pod drag racing track. Track 1: Jet Car starts off quietly and innocuously enough, with a slight increase in the volume over the first few minutes before a jet powered car suddenly take off past the microphone. Simply the loudest recording you will ever hear --it made me fall over the first time I played it.
posted by tallus at 3:20 PM on December 3, 2007

Have you considerd waking them with a beautiful, soothing, calming melody? Very subtle and played quietly? Then, after 30 seconds, turn your volume control to a maximum and use one of the previous suggestions?

After doing this a few times, you can completely screw with their heads by changing the length of time after which the loud music appears.

And on the rare occasion, don't change the calm music at all. A persistent torture, as they'll expect to start hearing the noise literally every second.
posted by lioness at 3:21 PM on December 3, 2007 [1 favorite]

Painkiller's Executioner's Ground
SPK's Information Overload Unit and Leichenschrei
Coil's Time Machines makes some people's teeth hurt
posted by spartacusroosevelt at 3:23 PM on December 3, 2007

Morrissey. Nothing but fucking Morrissey.
posted by BitterOldPunk at 3:29 PM on December 3, 2007 [2 favorites]

The Electro Hippies. St Helen's hardest grindcore.
posted by Abiezer at 3:34 PM on December 3, 2007

And further to my above, seems like you can download a session that includes the short and not very sweet "Mega Armageddon Death" here.
posted by Abiezer at 3:37 PM on December 3, 2007

Whereas they will get use to all that (quote time, winner gets a bagel) insolent noise, something like Der Holle Rache will really shock them. The Walkürenritt is far over used to be effective.
posted by oxford blue at 4:00 PM on December 3, 2007

since you want specific tracks I give you Melt Banana's Sick Zip Everywhere. At high volume it would be a pretty horrifying way to wake up. See also any grouping of the tiny, less than 20sec, songs from Speak Squeak Creak. Its probably easiest to find their most recent album in which case I'd use One Drop, One life.
posted by subtle_squid at 4:00 PM on December 3, 2007

Oh, yeah, couple more:

PJ Harvey's Rid of Me contains dynamic shifts that can freak people out, Peaches is sexy/stoopid, Mindflayer is what it sounds like (in fact, Mindflayer's Take Your Skin Off is about exactly what you want), and the No Wave of Teenage Jesus and the Jerks or The Plasmatics or The Contortions may be atonal enough. Destroy All Monsters too.
posted by klangklangston at 4:01 PM on December 3, 2007

Meade "Lux" Lewis banging out his 1:56 barrelhouse version of "Bugle Call Rag" on a tack piano is what you want.
posted by paulsc at 4:43 PM on December 3, 2007

Two albums that come to mind immediately are Converge's Jane Doe and Dillinger Escape Plan's Calculating Infinity. That shit will ruin your day. Also: Dragonforce. Always have Dragonforce.
posted by tracert at 4:44 PM on December 3, 2007

Alternate some Air Supply with the Reverb Motherfuckers' LSD-25.
posted by waraw at 4:49 PM on December 3, 2007

The Fruity Oaty Bar commercial, looped, full volume...
posted by pupdog at 4:58 PM on December 3, 2007

All you need to do is play one song. loud. EVERY DAY. It doesn't matter if it's their favorite song in the world, everyone learns to hate the sound of the alarm clock.
posted by tylermoody at 5:50 PM on December 3, 2007

discordance axis.
posted by gally99 at 6:09 PM on December 3, 2007

drumcorps is brutal.
posted by knowles at 6:12 PM on December 3, 2007

Botch (pretty much anything off We Are the Romans), seconding Dillinger Escape Plan, Finch's latest album (example), some Glassjaw.

There's some technical hardcore-influenced music that can sound unnerving.
posted by spiderskull at 6:25 PM on December 3, 2007

"The Fucking Cunts Treat Us Like Pricks" by Flux of Pink Indians.

A small sample.

Downloadable version.
posted by ROTFL at 6:29 PM on December 3, 2007

Huh, no one's mentioned Squarepusher yet -- some of his earlier live recordings are harsh.
posted by spiderskull at 6:33 PM on December 3, 2007

beijing opera. It's piercing.
posted by captaincrouton at 7:03 PM on December 3, 2007

Fudge Tunnel, Nailbomb and Kiss it Goodbye would all be worth considering too - although thier studio recordings all come nowhere near the brutality and volume of thier live performances.
posted by blaneyphoto at 8:04 PM on December 3, 2007

I think harsh computer noise is maybe the most brutal, unmusical stuff around. Modern Merzbow of course, but I think Mu on V/Vm Test is some of the most ridiculously unpleasant computer-generated noise out there, devoid of reverb or other effects that can make much other computer generated noise music palatable (even most Mego output).

Free downloads here:

posted by galaksit at 9:04 PM on December 3, 2007

Discriminate (Against) The Next Fashionsucker You Meet, It's A Raver by Ec8or is pretty noisy.
posted by methylsalicylate at 3:03 AM on December 4, 2007

I listen to a lot of this stuff for fun. I like music composed entirely of feedback. Einsturzende Neubauten, Atari Teenage Riot and the Happy Flowers rock. But the one thing I switch off *immediately* is the Swallowing Scrap Metal cycle by Controlled Bleeding. I have no idea how it was made but it sounds--and I mean this literally--like someone holding an angle-grinder against the microphone. For ages.

Swallowing Scrap Metal is in several parts, spread across a number of CDs, probably because if it was compiled onto one CD it would be classified as an instrument of war.
posted by Hogshead at 4:33 AM on December 4, 2007 [1 favorite]

Also throwing Melt Banana into the mix. And for christ's sake get some Boredoms on there. Seriously.
posted by tr33hggr at 6:36 AM on December 4, 2007

Flowers of Romance by Public Image Limited isn't as immediately abrasive as some of the stuff already mentioned, but it's likely to be one of the most annoying things a military cadet has ever heard. Lots of grotesquely warped Islamic influence, too.
posted by newmoistness at 6:48 AM on December 4, 2007

anal cunt
posted by outsider at 8:25 AM on December 4, 2007

Iannis Xenakis - Mycenae Alpha

Aphex Twin wishes he was this hard.
posted by speicus at 5:30 PM on December 4, 2007 [1 favorite]

Thirding John Zorn - particularly anything with Yamatsuka Eye singing.

Another serious suggestion would be children's music - any parent whose been stuck in a car with a child requesting "Again! Again!" on a long journey will know the insanity this can cause...
posted by SpacemanRed at 5:32 AM on December 5, 2007

You could always go old skool.

posted by Deathalicious at 5:47 PM on December 6, 2007 [1 favorite]

Spoke to a good friend who was an Academy grad and he said the most effective thing ever used on him (and subsequently used by him on cadets) was to go from zero to simple screaming at you that you are late. He said it was awful (and effective).
posted by mmascolino at 12:22 PM on December 7, 2007

I got a promo once from a local band named Enmity that put out an album called Vomit Forth Intestinal Excrement. It is 8 tracks and about 5 minutes (in total) worth of face-melting ?-core that delivers on the title.
posted by carsonb at 12:37 AM on December 22, 2007

Enmity myspace
posted by carsonb at 12:38 AM on December 22, 2007

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