Help me be funny and sound smart at a Project Runway viewing party
November 14, 2007 10:43 AM   Subscribe

Project Runway is starting tonight (holla!) and I'm going to a viewing party at a friend's house. What are some pithy, funny, sarcastic comments I can make when an atrocious design decision is made? And what are some general comments I can make that make me sound like I know something about fashion design?
posted by DarwinianDan to Clothing, Beauty, & Fashion (22 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite
"I'd like to get a look at those selvages."
posted by thinkpiece at 10:52 AM on November 14, 2007

"I wouldn't ______ my ______ with that, girlfriend."
posted by electroboy at 10:59 AM on November 14, 2007

"Five minutes ago called. It wants its everything back."
posted by mhum at 11:02 AM on November 14, 2007

I can't really give you anything specific to say that will make you sound brilliantly hilarious, since wit is really best done on the spot.

However, for more general snark inspiration, I'd recommend reading a few pages of FourFour for hilarious recaps of past PR seasons, or Go Fug Yourself for general atrocious fashion, if you don't already read them.

I usually spend the entire episode asking what happened to Andrae, but on the other hand I'm usually told to shut up by the first commercial break.
posted by Metroid Baby at 11:02 AM on November 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

What are some pithy, funny, sarcastic comments I can make when an atrocious design decision is made?

"OMG. Looks like there was an explosion at the genre factory."
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 11:03 AM on November 14, 2007

By the way, the "Five minutes ago" line is best delivered against something which completely embodies a trend which is just starting to diffuse out from the cutting-edge trendsetters to the masses. Not knowing exactly which trends are on this cusp might make deploying this line a little risky.
posted by mhum at 11:09 AM on November 14, 2007

"Five minutes ago" itself is, like, beyond so five minutes ago. It was five minutes ago back when Alicia Silverstone was Batgirl.
posted by Metroid Baby at 11:15 AM on November 14, 2007

"Where's ANDRAE??" in a soporific Tim Gunn voice.

"Yeah, it's ok, but she's no Chloe Dao"

"Oh, Nina is going to have a FIELD DAY with that."

"But what STORY does it tell?"

"You know, it's ok, but it doesn't have much of a point of view."
posted by nkknkk at 11:21 AM on November 14, 2007

ISTR reading an article about a woman who worked in the same building with Anna Wintour (or someone similarly bitchy and fashion-conscious) and picked up this arch put-down. Wintour would give someone a slow once-over on the elevator ride up to the office and simply say "very brave."
posted by adamrice at 11:34 AM on November 14, 2007 [6 favorites]

A good non-witty observation: "Man, she's going way too literal with this."

Good example from a previous season -- the designer was purportedly being inspired by a photo of a scene with police "caution" tape in it, then incorporated a yellow-tape-like element into her dress (as basically the ONLY design element in the dress). Recreating something literally is not being inspired by it.
posted by crickets at 11:56 AM on November 14, 2007

For bad fabric: "Oh, that's funny. I didn't know you could sew vomit together."
posted by rmless at 12:00 PM on November 14, 2007

Imagine a world in which a collective Cyrano is asked not to ghostwrite tender words of love, but rather to contrive catty remarks to toss at the TV to show that one is above watching the show one is watching.

posted by Clyde Mnestra at 12:04 PM on November 14, 2007 [2 favorites]

One of my favorite things was during Season 2 and much of Season 3 of Project Runway, they used to show the SAME COMMMERCIAL every single time they had a break, and it was always the first one: the desperate housewives parody Orbitz commerical, where they're doing yardwork and their shrubs turn into phones and computers and they have to compete to get the best price for a trip to Cancun. They showed it so much that at first I hated it and then I came back around to loving how absurd it was.

So, most of my PR funnies consists of me pretending to hiss into my imaginary shrub-phone: "I need a deal? To Cancun? THAT'S OUT-RAY-JUSS!!!"
posted by lampoil at 12:12 PM on November 14, 2007

"Shape" and "structure" are two very good words to toss around, as is "execution." "I like the shape and the overall structure, but the execution was poor." Also, on Project Runway Canada, "Is it wearable?" seems to be a question of great moment.
posted by JanetLand at 12:14 PM on November 14, 2007

If you're really meta, you won't "use" any of these but talk about how you prepared by posting this question to Ask Metafilter and then got these silly responses, and then read the printout of this thread (while everyone else is trying to watch TV).
posted by mattbucher at 1:02 PM on November 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

"It looks like [unappealing celebrity] in [bad movie]/circa [year before 1997]."

If you're really strapped for wit you can always revert to the classic, "It's aesthetically not pleasing!".
posted by Smallpox at 1:38 PM on November 14, 2007

The previous suggestion of "Nina is going to have a field-day with that" is a great one. It works best with things that are really over-the-top (think Santino). If it's drab or boring, you can always use the classic, "Ugh, that is so going to bore Nina and the do not want to do that."

If it's crappily made, you can make comments about the designer's lack of sewing ability. Or, if it's well-made but boring/ugly, you can say, "I thought they were supposed to be designers, not just pattern-makers." (this sentiment was often expressed toward Chloe Dao in Season 2)

Another option is the always easy, "They're no [insert one of the better designers from any previous PR season].

A good diss would be something comparing the designer you want to mock to Vincent from Season 3.

Good luck!
posted by fructose at 1:58 PM on November 14, 2007

Best answer: That dress looks like something Shannon Tweed would wear.

Talk about dour Dior.

I thought Yves was dead.

That'll be a hit at the next Liza tribute.

That print was last seen on Stevie Wonder.

That reminds me of Chanel—from her Nazi whore days.

God, I hope that's reversible.

This is like a JC Penney sample sale.

How do you ruin a poncho? That's not a poncho?
posted by klangklangston at 2:24 PM on November 14, 2007

Best answer: I think it needs some fleurchons.
posted by matildaben at 2:48 PM on November 14, 2007 [3 favorites]

My favorite thing to do while watching Project Runway is to guess what Michael Coors is going to say. He tends to say things like this: "It looks like a dress that an albino gorilla would wear to her daughters wedding. I mean, its JUST tacky."

Or: "It reminds me of a dress my mom wore to bed in the 60's after she had had way too much to drink and passed out after doing the Madison!"

And usually, after he says it... you sorta start to see it.
posted by thebrokenmuse at 3:35 PM on November 14, 2007

I would totally wear that to a dogfight.

How do you ruin a poncho? That's not a poncho?"

Alternately: Is that a real poncho or a Sears poncho?

And you can always bust out classic quotes from seasons past: I am partial to Anne Slowey's "Entirely too much tootie exposed."
posted by louche mustachio at 6:29 PM on November 14, 2007

Maybe suggest that the most appropriate shoes to go with the horrible outfit would be Crocs.
posted by The World Famous at 11:23 AM on November 14

Don't defend that shoe to me!
posted by louche mustachio at 6:30 PM on November 14, 2007 [1 favorite]

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