Beyond the wedding factory

November 5, 2007 10:22 AM

Help me escape the grasping tentacles of the billion dollar wedding industry: where does one view and inspect and maybe try on nontraditional wedding dresses?

Looks like I'm getting married (yay!) but I don't want a poofy bedazzled lacy monstrosity of a dress. I'll probably have a dress made but I'd like to get some ideas for dresses and the websites I've looked at for ideas don't have nearly the specificity in searching that I'd like. They usually allow you to specify color, silhouette, and/or neckline but then I still end up with hundreds of ugly dresses to wade through. What I'd really love is a website that allows for excluding characteristics (for example, I don't want a strapless dress and I don't want a white dress through ivory is okay). And I don't want to have to tell the website anything about me since I don't want to get on any spam lists or mailing lists or receive any advances from the wedding industry. But I don't mind registering on a website as a totally fictitious person. I'd also like to go someplace to try on dresses but again, do not want to have to be hard sold on any aspect of wedding planning. I get the impression that once you're known as a prospective bride, the marketing campaign begins and I'd like to avoid all of that.

So, good websites to look at and search for interesting dress ideas and places to go in the San Francisco area that won't overwhelm me with wedding propaganda, please?

posted by otherwordlyglow to Shopping (17 answers total)

You could try looking through the archives at this blog, A Dress A Day, or sending her an email for suggestions.

Also you might look through some pattern books at a fabric store (all dress sections, not just bridal) for ideas.

I made a wedding dress for friend who wanted something very simply and elegant. We went to a bridal shop and she tried on a huge number of dresses that were all much to fancy for her, but it did help her decide want sort of styles she liked (straight across the bust, thin, but not spaghetti straps, higher under the arm, a-line, etc.)
posted by sulaine at 10:45 AM on November 5, 2007

I have been having fun here. Although the interactive designer is not terribly accurate, you can get a good idea of what you're putting together by looking at the gallery photos. Bonus for being very non-bedazzled and poufy. And if you make a trip to Portland you can visit the studio and try stuff on!
posted by slowfasthazel at 11:04 AM on November 5, 2007

Check the very helpful "kvetch" boards at indiebride.com, which is how my partner found a site with dresses she liked, and also how she found a dressmaker (here in SF) to make something sorta kinda similar.
posted by rtha at 11:16 AM on November 5, 2007

If you aren't looking for a traditional wedding dress, you might want to check out some of the sites that specialize in bridesmaid dresses like aria or simple silhouettes
posted by gnat at 11:32 AM on November 5, 2007

You're in luck, being in San Francisco. Go visit Dark Garden, in beautiful Hayes Valley. They're best known for their incredible custom corset work (both traditional corsetry and fetish wear), but they do a lot of wedding wear as well. Since most of their work is custom, your dress can be literally anything you want it to be.

It is definitely not part of the bridal industry hell.
posted by toxic at 11:44 AM on November 5, 2007

I really liked my dressmaker: Lynn Lugo Bridal. There is a build-your-dress thingy on the site, under "Customize." I wore a bridesmaid-style dress, and even custom-made and tailored once I got it in the mail, it was way cheaper than my husband's suit. She also has some nice simple bridal styles. I did it all online since there were no stores in my area carrying samples, but her customer service was great.

And, yeah, IndieBride.com was a lifesaver.
posted by librarina at 11:49 AM on November 5, 2007

Bridesmaids' dresses are right up your alley, especially considering you're not interested in white or anything too ornate. If you go to try them on, though, hide your ring and have a good cover story. Don't let them know that you're the bride or they might not be so helpful.

Nthing Indiebride.com, too!
posted by Metroid Baby at 12:48 PM on November 5, 2007

If you find yourself obliged to fill in personal info, make up a wedding date that's very soon. The wedding spam will stop soon after they think you are married.

Sulaine's idea of looking at pattern books at a fabric store is a good one. A lot of dress patterns will show the same pattern made up in different variations and with different fabrics, which will help you to visualize what you want. Something that looks very ordinary in one fabric can be stunning in another.
posted by happyturtle at 12:57 PM on November 5, 2007

Response by poster: Thanks for the recommendations. I sure wish Indiebride's info were more up to date. Almost all their links are dead but it does seem like a good resource.
I will look at dress patterns; I just find it very difficult to visualize dresses based on the odd, stylized sketches they often use. The olivialuca link is very good at capturing what all the different dress shapes and styles mean. And that's a great idea about using a wedding date that's very soon!
posted by otherwordlyglow at 1:33 PM on November 5, 2007

as the daughter of a dressmaker, one thing I reccomend to anyone getting a dress made is to go to a store and try on every style of dress you can to see what looks best. Even the ugly ones, even the ones in colors you can't stand. You're looking at the shape, not the color. You can also pick up details you like and don't like, even if you hate the rest of the dress.

I went in to dress decision time thinking column, no froof, off the shoulder and ended up with something completely different after seeing what looked best on me (and my mom made it for me, so I got exactly what I wanted).

You can always make up fake names to go dress "shopping" at the stores, and it's a lot less stressful if you already know you're not going to be spending the zillion odd dollars they are probably charging for the crappiest polyester.

(make sure you're looking at kvetch, the indiebride forums, and not the content on the site itself. you may need to register, but they don't spam with anything, and I heartily reccomend them)
posted by kumquatmay at 2:07 PM on November 5, 2007

Go to any fabric store and look through the pattern books - the photo's will be an excellent guide. I particularly like the Vogue patterns as they often have "Classic Vogue" which are patterns from the 40's and 50's. If you like part of one and part of another, buy both and take them to a dressmaker. Have them make a mock-up in calico or some other cheap fabric to allow for tweaking and then have the dress made from that. I've done this for a friend and we successfully copied a $2K dress for about $400 whilst customising it (she's VERY short, no train, reduced bouffant skirt etc etc).

Alternatively, do what I did and look outside the formal/bridal industry for inspiration. My wedding dress was a custom-made corset (black figured damask) from a local goth-outfitter and I made the skirt (ballgown with slight bouffyness from silk that I bought direct from little Vietnam (where the bridal designers source their stuff also). My total dress cost was just under $400 and it rocked.
posted by ninazer0 at 2:10 PM on November 5, 2007

Seconding the bridesmaid dresses, and depending how casual or dressy you want to go, prom or party dresses can work too.
posted by streetdreams at 2:37 PM on November 5, 2007

My wife had her dress made, but we went to a lot of used and vintage bridal dress shops so that she could try some on and get some ideas. I know there's at least one in both Palo Alto and Sacramento.
posted by BrotherCaine at 2:45 PM on November 5, 2007

I would just like to chime in here and heartily agree with the Indiebride forums, which are extremely helpful. I went out of my way to avoid the horrific wedding industry and all it entailed when I got married and it wasn't easy at all. Indiebride helped.
posted by triggerfinger at 3:11 PM on November 5, 2007

Nthing indiebride. It is just a great resource. MeFi for the bridally inclined.

I ended up buying a custom-made dress off Ebay for a very small amount of money (as wedding dresses go) after being assured by the IBers that the country from which I was ordering it did not have a child labour problem, and I was very happy with my dress. That might be an option for you to consider, too.
posted by DarlingBri at 5:46 PM on November 5, 2007

I had the same question a year or so ago (re: San Francisco Bay Area non-ridiculous wedding dress)!

I ended up getting a Trashy Diva dress. It looks like they are liquidating their bridal line, so grab one fast!

I tried on and bought the dress at Soiree, a bridal boutique on College Ave (East Bay, I know, but worth the drive). Soiree has a nice little selection of vintage looking, interesting dresses. Some in ivory!
posted by Wavelet at 6:39 PM on November 5, 2007

I bought a designer dress by a local Australian designer, Lisa Ho, as my wedding dress. It's beautiful quality and while not cheap, it was considerably cheaper than a traditional wedding gown.

So I'd suggest looking at good quality designer dresses as at least a starting point, at least to try different styles on so you can get a feel for what you like and what suits you.

(Here in Australia you can get very interesting, well-made designer dresses in silk and other luxury fabrics starting from $400, in all sorts of colours.)
posted by jasperella at 2:13 AM on December 8, 2007