role playing as sexy sheriff

October 29, 2007 6:54 PM

I am dressing up as a sexy sheriff to role play with my husband and I would like to get suggestions on what naughty things to say as a sheriff or something a sheriff would say to someone he pulled over for speeding?
posted by turkishLola to Sports, Hobbies, & Recreation (24 answers total)

How about:

*breaker one niner*
I'm gunna have to consult the boys back at chatfilter before I book you, hot stuff.
posted by phrontist at 7:02 PM on October 29, 2007

Mr. Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town, Mr. turkishLola. You don't draw shit. We got a nice quiet beach community here, and I aim to keep it nice and quiet. So let me make something plain. I don't like you sucking around bothering our citizens, mr. turkishLola. I don't like your jerk-off name, I don't like your jerk-off face, I don't like your jerk-off behavior, and I don't like you, jerk-off--do I make myself clear?
posted by mullacc at 7:04 PM on October 29, 2007 [5 favorites]

License and registration, please.
posted by box at 7:23 PM on October 29, 2007

I'm thinking something to do with unbuckling the belt, tho certain phrasing eludes me at the moment =P
posted by vanoakenfold at 7:25 PM on October 29, 2007

Take that hand off that stick shift, son, and hand me your license nice and slow
posted by briank at 7:27 PM on October 29, 2007

Do you know how fast you were going?

No, but if you hum a few bars I'll fake it.
posted by matty at 7:32 PM on October 29, 2007 [1 favorite]

I think you just blew right through that red light, son....
posted by R. Mutt at 7:33 PM on October 29, 2007

Its all about the build up. Act like it is nothing that he was pulled over. Then go back to your "police car" and "run his license." Then come back and say there's a "problem" with his license. Each time you come back, maybe a bit more skin is showing. Finally you will have to take him back to the "station" for "booking." Then put him in a cell, which will be several chairs which make a line that he cannot cross. Of course he will. Then it is time for him to be punished.

of course he may have to lift weights, or go out into the prison yard to work out, etc. Searches will have to be made for "contraband." You could even plant stuff on him when he's not looking.
posted by Ironmouth at 7:37 PM on October 29, 2007

Spread 'em?
posted by sneakin at 7:41 PM on October 29, 2007 [1 favorite]

Cavity search
posted by kanemano at 7:46 PM on October 29, 2007

You have the right to remain sexy.
posted by ORthey at 8:06 PM on October 29, 2007

Say nothing and taser him.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 8:06 PM on October 29, 2007 [6 favorites]

If you're into electricity play, that is.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts at 8:06 PM on October 29, 2007

Do I look like a cat to you boy? Am I jumpin' around all nimbly bimbly from tree to tree? Am I drinking milk from a saucer?
posted by tremspeed at 8:15 PM on October 29, 2007 [8 favorites]

Yes that really is a gun in my pocket, and I'm happy to see you.
posted by enfa at 8:39 PM on October 29, 2007

Have you not watched COPS?

Sir? Sir? Sir? SIR? Sir. I need you to step out of the car, Sir. SIR. Step out of the car. Reach down, hold your ankles. Sir? Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to bend over right now. Sir, this is a routine weapons check, just going to frisk you and cuff you, if you just turn around and touch your toes it will be over in just one minute. This isn't a game, sir. Sir, if you don't turn around so I can check you for weapons things are going to get a lot harder here. Sir. Turn around. Don't look at me.
posted by SassHat at 9:52 PM on October 29, 2007

breathalyzer jokes would work better if gender roles were reversed
posted by randomstriker at 10:21 PM on October 29, 2007 [1 favorite]

Do you know why I stopped you tonight, Sir? No? Well, do you know how fast you were going back on ____ Road? No? Sir, I clocked you at 57. It's a 45 zone through there. Also, were you aware that you appear to be driving with a broken right tail light? Yes? No? Well, both of those are the reasons I stopped you tonight and I am going to have to write you a ticket for both offenses. Do you have anything to say about that? Well I'm afraid those are not valid excuses for these infractions, Sir. No Sir, they are not. You have endangered the lives of yourself and of other people driving on this road. Do you realize this? Do you work around here? Where are you going? Are you in a hurry to get somewhere? Don't argue with me, sir. Sir, if you don't change your tone with me I'm afraid you might get yourself into some trouble. You don't want any trouble, do you Sir? Let's try to make this easy, shall we? Because if you aren't willing to cooperate I'm afraid I will have to take you into custody, Sir. You don't want to go back to the station with me, do you Sir? You will never get to where you were rushing to if I have to take you back to the station. Do you see these handcuffs? Well, I have no problems with putting you in a holding cell all night, Sir. And it won't be pretty. Just keep up the attitude and I can make your night very, very, very long, Sir...
posted by miss lynnster at 11:28 PM on October 29, 2007

Listen to Sir Psycho Sexy by the Red Hot Chili Peppers to pick up some tips.
posted by quadog at 11:53 PM on October 29, 2007

Did you miss that "Slippery when wet" sign back there?
posted by santojulieta at 5:33 AM on October 30, 2007

"You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law. You have the right to an attorney. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you. Do you understand these rights?"

And what Sasshat said.
posted by BigLankyBastard at 6:39 AM on October 30, 2007

This thread is useless without the image tag.
posted by timeistight at 9:50 AM on October 30, 2007

You have to dress up to feel the part. And what better way to dress up than a fully insertable rubber night stick dildo?
posted by munchingzombie at 10:25 AM on October 30, 2007 [1 favorite]

Ironmouth wins!
posted by triggerfinger at 11:58 AM on October 30, 2007