Community-Driven Replacement for Adult Friend Finder?
October 12, 2007 12:42 PM   Subscribe

Is there a website (preferably free of charge and community-driven) where people go to safely arrange one-night and/or casual hookups?

It occurred to me that there's got to be something like this out there; the Internet populace's seemingly created community-driven free alternatives to every other spam-laden product out there, and usually done it one better, so it probably already has already come up with a better alternative to superspammed sites like Adult Friend Finder.

I'd like to hook up with someone. I'm sure that out there, there's someone who'd like to hook up with me.

Surely there's got to be a open-source/Web 2.0/community site out there to bring us two horny lovebirds together in a crazy world like this.

[Before anyone suggests the perennial MeFi fave of OKCupid — great site, I agree — I point out there's no way to search for "casual partners only", etc. on it. And I think Craigslist sites have a bit too many "for-pay" scenarios even in those forums where said scenarios shouldn't be — and I'm not seeking illegality, I'm seeking fling-based matching.]
posted by anonymous to Human Relations (18 answers total) 7 users marked this as a favorite

Lavalife seemed to specialize in that. I could never get much response in the Dating areas but the Intimate Encounters area (or whatever it was called) was always busy. I'm a girl so I can't speak to whether there were a lot of for-hire transactions being offered but I did hear from some male friends that used the site that they did get a lot of come-ons from women who were clearly going to want to be paid. But still worth investigating. But it's not free.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 12:49 PM on October 12, 2007

If you're male and looking for men, you should try,,, or NSFW, of course.

I'm not sure if there are similar sites for heterosexual people or for that matter for lesbians.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:50 PM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

I mean that the service offered by Lavalife isn't free. As for the ladies, I think that varies.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 12:50 PM on October 12, 2007

I added a "makeout" option to "what I'm looking for" on The Impersonals not too long ago.

The site has been slowly, but steadily growing. And members have been doing a great job of flagging any spam or unduly creepy profiles.

Also, it's free.
posted by the jam at 1:01 PM on October 12, 2007

There's also always AdultFriendFinder. Last I checked, it was free.
posted by arishaun at 1:04 PM on October 12, 2007

My bad....I noticed after posting you wanted something other than that.

Damn ADHD.
posted by arishaun at 1:05 PM on October 12, 2007

It would be helpful if we knew what gender you were and what gender you are looking for.
posted by andoatnp at 1:43 PM on October 12, 2007 first suggestion would be craigslist. I know you vetoed it, but you're going to have to put up with some
prositution spam on any website of that nature. On my local version the casual section is usually pretty busy. Also try
posted by Roman Graves at 2:14 PM on October 12, 2007

[Followup from Anonymous]

"It would be helpful if we knew what gender you were and what gender you are looking for."

"Right, sorry about that. I'm male and looking for a woman."
posted by cortex at 2:31 PM on October 12, 2007

The ratio of men like you to women in similar situation is 10 to 1 or worse. That's why there are so many pay-for-play ads on Craigslist; the imbalance creates demand for services. Any such site is going to have prostitutes putting up ads or answering the men's ads, because the odds are in their favor given the desperation of the men. The only way to keep the site free of prostitution is to have very dedicated monitoring, which usually means paying someone to monitor it, which usually means user fees.

Bottom line, Craigslist is probably the best you're going to find. Post a nice, respectful ad with a photo. Answer women's ads with specific, detailed responses with photos. If you are cute and nice, you will eventually find someone. But the odds are against you, because there are more men than women looking. Sorry, them's the breaks.

Your best odds are not on the internet; they are in a bar, in person. That's where most women meet most of their one night stands. It's not that women don't have random sex. It's that most women still feel more comfortable meeting their one night stands in person.
posted by decathecting at 3:40 PM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Ah. Well, that's the problem.

I'm not aware of any good alternatives to Craigslist for that scenario. Straight males looking for casual no steings attached sex with women are rather a lot easier to find than the reverse. You're one of a huge crowd.

You'll probably have to suck it up and use craigslist.
posted by Justinian at 3:44 PM on October 12, 2007

Have you thought about using the "Mystery Method," or other "pick-up artist" techniques? I realize this is so not answering your question directly, but "horny lovebirds," as you put it, go to bars and clubs on the weekends. As others have said, online sites will trend towards pay-to-play and you'll honestly probably spend as much time trying to get a casual encounter as you would hitting on girls at the bar.

I have a good friend who spends long periods of time away from home, is somewhat of a hapless chap when it comes to women, and picked up on the "Mystery Method" quite quickly.

I'm sorry but as others have said, the amount of women using the Internet to get some action is going to be a factor less than going to your average watering hole.
posted by geoff. at 5:14 PM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Not free, but reasonably priced. Well-run site with lots of members. No pay for play allowed. Depending on where you live (focused mainly on the East side of the country, last time I knew) check this out: AltPlayground. Single men abound, but there are plenty of meet & greets, parties, and other activities to get noticed on a personal level.

Good luck.
posted by Corky at 7:12 PM on October 12, 2007 [1 favorite]

Ashley Madison might be an option if you don't mind having sex with attatched females.
posted by LoriFLA at 7:24 PM on October 12, 2007

That should be attached.

Also, Ashley Madison may have females that are single, I have no idea. It's marketed for "discreet" affair making.
posted by LoriFLA at 7:35 PM on October 12, 2007

Plenty of Fish? The last time I was on there (back in early February), almost every email I got was from a loser and/or someone wanting a casual FWB thing. So check that out.

......... not that you're a loser or anything. You might be. I don't know you. But still. You get me.
posted by damnjezebel at 10:39 PM on October 12, 2007

It's called CRAIGSLIST
posted by lee at 5:16 AM on October 13, 2007

Male looking for a woman is going to be tough online. The numbers are really working against you.

Both decathecting and geoff have it exactly right.

If you do decide to use Craigslist, AdultFriendFinder, or some other online site, feel free to contact me via email (in my profile) for some advice on how to make your ad stand a better chance.

This is coming from a female who *does* use these sites, btw.
posted by INTPLibrarian at 12:42 PM on October 15, 2007

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