How can we thank the caregivers?

October 1, 2007 11:53 PM

My Mother passed away last week. She was 84 and spent her last days with hospice care and a few additional professional caregivers that were needed to ease the process.

The caregivers were extraordinary compassionate people and our family is grateful for their presence. We only knew them for about 2 weeks but would like to do something extra for them now to show our appreciation for their caring and skill.

I'm looking for suggestions as to what might be appropriate.

Thanks

posted by jorlando to Health & Fitness (27 answers total)

maybe ask them
posted by growabrain at 11:56 PM on October 1, 2007

Good question. Flowers and a letter?
posted by Sticherbeast at 11:59 PM on October 1, 2007

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. :(

How nice that you want to do something for the folks who took care of her! I imagine that their job is physically and emotionally pretty stressful-- maybe something along the lines of a massage?
posted by thehmsbeagle at 12:00 AM on October 2, 2007

It is touching that you want to do something, and I'm sorry to hear about your mother. May I suggest that since hospice work is these people's profession that what they could probably use most is a cash bonus?
posted by Bookhouse at 12:05 AM on October 2, 2007

When gramps died we had a kickass dinner/funeral wake at a Guide-Michelin 1-2 star class restaurant. A few of the nurses/caregivers were invited as well and i think they appreciated the good food.

Give them a positive experience they are not likely to have otherwise.
posted by uandt at 12:08 AM on October 2, 2007

I'm sorry about your mom. My dad had hospice care too, and the people were so great. My mom and I were too numb to thank them properly at the time, but if I could do it again, I'd write a nice card to each of the caregivers (or if there were very many, a card to all). If I could afford it, I'd try to give them some money too.
posted by Locative at 12:18 AM on October 2, 2007

My heart goes out to you. I am glad to hear that you had great hospice care givers. They really made a difference with my own Grandmothers passing as well. I think a great way to show appreciation is to write a letter telling them how much you appreciate them. Or even a card to say how their kindness touched your families hearts. Personally as a care giver hand lotion is always appreciated-constantly washing our hands makes them dry. I would definitely say hand cream, nail care products, cozy socks, or some kind of coffee gift.
posted by Snoogylips at 12:35 AM on October 2, 2007 [1 favorite]

My condolences. I think a heartfelt hand-written card would be totally appreciated by the hospice caregivers. A personal gesture like that is worth way more than a tangible "gift."
posted by amyms at 1:05 AM on October 2, 2007

I'd make a donation to their hospice organisation in your mother's name with a thank you letter to their supervisor.

Most hospices would love to be able to help more people.
posted by wayward vagabond at 3:20 AM on October 2, 2007

I haven't worked in a hospice, but I have worked in a general medical ward that wound up taking a lot of overflow from the palliative care ward, and have looked after my share of dying patients (In the first 6 months of this year I got into the double-digits for patients dying on my shift - luck of the draw, not crappy nursing, honest!).

A thoughtful card and box of chocolates is more than sufficient unless you're looking to make a grand gesture. Most people don't consider that so when it happens it's a nice bonus to the day. Plus it's nice to look back and realise you've got a wall of cards from people you looked after's families -- that's the kind of thing that makes the job worthwhile, and makes the facility look nicer too! A cash bonus or something along those lines reeks of a tip and cheapens the whole profession.
posted by Silentgoldfish at 3:33 AM on October 2, 2007

cash might seem a little coarse, but how about a gift certificate to someplace like amazon or target? they probably are underpaid, and such a thing would make a difference in the quality of their lives without feeling like charity or a tip.

and a note of thanks, too, of course.
posted by thinkingwoman at 4:25 AM on October 2, 2007

When my grandma passed away, my mom gave the wonderful hospice nurse an inexpensive but pretty pin from my grandmother's jewelry box. I'm curious if the mefi nurses think that's morbid. The hospice nurse for my grandmother was very touched and seemed happy to have received it.

A gift certificate is much, much nicer than cash, I think.
posted by tk at 4:47 AM on October 2, 2007

If they are professionally certified in some way, a letter about how good they were, even in the short time you were dealing with them, to their manager, will be appreciated come annual review time. If you want to give them some (usable, edible) gift as well, that's fine, but the letter may contribute more to long-term happiness.
posted by reptile at 4:54 AM on October 2, 2007

My condolences for your loss. Go with the gift that strikes you as most fitting.

Generally as an RN there are limitations on what we can receive as gifts. A card to each of them is a really nice gesture because it's personal and they help us during review. A nice box of chocolates is often a welcome site in the break room. If you want to donate money, wayward bagabond's suggestion is the way to go. Generally individual RN's, LVN's, CNA's cannot accept cash gifts (which sometimes includes gift cards).

tk I think your gift to the hospice nurse sounds lovely.
posted by dog food sugar at 5:51 AM on October 2, 2007

My mother was a hospice nurse for a few years. When her patients died, the families thanked her with everything from flowers to gift cards to nice notes. She was just doing her job, so she didn't expect anything.
posted by Uncle Jimmy at 6:51 AM on October 2, 2007

When I worked in nursing homes, I received a few lovely cards/letters from family members. I found them really, really touching, because I hadn't fully realized that by giving my best care & comfort to their relative, I was essentially giving the same to the family members. Those cards are among the very few I've saved to this day. Anything above & beyond would no doubt be appreciated (and there are lots of good suggestions here), but at the very least make sure you put in writing how much you appreciated their help.
posted by Banky_Edwards at 6:55 AM on October 2, 2007

I have been in hospice care for 20 years. I'd check with the administrator of the organizations who employed the caregivers. Many have strict rules about accepting gifts. In my organization we can accept anything perishable (food, flowers, etc.) and there is a $50.00 limit for what we can accept in cash or gifts.

Most of us would prefer a donation to our organization and a thank you card to the individual caregiver. Heartfelt words mean much more than cash.
posted by Jandasmo at 7:18 AM on October 2, 2007

A letter means sooooo much. Seriously. You could also post something about Hospice to a local paper.
posted by docpops at 7:27 AM on October 2, 2007

Mail them each a personal, well-written letter of thanks and CC their managers. Try to clearly highlight how their work was above and beyond what you might normally expect of a caregiver.

If you want to go beyond that, some kind of perishable might be a nice addition; think along the lines of food, flowers, chocolates, etc. I quite like the idea of hand cream.

Don't give them money, gift cards or any lasting valuable goods. As others have noted upthread, this puts them in a bit of an ethical dilemma, and they might not be able to keep it (or they might have to keep it on the wrong terms.)
posted by Count Ziggurat at 7:32 AM on October 2, 2007

I've recently lost my mother in similar circumstances - 2 week stay in a hospice during which time the level of care and attention she received really really made a difference. I'm intending on sending both a card with my thoughts and a donation towards the staff's Christmas lunch / night out, given its the time of year when most workplaces start to plan these events.
posted by khites at 7:53 AM on October 2, 2007

My used to be a visiting nurse and helped many people have a good death--she still cherishes the many heartfelt thank you notes she received.
posted by donovan at 10:06 AM on October 2, 2007

I'm so sorry about your mom. My condolences to you and your family.

I'm chiming in to agree with the handwritten card idea. I also think that it's possible they're not allowed to keep cash/gift cards, and that a perishable/usable item might be better.
posted by Peecabu at 10:08 AM on October 2, 2007

Nthing a heartfelt letter. My mom is a great letter-writer, always follows up on excellent service with a written note of some sort. When my dad had his heart attack , the bill that eventually arrived was a confused mess, and a woman in the billing department was very patient and took the time to review it over the phone for some 30 minutes and correct certain items. Mom wrote letters to both that woman (thanking her) and to the head of the billing department (praising the woman). That was 12 years ago, and when Mom and Dad go back to that hospital for their various tests every year, that same billing lady (who is now a supervisor) always comes out from behind the big window and gives my mom a big hug.

I think the written word is very much taken for granted these days, and it makes a lasting impression to receive such sentiments expressed on paper to keep as a cherished memento.
posted by Oriole Adams at 10:11 AM on October 2, 2007

First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss.

A thank you card is never expected (if I get a hug from my patient before they're transferred to postpartum, I consider that wonderful thanks), so when I've received a card from a patient once they've gone home with their new baby, it's been both a pleasant surprise and a really moving experience. I save all the cards I've ever gotten and just thinking about them makes me smile.

Sending a note to your mother's hospice nurses and making a donation to the hospice would be a wonderful thing to do, and I think the nurses will be very moved that during a difficult time for you and your family, you're thinking of them.

(tk, I think your mother's gift is beautiful, and the opposite of morbid.)
posted by jesourie at 10:17 AM on October 2, 2007

A friend of mine is an oncology nurse (so not the same thing as a hospice nurse), but she is always touched when a surviving spouse or family member gives her something that belonged to the deceased. She knits with her patients sometimes, so she has received balls of yarn and knitting needles from the partner of one patient and cherishes them. She also has talked gardening with many a patient and has received gardening magazine back issues, gardening books, and actual plants as well. If the nurses got to know your mother even a little, perhaps something that they connected over would be meaningful, something to remember her by.
posted by orangemiles at 11:57 AM on October 2, 2007

I'm so sorry about your mom.

A letter or card would mean a tremendous amount to them, I am sure.
posted by jennyjenny at 1:58 PM on October 3, 2007

Found a book that is appropriate gift wise-
http://www.hallmark.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/product|10001|10051|787361|-2;-107987;11312;124593||P1R11SO|products
posted by Snoogylips at 7:36 PM on January 3, 2008