Dropped call or hang-up(phone and/or mental)
September 27, 2007 9:27 PM   Subscribe

Trying not to be neurotic...I think my guy hung up on me, but maybe it was just a dropped call? Google won't help me distinguish between the two, although it seems obvious to me. The obvious being that he hung up on me.

He's visiting family in a small town in North Carolina and has mentioned the service is spotty. Him: Verizon Me: the new AT&T. He called me, conversation was on a positive track, I teased him about something insignificant, which is a normality in the relationship, in fact he teases me more than I him. Then, nothing, a glance at my phone shows "call ended". To a simple mind like mine(see screen name) that means someone ended the call. I'm under the belief that a dropped call doesn't display said message, just goes to your main screen. I called him back, it rang four times and then went to voice mail. I didn't leave a message( I rarely do. the caller ID will tell him I called) That was ten hours ago. I called again four hours ago, no answer. I apologize if I've muddled my question with all these boring details, so to be distinct, would a dropped call say call ended?
posted by Epsilon-minus semi moron to Human Relations (34 answers total) 1 user marked this as a favorite
Yes, a dropped call would say call ended on your side.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:28 PM on September 27, 2007 [1 favorite]

You are worrying for nothing.
posted by loiseau at 9:30 PM on September 27, 2007

Even if he hung up, it isn't a big deal. I've done it at least once with every major girlfriend I've dated and been hung up on at least as much.
posted by Ironmouth at 9:33 PM on September 27, 2007 [1 favorite]

I don't recall the exact screen or phrasing, but my Verizon phone doesn't distinguish between calls that ended because of a dropped signal (on either end) or a deliberate hangup. And I've never gotten more than lousy service from AT&T (oddly enough, since my fuzzy memory says Cingular used to be great).

Think of it like this: in the phrase "call ended" in this case has a verb (ended) and a noun (call). Your reading of it, that someone ended the call, suggests that "call" is the direct object, in which case the longer version might be "[Person] ended [the] call". It's entirely possible, however, that "call" is the subject, in which case the longer version is "[The] call ended" and there's no explanation of who ended the call.
posted by spaceman_spiff at 9:34 PM on September 27, 2007

Happens all the time. He didn't answer when you called back because he wasn't getting good reception. A tower went out, he moved out of range, or in to a lead-lined room.

That or he's out raising hell with high school friends and wants to be left alone for awhile. I wouldn't worry either way. Call the family's landline if you think he crashed in a ditch or something.
posted by the christopher hundreds at 9:42 PM on September 27, 2007

Response by poster: Thank you for the reasurances. believe me I hate being this neurotic. On that note, why would he not call back? It's been ten hours and his family, as far as I know, does not live in a metal encased structure hundreds of feet below ground.
posted by Epsilon-minus semi moron at 9:46 PM on September 27, 2007

Meh, my AT&T phone drops calls all the time, sometimes they say ended, sometimes they just go silent and then back to the main screen. I think you'll drive yourself crazy trying to distinguish from that. People accidentally end phone calls too - ear on the button, dropped phone etc.
posted by crabintheocean at 9:47 PM on September 27, 2007

This is veering pretty close to chatfilter, I have to say...
posted by crabintheocean at 9:48 PM on September 27, 2007

He hasn't called back because he didn't hang up on you. He lost service near the end of your non-important phone call, and so he went on living his life, visiting his family and such. Back away from this topic in your mind immediately. Read a book. Watch a movie. Do not let the first words out of your mouth when he calls next be, "OMG WHY DID YOU HANG UP ON ME??!??!?!?!"
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:48 PM on September 27, 2007 [5 favorites]

Why didn't you call him back?
posted by Packy_1962 at 9:51 PM on September 27, 2007

Maybe he dropped his phone by accident and it broke. Maybe he got hit by a gyrocopter. Perhaps his batteries are flat and he can't find his recharger. Maybe he's been kidnapped by the Fluffy Wumpkins and infected with myxomalaryngitus.

I think you should maybe play some 80s music really loudly and dance around vigourously to it so that you're not tempted to worry. Because it's not worth worrying over. Yet.
posted by b33j at 9:55 PM on September 27, 2007 [1 favorite]

I have ATT and when calls are dropped they say Call Ended or some such. Stop being neurotic.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:56 PM on September 27, 2007

She said she did call him back. But we all know the person whose end is responsible for the dropped call is the one who has the responsibility to call back.
posted by ludwig_van at 9:56 PM on September 27, 2007

...Or maybe he was paying attention to his cell phone while driving and drove off the road, flipping his car and he is now stuck in a creek, with water rushing by his head while his cell phone sits only three and a half feet away, but still out of reach.

Nah, I am sure he is fine.
posted by B(oYo)BIES at 10:03 PM on September 27, 2007 [2 favorites]

Have you left a voice message? Do that. Don't be mad, just say you wanted to say hello. If he's getting bad reception, he might not know you are calling at all. The call missed or caller id feature doesn't work when a phone is out of range since the phone may not ring at all. The voicemail feature does, as it is stored elsewhere. When he gets back into range, he'll know you called because you left a message.

posted by ALongDecember at 10:05 PM on September 27, 2007

10 hours does seem like a long time not have called back, if nothing else to finish the conversation.

That said, there's not much you can do. Give'em a call, leave a message and let it go. You're being neurotic and you know it, so try and find some other activity to take your mind off it.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:10 PM on September 27, 2007

Let me say this, if you call someone and want them to call back, leave a message. I tend to discount missed calls without messages since usually one of these situations: I called the person right back and didn't clear the "missed call," the person didn't want a call back, the call was time sensitive (we're heading to lunch, are you free?), or the person incorrectly called me and hung up when my greeting came on. The caller id feature on a phone is sometimes confusing, especially with frequent callers. That's at least what I think.
posted by ALongDecember at 10:23 PM on September 27, 2007 [1 favorite]

i dropped a call on a pal yesterday because my phone battery died, and then i couldn't find the charger. i could easily imagine then getting sidetracked and forgetting to call him back to apologize/conclude the call.
posted by twistofrhyme at 10:49 PM on September 27, 2007

I really wouldn't worry about it. Also, leave a voicemail, sometimes you can hear ringing, it doesn't absolutely mean its getting through to his phone, especially if his reception sucks. Or just send a text message. I don't honestly know what you are freaking out about. He's in the middle of nowhere with his family. He's a guy, not calling for 10 hours, not a big deal, especially when with family in the middle of nowhere. He may not have charged his phone, he may have turned it off to be with his family, it really doesn't matter, he'll call soon enough.

Now stop being crazy girl. It's ok.
posted by whoaali at 11:24 PM on September 27, 2007

If he's anything like me, his phone ran out of batteries in the middle of the call and he left his charger at home. I've done that like twice.
posted by JZig at 11:52 PM on September 27, 2007

If he's in the mountains of North Carolina, his service is likely not spotty, but sucky. The slightest change in altitude (like, walking up or down a small hill) can make a huge change in reception.

Sort of unrelated, but there is a bad-reception spot as I'm driving home from work. If I'm in the right lane, I lose the call every time; if I'm in the left, I can keep it. Verizon tells me I am driving in between two towers that are confused about which one is taking my signal. So an imperfect science at best.
posted by Sweetie Darling at 2:47 AM on September 28, 2007

you didn't call back either, so stop complaining. he might as well think you hung up on him and be confused.

send him a text. "did you hang up on me or did we get disconnected?"

you know, communication is key to having a successful relationship. better get on it.
posted by krautland at 3:00 AM on September 28, 2007

you didn't call back either, so stop complaining

As she said in the original post, she called him back twice. Didn't leave a message though. Leave a message next time. When calls drop like that and I don't hear from the person, I call and leave a message, just to let'em know what happen if it dropped on my end or to inquire if was on their end.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 3:35 AM on September 28, 2007

I'm with the new AT&T, too. When a call drops, my screen frequently displays "call ended". Unless he's the type of person who would hang up on you with no warning simply because he was bored with the conversation, then the call dropped (battery, reception, whatever - though battery seems likely if he put it on to charge, got busy and then went to bed or something).

If he is the type of person who would hang up on you in the middle of a pleasant conversation because he has better things to do, then I'd rethink the relationship, because that indicates an astounding lack of social skills.... or major assholery.
posted by mewithoutyou at 4:16 AM on September 28, 2007

If he warned you that the service was bad and the call might drop, he might just take the drop as a natural end to the conversation.

Otherwise, I understand the impulse to worry, but it's totally pointless!! Totally completely purely pointless. Put it off your mind. If things are weird when he comes/calls back, deal with whatever's weird. If things aren't weird, then enjoy that things are good, and if you have a strong relationship, maybe at some point *later* mention that you know it's silly but not calling you back pressed a button and brought out your insecurities, and you'd really appreciate it he made an extra effort to reconnect after dropped calls and/or, never to hang up on you.
posted by Salamandrous at 4:38 AM on September 28, 2007

+1000 dead battery or lost service.

Stop worrying - no one likes a nutter!
posted by SpacemanRed at 4:41 AM on September 28, 2007

I have an AT&T cell phone, just called my house phone with it, hung up the house phone. The AT&T phone said "disconnected".
posted by Lucinda at 4:51 AM on September 28, 2007

"the person whose end is responsible for the dropped call is the one who has the responsibility to call back"

How exactly do you know which end was responsible? In my experience (in the UK) if my phone's got no signal then there's no call received for caller ID to work, so I'd suggest leaving a voicemail or a text.
posted by Lionel d'Lion at 6:04 AM on September 28, 2007

If I get disconnected from someone but feel like we've talked enough I don't call back.

I had a friend in rural NC and he'd lose signal around every bend. No biggie.
posted by letahl at 6:36 AM on September 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

This is just like those commercials where the call gets dropped at an inopportune moment and everyone is left confused.
posted by Caper's Ghost at 6:41 AM on September 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

He probably thinks you hung up on him and now he's cavorting with Honeybun Bazoom from down the block.
Time to mourn and move on.
posted by CunningLinguist at 7:42 AM on September 28, 2007 [1 favorite]

He's in a rural area and you've got AT&T. My money's on dropped call.

Or what CunningLinguist said.
posted by altcountryman at 7:59 AM on September 28, 2007

Response by poster: Thanks everyone. Just for the record, I'm totally aware of my irrational reaction. I'm the poster girl for neurosis, I just wish I hadn't used my first post to expose that to the hive. *note to self:do not post questions after a night of losing at Resident Evil and consuming a bottle of wine* Now if I ever ask another question, I'll fear all that read it will be "great it's crazy phone call girl again"...because, yes, I am that neurotic.
posted by Epsilon-minus semi moron at 12:40 PM on September 28, 2007

Everybody gets one "Get Out of Crazy" free card. Another question like this, though, and you're tagged for life.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 2:46 PM on September 28, 2007 [3 favorites]

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