Jokes For Beginning Readers
September 17, 2007 8:52 PM   Subscribe

Good jokes for a beginning reader?

I'm sneaking jokes into my 5 yr old's lunchbox. He's a pretty good reader, but I'm looking for simple, funny stuff that he can read by himself. For instance, jokes that rely on sound-alike words (example: "Knock Knock/ Who's there/ Amana/ Amana who/ Amana's best friend is his dog") will be a bit beyond him, reading-wise, while something like "Where do you put a loud dog/ In a barking lot" will be just his speed.
All suggestions appreciated, doubly so if they somehow include George Washington (and/or his wooden teeth.)
posted by maryh to Grab Bag (22 answers total) 14 users marked this as a favorite
What kind of bees make milk? Boobies!

Don't know how appropriate that would be though :)

I think it's pretty awesome that you're doing this, I would have loved to get surprise jokes in my lunch box. Heck, I would still love to get surprise jokes in my lunch box.
posted by 913 at 9:14 PM on September 17, 2007

Where do you park your dog at night?

In a barking lot!
posted by croutonsupafreak at 9:30 PM on September 17, 2007 [2 favorites]

Ogden Nash wrote some short poems that might fit the bill.

The Lord in his wisdom made the fly
and then forgot to tell us why.

and the worlds shortest poem:

Adam had 'em.
posted by pointilist at 9:38 PM on September 17, 2007

Bazooka and Laffy Taffy are PERFECT for this. Each one has a cheezy little joke on the wrapper.
posted by iamkimiam at 9:47 PM on September 17, 2007

+1 Laffy Taffy, hate that someone beat me to it :P

Extremely cheap and each package has 1-2 of just the kind of jokes you're looking for.
posted by MrHappyGoLucky at 9:54 PM on September 17, 2007

George Washington's false teeth are, in fact, frightening things. Don't put 'em in the lunchbox. There are some terrible presidential jokes here. Or maybe not. I don't really have a handle on what a funny-to-a-five-year-old joke is.

I'm with 913, it's awesome that you're doing this. What's the Washington angle?
posted by mumkin at 9:56 PM on September 17, 2007

Response by poster: I can't explain why, mumkin, but my boy adores George Washington while finding him the height of comedy. The 'cotton candy' hair, the wooden teeth... I'm betting he'll even find your link above a laff riot.

913, I love the 'Boobies' joke, but I have to be careful I don't send him off with any blue material (by kindergarten standards.) Stuff like "Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet/ He was looking for Pooh" will put me on the Bad Mom List with his teacher, should he run around repeating it at recess. Personally, I mistrust people who claim to outgrow that sort of thing, but they do hold my kid's future in thier mirthless grip. Keep it up folks, but keep it clean! And readable!
posted by maryh at 10:48 PM on September 17, 2007

If you do a search for "bad jokes" you'll find plenty of gems like this:

Q: What do termites eat for breakfast?
A: Oakmeal.


Q: What do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
A: A stick.
posted by borkencode at 11:41 PM on September 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

What's green and has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven ate nine!

Why was everyone afraid of the baker?
Because he beat eggs and whipped cream!

What did one eye say to the other?
Between you and me something smells.

What do you call a cow with only two legs?
Lean beef!

What do you call a cow with no legs?
Ground beef!
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:42 PM on September 17, 2007 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I was sad to come back and not see many suggestions for you! Here are a few sites I came up with that I hope will help. (As always, I am unable to use the "link" field by cut and paste. I gotta figure that out one day.)
A few good ones here, some a little too old for him right now, though.
Some in here, if you can stand the site design.

And one more:
More bad site design. What, did the kids do the design and write the jokes? Sheesh.

My favorite when I was a kid:
Want to hear a dirty joke? A horse fell in the mud.

I wasn't terribly sophisticated.
posted by thebrokedown at 11:49 PM on September 17, 2007

Yay for jokes in the lunch box!

Q. What do cats eat for breakfast?
A. Mice Krispies!

Q. What do you call a crate of ducks?
A. A box of quackers!

Q. Why didn't the skeleton go to the party?
A. He had no body to go with!

Q. What do witches eat at Halloween?
A. Spooketti, halloweenies, devils food cake and booberry pie!

And if you don't find enough on the 'net, there's always something like Kids' Silliest Jokes.
posted by mewithoutyou at 4:48 AM on September 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

Best answer: maryh, I did the same thing with my youngest daughter, through most of elementary school. Her friends used to ask her to tell them the jokes or riddles every day after she read them at lunch. I miss those days . :-(

Anyway, here's some web sites that I still have bookmarked:


1000 Funny Riddles

Squigley's Jokes & Riddles

AZ kids riddles

And, this book too. I'm glad to see that it's still in print - it's got those silly, every-kid-show-know-that-one set of jokes.

Have fun!
posted by Flakypastry at 5:06 AM on September 18, 2007

"What's brown and sticky?"
"A stick."

"Did you hear the one about the human cannonball? He was hired and fired in he same night."
posted by Comrade_robot at 5:11 AM on September 18, 2007

Two olives on a fence, one falls off. The other one calls down, "Are you OK?"

"Olive." (I'll live)

My 7 year old is killing with this right now.

Also, why didn't the skeleton cross the road? No guts, no brains.
posted by stupidsexyFlanders at 6:22 AM on September 18, 2007

Q: Why is the ocean salty?
A: Cause pepper makes the fish sneeze.
posted by tayknight at 7:50 AM on September 18, 2007 [2 favorites]

"Why was the sand wet?"
"Because the seaweed."

Probably no longer current, but I love this joke:
"How do you get Pikachu on the bus?"
posted by tiny crocodile at 8:49 AM on September 18, 2007

Q: What do you do when you break your toe?
A: Call the toe truck.
posted by mikshir at 9:12 AM on September 18, 2007

Q: Why did the man sleep under his car?
A: Because he wanted to wake up oily in the morning.
posted by found missing at 9:46 AM on September 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

Di you hear about the magic tractor?
It turned into a field.
posted by brautigan at 12:06 PM on September 18, 2007 [1 favorite]

I go with the general rule of "anything that I find funny while high is good enough for kids."
posted by tehloki at 12:14 AM on September 19, 2007

Response by poster: Thanks everybody, these are great! Comrade_robot, I sent him off today with "what's brown and sticky." Something tells me that one is going to get a big laff from the sprouts.
posted by maryh at 9:06 AM on September 19, 2007

As a companion to the brown and sticky joke (which is one of my favorites):

What's a foot long and slippery?
A slipper!

That one might be a little blue, though. At least to my ears.
posted by lostburner at 10:21 PM on November 1, 2007

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