How to handle $$ for a child at college
September 15, 2007 4:18 PM Subscribe
So I have my first son going off to college in a couple of weeks...his room and board and tuition are taken care of, but how do I handle making available spending money for him...his history of budgeting, etc. is not all that great. Suggestions on how to make available money to a child away from college for his needs, but without an open spigot? It's been suggested that I give him no money, simply lay out what I will reimburse for...good idea, bad idea, other ideas? Really clueless on how to make sure he has money available for emergencies or non-school "stuff", but not wanting to think he has a blank check. Clueless in Oregon... thank you!
From age 17, I had to put myself through college myself, so bear that in mind as you read my answer. If you are going to provide money for spending money, you might want to have him work out a budget for what reasonable expenses he expects. Ask him to review this with you. You can decide whether it's appropriate. If he wants to go above that amount and you don't think it's affordable/appropriate, you could ask him to come up with a plan for making up for it. You could thus issue either monthly or semi-monthly payments. I'd suggest reviewing the budget mid-way through the semester and again at the end of term. There may be expenses you've both overlooked, underestimated or what-have-you. It's very common for parents of college students to not provide any money for clothing and luxuries, aside from holiday/birthday presents. I lived on $500-$600 a month in the 90s, including accommodation & food, so I don't anticipate that you need to provide a huge sum of money for him to spend. But getting him to work out a budget -- and learn to manage and live under it -- is a valuable life experience.
You might also want to have a frank talk about credit cards, before the vultures set upon him.
posted by acoutu at 4:26 PM on September 15, 2007 [2 favorites]
You might also want to have a frank talk about credit cards, before the vultures set upon him.
posted by acoutu at 4:26 PM on September 15, 2007 [2 favorites]
Sure, well, with his room and board and hourly feeding taken care of, he should get a 10-15 hour a job week and pay for his own beer, fake ID, cigarettes, porn mags and pot. One option is to get an on-campus work study job, where they pay well, no taxes are taken out, and will permit very low hours (I worked 7-10 per week freshman year) to discourage work getting in the way of studies.
If he's bad at budgeting, no way to keep him that way than have Mom/Dad send him an allowance to care of wittle baby long into his years of adulthood.
posted by bunnycup at 4:28 PM on September 15, 2007 [1 favorite]
If he's bad at budgeting, no way to keep him that way than have Mom/Dad send him an allowance to care of wittle baby long into his years of adulthood.
posted by bunnycup at 4:28 PM on September 15, 2007 [1 favorite]
When I went to college (1996), my parents gave me $1,200 at the start of my first year and told me that was all I was going to get until my second year. That money had to cover books, activities, everything. It may not sound like a lot of money for nine months, but most college students have very few expenses. I think I went through the first $800 my first semester, and I only had a little bit of money left over after buying books for the second semester. So I got a job, and in future years I got better at budgeting.
I think this was a really good system. My parents told me they would not bail me out if I ran out of money (although I suspect they'd have bought my text books if they had needed to), and I learned to handle my finances in an environment where even if I failed I would still have a place to live, meals covered, and daily activities guaranteed.
Books probably cost more now, and so do lots of other things, I'm not sure what an appropriate cash amount would be but I think this is still a good approach. Just don't bail him out if he screws up.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 4:29 PM on September 15, 2007
I think this was a really good system. My parents told me they would not bail me out if I ran out of money (although I suspect they'd have bought my text books if they had needed to), and I learned to handle my finances in an environment where even if I failed I would still have a place to live, meals covered, and daily activities guaranteed.
Books probably cost more now, and so do lots of other things, I'm not sure what an appropriate cash amount would be but I think this is still a good approach. Just don't bail him out if he screws up.
posted by croutonsupafreak at 4:29 PM on September 15, 2007
i second encouraging him to get a job. for emergency money, you can put money into his checking account on an as-needed basis.
posted by amethysts at 4:31 PM on September 15, 2007
posted by amethysts at 4:31 PM on September 15, 2007
$200 per month -- once a month. no no exceptions. Anything more, he has to earn. That will teach him budgeting while still providing a safety/comfort zone.
posted by peace_love_hope at 4:32 PM on September 15, 2007
posted by peace_love_hope at 4:32 PM on September 15, 2007
When I went to school, my parents went with me to the bank of my choice to set up my account. Then every month, they sent an amount of money to that account. For the first year, when I didn't work, it was enough to cover my expenses with some small spending cash left over. As I started working more and more after that, the money decreased.
If I ran out before the end of the month? Tough. I mean, they helped me out in an emergency situation, but emergency = needed money for out of network health care, not money for extra snacks or a handbag or a night out. That hard line taught me to budget right quick, and I'm grateful for it today.
I do not recommend giving your son a credit card of any sort, even for emergencies. I watched too many friends resort that emergency credit card for everything. Bad news all around.
posted by minervous at 4:35 PM on September 15, 2007
If I ran out before the end of the month? Tough. I mean, they helped me out in an emergency situation, but emergency = needed money for out of network health care, not money for extra snacks or a handbag or a night out. That hard line taught me to budget right quick, and I'm grateful for it today.
I do not recommend giving your son a credit card of any sort, even for emergencies. I watched too many friends resort that emergency credit card for everything. Bad news all around.
posted by minervous at 4:35 PM on September 15, 2007
If you have specific concerns, e.g. that he will spend the money on booze, you could always buy him gift cards for Wal-Mart, Staples, local grocery stores, etc. Or, if his school has a flex-dollars system (school-only debit usable at on-campus food and sometimes bookstores, coffeeshops, etc) give him X amount of flex dollars.
The idea the he should work for his spending money has two sides. I worked all though undergrad and found I made a lot of friends and it didn't interfere with my studies. On the other hand, I've seen it literally tank people's school years. If you can afford to give him some money, and you don't think he's wasting his time, forcing him to work might be counter-productive.
I paid my own way through school, but I knew my parents would pick up the bill for certain things, like my long distance bill, or that if there were emergencies or special opportunities, they would help me out. That was a huge relief, even though I hardly used it.
posted by sarahkeebs at 4:47 PM on September 15, 2007
The idea the he should work for his spending money has two sides. I worked all though undergrad and found I made a lot of friends and it didn't interfere with my studies. On the other hand, I've seen it literally tank people's school years. If you can afford to give him some money, and you don't think he's wasting his time, forcing him to work might be counter-productive.
I paid my own way through school, but I knew my parents would pick up the bill for certain things, like my long distance bill, or that if there were emergencies or special opportunities, they would help me out. That was a huge relief, even though I hardly used it.
posted by sarahkeebs at 4:47 PM on September 15, 2007
Do you want to end up, at the end of college, with a 21 year old child or an adult son? Have him set up a checking account - this will give him a debit card for any card purchases. Then you can put $xxx per month in for pens, pencils, toilet paper, beer, and drugs, & if he runs out before then too bad, he can get a job.
Do cover his books separately if you can - this can be several hundred dollars and there's not much to be done if you can't get used from friends (used from the bookstore means it's $110 instead of $120) or gray market Indian versions of math/science books.
If "room and board taken care of" isn't free housing and food through a scholarship, do encourage him to move out of the dorms after freshman year. Having all-you-can eat institutional corn syrup meals cooked for you, living with an RA nanny around, and not having to pay any sort of bill is great for turning out a 21 year old baby.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 4:51 PM on September 15, 2007
Do cover his books separately if you can - this can be several hundred dollars and there's not much to be done if you can't get used from friends (used from the bookstore means it's $110 instead of $120) or gray market Indian versions of math/science books.
If "room and board taken care of" isn't free housing and food through a scholarship, do encourage him to move out of the dorms after freshman year. Having all-you-can eat institutional corn syrup meals cooked for you, living with an RA nanny around, and not having to pay any sort of bill is great for turning out a 21 year old baby.
posted by TheOnlyCoolTim at 4:51 PM on September 15, 2007
I nth the idea of encouraging him to get a part-time job - especially if he can find a work-study job for 10 or so hours a week that allows him to do homework. If he has the earn the money himself, he's likely to think more (but still probably not very much) about how he's spending it.
I never got any money from my parents for expenses -- they were generous enough to pick up part of my room & board and tuition and the rest was up to me. And I'm quite certain that's the reason I'm still frugal today.
For emergencies, make him an authorized user on one of your credit cards and set clear ground rules about when he can use it. If you want to cover some of his more reputable expenses, look into whether the college has a debit type system that you can contribute money into and he can use at the campus bookstore and eateries.
posted by purplevelvet at 4:52 PM on September 15, 2007
I never got any money from my parents for expenses -- they were generous enough to pick up part of my room & board and tuition and the rest was up to me. And I'm quite certain that's the reason I'm still frugal today.
For emergencies, make him an authorized user on one of your credit cards and set clear ground rules about when he can use it. If you want to cover some of his more reputable expenses, look into whether the college has a debit type system that you can contribute money into and he can use at the campus bookstore and eateries.
posted by purplevelvet at 4:52 PM on September 15, 2007
Work Study, that's what they called it when I was in college, anyway. This was in the early 80's. There were a lot of funds to be had, and if you were really lucky, you could work for a department that you gave a shit about, like an astronomy major working the observatory, or an English major, tutoring Freshman, (that's what I did). I was paid for doing something I half-assed enjoyed.
posted by wafaa at 4:55 PM on September 15, 2007
posted by wafaa at 4:55 PM on September 15, 2007
My parents set up a small weekly allowance transfer to an account that I could access from a school ATM. In addition, there was an "emergency fund" that I think was $5000 total for my four years, but I had to call and request that money. Emergency was very loosely defined, but I was careful not to ask for it too much, because everything that was left in the emergency account was given to me upon graduation.
posted by saffry at 5:02 PM on September 15, 2007
posted by saffry at 5:02 PM on September 15, 2007
After the first year, you could encourage him to get career-related work experience and save his earnings. Then you could gradually expect him to pay more and more of his expenses.
I recommend that he have his own chequing/debt account. This is important for building a credit history and gaining money management skills.
posted by acoutu at 5:04 PM on September 15, 2007
I recommend that he have his own chequing/debt account. This is important for building a credit history and gaining money management skills.
posted by acoutu at 5:04 PM on September 15, 2007
I saw something in a Wal-Mart recently that might be of use: a gift card thingy that split into two; one half was for parents to use to load cash into it, and the other half was for the student to use to spend it. I am not a big Wal-Mart shopper, but wow, did I ever wish I'd seen those when I was a student. Or rather, that my folks had.
saffry's version of an emergency fund sounds like a nice idea.
Nth the 'he needs to learn to budget,' but I completely disagree with all the 'he needs to get a job.' Do people shout 'you need to go to school' to people who are already employed full-time but not as well-educated as they could be? Sheesh.
posted by kmennie at 5:40 PM on September 15, 2007
saffry's version of an emergency fund sounds like a nice idea.
Nth the 'he needs to learn to budget,' but I completely disagree with all the 'he needs to get a job.' Do people shout 'you need to go to school' to people who are already employed full-time but not as well-educated as they could be? Sheesh.
posted by kmennie at 5:40 PM on September 15, 2007
his room and board and tuition are taken care of, but how do I handle making available spending money for him...
What else does he need? You've been really crazy generous already.
I'm a college sophomore right now. I had about $2000 going in to college, most of it made the summer before I went. I made $500 total the summer after that. Of this, I've spent less than $500 total outside books/housing/tuition (which my parents, like you, generously cover). Most of that was on a bike, concert tickets and music gear. I make a few hundred dollars a month at the radio station I work for, and I've yet to use any of that.
In short, I don't think college students really need money. Amongst most students I'm in contact with the big spending categories are not things I would want to subsidize: intoxicants, clothing, greek dues, and automotive expenses.
So yes, nthing the advice to tell him to get a job.
posted by phrontist at 5:44 PM on September 15, 2007
What else does he need? You've been really crazy generous already.
I'm a college sophomore right now. I had about $2000 going in to college, most of it made the summer before I went. I made $500 total the summer after that. Of this, I've spent less than $500 total outside books/housing/tuition (which my parents, like you, generously cover). Most of that was on a bike, concert tickets and music gear. I make a few hundred dollars a month at the radio station I work for, and I've yet to use any of that.
In short, I don't think college students really need money. Amongst most students I'm in contact with the big spending categories are not things I would want to subsidize: intoxicants, clothing, greek dues, and automotive expenses.
So yes, nthing the advice to tell him to get a job.
posted by phrontist at 5:44 PM on September 15, 2007
$200 per month -- once a month. no no exceptions. Anything more, he has to earn. That will teach him budgeting while still providing a safety/comfort zone.
This is what my parents did when I was in college. I had just enough to go out once a week and maybe buy a DVD or some new clothes once in a while, but otherwise not enough to save up for any large purchase. I made do on the stipend for the first two years, then worked junior and senior year so I could have some more money for other things (also, I seemed to spend money faster once I turned 21, hmmm...).
posted by falconred at 5:45 PM on September 15, 2007
This is what my parents did when I was in college. I had just enough to go out once a week and maybe buy a DVD or some new clothes once in a while, but otherwise not enough to save up for any large purchase. I made do on the stipend for the first two years, then worked junior and senior year so I could have some more money for other things (also, I seemed to spend money faster once I turned 21, hmmm...).
posted by falconred at 5:45 PM on September 15, 2007
And I'm only saying that because you're already covering everything he needs so he can work for what he wants.
posted by phrontist at 5:45 PM on September 15, 2007
posted by phrontist at 5:45 PM on September 15, 2007
I did an honors program and took a lot of extra classes, which prepared me well for later career changes. I didn't work, and I couldn't have handled work with my courseload.
Most commenters are assuming that the writer is paying for the kid's room/board/tuition. However, the original poster didn't say how that stuff is being covered; in my case, it was all covered by scholarships and fellowships for which I had worked very hard. So I don't feel bad about solely concentrating on academics during that time.
Work-study varies by school. At many places, you're not eligible if your parents make too much money. Also, "pays well?" On my current campus work-study jobs are nearly all minimum wage. It's still not a bad idea to check it out, particularly if there's something relevant to be had, but possibly not during his first year. There are a lot of other things to deal with.
I don't think spring break vacations, concert-going, or other big-ticket college student favorites should be bankrolled by the writer, but that's up to them--and the student can always work during the summer if he decides there are things he wants to save up for. Generally, I'd vote for the $x month if it's not a financial problem for the writer. Contacting your bank might be a good idea, because sometimes they can offer you a special kind of restricted debit card or some kind of account over which you have oversight, etc.
One last point: In terms of life experience, I think that relevant internships and study abroad are far more valuable than checking out people at the school bookstore for $7.50 an hour.
posted by wintersweet at 6:00 PM on September 15, 2007
Most commenters are assuming that the writer is paying for the kid's room/board/tuition. However, the original poster didn't say how that stuff is being covered; in my case, it was all covered by scholarships and fellowships for which I had worked very hard. So I don't feel bad about solely concentrating on academics during that time.
Work-study varies by school. At many places, you're not eligible if your parents make too much money. Also, "pays well?" On my current campus work-study jobs are nearly all minimum wage. It's still not a bad idea to check it out, particularly if there's something relevant to be had, but possibly not during his first year. There are a lot of other things to deal with.
I don't think spring break vacations, concert-going, or other big-ticket college student favorites should be bankrolled by the writer, but that's up to them--and the student can always work during the summer if he decides there are things he wants to save up for. Generally, I'd vote for the $x month if it's not a financial problem for the writer. Contacting your bank might be a good idea, because sometimes they can offer you a special kind of restricted debit card or some kind of account over which you have oversight, etc.
One last point: In terms of life experience, I think that relevant internships and study abroad are far more valuable than checking out people at the school bookstore for $7.50 an hour.
posted by wintersweet at 6:00 PM on September 15, 2007
well, he's going to have to learn how to budget. how about a certain amount every two weeks to spend as he wishes? for the first semester, make him save his receipts--if he needs more, he has to account to you how he spent the money and why he needs more. it's up to you to decide whether to give it, and whether or not it is a gift or a loan to be paid back with a summer job.
you could also give him a credit card in your name, with the bills coming to you, for emergencies only. if you get the bill and don't like what you see, revoke the credit card.
although to be honest, in my experience, there are actually very few emergencies that require immediate payment. if he's in debt to his drug dealer or something, a credit card won't help; for everything else, you can wire cash and/or handle a credit card transaction yourself over the phone. in a way, it will keep him from being profligate, because he'll have to ask you for the money.
also, be willing to revise the amount up or down after the first semester.
posted by thinkingwoman at 6:23 PM on September 15, 2007
you could also give him a credit card in your name, with the bills coming to you, for emergencies only. if you get the bill and don't like what you see, revoke the credit card.
although to be honest, in my experience, there are actually very few emergencies that require immediate payment. if he's in debt to his drug dealer or something, a credit card won't help; for everything else, you can wire cash and/or handle a credit card transaction yourself over the phone. in a way, it will keep him from being profligate, because he'll have to ask you for the money.
also, be willing to revise the amount up or down after the first semester.
posted by thinkingwoman at 6:23 PM on September 15, 2007
Nthing the sweat of his brow. Transfers from parents' checking teach you nothing. Jobs teach you how to balance your work and life. Even menial jobs teach you about office work, dealing with bosses, etc. In school it's not too hard to get jobs doing research over the summer and menial lab work (yay cleaning glassware). These give you useful skills for when you are the (bottom +1) person and make connections.
Similarly, over-the-summer jobs are fantastic things. A few $k over the summer can put you through the year, which REALLY teaches you budgeting.
At my undergrad, they would allow students to bill to their tuition billing address for bookstore purchases. I tried that exactly once and my parents sent it to me. (Thanks, Dad) If you're nicer you could reimburse completely or as a % for book purchases. A little incentive for thrift is good. After that first semester I used books in the library (they have those at college!) and books that I could get second hand directly for cheap. I was physics/math/premed, so I consider that the limiting case of expensive book requirements.
The necessity of thrift changed my health for the better for the rest of my life. If you have little money, you have to learn to cook for yourself instead of getting pizza and beer on a nightly basis.
Three exceptions I advocate: 1) there exist unpaid internships in some fields that you have to take. Pay the kid like it was a salary for those and help advance his career. This is not true if you're in the sciences or engineering. 2) applications to professional schools are ridiculously expensive. My medical school application process cost at least $1500. That's the application, not the travel for interviews. 3) health care.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 6:24 PM on September 15, 2007 [1 favorite]
Similarly, over-the-summer jobs are fantastic things. A few $k over the summer can put you through the year, which REALLY teaches you budgeting.
At my undergrad, they would allow students to bill to their tuition billing address for bookstore purchases. I tried that exactly once and my parents sent it to me. (Thanks, Dad) If you're nicer you could reimburse completely or as a % for book purchases. A little incentive for thrift is good. After that first semester I used books in the library (they have those at college!) and books that I could get second hand directly for cheap. I was physics/math/premed, so I consider that the limiting case of expensive book requirements.
The necessity of thrift changed my health for the better for the rest of my life. If you have little money, you have to learn to cook for yourself instead of getting pizza and beer on a nightly basis.
Three exceptions I advocate: 1) there exist unpaid internships in some fields that you have to take. Pay the kid like it was a salary for those and help advance his career. This is not true if you're in the sciences or engineering. 2) applications to professional schools are ridiculously expensive. My medical school application process cost at least $1500. That's the application, not the travel for interviews. 3) health care.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 6:24 PM on September 15, 2007 [1 favorite]
I want to agree with wintersweet. By not needing to work (in some part by accruing a number of scholarships), I was able to take heavy course loads and unpaid undergrad research opportunitites that would have been basically impossible if I had been working too. One of the things to realize about being an undergraduate is how many opportunities there are for a motivated person with time. Academics are an under-funded bunch, and the more you don't cost them anything, the more they provide you with chances to work for them. I don't think you should give your kid a blank check, but enough (~150/month, maybe) to go out to dinner with friends on occassion or buy groceries to avoid cafeteria food without stressing, so that the other opportunities can be found and taken. Perhaps make that part of the bargain, too, especially after his freshman year.
posted by Schismatic at 6:30 PM on September 15, 2007
posted by Schismatic at 6:30 PM on September 15, 2007
Schismatic: my experience is the complete opposite. When I "worked" for people for free, they had no interest in using me effectively. When a PI had to justify my existence for his own grant (and even moreso when using a training grant) they made sure that I learned fast, worked hard, and got things accomplished.
I think that a middle-ground which you and wintersweet might agree with would be to pay for (otherwise unpaid) research, internships, and career advancing activities. Is the kid taking 20+ hours a semester? Is he proving his worth to a microbio lab? These are specific situations where he earned a reward. That's different from a stipend for baseline.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 6:51 PM on September 15, 2007
I think that a middle-ground which you and wintersweet might agree with would be to pay for (otherwise unpaid) research, internships, and career advancing activities. Is the kid taking 20+ hours a semester? Is he proving his worth to a microbio lab? These are specific situations where he earned a reward. That's different from a stipend for baseline.
posted by a robot made out of meat at 6:51 PM on September 15, 2007
Why does he need spending money available to him?
Right now my parents pay my tuition with a grandparent funded RESP. They won't even give me that if I do not come up with a reasonable, detailed budget for the year beforehand. The rest is up to me. This means I'm very motivated to find a good summer job and budget well.
I went from not really caring to keeping receipts and planning ahead very quickly.
Personally I would recommend setting a monthly amount and having him give you the receipts for what he buys with it (within reason). If he genuinely needs more, increase the amount.
I don't think anyone really starts to budget well or really think about what they are spending their money on during first year (assuming they are in residence). I (and everyone else I know) needed the pressure of paying for rent, utilities and food.
posted by Ctrl_Alt_ep at 7:00 PM on September 15, 2007
Right now my parents pay my tuition with a grandparent funded RESP. They won't even give me that if I do not come up with a reasonable, detailed budget for the year beforehand. The rest is up to me. This means I'm very motivated to find a good summer job and budget well.
I went from not really caring to keeping receipts and planning ahead very quickly.
Personally I would recommend setting a monthly amount and having him give you the receipts for what he buys with it (within reason). If he genuinely needs more, increase the amount.
I don't think anyone really starts to budget well or really think about what they are spending their money on during first year (assuming they are in residence). I (and everyone else I know) needed the pressure of paying for rent, utilities and food.
posted by Ctrl_Alt_ep at 7:00 PM on September 15, 2007
I was the first kid to go to college in my family. My parents paid tuition/books/room and board. Everything else I had to cover, from clothes to smokes to weed to gas to ... everything else. I went to school full-time, worked full-time and had unpaid internships. I made A's & B's throughout college. Your kid needs to get a job.
posted by macadamiaranch at 7:18 PM on September 15, 2007
posted by macadamiaranch at 7:18 PM on September 15, 2007
Check out arrangements at the school he's going to. Many schools now have some kind of card that parents can load that can be used for extra cafeteria meals, supplies and books at the campus store, xeroxing, printing, campus movies, etc and sometimes even soda and snacks from vending machines. That would be one way of making it harder for him to spend on things you don't approve (though of course he can just barter with friends if he's entrepreneurially minded).
I agree with the suggestion to talk about how to budget, then give him an amount for some longish interval (eg the whole semester) and then if he spends foolishly he bears the results in terms of not being able to get pizza during finals or whatever. His books will run probably $200-$700 depending how many courses and what kind of courses, so you might consider setting book money aside from the other money (and giving a correspondingly low amount of discretionary money).
Some of this depends on where he'll be and your guess about his spending inclinations -- will he have a car and be driving a lot? Will there be a lot of non-school temptations like dance clubs, or will there be basically studying and some house parties? Will he have a kitchen of his own?
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:01 PM on September 15, 2007
I agree with the suggestion to talk about how to budget, then give him an amount for some longish interval (eg the whole semester) and then if he spends foolishly he bears the results in terms of not being able to get pizza during finals or whatever. His books will run probably $200-$700 depending how many courses and what kind of courses, so you might consider setting book money aside from the other money (and giving a correspondingly low amount of discretionary money).
Some of this depends on where he'll be and your guess about his spending inclinations -- will he have a car and be driving a lot? Will there be a lot of non-school temptations like dance clubs, or will there be basically studying and some house parties? Will he have a kitchen of his own?
posted by LobsterMitten at 8:01 PM on September 15, 2007
plain and simple, he's bad at budgeting, so this is a great opportunity for him to learn, while in the academic bubble. These suggestions come from a couple out of college for a year, if it matters.
1) I assume he lives in a dorm with a meal plan, so he won't starve.
2) Tell him to buy books and charge them to his student account, send you the reciept to ensure no shenanigans. (I am not joking, I used to buy a tshirt or two for others for a little booze freshman year)
3) The student health center will fix him up if he gets a boo-boo. (what emergencies?)
So he'll live, and will be able to study. Tell him to figure out what he needs for the semester, itemized, and give him a little less than that. (he has no idea what he is talking about yet) Worst case scenario, he trades away too many meals to off campus people, and he eats mac and cheese for a week. My brother lived on taco bell hot sauce for a week or so, I lived on canned food for a year, it happens.
My girlfriend chimes in, give him a credit card linked to your account for emergencies. emphasize ONLY true emergencies. You get the bill, so you'll see that it was used properly.
Remember, this is a called an academic bubble for a reason. He/She would have to try pretty hard to get hurt. Gettin' a little tough might be beneficial.
posted by wuzandfuzz at 8:46 PM on September 15, 2007
1) I assume he lives in a dorm with a meal plan, so he won't starve.
2) Tell him to buy books and charge them to his student account, send you the reciept to ensure no shenanigans. (I am not joking, I used to buy a tshirt or two for others for a little booze freshman year)
3) The student health center will fix him up if he gets a boo-boo. (what emergencies?)
So he'll live, and will be able to study. Tell him to figure out what he needs for the semester, itemized, and give him a little less than that. (he has no idea what he is talking about yet) Worst case scenario, he trades away too many meals to off campus people, and he eats mac and cheese for a week. My brother lived on taco bell hot sauce for a week or so, I lived on canned food for a year, it happens.
My girlfriend chimes in, give him a credit card linked to your account for emergencies. emphasize ONLY true emergencies. You get the bill, so you'll see that it was used properly.
Remember, this is a called an academic bubble for a reason. He/She would have to try pretty hard to get hurt. Gettin' a little tough might be beneficial.
posted by wuzandfuzz at 8:46 PM on September 15, 2007
If I could go back in time and grab the credit cards from my wallet and beat the living shit out of my 19 year old self, sign me up for the trip. The absolute worst thing you could do would be to get your kid a credit card.
Absolute.
Worst.
Thing.
Ever.
ESPECIALLY if you're name is tied to it, and he already sucks at fiscal responsibility.
Be careful that your kid doesn't become a master of the pretend sob story and guilt you into sending more money. I had a situation where I had a program of study that in itself didn't allow me to have a job whilst in college. I regret that, as I would have learned how to budget my money sooner than I did. If his meal plan is paid, his room is paid, and he has books, he's set. For that first few months, like until Christmas break, if you feel like giving him 20 bucks - maybe in the form of a care package once in a while, that's nice of you. Otherwise, let him figure it out. That's life. College is growing up time away from the folks. If he's crappy at budgeting now, make him justify every non-education related expense until he's better at it. YMMV, IANAP, IMHO, etc. Good luck.
posted by jimmyhutch at 8:48 PM on September 15, 2007
Absolute.
Worst.
Thing.
Ever.
ESPECIALLY if you're name is tied to it, and he already sucks at fiscal responsibility.
Be careful that your kid doesn't become a master of the pretend sob story and guilt you into sending more money. I had a situation where I had a program of study that in itself didn't allow me to have a job whilst in college. I regret that, as I would have learned how to budget my money sooner than I did. If his meal plan is paid, his room is paid, and he has books, he's set. For that first few months, like until Christmas break, if you feel like giving him 20 bucks - maybe in the form of a care package once in a while, that's nice of you. Otherwise, let him figure it out. That's life. College is growing up time away from the folks. If he's crappy at budgeting now, make him justify every non-education related expense until he's better at it. YMMV, IANAP, IMHO, etc. Good luck.
posted by jimmyhutch at 8:48 PM on September 15, 2007
This is what I did.
1) I had a credit card with a 700 dollar limit on it for books. I only used it during January and August to buy books. The credit card went to my parents and they paid for the books that they could. I paid the rest.
2) I worked and did not receive any spending money in any way from my parents.
What did it teach me? It taught me to get my own credit card, get my own debt, and then learn how to get out of it. It also taught me to work my own job for way more hours than my fellow friends who could get 500 dollars every week from their parents by just asking.
Give him spending money at christmas for his present and maybe for his birthday as well. If his spending habits suck now, well, he might not get better if he still spending money that isn't his. Once you have to pay for your own things, life can give you the necessary kick in the ass to allow someone to take a 2nd look at things.
But, if he's like the rest of America, it doesn't really matter what you do - he's gonna be really bad at financing for a long time until he learns that there are consquences and he decides that he doesn't want those consquences any more. For some people, that's easy. For others, it takes 20k in credit card debt. Sometimes learning the hard way is the only way.
posted by Stynxno at 9:25 PM on September 15, 2007
1) I had a credit card with a 700 dollar limit on it for books. I only used it during January and August to buy books. The credit card went to my parents and they paid for the books that they could. I paid the rest.
2) I worked and did not receive any spending money in any way from my parents.
What did it teach me? It taught me to get my own credit card, get my own debt, and then learn how to get out of it. It also taught me to work my own job for way more hours than my fellow friends who could get 500 dollars every week from their parents by just asking.
Give him spending money at christmas for his present and maybe for his birthday as well. If his spending habits suck now, well, he might not get better if he still spending money that isn't his. Once you have to pay for your own things, life can give you the necessary kick in the ass to allow someone to take a 2nd look at things.
But, if he's like the rest of America, it doesn't really matter what you do - he's gonna be really bad at financing for a long time until he learns that there are consquences and he decides that he doesn't want those consquences any more. For some people, that's easy. For others, it takes 20k in credit card debt. Sometimes learning the hard way is the only way.
posted by Stynxno at 9:25 PM on September 15, 2007
(my $.02 as a college junior)
Credit cards are probably a bad idea for your son if he's bad with money.
A debit card could be equally bad if he overdraws his account.
The wal-mart card might be a decent idea, but you can buy alcohol at wal-mart with gift cards.
A prepaid Visa card might not be a bad idea. They sell them at walmart now, and your son could have the flexibility of a check card without the risk of overdrawing his checking account.
The truth of the matter is that there's no way to micro-manage your son's spending.
Sure, you could have him use a checkcard for everything and mail you all of his receipts... but what's to stop him from, say, paying for a friend's groceries on the card in exchange for cash from the friend? (saw something similar on I Love Lucy once...)
My advice (what seems to work well for some of my less money-savvy college friends):
Find your son a good, free checking account with free ATMs around campus and a Visa check card.
Instruct him that sometimes it takes a couple days for charges to post with the check card.
Instruct him that you will beat his ass (or withhold money) if he overdraws the account.
Transfer funds twice a month.
There's no way to absolutely control how the money is spent.
You can only hope that it is not used to fund antisocial behavior.
For my book, better to have a son who goes out drinking with friends on Friday or Saturday night than one who stays in the dorm playing world of warcraft.
posted by itheearl at 9:40 PM on September 15, 2007
Credit cards are probably a bad idea for your son if he's bad with money.
A debit card could be equally bad if he overdraws his account.
The wal-mart card might be a decent idea, but you can buy alcohol at wal-mart with gift cards.
A prepaid Visa card might not be a bad idea. They sell them at walmart now, and your son could have the flexibility of a check card without the risk of overdrawing his checking account.
The truth of the matter is that there's no way to micro-manage your son's spending.
Sure, you could have him use a checkcard for everything and mail you all of his receipts... but what's to stop him from, say, paying for a friend's groceries on the card in exchange for cash from the friend? (saw something similar on I Love Lucy once...)
My advice (what seems to work well for some of my less money-savvy college friends):
Find your son a good, free checking account with free ATMs around campus and a Visa check card.
Instruct him that sometimes it takes a couple days for charges to post with the check card.
Instruct him that you will beat his ass (or withhold money) if he overdraws the account.
Transfer funds twice a month.
There's no way to absolutely control how the money is spent.
You can only hope that it is not used to fund antisocial behavior.
For my book, better to have a son who goes out drinking with friends on Friday or Saturday night than one who stays in the dorm playing world of warcraft.
posted by itheearl at 9:40 PM on September 15, 2007
Interesting problem. Have you considered setting aside a finite amount of money, and saying "this is all you get for the school year?" It'll be up to him to manage his own money, then, with an awareness that there's a fixed amount available.
By the way, I don't mean that you should give him the full amount to spend as desired; I mean let him know he has to spend the cash he has and provide receipts for reimbursement, and once the kitty's empty, it's empty.
Meanwhile, for the emergencies, perhaps a joint bank account in both your names, with no money in it; if money is needed in an emergency, you get a phone call and transfer the needed money into the account from yours.
These are unproven ideas, just suggestions. Good luck.
posted by davejay at 9:53 PM on September 15, 2007
By the way, I don't mean that you should give him the full amount to spend as desired; I mean let him know he has to spend the cash he has and provide receipts for reimbursement, and once the kitty's empty, it's empty.
Meanwhile, for the emergencies, perhaps a joint bank account in both your names, with no money in it; if money is needed in an emergency, you get a phone call and transfer the needed money into the account from yours.
These are unproven ideas, just suggestions. Good luck.
posted by davejay at 9:53 PM on September 15, 2007
I would suggest, as a general rule, not to give him any money at all, unless he specifically asks for some. He's now an adult, whether you are comfortable with that idea or not, and he's got to take some responsibility for that.
He should get a part-time job. Has he ever done this before, or have you always just given him an allowance? I had part-time jobs from the time I was 16 until college graduation. It's corny to say "it builds character", but...well, it builds character. I think this country would be way better off if young people begin thinking more independently. I'm not suggesting you cut him off, but have a good discussion with him and ask him if he can/would like to support himself during school, at the very least for his miscellaneous expenses. As a good parent, you should help out with true expenses: rent, books, etc. But let him buy his own weed and beer.
posted by zardoz at 10:05 PM on September 15, 2007
He should get a part-time job. Has he ever done this before, or have you always just given him an allowance? I had part-time jobs from the time I was 16 until college graduation. It's corny to say "it builds character", but...well, it builds character. I think this country would be way better off if young people begin thinking more independently. I'm not suggesting you cut him off, but have a good discussion with him and ask him if he can/would like to support himself during school, at the very least for his miscellaneous expenses. As a good parent, you should help out with true expenses: rent, books, etc. But let him buy his own weed and beer.
posted by zardoz at 10:05 PM on September 15, 2007
I don't think a job the first semester of college is a good idea. Let him get used to academic life first, and then if his grades are okay, and he thinks he can balance the responsibilities, he can get a job after that.
As for money, set up an automatic transfer to deposit $x into his bank account on the first of every month. If he runs out before then, he does without. And look on Amazon for textbooks.
posted by happyturtle at 12:03 AM on September 16, 2007
As for money, set up an automatic transfer to deposit $x into his bank account on the first of every month. If he runs out before then, he does without. And look on Amazon for textbooks.
posted by happyturtle at 12:03 AM on September 16, 2007
If you can, pay for his tuition, books, a reasonable amount for rent, and a meal plan- nothing else. He will be fully taken care of, but if he wants to really enjoy himself he'll work. He won't end up with a lot of debt and hopefully he'll learn the value of a dollar.
posted by Large Marge at 12:42 AM on September 16, 2007
posted by Large Marge at 12:42 AM on September 16, 2007
My parents did similar to crouton's (and several other posters). As a freshman and sophomore, I lived in the dorms, and so my room and dorm-food were paid by my parents; on top of that, they gave me $X for the year for miscellaneous expenses and explained that it had to last the year, so I'd need to not spend more than $Y per month, and I needed to make sure I kept enough aside for textbooks and so on. I think this was a good way to ease me into managing my own money, starting out with less-essential stuff.
It worked out well for me, at any rate. (Maybe it's just because I had pretty inexpensive hobbies in college: how much does it cost to spend your days on the lawns and your nights in the academic computer center? I quickly found the cheap used book stores and was happy.)
I knew that if I really got stuck I could call my parents and they would bail me out. But I also knew that was a safety net, not something to make use of regularly; as it happened, I never needed to.
posted by hattifattener at 1:13 AM on September 16, 2007
It worked out well for me, at any rate. (Maybe it's just because I had pretty inexpensive hobbies in college: how much does it cost to spend your days on the lawns and your nights in the academic computer center? I quickly found the cheap used book stores and was happy.)
I knew that if I really got stuck I could call my parents and they would bail me out. But I also knew that was a safety net, not something to make use of regularly; as it happened, I never needed to.
posted by hattifattener at 1:13 AM on September 16, 2007
My oldest boy is a college sophomore right now. Initially, my wife and I assumed it would be best for him to not work at least for the first year while he adjusted to college life. But when we went to freshman orientation, several people at the college advised us that in their experience it was better for a student to have a job. He got an on-campus job related to one of his academic interests and I've been very happy with how it worked out. After a serious case of "senioritis" in high school, he has developed good habits for managing both his time and his money. Because he doesn't earn a lot of money, sometimes he has to decline invitations from friends who have more disposable income, but that's just part of life.
From my experience only, I agree with those saying have him get a job.
posted by maurice at 3:35 AM on September 16, 2007
From my experience only, I agree with those saying have him get a job.
posted by maurice at 3:35 AM on September 16, 2007
I worked in college teaching one of those "how to not flunk out of school" classes. One thing I learned is that they have done a lot of research on the amount of hours per week students can and should work before it starts to interfere with their ability to complete assignments and study properly. I don't have a source, but they said that the maximum number of hours was 15 per week. I would recommend that your kid work anywhere from 7 to 15 hours a week. That being said, most of the kids I knew in school who didn't have to work spent most of their free time (and they had tons because they were only in class a couple hours a day) playing video games, drinking, and smoking pot. A lot of them ending up flunking out of school. I'm not saying that every student who doesn't have a job flunks out of school, but having to work seems to help with time management skills.
posted by catseatcheese at 4:22 AM on September 16, 2007
posted by catseatcheese at 4:22 AM on September 16, 2007
My parents were able to help out with some college costs, which meant that I didn't have to take out horrendous amounts of loans. But they didn't have enough money to give me anything beyond what was needed for tuition and room and board (or rather, what was owed on those after my financial aid and loans). So I was pretty much totally on my own for books, pizza, clothes, etc. I managed more or less ok, working work/study jobs in the school year and working full time over the summers.
But it was really hard, and I know that my parents felt bad about not being able to help more. I'm all for kids learning to budget, and having summer jobs, and a good work/study job isn't a bad thing in moderation. But I was having to do things like borrow a pillow for a semester until I could afford to buy one, and it is a lot easier to study when you buy the books, instead of having to wait until the library reserve copy is available, and so on. A fairly small amount of parental help (when I was in college, $1500 for the year would have been luxurious, but books probably cost more now) would have really made the difference between feeling pinched every minute of every day and being able to just focus on the basics of school.
So while you don't have to take it to any extreme, I think that if you can provide a modest amount of support to take the real edge off of your kid's needs, it is a really nice way to do it. I'd suggest a lump-sum for the semester or the year, and be pretty hard-nosed about "helping out" if they make a budgeting error that first year. The financial aid office at the school can tell you what a reasonable amount might be, given the actual situation and expectations of that school (there is a lot of variation from place to place).
About the credit card issue: I think that if you are able to (and trust the kid not to do something astoundingly stupid), giving them a credit card that is only for serious emergencies is a really good safety thing. I never had this, but twice I was on camping trips with friends, where something went seriously wrong. (Once someone got very sick, the other time involved a crime.) Both times, a friend was able to use an "only for emergencies" parental credit card to arrange motel rooms, medical care, and emergency transportation. Without that, it would have been a bunch of kids sleeping on the street and hitchhiking and being totally dependent on the kindness of strangers. So if you are in a financial position to do this, I'll bet that at some point in the college years this will turn out to be a very smart thing to have done.
posted by Forktine at 6:50 AM on September 16, 2007
But it was really hard, and I know that my parents felt bad about not being able to help more. I'm all for kids learning to budget, and having summer jobs, and a good work/study job isn't a bad thing in moderation. But I was having to do things like borrow a pillow for a semester until I could afford to buy one, and it is a lot easier to study when you buy the books, instead of having to wait until the library reserve copy is available, and so on. A fairly small amount of parental help (when I was in college, $1500 for the year would have been luxurious, but books probably cost more now) would have really made the difference between feeling pinched every minute of every day and being able to just focus on the basics of school.
So while you don't have to take it to any extreme, I think that if you can provide a modest amount of support to take the real edge off of your kid's needs, it is a really nice way to do it. I'd suggest a lump-sum for the semester or the year, and be pretty hard-nosed about "helping out" if they make a budgeting error that first year. The financial aid office at the school can tell you what a reasonable amount might be, given the actual situation and expectations of that school (there is a lot of variation from place to place).
About the credit card issue: I think that if you are able to (and trust the kid not to do something astoundingly stupid), giving them a credit card that is only for serious emergencies is a really good safety thing. I never had this, but twice I was on camping trips with friends, where something went seriously wrong. (Once someone got very sick, the other time involved a crime.) Both times, a friend was able to use an "only for emergencies" parental credit card to arrange motel rooms, medical care, and emergency transportation. Without that, it would have been a bunch of kids sleeping on the street and hitchhiking and being totally dependent on the kindness of strangers. So if you are in a financial position to do this, I'll bet that at some point in the college years this will turn out to be a very smart thing to have done.
posted by Forktine at 6:50 AM on September 16, 2007
As someone who teaches college students for a living: think long and hard about mandating that your child must get a job to cover his spending money. I've seen a lot of students who don't do as well as they should academically because they are spending upwards of 20 hours at work. Where I teach (and this is fairly typical) the assumption is that students will spend at least two hours outside of class for every hour in class; if you add this up for each of four classes, it doesn't leave much time for working, since that adds up to at a minimum 36 - 40 hours schoolwork. (Mind you, most students don't actually work those hours, but I assign work as though they should!) I'm not saying that a little bit of on-campus work might not be a good thing, but I hate to see students who are trying to work a 20-hour-a-week off-campus job in addition to going to college (although certainly, for some, this is what they have to do to go to college---but things are a lot harder for them). Ideally, you've got a job when you're at college, and it's learning the stuff you're supposed to be learning! Not everyone can afford this ideal, but if you can, it leads to a better (academic, at least) experience.
posted by leahwrenn at 7:59 AM on September 16, 2007
posted by leahwrenn at 7:59 AM on September 16, 2007
So, I didn't read all of the posts. But, as a just-about-finished-with-college person, I'd highly recommend making him read a person finance book. There are a lot of good ones out there. In high school and early college, my parents were quite generous, and while I didn't take advantage of them, I definitely milked the system a few times. I ended up "in debt" to my parents, which I never repaid them. My debt actually started in high school. When I got married they erased my debt.
I'm still in a financially awkward point in my life, where I have money coming from family, student loans, and work. What has been the least helpful to me in all of this, is having a somewhat steading amount of money coming in.
So, I'd recommend establishing how much he "needs" for monthly things and maybe a little extra money. And stick with that. Teach him to see this lump of money in percentages, IE clothing, food, gas, free-spending. I'd suggest also having him save or invest a small portion of it. ING online savings is easy and a good interest rate.
Just some thoughts.
posted by peripatew at 9:55 AM on September 16, 2007
I'm still in a financially awkward point in my life, where I have money coming from family, student loans, and work. What has been the least helpful to me in all of this, is having a somewhat steading amount of money coming in.
So, I'd recommend establishing how much he "needs" for monthly things and maybe a little extra money. And stick with that. Teach him to see this lump of money in percentages, IE clothing, food, gas, free-spending. I'd suggest also having him save or invest a small portion of it. ING online savings is easy and a good interest rate.
Just some thoughts.
posted by peripatew at 9:55 AM on September 16, 2007
My parents gave me a roof over my head in the family home; fed me meals that I was home for (about 2 in 3) ... and that was all. I paid for my own books, clothes, entertainment, transport, everything. I had a part-time job from the time I was 15, and paid my parents about 20% of my weekly wage for room and board (totally fair, btw; I didn't get paid that much).
If I had an emergency, the understanding was that my parents would pay for it. They also paid for healthcare, fortunately.
This is pretty much the situation most of the people I knew were in. It was normal to have a part-time/casual job (about 10 hours a week or so) while doing a heavy course load (engineering, mostly). The ones who had everything handed to them - lucky bastards. I knew very few of those. Even if my parents had had money, I would have only been given a place to stay that wasn't home, nothing more. I was an adult; it was my responsibility to provide for my wants, and to a certain extent, my needs.
Basically, you've set him up in grand style. If it bugs you, give him money for books. And maybe $100 extra a month for fripperies.
posted by ysabet at 12:10 AM on September 17, 2007
If I had an emergency, the understanding was that my parents would pay for it. They also paid for healthcare, fortunately.
This is pretty much the situation most of the people I knew were in. It was normal to have a part-time/casual job (about 10 hours a week or so) while doing a heavy course load (engineering, mostly). The ones who had everything handed to them - lucky bastards. I knew very few of those. Even if my parents had had money, I would have only been given a place to stay that wasn't home, nothing more. I was an adult; it was my responsibility to provide for my wants, and to a certain extent, my needs.
Basically, you've set him up in grand style. If it bugs you, give him money for books. And maybe $100 extra a month for fripperies.
posted by ysabet at 12:10 AM on September 17, 2007
One option is to get an on-campus work study job, where they pay well, no taxes are taken out
Income tax is most certainly taken out.
I recommend that he have his own chequing/debt account. This is important for building a credit history and gaining money management skills.
The latter, yes, but a checking account builds absolutely zero credit history.
posted by oaf at 6:21 AM on September 17, 2007
Income tax is most certainly taken out.
I recommend that he have his own chequing/debt account. This is important for building a credit history and gaining money management skills.
The latter, yes, but a checking account builds absolutely zero credit history.
posted by oaf at 6:21 AM on September 17, 2007
Tell him to get a job on campus.
If you will pay for his books (parents do this?!?!?!?!) pay for his books and that's it.
Do not bail him out unless it is a true serious for reals emergency.
Tell him to NOT get a credit card. EVER. I'm still paying off shit I bought with credit in college.
I had scholarships and loans, and my parents kicked in for room and board. I paid the rest. They sent money for xmas and birthdays. They didn't send money otherwise except for the occasional $20 here and there (which i think is fine). But otherwise, I was on my own. It was good for me. It's called being an adult.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 8:51 AM on September 17, 2007
If you will pay for his books (parents do this?!?!?!?!) pay for his books and that's it.
Do not bail him out unless it is a true serious for reals emergency.
Tell him to NOT get a credit card. EVER. I'm still paying off shit I bought with credit in college.
I had scholarships and loans, and my parents kicked in for room and board. I paid the rest. They sent money for xmas and birthdays. They didn't send money otherwise except for the occasional $20 here and there (which i think is fine). But otherwise, I was on my own. It was good for me. It's called being an adult.
posted by misanthropicsarah at 8:51 AM on September 17, 2007
If you insist on providing money to him, give it as a lump sum at the beginning of the semester. He will learn budgeting. Twenty dollars a week should be more than enough for covering incidentals, if he wants more he can work. If he's going to school in Oregon, I wouldn't worry about only making minimum wage.
posted by yohko at 1:50 PM on September 17, 2007
posted by yohko at 1:50 PM on September 17, 2007
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posted by MadamM at 4:24 PM on September 15, 2007