missed connections
August 30, 2007 9:24 PM Subscribe
ModernDayEtiquetteFilter: What is the general consensus on returning calls (received on one's mobile phone) based on a missed call log vs. leaving a message?
Help settle a silly argument between my wife and I. Back in the not too distant past, people only had land lines. If you called me, the only way I would know is if you left a message. You would give me specific instructions on what you wanted me to do - call you back, pick you up at the airport at five, etc. Then they invented mobile phones, and caller ID...
We are part of the >10% of Americans who only have mobile phones. Lately, we've noticed that less people leave messages, but we have record of them calling in our phones' missed call logs. Sometimes, we call them back based on the call log. Sometimes we don't.
When she calls them back, sometimes my wife feels weird. "If I wanted you to call me back I would have left a message," she hears her friends saying before she makes the call. When I don't call them back I hear them saying, "You knew I called from your call log. Why don't you call me back?" Should we call back, or not? What is the MeFi consensus?
(I know text messaging is an easier alternative. I send them specifically to avoid problems like this. However, many people I know don't use or want to pay for sending or receiving them.)
Help settle a silly argument between my wife and I. Back in the not too distant past, people only had land lines. If you called me, the only way I would know is if you left a message. You would give me specific instructions on what you wanted me to do - call you back, pick you up at the airport at five, etc. Then they invented mobile phones, and caller ID...
We are part of the >10% of Americans who only have mobile phones. Lately, we've noticed that less people leave messages, but we have record of them calling in our phones' missed call logs. Sometimes, we call them back based on the call log. Sometimes we don't.
When she calls them back, sometimes my wife feels weird. "If I wanted you to call me back I would have left a message," she hears her friends saying before she makes the call. When I don't call them back I hear them saying, "You knew I called from your call log. Why don't you call me back?" Should we call back, or not? What is the MeFi consensus?
(I know text messaging is an easier alternative. I send them specifically to avoid problems like this. However, many people I know don't use or want to pay for sending or receiving them.)
My general policy is to call back if it's in the past hour or so (since they're probably still in a position where they're able and willing to talk to you). Otherwise ignore it.
posted by 0xFCAF at 9:28 PM on August 30, 2007
posted by 0xFCAF at 9:28 PM on August 30, 2007
I don't call back if they didn't leave a message, unless it's such a close friend that I'd feel comfortable calling just to say hi anyway.
Of course, I often don't call people back who do leave messages either, because I'm lazy with bouts of antisocial-ness, but I feel I'm being rude in those instances.
posted by occhiblu at 9:29 PM on August 30, 2007
Of course, I often don't call people back who do leave messages either, because I'm lazy with bouts of antisocial-ness, but I feel I'm being rude in those instances.
posted by occhiblu at 9:29 PM on August 30, 2007
I don't call back based on the log unless I see that they tried to call more than once in a short period. Sometimes people forget to lock their phones and it will call you accidentally. I figure twice is no accident, and I also figure that people will leave a voicemail if they really need a call back.
posted by woj at 9:30 PM on August 30, 2007
posted by woj at 9:30 PM on August 30, 2007
I often don't leave voicemails. 1) I don't like talking to machines. 2) The people I call often see that I've called and forgo checking their voicemail in lieu of calling me right back, which means that, if I left a message, I did it for nothing.
That said, I don't feel obligated to call someone back if they've called me and haven't left a message. If I feel like finding out what they wanted, I'll call them. If I don't, I won't. If it's important, they'll try again.
I don't mind if people take this same approach with calls of mine they've missed. If I haven't gotten in touch with them and still need to, I'll call back.
Disclaimer: I am not good with phones.
posted by mudpuppie at 9:33 PM on August 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
That said, I don't feel obligated to call someone back if they've called me and haven't left a message. If I feel like finding out what they wanted, I'll call them. If I don't, I won't. If it's important, they'll try again.
I don't mind if people take this same approach with calls of mine they've missed. If I haven't gotten in touch with them and still need to, I'll call back.
Disclaimer: I am not good with phones.
posted by mudpuppie at 9:33 PM on August 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
For most people I interact with, it is almost ruder to leave a message than just to call back or let them call you back.
Leaving a message is often considered rude simply because of the amount of time it takes, just to find out someone called. You know the way it goes: "Please enter your passcode. You have 3 new messages. Press 1 to listen to your next new message..." and then the message just to say, "I need to speak, please call me".
Messages are reserved for "I can't call you back shortly and I won't be able to take a callback because I'll be on a plane or something, but you really need to know such and such".
posted by blue_wardrobe at 9:37 PM on August 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
Leaving a message is often considered rude simply because of the amount of time it takes, just to find out someone called. You know the way it goes: "Please enter your passcode. You have 3 new messages. Press 1 to listen to your next new message..." and then the message just to say, "I need to speak, please call me".
Messages are reserved for "I can't call you back shortly and I won't be able to take a callback because I'll be on a plane or something, but you really need to know such and such".
posted by blue_wardrobe at 9:37 PM on August 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
With all of the instant and constant contact and information that texting, email, and cell phones provide, I've given up on trying to go tit-for-tat on every exchange I have with somebody. Instead, I just try to "keep my eye on the ball", being aware of when I have it and need to give it back, when I need it returned to me, or when it's left to dribble on the floor (and possibly picked up later). Reading cues from others and matching their level of contact seems to be more effective than creating hard and fast rules about returning calls/texts/emails.
So, basically the rules are different with each and every person, and it's the easy access that these communication devices provide that brings these issues to light. Some people aren't even aware of this whatsoever, but for me, being conscious of these subtleties helps me feel more confident about my interactions with people—especially since I feel that on some levels, these devices can be a real intrusion, and a hindrance on meaningful connections.
In short, I sometimes return calls from my call log, and sometimes not. It really depends on the communication style of the person who called and didn't leave a message (and also whether or not I have something I would like to talk to them about).
posted by iamkimiam at 9:45 PM on August 30, 2007 [3 favorites]
So, basically the rules are different with each and every person, and it's the easy access that these communication devices provide that brings these issues to light. Some people aren't even aware of this whatsoever, but for me, being conscious of these subtleties helps me feel more confident about my interactions with people—especially since I feel that on some levels, these devices can be a real intrusion, and a hindrance on meaningful connections.
In short, I sometimes return calls from my call log, and sometimes not. It really depends on the communication style of the person who called and didn't leave a message (and also whether or not I have something I would like to talk to them about).
posted by iamkimiam at 9:45 PM on August 30, 2007 [3 favorites]
Case by case basis. Obviously no when you are between the first and second dates, obviously yes when people are checking up during crises. Everything else is somewhere in between.
posted by Ironmouth at 9:45 PM on August 30, 2007
posted by Ironmouth at 9:45 PM on August 30, 2007
The people I call often see that I've called and forgo checking their voicemail in lieu of calling me right back, which means that, if I left a message, I did it for nothing.
No, they call you back in lieu of checking their voicemail.
posted by Jaltcoh at 9:53 PM on August 30, 2007
No, they call you back in lieu of checking their voicemail.
posted by Jaltcoh at 9:53 PM on August 30, 2007
I don't think anyone in my social circle has a land line. None of us leave voicemails, for the most part, since we know they see we called, and why waste our minutes leaving a message and our friend's by making them check it.
Voicemails, as stated above, tend to be "hey, about to go into a movie, I'll try you back when its over" type stuff- situations when you can't call back, or shouldn't.
posted by Kellydamnit at 10:02 PM on August 30, 2007
Voicemails, as stated above, tend to be "hey, about to go into a movie, I'll try you back when its over" type stuff- situations when you can't call back, or shouldn't.
posted by Kellydamnit at 10:02 PM on August 30, 2007
Based on the consensus thus far it appears I'm on the fast track to becoming obsolete because I fall strongly in the "it's creepy when someone calls me back when I never bothered leaving them a message in the first place" camp. If I don't leave a message it's usually because I dialed a wrong # (and boy do I hate those awkward, "You dialed this number" conversations with the people who feel the need to call back every number they see in their call log regardless of whether it's a recognized # or not), forgot to "lock" the keypad (before I had a flip phone), called someone inadvertently, was calling about something superfluous enough as to not require a callback, etc. If I had any sort of need or desire to hear back from whoever I dialed I would have left a message, so it always strikes me as odd that someone would call me back otherwise.
posted by The Gooch at 10:15 PM on August 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
posted by The Gooch at 10:15 PM on August 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
Mobile doesn't necessarily obligate you to call log. I don't have caller ID, nor do I have the intention of spending 8$ extra a month to pay for it - I'm a broke student. Operating under the assumption that not everyone has caller ID, it would make sense that if someone needed to reach you urgently, they'll either call you back or leave a message.
That said, if you missed a call by 5 minutes, or something, just call them back. That's almost common sense. But even on the home phone line *with* Caller ID I don't sit down with the handset at the end of the day and check whose calls I missed.
posted by Phire at 10:18 PM on August 30, 2007
That said, if you missed a call by 5 minutes, or something, just call them back. That's almost common sense. But even on the home phone line *with* Caller ID I don't sit down with the handset at the end of the day and check whose calls I missed.
posted by Phire at 10:18 PM on August 30, 2007
I tend to believe it is totally up to the person being called whether or not they want to call back just based on the missed call log. There was no message left; the caller ID does not obligate anyone to do anything. After all, who's to say that it wasn't an accidental dial (or wrong number if unknown)? Of course, if they do leave a message, then definitely call back if asked.
posted by pinksoftsoap at 10:31 PM on August 30, 2007
posted by pinksoftsoap at 10:31 PM on August 30, 2007
I call people back that I want to talk to, regardless of message leaving. Everyone else, only if there's a message.
posted by blue_beetle at 10:42 PM on August 30, 2007
posted by blue_beetle at 10:42 PM on August 30, 2007
it depends on my mood and what i'm doing, but i normally only return calls if they left a message. when i coordinated dj shifts at the college radio station and was desperate for volunteers, i'd usually call people back if they didn't leave a message. if i'm evading people and they don't leave voice mail, i have a convenient out.
i wonder what miss manners would say.
posted by kendrak at 10:47 PM on August 30, 2007
i wonder what miss manners would say.
posted by kendrak at 10:47 PM on August 30, 2007
If I had any sort of need or desire to hear back from whoever I dialed I would have left a message...
Well, why is it about your "need or desire"? Why isn't it about the desire of the person you're calling? You're intruding into their space by calling them in the first place; how is it a worse intrusion for them to call you back?
I disagree with everyone who's saying it's a sliding scale based on how close you are to the person. It might often be the opposite. If someone who regularly calls me shows up in my missed calls, I'm likely to ignore it because, after all, they call all the time. But if it's a random person who doesn't usually call me, I assume it's about something specific, and probably more likely to be time-sensitive.
Also: "Case by case basis. Obviously no when you are between the first and second dates..." Why is that obvious? What's wrong with calling someone back if they've gone on a date with you? They might really enjoy hearing back from you! And if it would be awkward for some reason, they're free to not answer the phone.
posted by Jaltcoh at 10:49 PM on August 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
Well, why is it about your "need or desire"? Why isn't it about the desire of the person you're calling? You're intruding into their space by calling them in the first place; how is it a worse intrusion for them to call you back?
I disagree with everyone who's saying it's a sliding scale based on how close you are to the person. It might often be the opposite. If someone who regularly calls me shows up in my missed calls, I'm likely to ignore it because, after all, they call all the time. But if it's a random person who doesn't usually call me, I assume it's about something specific, and probably more likely to be time-sensitive.
Also: "Case by case basis. Obviously no when you are between the first and second dates..." Why is that obvious? What's wrong with calling someone back if they've gone on a date with you? They might really enjoy hearing back from you! And if it would be awkward for some reason, they're free to not answer the phone.
posted by Jaltcoh at 10:49 PM on August 30, 2007 [1 favorite]
Well, why is it about your "need or desire"? Why isn't it about the desire of the person you're calling? You're intruding into their space by calling them in the first place; how is it a worse intrusion for them to call you back?
I don't know that I find it an intrusion as much as I find it odd. If I didn't leave a message it seems obvious to me (though the other responses here show that I'm fast becoming a minority in this viewpoint) that whatever I called for wasn't all that important and doesn't require a callback. Otherwise, I would have left a message explaining the purpose of my call and requesting it be returned.
posted by The Gooch at 11:11 PM on August 30, 2007
I don't know that I find it an intrusion as much as I find it odd. If I didn't leave a message it seems obvious to me (though the other responses here show that I'm fast becoming a minority in this viewpoint) that whatever I called for wasn't all that important and doesn't require a callback. Otherwise, I would have left a message explaining the purpose of my call and requesting it be returned.
posted by The Gooch at 11:11 PM on August 30, 2007
For me, if I call someone and they don't pick up, I often don't leave a message because it was something that I needed them for NOW, and calling me back later will be a waste of time (as will leaving a message saying "nevermind.")
If I decide to call someone who didn't leave a message, it's only because I see them in the call log and remember something I wanted to talk to them about, so I'll call and say "saw you in my call log, and remembered that I wanted to talk to you about..."
Anyway, flip it: if someone called you, and didn't leave a message ASSUMING that you'd see it in the call log and return the call, would you think they were crazy if you didn't call back and they got angry? I would.
posted by davejay at 11:14 PM on August 30, 2007
If I decide to call someone who didn't leave a message, it's only because I see them in the call log and remember something I wanted to talk to them about, so I'll call and say "saw you in my call log, and remembered that I wanted to talk to you about..."
Anyway, flip it: if someone called you, and didn't leave a message ASSUMING that you'd see it in the call log and return the call, would you think they were crazy if you didn't call back and they got angry? I would.
posted by davejay at 11:14 PM on August 30, 2007
I generally don't call people back unless they leave a message. The exception is if I was expecting their call already.
However, I don't find it creepy when people call back when I haven't left a message, but I'm usually a little surprised to hear back, following Gooch's logic.
If someone's left you a message, listen to it and THEN call them back! I always have to ask if someone got my message so I know where to pick up the conversation...
posted by natabat at 11:22 PM on August 30, 2007
However, I don't find it creepy when people call back when I haven't left a message, but I'm usually a little surprised to hear back, following Gooch's logic.
If someone's left you a message, listen to it and THEN call them back! I always have to ask if someone got my message so I know where to pick up the conversation...
posted by natabat at 11:22 PM on August 30, 2007
If I didn't leave a message it seems obvious to me (though the other responses here show that I'm fast becoming a minority in this viewpoint) that whatever I called for wasn't all that important and doesn't require a callback. Otherwise, I would have left a message explaining the purpose of my call and requesting it be returned.
That's exactly the way I feel. And, until now, I assumed everyone else felt the same way.
posted by bunglin jones at 11:24 PM on August 30, 2007
That's exactly the way I feel. And, until now, I assumed everyone else felt the same way.
posted by bunglin jones at 11:24 PM on August 30, 2007
These days I only leave a message if I am willing to wait on their ass to call me back or if I have information to impart. If I don't leave a message, I'll probably just call back later. Usually that just means, "Hi, I had to talk to you RIGHT NOW but you're not here and I need to turn off my cell in the next five minutes and I won't call back again for a few hours and I do not have the time to wait for you to call back, so feel free to ignore this until then."
But yeah, checking voice mail does suck. I'm so sick of messages I could puke.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:44 PM on August 30, 2007
But yeah, checking voice mail does suck. I'm so sick of messages I could puke.
posted by jenfullmoon at 11:44 PM on August 30, 2007
My phone is pretty much only for time-critical things or message leaving. I don't like to chat (on the phone). I don't call back logged calls with no message. My friends know this, so it's not an issue.
The majority of calls I get are on the order of 15-second "hey, going to lunch, want to go? Sure, where? X. See you there." Obviously, a message would be stupid for that if I don't answer, and calling back two hours later would be pointless.
People at work will leave a message saying what they wanted, or they'll wait until tomorrow when they see me. Again, no need to check on logged calls.
posted by ctmf at 11:56 PM on August 30, 2007
The majority of calls I get are on the order of 15-second "hey, going to lunch, want to go? Sure, where? X. See you there." Obviously, a message would be stupid for that if I don't answer, and calling back two hours later would be pointless.
People at work will leave a message saying what they wanted, or they'll wait until tomorrow when they see me. Again, no need to check on logged calls.
posted by ctmf at 11:56 PM on August 30, 2007
It would be interesting to know the age of the responders to this question to see if there are any patterns in how different age groups perceive the proper etiquette in regards to this.
I'm in my mid-30s, so I'm just old enough to where I learned the majority of my phone etiquette pre-cell phones and pre-caller ID, so the idea of someone returning a call I never left a message for in the first place still seems really weird to me, even though it's been a decade since I bought my first cell phone. However I can see how someone a generation younger than me who never knew a world where you didn't know who was calling you unless they left a message might have an entirely different view on this.
posted by The Gooch at 12:00 AM on August 31, 2007
I'm in my mid-30s, so I'm just old enough to where I learned the majority of my phone etiquette pre-cell phones and pre-caller ID, so the idea of someone returning a call I never left a message for in the first place still seems really weird to me, even though it's been a decade since I bought my first cell phone. However I can see how someone a generation younger than me who never knew a world where you didn't know who was calling you unless they left a message might have an entirely different view on this.
posted by The Gooch at 12:00 AM on August 31, 2007
(and boy do I hate those awkward, "You dialed this number" conversations with the people who feel the need to call back every number they see in their call log regardless of whether it's a recognized # or not)
Yeah, second that. It comes across as a kind of desperation, and it's weird.
posted by mediareport at 12:04 AM on August 31, 2007
Yeah, second that. It comes across as a kind of desperation, and it's weird.
posted by mediareport at 12:04 AM on August 31, 2007
A while ago I turned off my mobile voice box.
Ah, freedom!
Now I proceed like this: If I know the caller (if he or she is identified by my address book) then I calle back.
If I don't know the number, then I don't call back. If it's important they can call again, send a text message or reach me by e-Mail.
I am 37.
posted by ollsen at 12:16 AM on August 31, 2007 [1 favorite]
Ah, freedom!
Now I proceed like this: If I know the caller (if he or she is identified by my address book) then I calle back.
If I don't know the number, then I don't call back. If it's important they can call again, send a text message or reach me by e-Mail.
I am 37.
posted by ollsen at 12:16 AM on August 31, 2007 [1 favorite]
Here in the UK, in my world of mostly pay as you go phone communications, it costs £ to check your messages, so the polite thing to do is to send a text if you have a message for someone (it's free to receive a text). A missed call can signal all sorts, like "your taxi is ready" or "i'm out of credit can you call me back please?" I always return a missed call if I recognise the number.
posted by By The Grace of God at 12:38 AM on August 31, 2007
posted by By The Grace of God at 12:38 AM on August 31, 2007
(and boy do I hate those awkward, "You dialed this number" conversations with the people who feel the need to call back every number they see in their call log regardless of whether it's a recognized # or not)
I thought I was the only one who got these.
I have learned from these that caller ID not very reliable data.
I'd never call someone back based on a call log unless it was a very close friend who wouldn't mind a call "out of the blue" anyway.
Maybe I'm disconnected from the mainstream on this, but
I always figure if someone WANTS a call back, they leave a message saying so. If they leave no message, that means they want no call back.
I didn't realize so many people thought otherwise. Ouch.
posted by rokusan at 1:10 AM on August 31, 2007
I thought I was the only one who got these.
I have learned from these that caller ID not very reliable data.
I'd never call someone back based on a call log unless it was a very close friend who wouldn't mind a call "out of the blue" anyway.
Maybe I'm disconnected from the mainstream on this, but
I always figure if someone WANTS a call back, they leave a message saying so. If they leave no message, that means they want no call back.
I didn't realize so many people thought otherwise. Ouch.
posted by rokusan at 1:10 AM on August 31, 2007
I never call back unless it's someone I know well. I assume that anyone who needs me will leave voicemail, send a text, or send email. Callbacks are creepy, and if it's a number I don't recognise, how would I know who to ask for?
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 1:55 AM on August 31, 2007
posted by i_am_joe's_spleen at 1:55 AM on August 31, 2007
I call back numbers in the call log only if I feel like it. People will leave a message or a text if they want to be called back. People who hate their voicemail so much should learn how to use it. Most systems allow you to skip all the prompts by pressing keys early.
I never call back numbers I don't recognize. There are scams that involve getting people to call back a number that looks normal but is really an expensive call. In North America this can be a phone call to a Carribean island, which looks like just another area code. In the UK, this can be a number that starts with 070, which looks like a regular mobile number but is far more costly. I get a 070 scam "dropped call" every couple of weeks.
posted by grouse at 2:05 AM on August 31, 2007
I never call back numbers I don't recognize. There are scams that involve getting people to call back a number that looks normal but is really an expensive call. In North America this can be a phone call to a Carribean island, which looks like just another area code. In the UK, this can be a number that starts with 070, which looks like a regular mobile number but is far more costly. I get a 070 scam "dropped call" every couple of weeks.
posted by grouse at 2:05 AM on August 31, 2007
If I know the person that called me well enough that I have their name/number in my phone's address book (and therefore, I'm positive about the identify of the caller), then I will return the call even if they did not leave a message. The people I know have my number programmed in their phone usually behave similarly, but I'll never be annoyed if someone fails to return a call when I didn't leave a message. And I'm no longer annoyed when people call me back w/o listening to my message.
Though with the rising popularity of text messaging, my friends have started to send me texts instead of leaving messages when I don't answer their call. I like that better.
If I get an unrecognized number or a generic switchboard number, I won't return the call unless a message was left for me. And I'll always leave a message when I'm calling a cell phone from a generic switchboard and/or unrecognized number.
posted by mullacc at 2:11 AM on August 31, 2007
Though with the rising popularity of text messaging, my friends have started to send me texts instead of leaving messages when I don't answer their call. I like that better.
If I get an unrecognized number or a generic switchboard number, I won't return the call unless a message was left for me. And I'll always leave a message when I'm calling a cell phone from a generic switchboard and/or unrecognized number.
posted by mullacc at 2:11 AM on August 31, 2007
I won't call people back unless they leave a message. There've been way too many times I've gotten "oh, I was dialing someone else, sorry about that," or "yeah, I was driving by your house but you didn't pick up, talk to you tomorrow" type answers. If someone wants to actually talk to me, they can take the 15 extra seconds to leave a message.
posted by devilsbrigade at 2:54 AM on August 31, 2007
posted by devilsbrigade at 2:54 AM on August 31, 2007
It depends. My friend Tony is a pretty tech-savvy guy and will not leave a message even if he wants a call back because he knows I'll see the call in my call log and call him back to ask him what he wants. On the other hand, because she's old-schoool, my GF will always leave a message if she wants a call back (she also hates getting texts). That said, I'll always call her back anyway because I get paranoid about her being abducted my gypsies or something. My friend Matt doesn't get calls back unless he leaves a message (If it's important, he'll leave one).
If I'm not sure about a person's disposition on the matter I'll prioritize the call back (or lack thereof) based on recent interactions with that person and how busy I am. Texting is generally out as a response unless I am certain the person is alright with texting.
posted by Pecinpah at 3:50 AM on August 31, 2007
If I'm not sure about a person's disposition on the matter I'll prioritize the call back (or lack thereof) based on recent interactions with that person and how busy I am. Texting is generally out as a response unless I am certain the person is alright with texting.
posted by Pecinpah at 3:50 AM on August 31, 2007
My job is not office based and work provide us with free mobiles if desired so I have two as I refuse to be accessible to work at weekends/on holiday.
I find that I mainly send texts to both friends and colleagues.
Any voicemail messages are entirely work related, i.e. to impart information which is too cumbersome to text or on issues which require the other person's input to resolve.
And I don't call people back based on my missed call log. My philosophy is very much if they want to talk to me they'll try again...or they'll text and tell me they need to speak to me!
posted by koahiatamadl at 4:02 AM on August 31, 2007
I find that I mainly send texts to both friends and colleagues.
Any voicemail messages are entirely work related, i.e. to impart information which is too cumbersome to text or on issues which require the other person's input to resolve.
And I don't call people back based on my missed call log. My philosophy is very much if they want to talk to me they'll try again...or they'll text and tell me they need to speak to me!
posted by koahiatamadl at 4:02 AM on August 31, 2007
I never call back numbers I don't recognize. There are scams that involve getting people to call back a number that looks normal but is really an expensive call.
Well, that's an overreaction. You don't need to "never call back numbers [you] don't recognize" to avoid that problem. All you have to do is never call back area codes you don't recognize.
posted by Jaltcoh at 4:39 AM on August 31, 2007
Well, that's an overreaction. You don't need to "never call back numbers [you] don't recognize" to avoid that problem. All you have to do is never call back area codes you don't recognize.
posted by Jaltcoh at 4:39 AM on August 31, 2007
Let me say first that these scams are not the sole reason I don't call back numbers I don't recognize. I'm just not interested in what unexpected numbers have to offer. If it's not a scam, it's usually someone trying to sell me something.
But recognizing the area code is not enough. In area codes outside the U.S., the cost of the call can vary depending on the number. In the UK, all mobile phone numbers start with 07 rather than a geographic area code. But the price to call the number can vary quite a few digits into the number, well beyond what people would usually consider an area code (which really doesn't exist in the 07 range). For example, a call to a number starting with 07021 474 costs 37.495p/min on BT, but a call to a number starting with 07021 475 costs 24p/min. Most people falsely identify these all as just mobile numbers, which usually cost far less than either.
People thinking they can recognize the type of call from the number is how these scams work in the first place.
posted by grouse at 5:01 AM on August 31, 2007
But recognizing the area code is not enough. In area codes outside the U.S., the cost of the call can vary depending on the number. In the UK, all mobile phone numbers start with 07 rather than a geographic area code. But the price to call the number can vary quite a few digits into the number, well beyond what people would usually consider an area code (which really doesn't exist in the 07 range). For example, a call to a number starting with 07021 474 costs 37.495p/min on BT, but a call to a number starting with 07021 475 costs 24p/min. Most people falsely identify these all as just mobile numbers, which usually cost far less than either.
People thinking they can recognize the type of call from the number is how these scams work in the first place.
posted by grouse at 5:01 AM on August 31, 2007
I never listen to voicemail and I never leave voicemail. If I need to speak to someone and they miss the call then I'll send them a text along the lines of 'hey I need to speak to you, call me when you can'. I'll return any calls I miss as long as I have the number in my phone book already.
posted by corvine at 5:16 AM on August 31, 2007
posted by corvine at 5:16 AM on August 31, 2007
I'm probably a special case because of how little used my cell phone is, but I almost never get calls I'm not expecting. So for me, it's rarely 'Oh, look, Kathleen called' and more often 'Oh, shit, Kathleen called, that must mean she's running late'. So I know whether a call back is required based on what I know the call is about in the first place.
posted by jacquilynne at 6:27 AM on August 31, 2007
posted by jacquilynne at 6:27 AM on August 31, 2007
95% of the time I call back. Everyone now knows that if you call someone, they can see that you called and lots of people won't even listen to your voicemail if you leave one, they just call back. I assume that if I leave someone a missed call they will almost certainly call me back when they see it and I think most people rely on that. Unless I know someone is just drunk dialing me or I know that they were driving home/waiting around and just wanted to talk, I won't bother calling them back an hour later, but yeah I think socially things have definitely gotten to the point where it is assumed that if you know who the person is (not talking number you don't recognize) that you will call them back without any prompting.
posted by whoaali at 6:37 AM on August 31, 2007
posted by whoaali at 6:37 AM on August 31, 2007
To everyone complaining about checking voicemail -- you can disable pretty much all of the annoying "enter your passcode, message recorded at xx:xx" by changing the settings within your voicemail. It's always the first thing I do when I get a new phone or service. Now whenever I call, the only thing I hear is "2 new messages, first message" followed by the message. 6 seconds, tops.
Also -- sick of waiting through verizon voicemail instructions? Just hit star (*) and it'll skip directly to the beep. Even works while the personal message is still playing.
posted by lohmannn at 6:40 AM on August 31, 2007 [2 favorites]
Also -- sick of waiting through verizon voicemail instructions? Just hit star (*) and it'll skip directly to the beep. Even works while the personal message is still playing.
posted by lohmannn at 6:40 AM on August 31, 2007 [2 favorites]
As far as the question goes, for me it depends on what I percieve is the person's expectation. My mom will always leave a voicemail if it's important, so I won't call her back based soley on the call log. My girlfriend on the other hand rarely leaves voicemails but expects me to see her missed call and return it, so that is what I do.
If I do not know the person well enough to devine their expectations, and they call without leaving a voicemail, what I do depends on how much I like them. Friends and generally cool people get called back, those I don't care to speak to as much get ignored.
posted by lohmannn at 6:43 AM on August 31, 2007
If I do not know the person well enough to devine their expectations, and they call without leaving a voicemail, what I do depends on how much I like them. Friends and generally cool people get called back, those I don't care to speak to as much get ignored.
posted by lohmannn at 6:43 AM on August 31, 2007
Completely depends on who is calling. My phone number is one digit off of a Congressman's, so I get his calls all the time (it's very close--his number starts with 225, mine with 255). So I almost never return calls if I don't know the caller. If it's someone I recognize, yeah, usually I'll call it back. I'm not a big chatter, so not many people call me unless it's something reasonably important; likewise, I don't make many calls unless I really want to talk to the person. So I don't think it's odd at all to return calls when the caller didn't leave a message.
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:14 AM on August 31, 2007
posted by MrMoonPie at 7:14 AM on August 31, 2007
"If I wanted you to call me back I would have left a message," she hears her friends saying before she makes the call
If these are her friends, shouldn't she be able to call them irregardless of whether they have left a message? If one expects to be called back, a message should be left, but I would find it very odd for someone to be offended that I called them back without a message.
Those "you called my number, who is this?" calls? I think a lot of those are from someone wanting to find out who their child/bf/gf/so is talking to.
posted by yohko at 7:14 AM on August 31, 2007
If these are her friends, shouldn't she be able to call them irregardless of whether they have left a message? If one expects to be called back, a message should be left, but I would find it very odd for someone to be offended that I called them back without a message.
Those "you called my number, who is this?" calls? I think a lot of those are from someone wanting to find out who their child/bf/gf/so is talking to.
posted by yohko at 7:14 AM on August 31, 2007
For myself, I always leave a voicemail if I want a call back. If I don't leave a voicemail I don't want a call back, because I'm either going to try to reach you later, or take care of whatever I'm calling about in another fashion.
When I do leave voicemail, lots of people call me back without checking it at all, or listening through the entire message (this last also common when I leave land-line voicemail.) This is occasionally amusing, as people ask me the exact the question they would have had the answer to had they listened to (all of) the voicemail I already left them.
posted by MattD at 7:53 AM on August 31, 2007
When I do leave voicemail, lots of people call me back without checking it at all, or listening through the entire message (this last also common when I leave land-line voicemail.) This is occasionally amusing, as people ask me the exact the question they would have had the answer to had they listened to (all of) the voicemail I already left them.
posted by MattD at 7:53 AM on August 31, 2007
Leaving a message is often considered rude simply because of the amount of time it takes, just to find out someone called. You know the way it goes: "Please enter your passcode. You have 3 new messages. Press 1 to listen to your next new message..." and then the message just to say, "I need to speak, please call me".
Interesing, I never thought of that. I wonder if interfaces like the iPhone would "fix" that or are the habits already ingrained?
I'm 36 and rarely call people back if they don't leave a message, but I dislike talking on the phone anyway.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:59 AM on August 31, 2007
Interesing, I never thought of that. I wonder if interfaces like the iPhone would "fix" that or are the habits already ingrained?
I'm 36 and rarely call people back if they don't leave a message, but I dislike talking on the phone anyway.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 7:59 AM on August 31, 2007
I usually don't call back unless it's someone calling for a specific reason that I'm aware of and I wasn't able to answer in time, or if it's someone who rarely calls.
Just yesterday, my wife called right before I left for work. We work about a mile apart from each other and we both bike. I missed the call and she didn't leave a message, so I followed my rule of "If it's important, leave a message, otherwise call later or send a text or email." Turns out that instead of packing a black skirt for work, she accidentally picked out a ratty old black tee shirt and she wanted me to bring her skirt. When I got to work I had an email about how she had to go about her job in somewhat revealing workout shorts. She took an early lunch and went home to change into something a little more work appropriate. I thought we were on the same page on the callback rule, so let this be a lesson to you all.
I'm 27, she's 26, so put that in your pipe and contextualize it.
posted by look busy at 8:00 AM on August 31, 2007
Just yesterday, my wife called right before I left for work. We work about a mile apart from each other and we both bike. I missed the call and she didn't leave a message, so I followed my rule of "If it's important, leave a message, otherwise call later or send a text or email." Turns out that instead of packing a black skirt for work, she accidentally picked out a ratty old black tee shirt and she wanted me to bring her skirt. When I got to work I had an email about how she had to go about her job in somewhat revealing workout shorts. She took an early lunch and went home to change into something a little more work appropriate. I thought we were on the same page on the callback rule, so let this be a lesson to you all.
I'm 27, she's 26, so put that in your pipe and contextualize it.
posted by look busy at 8:00 AM on August 31, 2007
Voicemails get callbacks if appropriate (gimme a call, vs just letting you know that X).
Missed calls (left the room, couldn't get to the phone fast enough, etc) get callbacks.
Otherwise they can call me back, send an sms or email. Everybody I know knows at least a half-dozen ways to get in touch with me, people I don't know generally don't.
I'm *counts* 23.
posted by Skorgu at 8:19 AM on August 31, 2007
Missed calls (left the room, couldn't get to the phone fast enough, etc) get callbacks.
Otherwise they can call me back, send an sms or email. Everybody I know knows at least a half-dozen ways to get in touch with me, people I don't know generally don't.
I'm *counts* 23.
posted by Skorgu at 8:19 AM on August 31, 2007
How to make me want to kill: call my place of business, and when I answer the phone with my company greeting, say, "Uhhhh, hi. Someone from this number called me?" Really, who? "I don't know, it was on my caller ID. Who from this number might have called me?"
I never check my own cell phone call log, and I have never had anyone complain that I didn't call them back even though they didn't leave a message.
And if I don't leave a message for someone, it pisses me off if they call me back - if I wanted a call back I would have left a message. Just my 2 cents.
posted by peep at 8:25 AM on August 31, 2007 [1 favorite]
I never check my own cell phone call log, and I have never had anyone complain that I didn't call them back even though they didn't leave a message.
And if I don't leave a message for someone, it pisses me off if they call me back - if I wanted a call back I would have left a message. Just my 2 cents.
posted by peep at 8:25 AM on August 31, 2007 [1 favorite]
I don't have voicemail on my mobile, because it costs money simply to have the service. However, I think when you call (I think) any mobile number in Australia, you get a message saying 'this number is not responding. Press 1 to leave a text message with your number and the time of your call'. (Texts are free to receive, and I think this is free to leave as well). I don't call back numbers I don't know unless I was expecting a call from someone random or they left me a messagetext as above. I also never leave voicemails unless it is the only possible option for contacting someone (ie; after email, etc), and I usually hang up on hearing a machine and then have to ring back and leave the message. I call back friends only depending on context - I think pretty much everyone I know is more likely to send a text message than make a phone call anyway, except for that bit where we're all on the phone going 'hey, are you here yet? I just got here, where are you guys?' at a busy pub.
posted by jacalata at 8:40 AM on August 31, 2007
posted by jacalata at 8:40 AM on August 31, 2007
How to make me want to kill: call my place of business, and when I answer the phone with my company greeting, say, "Uhhhh, hi. Someone from this number called me?" Really, who? "I don't know, it was on my caller ID. Who from this number might have called me?"
Oh gosh, flashblack to the last job where I answered the phone. This happened fairly regularly. Really annoying. I would never call back a number I didn't recognize on my missed call record; what if it was a wrong number or something?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:12 AM on August 31, 2007 [1 favorite]
Oh gosh, flashblack to the last job where I answered the phone. This happened fairly regularly. Really annoying. I would never call back a number I didn't recognize on my missed call record; what if it was a wrong number or something?
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 9:12 AM on August 31, 2007 [1 favorite]
How to make me want to kill: call my place of business, and when I answer the phone with my company greeting, say, "Uhhhh, hi. Someone from this number called me?" Really, who? "I don't know, it was on my caller ID. Who from this number might have called me?"
Yes, thank you. As the main phone-answerer for a place with 25 staff, an ever-varying stable of interns, and 100 clients each with their own unique schedule, please do not do this. Even more so, please do not become shirty when I cannot produce a resolution for you.
posted by hilatron at 11:44 AM on August 31, 2007
Yes, thank you. As the main phone-answerer for a place with 25 staff, an ever-varying stable of interns, and 100 clients each with their own unique schedule, please do not do this. Even more so, please do not become shirty when I cannot produce a resolution for you.
posted by hilatron at 11:44 AM on August 31, 2007
Voicemail usage tip: You can usually program the phone number for your voicemail into your phone, and when you do, add a pause character ('p' on my phone, maybe a '#'
for you)* then your password, and a 'p' and then whatever number you need to press to listen to your message. I only call my voicemail when I have a message, and I don't have to do any more than hold down the speed button dial for 2 seconds, then wait while the phone automatically enters my password, navigates the voicemail menu, and plays the message.**
* Note: How you enter a pause into a phone number will vary depending on your cellphone, check your manual.
** Note: The keys you need to press may vary depending on the menu structure of your providers voicemail.
*** Note: This works well for online banking, and any of that sort of thing, just remember, whoever gets a hold of your phone can use this.
posted by blue_beetle at 12:06 PM on August 31, 2007
for you)* then your password, and a 'p' and then whatever number you need to press to listen to your message. I only call my voicemail when I have a message, and I don't have to do any more than hold down the speed button dial for 2 seconds, then wait while the phone automatically enters my password, navigates the voicemail menu, and plays the message.**
* Note: How you enter a pause into a phone number will vary depending on your cellphone, check your manual.
** Note: The keys you need to press may vary depending on the menu structure of your providers voicemail.
*** Note: This works well for online banking, and any of that sort of thing, just remember, whoever gets a hold of your phone can use this.
posted by blue_beetle at 12:06 PM on August 31, 2007
My sister and I use not leaving a voicemail as a signal that we just called to say hi, so call back if you feel like chatting.
Pretty much anyone else, I don't call back.
posted by clh at 2:11 PM on August 31, 2007
Pretty much anyone else, I don't call back.
posted by clh at 2:11 PM on August 31, 2007
The really rude thing here is people criticizing your social responses based on the fact that you apparently don't use your amazing powers of telepathy to figure out what they want you to do.
Anyone who has been rude enough to criticize me for attempting to be polite is not ever going to get another call back from me using whatever system they seem to like, so it's not going to be an issue.
posted by nax at 2:30 PM on August 31, 2007
Anyone who has been rude enough to criticize me for attempting to be polite is not ever going to get another call back from me using whatever system they seem to like, so it's not going to be an issue.
posted by nax at 2:30 PM on August 31, 2007
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by salvia at 9:27 PM on August 30, 2007