Rental or store-bought?

August 15, 2007 9:57 PM

Should I get married wearing a tuxedo or a suit?

My wedding is in October, and while the fiancee has moved the heavens and the earth to get her perfect dress, it's hit me that I have no idea what to wear. It'll be a very small ceremony with just family members, though in a very nice church. Being a cheap bastard, I can't help but think pragmatically that buying a suit--a nice one with a vest--would make the most sense as I could use it in the future. Any advice on this?

posted by zardoz to Society & Culture (34 answers total)

Ask her. She will tell you what to do. Also: get used to doing that.
posted by billybunny at 10:01 PM on August 15, 2007 [10 favorites]

Suit! Tuxedos are strange and unless you're going to buy a one and have it perfectly tailored, you're going to look like you're at the prom. But check with the fiancee first. She may have very different ideas about what you should wear.
posted by otherwordlyglow at 10:01 PM on August 15, 2007

Tailored suit. Particularly if you don't own one already -- it's a good purchase.

The only reason to do a tuxedo is if you want to be wearing the same thing as your groomsmen, and they don't all own suits in the same color. (E.g., if all of your friends don't have charcoal/black/whatever suits in a similar style, it might be easier just to put everyone in tuxes because they're easy to rent.)

You should definitely talk to your fiance about this, but personally I think it ought to be your call. (But then again, I'm not married, and maybe this is why.)
posted by Kadin2048 at 10:09 PM on August 15, 2007

Yes, ask her. You get a say, but unless your bride and her family are a little off the beaten path, this is her special day.
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 10:15 PM on August 15, 2007

I personally think men look better in suits than tuxedos, but I agree that you should ask your wife-to-be.
posted by harrumph at 10:16 PM on August 15, 2007

Well, the right answer is to ask your wife to be.

Aside from that, the guidelines are generally based on what time of day and the level of formality of the affair. You could probably get away with a nice dark suit. If you are having groomsmen, you can add to the spiff factor by getting matching ties instead of the whole tux nonsense (assuming you call can pull off being in the same coloured suit).

If you really want to get extra snazzy, get yourself a good french-cuffed shirt and some cuff links. Perhaps somebody in your family has a pair that can be passed down/lent to you for the occasion. Otherwise, you can always get yourself a new set and pass them down to any future children. My brother wore a fave set of our Dad's for my wedding (he walked me down the aisle, as our Father is deceased). It added a nice touch of sentimentality.

Congrats on the pending nuptials.
posted by dancinglamb at 10:22 PM on August 15, 2007

I go to a wedding almost every weekend for work and if you want to follow the beaten path then go with a tux. One thing I did see recently that i did really like though was you and you groomsmen all get the same tux, but you get a white jacket and everyone else gets a black one. I though it was sweet.
posted by DJWeezy at 10:42 PM on August 15, 2007

sourwookie's thinking of Zed. I don't think you have to do whatever your special lady wants, if you prefer a suit, she should understand. Just make sure your half of the bridal party looks appropriately put-together if that's what matters to her.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 10:42 PM on August 15, 2007

Response by poster: Thanks for the responses, all. I have in fact asked the little lady and she's surprisingly ambivalent about it--she can go either way. 'course, we haven't looked around for my clothes yet.
posted by zardoz at 12:02 AM on August 16, 2007

have you considered a kilt?
posted by bruce at 12:09 AM on August 16, 2007

Ask the bride.

I haven't run into a tuxedo-ed groomsman/groom in the loast 5 years.

In most cities, it's possible to rent matching suits in a variety of sizes.

Matching ties, however may be a necessary purchase; but if you do this it would behoove all involved for the groom to have a different looking tie.
posted by porpoise at 1:22 AM on August 16, 2007

Tux. Rent it. You'll look great in pics, and your wife will appreciate it when you're old and gray.
posted by amyms at 1:23 AM on August 16, 2007

Will this wedding be before sunset? Tuxedos are not meant to be worn during the day. They are evening dress. Miss Manners says, "Wearing black tie during daylight is no way to start a marriage."
posted by grouse at 2:01 AM on August 16, 2007 [3 favorites]

What grouse said!

In case of doubt, though, always go for a nice, well tailored suit - you need at least one good one in your closet, anyway.
posted by Andorinha at 2:15 AM on August 16, 2007

Suit! That's what I did, and was very happy with it. Plus, I still have the suit. I'd consult your bride-to-be though.

To my British eyes, getting married in a dinner jacket (tuxedo) just looks wrong - if you want to be formal, you should be wearing a morning coat, or no. 1 dress if you are a military man.

In the end, what you're wearing isn't what you'll remember about the day though. Good luck!
posted by Jakob at 3:43 AM on August 16, 2007

A kilt? Come on, anyone not Scottish or Irish who goes to a wedding wearing a kilt needs to be bludgeoned to death with a caber.

And no, Americans, having a Scottish great granddaddy does not make you Scottish. Don't do it. It's the epitome of tack. Not to mention that there are hundreds of different tartans all specific to particular clans. This makes anyone choosing a generic tartan kilt even more silly.
posted by Zé Pequeno at 3:46 AM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

Now, for my answer: a white French-sleaved shirt with cuff links, well-tailored suit, dark and formal with a single tone tie, is the only way to go. Tuxedos also look tacky, doubly so if they've been rented. They never fit properly, look ridiculous and do you REALLY want to get married in something 100s of others have married in?
posted by Zé Pequeno at 3:49 AM on August 16, 2007

Lounge suit (or tails). As for dinner jacket - well, the clue is in the name. I know it's popular in the US, but to me people wearing tuxedos in daylight look like they've come straight from the casino.
posted by runkelfinker at 3:54 AM on August 16, 2007

My personal experience: I bought a suit, and a fancy vest to jazz it up (I wanted it to look old-fashionedy, but not corny). I still have the suit many years later, and every time I wear it (now without the vest), I think, or say out loud, "this is the suit I wore at my wedding." That element is fun.

Plus, I always thought it was a dirty trick to make your groomsmen wear a rented uncomfortable tux (with plastic uncomfortable shoes) all day just because you're getting married.

A vote for the suit!
posted by largecorp at 5:12 AM on August 16, 2007

Totally go with the suit. I did so and have used the suit many times after. It makes sense financially.
posted by fallenposters at 5:34 AM on August 16, 2007

I'm a Brit, so all other things being equal I'd vote for the morning suit. I'd wonder about it at a very small wedding, but if your wife-to-be is going all out with what she will be wearing, why shouldn't you? Seriously, when are you ever going to get to wear a morning suit again?

At my wedding, I and my groomsmen all wore (rented) morning suits, but I had on a different colour waistcoat from the rest.

Oh, and, in my experience, marriage rocks--many congratulations!
posted by Life at Boulton Wynfevers at 5:40 AM on August 16, 2007

When my husband and I got married I wanted him to get a suit because it would be a good investment. He agreed. Unfortunately, his parents did not, and made their disapproval known until we caved and got tuxes. So if your parents or hers are contributing financially to the wedding you might want to ask them too, or endure a whole lot of disapproval later on.

When my sister got married her husband wore a suit and it looked just fine. Just make sure you get a colored vest or tie - he didn't and he looked sort of like a funeral director :)

Congratulations and good luck!
posted by christinetheslp at 5:48 AM on August 16, 2007

Morning suits are quite rare in the U.S.
posted by grouse at 5:48 AM on August 16, 2007

a good black suit is a great investment and with a good shirt and tie, very dressy. ask her opinion, of course, but small ceremonies are rarely black tie. wear a white or ivory tie to dress it up.

skip the vest--very stuffy--and invest in good shoes instead.
posted by thinkingwoman at 5:54 AM on August 16, 2007

Suit.

Unless you're quite lucky, a rented tux is going to look like a rented tux: it'll be all over you like ... like a rented tux.

The suit comes in handy for job interviews, funerals, weddings, other suit-friendly occasions.

I requested my groomsmen buy suits for my wedding (the only instructions I gave were that it had to be black and single-breasted). They complained at the time but in the end it was only marginally more expensive than renting a tux and they all thanked me later because they got use out of them far beyond my wedding.

If you're the same age I was when I married, you're just beginning your adult life and you're probably going to find that you've suddenly got a lot of occasions to wear a suit.
posted by ChuckLeChuck at 5:57 AM on August 16, 2007

Suit, for all the reasons here: good investment... morning coats are rare in the US... with the right accoutrements you can look just as formal and elegant in a good black suit as you can in a dinner jacket...

FYI, re white dinner jacket ("One thing I did see recently that i did really like though was you and you groomsmen all get the same tux, but you get a white jacket and everyone else gets a black one."):

It's not just an option to be freely exchanged for black. White dinner jackets are a "casual formal wear" option for men, and one really should only be worn in the summer. Other times of year are okay if the event is in a tropical climate like Rio or the Caribbean. And you really shouldn't wear a white jacket if your wedding party is wearing black ones, since the groom should always be more formal or equally formal, not less.

I know this is one of those arcane bits of formalwear etiquette that have gone out with the dodo bird, and if one wants to wear a white jacket to stand out, he should... as long as he's making the choice informed.
posted by pineapple at 6:41 AM on August 16, 2007

Please read Wedding Attire in the Modern World by Michael Anton, who speaks on that sort of thing to industry folks and who wrote The Suit. It won't answer your question (which deserves a discussion with She) but it'll let you intelligently talk about the options.
posted by mendel at 7:24 AM on August 16, 2007 [1 favorite]

I still have the suit I bought for my own wedding. Groomsmen wore black pants and white shirts (we told everyone what to get, and left it up to them to do the getting). We rented vests (full vests, with backs of course) and bowties. It was an August wedding, outdoor photos, we figured suit jackets would be to hot (I could suffer - I was the groom, after all!) and to my eyes nothing looks stupider than a coatless man wearing a backless vest.

I don't regret not renting a tux. I also don't regret wearing my own matte-finish leather shoes instead of shiny plastic rentals that are supposed to emulate patent leather but actually look like plastic rain boots.

After reading this thread, though, I kind of want a morning jacket.
posted by caution live frogs at 7:30 AM on August 16, 2007

Again, it's partly because I'm also a Brit, but I can't help thinking that the fact morning suits are rare in the US is only more of a reason to seek one out.
posted by edd at 8:00 AM on August 16, 2007

Invest in a really good, tailored, 3-piece suit. It's a good thing to have for really formal occasions (weddings, funerals, christenings, even job interviews).
posted by Verdandi at 8:12 AM on August 16, 2007

Sorry to play devil's advocate here, but - really? a three piece or very formal suit for job interviews? Even for funerals? Maybe it's just the circles I move in, but usually those occasions call for - at the most - a jacket and tie, not a full-on suit. Plenty of folks in Toronto go for job interviews in just a jacket and shirt or, if you really need the extra juice, just a tie.

Disclaimer: I am a bride-to-be, I agree that suits look better, but I'm asking my fiance to rent a suit that's a bit more upscale (Boss, or somesuch). Renting is, IMO, a much better way to go - doesn't need to be tux or buy as your only two options!
posted by twiki at 9:24 AM on August 16, 2007

We had a small outdoor wedding and I wore a suit (no vest). I think my wife brought the idea up first, and of course, being a cheap bastard like you, loved the idea.

That was almost 11 years ago and we're still married and I still have the suit. (and I still can be cheap...)
posted by altcountryman at 12:17 PM on August 16, 2007

Having worn a rented tux to my own wedding, and afterwards bought a tailored suit, I'd recommend the suit. I felt like I was a a 12-year-old wearing my Dad's clothes, and that's not a good feeling to have during your own wedding.

Also, I'd guess the rental places are staffed by people who probably have an hour of training, whereas a proper tailor has been trained by professionals to measure and fit you correctly.
posted by idiotking at 12:52 PM on August 16, 2007

I say poncho, but that's the jerk in me. Ask your wife-to-be what you should where. It's her day more than yours...
posted by enriquem at 5:13 PM on August 21, 2007