Playing nicely with myself
August 11, 2007 7:37 AM   Subscribe

I have some questions about female masturbation.

I'm a woman and have recently started masturbating. I've never had sex. Will I be able to tell when I have an orgasm? So far I start shuddering and finding it hard to breathe but this doesn't seem to go anywhere, and after about ten minutes I run out of steam (using finger and rocket-type vibrator to stimulate my clitoris). Also, I peed once when masturbating, and farted uncontrollably - is this normal? Is there any risk of losing control of my bowels?
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (15 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

You will know it when you have an orgasm.

The peeing/farting issue may be related to stimulating the walls of the vagina. I've never peed during sex but always do so after. I've never pooped during sex either...YMMV.
posted by fluffy battle kitten at 8:02 AM on August 11, 2007

A little bit of pee is within the realm of normal for a woman under intense stimulation, and the farting is more common.

If it comes up when you're with a partner, decent sorts don't take much notice of the pee/don't mention it and recognize that it happens. Everyone giggles at farts, but no one's offended because hey, they're getting laid.

I'm not going to share the "a girl pooped in my bed at college" story because I don't think it happens except under conditions that you're unlikely to replicate. Don't worry about it unless you're having GI stress.
posted by Mayor Curley at 8:13 AM on August 11, 2007

If you pee before you start you'll be less likely to "lose" a little bit during.

When I was doing sex ed, the answer we gave to your question was usually: You'll most likely know when you have an orgasm. You'll usually feel a sort of building of "pressure" or sensation that will become more intense and then a release. That said, women (and men!) have all different kinds of orgasms, and you may not feel this as distinctly as someone else.
posted by fiercecupcake at 8:50 AM on August 11, 2007

don't pee before you start. orgasms are more intense with a full bladder.
posted by rosethorn at 9:03 AM on August 11, 2007

you'll find the masturbation bible Sex For One useful.
posted by forallmankind at 9:25 AM on August 11, 2007

An orgasm can be a little thing as well as a big one. I didn't *know* when I was having them because I expected them to all be like in romance novels! I think just try to do what feels good and don't worry too much about the orgasm - the point is to enjoy yourself, right? Twenty seconds, ten minutes, baby orgasms, big ones, it's all good!
posted by Salamandrous at 9:32 AM on August 11, 2007

Give yourself some time, get comfortable, and relax. It may 20-30 minutes to reach orgasm, which is completely normal.
posted by dagnyduquette at 9:32 AM on August 11, 2007

Did the 'pee' come when it was really intense (shuddering)? Was it discharged forcefully? You may have been experiencing female ejaculation. :-)
posted by solongxenon at 10:48 AM on August 11, 2007

My guess is you are blocking your orgasms because for you they probably will lead to some loss of sphincter control, at least in the beginning. If this is true, the good news is that when you do finally start having them, they are likely to be much more profound and intense and long-lasting than other people's (by this I mean most women and all men).

As far as the 'peeing' goes, from my experience, while it is rare, female ejaculation is not a myth, nor is the fluid which is ejaculated urine; the smell is completely different-- and completely inoffensive.

I would also say that women with the pattern of response I am attributing to you often do better with something in their vaginas when they are trying to reach orgasm. If you have a hymen which makes the usual appliances unsuitable, you could try something like multiple tampons which could be pushed past a constriction and removed one at a time, or a sterilized string of beads.

Finally, also from my experience and with reluctance, if nothing avails, you could try using marijuana; I suspect cannabinoid receptors are very much involved here.
posted by jamjam at 11:06 AM on August 11, 2007

With regard to the peeing (or potentially peeing) issue:

You don't have to let everything down there relax while you're masturbating. Clenching your PC muscles (pubococcygeus muscles, the ones you use to "hold it" when you need to pee; clenching and unclenching these repeatedly is called a Kegel exercise, and strengthens the area) while you masturbate can:

1. help prevent letting urine out when the stimulation gets really intense.

2. make your sensations more intense, because a lot of the magic of orgasms comes from the holding and subsequent release of blood flow and muscle tension. More tension = a stronger feeling of release, when it comes.

3. be good for a male partner, too, if/when you have sex, because Kegels clench the muscles of the vaginal wall around the penis.

4. help provide more contact between the vaginal walls and a partner's fingers during manual penetration.

Kegels rock!
posted by limeonaire at 11:28 AM on August 11, 2007

In my personal experience, there is an early somatic "learning curve" during which you may get quite close to orgasm, but not quite reach it - repeatedly.

You are almost there, but haven't quite planted the flag, I think - because I'm pretty sure you would know it once it happens completely, even if it's not a cataclysmic-variety orgasm.

It may be that peeing and farting happened as a result of being "on the edge" - incredibly tensed and "thrumming" - for an extended period pre-orgasmically - and then releasing, even if you didn't orgasm. Only a conjecture on my part!

The good news is that you seem quite capable of (and quite close to) orgasm, and that once it happens once or twice, it can be very much easier to achieve after that. For me, once I'd had one by myself, and once I'd had one with somebody else, my fears that I "couldn't have one" were put at rest, and it turned out that it was mostly my fears that were standing in the way.
posted by taz at 11:35 AM on August 11, 2007

You're normal. If you have a rectum full of runny poo, you could crap a little bit, but in ten years of getting laid it's never happened to me. You should work on the Kegels, because they'll help you inaugurate the climax by releasing after lots of clenching, and will help you figure out if you're peeing or squirting. Lastly, you should try a variable speed vibrator with more power to really knock that stubborn orgasm out. Ones that use C Batteries are, shall we say, reliable.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 12:40 PM on August 11, 2007

You can tell when you come, even if it isn't an earth-shattering climax, because afterwards the clitoris is more sensitive and there is a sense of "I don't need to do this anymore" because it's stopped feeling good.
posted by Juliet Banana at 4:37 PM on August 11, 2007

Sue Johanson, a geriatric sex advice television host, says that it's normal for women to feel a "peeing sensation" and to think they have peed during/after/before orgasm; however, it is usually a female ejaculate that is not urine.
If you're really nervous about it, put a towel on the bed or use rubber sheets. Until you're more familiar and comfortable with your body's response to sexual stimulation, you might want to try urinating before you begin just so you don't stress out about peeing, which might inhibit your ability to enjoy yourself.
posted by HotPatatta at 8:36 PM on August 11, 2007

Can't help you on the peeing or the farting issues, since I don't have experience with those.

On to the stuff I do know about:

There's a learning curve. You're creating a feedback-loop between the sensations that you're experiencing and what your hands or the vibrator are doing, and it takes time and practice to get it right.
I read somewhere that there's a saying among sex therapists: 'use it, or you loose it'. If you have sex (including masturbation) regularly, this apparently causes some physical changes in the pelvic region that make it easier to reach orgasm.

Direct stimulation of the tip of the clitoris may be too intense, especially if you're using a vibrator. Try stimulating the shaft instead. More in general, try doing different things and be open to what they do to you.

It's possible for women to get (usually not that satisfying) orgasms when they're not sufficiently aroused. If, right after the orgasm, your vagina is dry and your labia aren't swollen, this may be what's going on. If this is the case, concentrate on getting aroused and wet first (porn and / or your own imagination might help) before trying to reach an orgasm.

There's a difference between using a vibrator or using your hands. It may be easier to reach an orgasm using a vibrator, but hand-made orgasms can be more intense, possibly because you have more control over what you're doing and can respond to every subtle sensation you're experiencing. Also, long vibrator sessions may render your clitoris numb.
posted by rjs at 1:53 AM on August 12, 2007

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