My Mom Keeps Losing Her Wallet
June 25, 2007 7:33 AM Subscribe
Help! Elderly mother, who lives 2 states away, keeps losing her wallet/purse. Any innovative ideas to help her keep track of thing? More follows.....
My Moms will be 89 next month & lives in an assisted living facility in Arkansas, 600 miles away. She is increasingly forgetful and seems to suffer from some form of ADD in which she is constantly putting things down and then can't find them again, worrying herself to death in the process. She does not suffer from dementia but is increasingly forgetful and runs herself ragged misplacing things. My step-dad's not able to help as he himself is in the alzheimers wing of the facility.
In the past two months she has lost/misplaced her purse/wallet three times, having to get her medicare & insurance cards and ID replaced, as well as canceling credit cards etc. The last time she canceled her credit card, got new ones, then promptly "lost" them before they were even activated (They were later found on the dining room table under other papers/mail). Last week while there we got her a new ID & wallet and all her cards replaced - now she's lost it again, just a week later.
In the past I got her an electronic pager device for their keys at Brookstone with "fobs" for her keyrings that will beep when you press the pager so she can find them, but she has problems with any type of electonic stuff and rarely uses it, and if the batteries run out she can't seem to replace them, so that sort of option isn't too attractive a fix and in fact just becomes something else to worry about.
I am wondering if some sort of wallet/purse combo exists where the wallet is attached to the purse (something like a motorcyclist's wallet with chain), so that at least she'd have to misplace the whole purse (which should be easier to find) to lose her wallet, or if anyonbe has any suggestions that may help her. Any experience or advice from those who've faced similar issues with elderly parents would be welcome. Thanks!
My Moms will be 89 next month & lives in an assisted living facility in Arkansas, 600 miles away. She is increasingly forgetful and seems to suffer from some form of ADD in which she is constantly putting things down and then can't find them again, worrying herself to death in the process. She does not suffer from dementia but is increasingly forgetful and runs herself ragged misplacing things. My step-dad's not able to help as he himself is in the alzheimers wing of the facility.
In the past two months she has lost/misplaced her purse/wallet three times, having to get her medicare & insurance cards and ID replaced, as well as canceling credit cards etc. The last time she canceled her credit card, got new ones, then promptly "lost" them before they were even activated (They were later found on the dining room table under other papers/mail). Last week while there we got her a new ID & wallet and all her cards replaced - now she's lost it again, just a week later.
In the past I got her an electronic pager device for their keys at Brookstone with "fobs" for her keyrings that will beep when you press the pager so she can find them, but she has problems with any type of electonic stuff and rarely uses it, and if the batteries run out she can't seem to replace them, so that sort of option isn't too attractive a fix and in fact just becomes something else to worry about.
I am wondering if some sort of wallet/purse combo exists where the wallet is attached to the purse (something like a motorcyclist's wallet with chain), so that at least she'd have to misplace the whole purse (which should be easier to find) to lose her wallet, or if anyonbe has any suggestions that may help her. Any experience or advice from those who've faced similar issues with elderly parents would be welcome. Thanks!
I used to lose my car keys all. the. time. Not permanently lost, but sometimes for as long as a day or two.
The low-tech solution: I put a hook on the wall near my door, and forced myself to hang my keys there. If my keys weren't in my hands, they were on that hook. It's been years since I've lost them.
I don't know how workable this would be for your mom, but if she's stull lucid I think it's worth a try.
As far as wallet-purse combos, when my mom and I were at Liz Claiborne a month ago they had a bunch of purses with wallet-y things built into them (card holders, zippered pockets, ID windows, etc). I'm fairly certain other brands have purses like this too - they shouldn't be too hard to find at any department store.
posted by AV at 8:08 AM on June 25, 2007
The low-tech solution: I put a hook on the wall near my door, and forced myself to hang my keys there. If my keys weren't in my hands, they were on that hook. It's been years since I've lost them.
I don't know how workable this would be for your mom, but if she's stull lucid I think it's worth a try.
As far as wallet-purse combos, when my mom and I were at Liz Claiborne a month ago they had a bunch of purses with wallet-y things built into them (card holders, zippered pockets, ID windows, etc). I'm fairly certain other brands have purses like this too - they shouldn't be too hard to find at any department store.
posted by AV at 8:08 AM on June 25, 2007
Depending on how mobile your mother is and how much she goes out of her living space, it may not be necessary for her to have access to her purse or wallet very often. The first thing I suggest, then, is to choose with her one place to put them away. Ask her to keep them there, store them there, do not take them out unless she is actually going out. And when she comes home, then put them away.
There's a similar behavioral step that can address the mail. Open it up, read it, pay it, shred it, throw it away, whatever. Don't let it pile up. That's a big shift if she isn't used to doing that, but it would keep important mail, such as the replacement credit cards, from being lost upon receipt.
I'm thinking about this relative to my mother, who is 84. Her home is an "independent living" apartment where the degree of assistance provided varies with the resident's needs. However, the last 6+ months she's either been in a hospital or nursing facility.
The similar experience I had with my mother involved her desire to keep her credit card and checkbook with her, even in the hospital and nursing home. I think it gave her a greater sense of security and control... The card has been stolen twice now. The second time, she agreed to let me put them back in her apartment until such time as she gets back home.
posted by Robert Angelo at 8:09 AM on June 25, 2007
There's a similar behavioral step that can address the mail. Open it up, read it, pay it, shred it, throw it away, whatever. Don't let it pile up. That's a big shift if she isn't used to doing that, but it would keep important mail, such as the replacement credit cards, from being lost upon receipt.
I'm thinking about this relative to my mother, who is 84. Her home is an "independent living" apartment where the degree of assistance provided varies with the resident's needs. However, the last 6+ months she's either been in a hospital or nursing facility.
The similar experience I had with my mother involved her desire to keep her credit card and checkbook with her, even in the hospital and nursing home. I think it gave her a greater sense of security and control... The card has been stolen twice now. The second time, she agreed to let me put them back in her apartment until such time as she gets back home.
posted by Robert Angelo at 8:09 AM on June 25, 2007
Have you considered that someone else might be helping her "lose" these things? Three times in two months seems like a lot, and it's strange to me that none of the previously lost purses turned up somewhere. Usually when I lose things they are only lost for a short while, and even in public, things have a way of returning to their owner through good citizens and such.
posted by cior at 8:57 AM on June 25, 2007
posted by cior at 8:57 AM on June 25, 2007
In addition to the wallet being attached to the purse, I would suggest a messenger bag or some other type of bag that goes over the body. That way your mother wouldn't have to put her purse down, which could reduce chances of her losing it.
If you can't find an appropriate purse/wallet combo, a low-tech solution would be to attach a chain between an unused zipper/notch on her wallet and an inside zipper of the purse. This worked well for me when I was traveling and concerned about accidentally dropping my wallet.
posted by catburger at 9:58 AM on June 25, 2007
If you can't find an appropriate purse/wallet combo, a low-tech solution would be to attach a chain between an unused zipper/notch on her wallet and an inside zipper of the purse. This worked well for me when I was traveling and concerned about accidentally dropping my wallet.
posted by catburger at 9:58 AM on June 25, 2007
Is clutter a problem? If so, perhaps that needs addressing. However, a wallet/purse combo can be easily fashioned with a chain and a pair of pliers if you can't easily find one ready made.
posted by happyturtle at 10:27 AM on June 25, 2007
posted by happyturtle at 10:27 AM on June 25, 2007
i would get her reevaluated for dementia and depression, as well as getting her eyes checked.
also, is her living space clean and organized? if it is, it will be easier for her to find things. if she's having difficulty keeping it clean, you might want to notify the facility that she needs more help with housekeeping.
i don't think you're going to be able to implement any system or instill any new habits in her if she's got some mental decline.
here is a travel wallet designed to be attached to a belt loop, but which would also work on a purse strap. on the same site, i found this travel purse, with pockets in the front that could replace a wallet.
finally, maybe a fanny pack would be the best solution? hard to misplace it when you're wearing it!
posted by thinkingwoman at 10:33 AM on June 25, 2007
also, is her living space clean and organized? if it is, it will be easier for her to find things. if she's having difficulty keeping it clean, you might want to notify the facility that she needs more help with housekeeping.
i don't think you're going to be able to implement any system or instill any new habits in her if she's got some mental decline.
here is a travel wallet designed to be attached to a belt loop, but which would also work on a purse strap. on the same site, i found this travel purse, with pockets in the front that could replace a wallet.
finally, maybe a fanny pack would be the best solution? hard to misplace it when you're wearing it!
posted by thinkingwoman at 10:33 AM on June 25, 2007
She is increasingly forgetful and seems to suffer from some form of ADD in which she is constantly putting things down and then can't find them again, worrying herself to death in the process. She does not suffer from dementia
Sorry to say but you have exactly described symptoms of dementia. She may have rock-solid long-term memory, but short-term memory can decline at a different rate, and there are different types of dementia, although the most commonly known is Alzheimer's. Have her evaluated again, perhaps by a different doctor, and make sure he knows about the "forgetfulness".
I also second the question regarding whether someone is "helping" her lose these things. Even an assisted-living facility isn't that large, but I assume you mean she's going over to a mall or something where she would need her purse.
In any event, it may be time to think in terms of defensively controlling the situation. Make sure that she only carries a credit card, not a debit card. Make sure that there's a watch on her credit file in case someone steals her purse to steal her identity. Mitigate the potential loss, in other words.
posted by dhartung at 12:44 PM on June 25, 2007
Sorry to say but you have exactly described symptoms of dementia. She may have rock-solid long-term memory, but short-term memory can decline at a different rate, and there are different types of dementia, although the most commonly known is Alzheimer's. Have her evaluated again, perhaps by a different doctor, and make sure he knows about the "forgetfulness".
I also second the question regarding whether someone is "helping" her lose these things. Even an assisted-living facility isn't that large, but I assume you mean she's going over to a mall or something where she would need her purse.
In any event, it may be time to think in terms of defensively controlling the situation. Make sure that she only carries a credit card, not a debit card. Make sure that there's a watch on her credit file in case someone steals her purse to steal her identity. Mitigate the potential loss, in other words.
posted by dhartung at 12:44 PM on June 25, 2007
I think sharper image or some similar place has little key-chainy type things that you can attach to whatever. They come in a bunch of different colors and there is a bas with a bunch of colored buttons that, when pressed, cause the corresponding key chainy thing to beep and flash. Maybe this would help, at least around the house.
posted by the christopher hundreds at 2:15 PM on June 25, 2007
posted by the christopher hundreds at 2:15 PM on June 25, 2007
She should be screened by a geriatric specialist and tested and potentially treated for depression, or anything else, as well as having all meds reviewed. The techniques for managing Alzheimer's disease work just as well for forgetful people.
posted by theora55 at 3:58 PM on June 25, 2007
posted by theora55 at 3:58 PM on June 25, 2007
This thread is closed to new comments.
posted by blackkar at 8:08 AM on June 25, 2007