How to have multiple orgasms
April 27, 2007 8:01 PM   Subscribe

I am a female in her 20s who would like to achieve multiple orgasms with her boyfriend. However, one orgasm makes me want to pass out. What to do?

I've heard the way to have multiple orgasms is to keep going and providing stimulation, just more gently. But after I've had one orgasm (especially if my boyfriend is giving it) I feel utterly drained and ready to pass out. Further stimulation is too much to handle. So how am I supposed to keep going?

Some of my friends (who are not amneable to talking about sex) are able to achieve five orgasms in a row, one real outlier can get fourteen. How is this possible? Are their orgasms weaker than mine? What are they doing? I figure after fourteen orgasms the way I experience them I'd be dead.

Any suggestions from female MeFites? Do I just have really intense orgasms or is there a trick to it?
posted by anonymous to Health & Fitness (13 answers total) 12 users marked this as a favorite

Talking from a guy's experience--

Women vary. Some need an hour of steady attention to achieve one. Some get 10 in an HOUR. Usually those who were able to have several had a few of smaller intensity before having one or two intense ones.

My only point is that you may be stressing yourself out by worrying about what you think other women are capable of. If your body only does one, especially one that makes you want to pass out, you're doing fine.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 8:31 PM on April 27, 2007

The concept behind multiple orgasms is that you should feel really, really, really, really good. That's really the only point to it -- you won't get a trophy if you get more orgasms than your friends. Surely, the friend getting 14 orgasms has weaker ones than you do, if she can manage to count all the way up to 14 while having them. If you are having one orgasm after another, it doesn't really make sense to try and count them anyhow, one tends to roll into the next.

I feel utterly drained and ready to pass out.

I assume you mean this in a good way. You don't have to keep going past the point where you are having fun! You and the BF might try laying off on any g-spot play if you want to try going on after one orgasm. YMMV. Hell, YM is guaranteed to V. If your BF insisting that you have multiples, he needs to lay off that and realize that every woman orgasms in a different way. Likewise if your friends are going on about it, or if you feel that you should be having multiples.

As you have described them, your orgasms do sound very intense. Orgasms vary from woman to woman, day to day.

You, and other readers, should also know that multiple orgasms are relaitivly uncommon, and that many women don't have orgasms at all. Ever.
posted by yohko at 8:34 PM on April 27, 2007 [2 favorites]

In my modest experience you are normal, as is every other number you mention. I think it's just one of those things.
posted by rhizome at 8:35 PM on April 27, 2007

i find that i am able to achieve this if i hold back at the last second, resulting in a weaker orgasm that doesn't completely uncharge my charge so to speak. this is generally followed fairly quickly by more, until i miss stopping one at the precisely right moment. for me, this is a curiosity, but rarely worth the trouble, especially because it's a gamble-- sometimes one is all i get even if it's weaker or nearly nonexistent due to not timing the stopping precisely, which is frustrating.
posted by lgyre at 8:47 PM on April 27, 2007

A lioness and a sow were talking.

The sow said: I, a pig, have many piglets in a litter. But you, a lioness, have only one cub. Do you not feel ashamed?

The lioness replied: only one. But a lion.

(from Aesop)
posted by unSane at 9:44 PM on April 27, 2007 [27 favorites]

oh for anonymous replies...

I'm rather close to your 14-orgasm friend - multiple orgasms come easy to me, whether by boyfriend or by manual means. (I haven't had PIV sex, but nearly everything else.) Mine tend to come in waves - the first few ones are not as stronger, like a gentle wave of water, then it all builds up to this ultimate strong electric orgasm that feels like an explosion and makes me too sensitive to move on.

I find that my clitoris really needs to be stimulated to get the major ones. Perhaps your boyfriend could concentrate there for a while?
posted by divabat at 9:48 PM on April 27, 2007

you might just need to rest and recharge. give yourself fifteen or twenty minutes, then try again.
posted by thinkingwoman at 11:24 PM on April 27, 2007

You know how there are more than one type of orgasm? You might need to change it up. This quest of yours is why there is more than one way to do sex. You can have oral sex appetizers, vaginal + vibration main course and DP dessert, for example, each course producing orgasm. Rest helps, but not so much that you lose your groove, just take your foot off the gas for a few moments. Let's see, what other metaphors can I hide behind? It's like pitching a no-hitter. You might need to keep some vaseline under the brim of your cap to get that slider over the plate.

If your friends are "not amenable" to talking shop, they're probably bluffing.
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur at 11:34 PM on April 27, 2007

I've been having clitoral orgasms since I was eleven, and just like you I could not imagine having more than one in series. (For a long time I thought multiple orgasms must be some kind of porno myth.) They can be really powerful and also kind of tricky to work into partnered sex because once I've had a good one I'm completely done. My poor partner is then hung out to dry.

I started doing kegels a few years back and discovered vaginal orgasms. It was interesting because I realised that I'd been having them for decades but they'd been so weak that I hadn't recognised them as orgasms. Once I started doing kegels they ramped up and now, sure, I can have fourteen vaginal orgasms in a row (at least, I guess I can - it's never occurred to me to count). They're terrific little piglets, much more practical for partnered sex than a roaring lion. But yeah, the roaring lion definitely has its place.

Why don't you switch things up a bit? Your boyfriend can have multiple orgasms too. He's used to having just one big one, but if he does his kegels he can learn to have multiple orgasms. (Using prostate massage instead of direct penile stimulation might work better as well.)
posted by kika at 4:23 AM on April 28, 2007 [4 favorites]

I agree with Ambrosia -- they aren't amenable to talking about sex but will share their number of multiple orgasms? I call bullshit on that. I have friends who are very comfortable talking about sex and I have no idea their number of orgasms. I'll bring a scorecard to the next beers night and see who wins.
posted by amanda at 8:36 AM on April 28, 2007

Some of my friends (who are not amneable to talking about sex) are able to achieve five orgasms in a row, one real outlier can get fourteen. How is this possible?

Everybody lies about sex.

You're normal. Relax.
posted by Cool Papa Bell at 6:03 PM on April 28, 2007

I am one of those serious outliers, even beyond your 14 orgasm friend.

My suggestion (if you seriously want to "keep going") is to try some pressure on the roots of your clitoris, up near your pubic bone. That will build slower and can produce a very nice, mild, pleasant orgasm, at least compared to others produced by contact closer to the clitoris.
posted by nekton at 6:25 PM on April 28, 2007

just anecdotally speaking, it doesn't make them liars to claim that stuff. it's definitely possible, but yeah, everybody's different. i do find that a mixture of steady but escalating clitoral and vaginal stimulation mixed *together* often will do it. because you can be having one kind of orgasm and the other kind will follow up on its coattail, and back and forth and so on. it's a wonderful feeling. people knock vaginal orgasms because of freud and the history and all that, but they really do exist (for some women at least), and are definitely different feeling and seem to feed from a separate source of energy/sensation than clitoral. le sigh.

being with a partner who doesn't listen to you when you beg them to stop because you're coming and it's so intense also helps. a partner who can subtly react/respond to your body as you're coming helps a lot. easier said than done to find such a person, i realize...
posted by ifjuly at 9:12 PM on April 29, 2007

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