Ideas for easing the move overseas for kids.

April 25, 2007 8:03 AM

Im wondering if there are any sites or books for kids to help prepare them for a move overseas. I've got two sons, a 9 year old and a 6 year old. The 9 yr. old is angry about our upcoming (in about a month) move to Sydney, Australia. Any ideas you have would be helpful. We live in the South (USA) now. Thanks for all the helpful responses to my earlier question.
posted by BaugusC to Travel & Transportation (13 answers total)

What specifically is the 9 year-old angry about?
posted by dr_dank at 8:30 AM on April 25, 2007

Angry about: My guess would be losing all of his or her friends (and let's be honest, 9 year olds are not the most faithful of pen pals, so nip that counterpoint right in the bud), regular contact with most of their relatives, everything he or she has ever known, and possibly the separation from their nascent group identity as a Southerner, an American, etc.

As someone who was moved an awful lot as a child, there is a lot of powerlessness, alienation, disorientation, etc., to deal with.

The kids might be coaxed with information on all of the venomous, nasty critters in their new home. Kids love that stuff.
posted by adipocere at 8:46 AM on April 25, 2007

Another frequent international childhood mover, here. To be honest, any "So You're Moving to Another Country!" kind of book would've bugged me when I was a kid -- they're always condescending. Instead, I would focus on learning about Sydney and the rest of Australia, so he feels less like he's going off the edge of the world.
posted by The corpse in the library at 8:59 AM on April 25, 2007

To be honest, any "So You're Moving to Another Country!" kind of book would've bugged me when I was a kid -- they're always condescending.

This is exactly what I was thinking. Its an additional kick to the ribs for a kid to be shoved a baby book like that when they have real concerns and feel powerless over the fact that their world is going into upheaval.
posted by dr_dank at 9:01 AM on April 25, 2007

Forget the book, get the kid a surfboard/bodyboard and promise to take him out when you get there.
posted by biffa at 9:21 AM on April 25, 2007

I agree that there isn't likely a book you can hand the little ones that will work magic, but the adults can maybe come up with ways to alleviate the stress and emotional upheaval. Read up on culture shock, specifically as it affects children. The "Travel With Your Kids" website (first link) is a particularly good resource.
posted by pineapple at 9:34 AM on April 25, 2007

Adding this book recommendation (have not read myself but it looks up your alley):

Culture Shock! Successful Living Abroad: A Parent's Guide

The editorial description:

You and your spouse have just been screened for that important posting overseas. Now it's all systems go. But HOLD IT! Who screened the children? Raising happy, well-adjusted children is always a challenge for parents, regardless of where they live. But overseas, parenting issues are magnified because traditional life supports are absent. Parents, trust your instincts. But first, read this book, because it offers sound advice on some critical issues, such as: Do your children have a learning disability that won't be catered to by an international school? Are you setting them up for loss of self-esteem or an unsuccessful adjustment? Are you helping them to appreciate and discriminate among the new experiences, and relate them to what they know about their own culture? Robin Pascoe, author of Culture Shock-A Parent's Guide, knows what it's like to be a traveling wife and mother. Her children have been on the move since they were born, and her family has lived in a community of traveling families. The advice in this book is the result of her cumulative experience, as well as consultation with child psychologists.

posted by pineapple at 9:45 AM on April 25, 2007

I don't know about books, but sharing information in general is a good way to go. Talk to the 9 year old about what kind of school you think he'll go into, the whole different school year, maybe playing a new sport (definitely recommended as an instant peer group, from my own experience of moving overseas at 9). The more he knows about it/the more control he can have over little things (rugby, basketball or AFL?), the better it should go. It's pretty scary to move, and it's quite likely that the anger is mostly about being afraid of the unknown (sorry for the pop-psych there).
posted by jacalata at 9:55 AM on April 25, 2007

As someone who has worked for several years with children who are living outside of their passport country, might I suggest you read Third Culture Kids by David Pollock and Ruth Van Reken. It will give some ideas on what your kids will be going through and how to help.
posted by vagabond at 11:37 AM on April 25, 2007

Anything that will allow them to imagine themselves in this new unfamiliar place will help.

Your son may have concerns that would never occur to you or be worried about things you consider trivial. Try to find out what he is most upset by and address that particular concern. 'Losing' your best friend may be easier if you explain how they can stay in touch. Fear of a new school could be overcome by looking at the school's homepage, finding out about the school day. The new school should be able to help by supplying a timetable etc....you get the idea.

Help them both learn about Australia in terms of things they are interested in - animals, sports for instance.

Let them retain some measure of control - let them have a say in what things to take with them, how to say good bye to friends/family, how to decorate their new bedrooms.
posted by koahiatamadl at 12:30 PM on April 25, 2007

My parents moved us overseas (from US to France, for a year) when I was 12 and my brother 11. It was horrible and I was furious. We are still weirdly scarred in some ways, although both of us would also say that it was one of the best experiences of our lives. Some things that would have helped:
Language - Having english in common will be great, but there are all kinds of slang and "in" words that, if your kids don't know, will leave them feeling left out. If you can find a way to get them up to speed, it'll help a lot.
Friends - Take their grief and anger seriously. My parents pooh-poohed our feelings about this and it was very damaging. Cultivating a sense of belonging is a key human skill and teen/pre-teen is a sensitive time for it. Look for ways to let them maintain their old friendships (web cams? IM? skype? Limited cell phone usage?). You don't say how long you're going to be away, but if longer than a year I would even plan for ways to let them visit the US again. Just knowing it's a possibility may be very reassuring to them.
School - What is the plan (if any) for reentry into the US school system? We had on-going issues about what grades would transfer back and whether or not we'd have to repeat grade levels. The horror!!! On top of all this other crap, you're telling me I might be held back a grade?!? Anyway, think about this if it will be an issue.
Sibling aggression - How well do your kids get along? They will be thrown into very close quarters emotionally. They may be in different enough stages that it won't be difficult. But they will be, by turns, both "the only person who understands what I'm going through" and the only person safe enough or intimate enough to push back on. Be aware of their triggers and have some safety valve activities so they aren't always having to be emotional props for each other. It's draining, and stretches already-stretched resources.

I really do think my experiences living abroad were some of the best I've ever had. I bet in the long run that your kids will appreciate it. They will be changed as people, in many positive ways. Good luck!
posted by cocoagirl at 6:55 PM on April 25, 2007

Maybe have a movie fest with amusing kid-friendly Australia movies that he hasn't seen -- one of those recent anthopomorphic kangaroo ones, or Yahoo Serious's Young Einstein or Crocodile Dundee or something of the kind.

Buy him a boomarang or a didgeridoo. If he's interested in the ocean (I don't know, I was at that age) or surfing or things like that, maybe some cool docos on that or on the Great Barrier Reef. If he likes beasties, give him some books or video about the snakes and spiders and crocs and stuff.

Play up the cool factor -- Australia is a very cool place. I would have loved to have grown up there, but had to settle for living there for about 4 years in my 30s.
posted by stavrosthewonderchicken at 11:18 PM on April 25, 2007

What stavros said. There is some serious cool factor here, use it! I would think (but could be wrong) that a 9-yr-old could understand the cachet/coolness of coming back and saying "I lived in Australia" (assuming y'all come back).
posted by Goofyy at 3:05 AM on April 26, 2007