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March 23, 2007 7:21 AM   Subscribe

What are some ridiculously cheesy lines I can say to a girl?

I’m not looking for cheesy pick-up lines, but rather overly melodramatic or sentimental phrases to say to someone I’m already seeing. For instance, once when we were saying goodbye, I looked her deep into her eyes and sighed, “I never want to let you go. Don’t ever let me.”

The more ridiculous the better. Others I’ve used, also saying farewell, “I miss you already. But don’t think of this as ‘Goodbye,’ think of it as ‘I’ll see you later.’” *Cue soft lens* When we were both tired of walking one night, I offered, “I’ll carry you. I’d carry you through the Bering Straight. I’d settle a whole continent with you.”

What are some more I can whisper to her when she’s locked in my embrace and make us both crack up?
posted by yeti to Human Relations (60 answers total) 61 users marked this as a favorite
"These pretzels are making me thirsty."
posted by sjuhawk31 at 7:28 AM on March 23, 2007 [11 favorites]

It's not a cheesy line, but I like to lovingly hug my girlfriend and not let her go. I pretend to be lost in a moment and I might even tear up a bit. She cracks up every time.
posted by Diskeater at 7:31 AM on March 23, 2007

Back in the 60's, the father of one of my friends approached his future wife with the line, "Hey chickee baby, wanna get lucky with a real suave (mispronounced "swave") guy?" It's a family legend now, and never fails to get laughs.
posted by junkbox at 7:34 AM on March 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Best answer: "I promise I will never die."
posted by fire&wings at 7:35 AM on March 23, 2007 [11 favorites]

Watch Casablanca.

I also have a good one for her from Young Frankenstein: "You've got it, mister!"

Both my girlfriend and I remember there being a good one in Love Stinks, but not exactly what it was. It was such a horrible movie that we haven't worked up the nerve to watch it again.
posted by ODiV at 7:36 AM on March 23, 2007

"You complete me"

posted by BozoBurgerBonanza at 7:38 AM on March 23, 2007

"I love you so much my heart could burst. And if it did, I wouldn't care, because I'd die in your arms."
posted by miagaille at 7:40 AM on March 23, 2007

"Our love is a river, let's bust the dam and let it all spill out."

That is kinda strange sounding, though.
posted by rabbitsnake at 7:43 AM on March 23, 2007

"Take me to bed or lose me forever" Top Gun.
"You had me at hello" Jerry McGuire.
posted by filmgeek at 7:43 AM on March 23, 2007

"Did you ever know that you're my hero?"
posted by jbickers at 7:44 AM on March 23, 2007

"I hate to see you go.... but I love watching you as you leave."
posted by mjbraun at 7:48 AM on March 23, 2007

"Don't fight it baby, it's bigger than us both."
posted by davey_darling at 7:48 AM on March 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

Best answer: Next time you're looking at her: "If I should go blind in the next instant, I would still be a happy man. For my last vision would be of your face."
posted by FlamingBore at 7:48 AM on March 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

What is it you want, Mary? (make sure to call her Mary) You...you want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down. Hey! That's a pretty good idea, I'll give you the moon.
posted by 10ch at 7:51 AM on March 23, 2007

"If you ever leave me, can I come too?"
posted by vers at 7:58 AM on March 23, 2007 [3 favorites]

"I would crawl naked through one hundred miles of rattlesnake infested desert sands just to sniff the tire track of the truck that brought your dirty panties to the laundry."
posted by bondcliff at 8:03 AM on March 23, 2007 [3 favorites]

"The lights of the city are almost as overwhelming as my love for you."

Well, only if you live in the city, I suppose.
posted by inigo2 at 8:03 AM on March 23, 2007

"Don't let the door hit your ass on the way out....because I want to watch it."
posted by DU at 8:06 AM on March 23, 2007

"Are those Space Pants you're wearing? 'Cause your ass is out of this world"
posted by asavage at 8:09 AM on March 23, 2007 [5 favorites]

Response by poster: WCityMike - Nice. I like the line, "I've loved you since the day I met y-- no! No, I think I've loved you since before I met you."
posted by yeti at 8:19 AM on March 23, 2007

Sometimes when I complain and say "I'm tired/exhausted/etc" my boyfriend says something along these lines: "That's perfectly understandable. It must be so hard to be that cute all the time."
posted by nursegracer at 8:20 AM on March 23, 2007 [3 favorites]

Best answer: (When seeing her after being apart for a while)

I missed you so much I cried a tear in the ocean for you. The day you find it is the day I stop loving you.
posted by allkindsoftime at 8:20 AM on March 23, 2007 [4 favorites]

I had this dream, I was sitting by the river and I looked into the water and the autumn leaves and street lights reflected off its surface, christ it was beautiful, impossibly so, and it looked, and only for a moment since the water was moving, exactly like you. And in the dream I wanted to drink the water. I felt like I needed to, so I walked to the edge of the river, dancing across the worn black of the stones and I cupped my hands and took a drink. I thought, after that drink that I would never be thirsty again. But it was just a dream.
posted by I Foody at 8:26 AM on March 23, 2007

Never fear my love; I will protect you from the wolves.
posted by headspace at 8:28 AM on March 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I love you more than I did yesterday but less than I will tomorrow.
posted by bondcliff at 8:29 AM on March 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

McSweeney's has some good ideas.
posted by buriednexttoyou at 8:37 AM on March 23, 2007

When your lying in bed together, outstretch your arm that is closest to her as if your inviting her to cuddle, and ask in a ridiculous accent: "Would you like to go for a wing ride?".
posted by jasondigitized at 8:40 AM on March 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

"It's not you, it's me."

Best to save this for the last time you see her.
posted by hermitosis at 8:40 AM on March 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

I once told a girl I was making out with 'I'd take a bullet for you, baby.' 'I'd never ask you to do that,' she answered. 'I know,' I said 'that's one of the reasons I like you'

Funny at the time but she's currently married to my best friend from college.
posted by jonmc at 8:43 AM on March 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

If you say one of these and she whispers back "Can you pound a six-inch spike through a board with your penis?", you've got a keeper there.

There's a wealth in cheesy songs, the lyrics to which you can state in a monotone.

"I'm never gonna let you go. I'm gonna hold you in my arms forever."

This is especially good if you both happen to know that the song in question isn't a happy love song, but rather a creepy stalker song (viz, "Baby, Now That I've Found You" by Alison Krauss etc).
posted by ROU_Xenophobe at 8:44 AM on March 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Bondcliff, that Elvis line worked for me repeatedly when I was dating my wife.
posted by planetkyoto at 8:45 AM on March 23, 2007

How about a Pepe LePew impression?
"Ooohhh, the moooon.... OOOOHHHH, the JOOOONNN!"
Kiss her up and down her arm, too.
posted by backseatpilot at 8:45 AM on March 23, 2007

Just wing "Wind beneath My Wings" reversing the pronouns:

Did you even know that I'm your hero,
I'm everything you wish you could be,
You can fly higher than an eagle,
'cos, I am the wind beneath your wings

posted by Richat at 8:45 AM on March 23, 2007

"It's not just any girl that needs this restraining order."
posted by Danf at 8:56 AM on March 23, 2007

On the speaking song lyrics theme - "I'll protect you from the Hooded Claw. Keep the vampires from your door."
posted by jontyjago at 8:58 AM on March 23, 2007

"Muda unapita kama upepo." - Swahili meaning "Time is Flying like the wind"
posted by rongorongo at 9:03 AM on March 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

During my brother and sister-in-law's first dance at their wedding reception, he whispered into her ear, in his best Multiple Miggs voice, "I can smell your cunt." Talk about romantic.
posted by breezeway at 9:16 AM on March 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I know we've only known each other four weeks and three days, but to me it seems like nine weeks and five days. The first day seemed like a week and the second day seemed like five days. And the third day seemed like a week again and the fourth day seemed like eight days. And the fifth day you went to see your mother and that seemed just like a day, and then you came back and later on the sixth day, in the evening, when we saw each other, that started seeming like two days, so in the evening it seemed like two days spilling over into the next day and that started seeming like four days, so at the end of the sixth day on into the seventh day, it seemed like a total of five days. And the sixth day seemed like a week and a half. I have it written down, but I can show it to you tomorrow if you want to see it.
posted by brain cloud at 9:17 AM on March 23, 2007 [19 favorites]

From Moonstruck: "Loretta, I love you. Not like they told you love is, and I didn't know this either, but love don't make things nice - it ruins everything. It breaks your heart. It makes things a mess. We aren't here to make things perfect. The snowflakes are perfect. The stars are perfect. Not us. Not us! We are here to ruin ourselves and to break our hearts and love the wrong people and *die*. The storybooks are *bullshit*. Now I want you to come upstairs with me and *get* in my bed!"
posted by adamrice at 9:32 AM on March 23, 2007 [2 favorites]

howdy ma'am, could you spare a few minutes to help me look for my shetland pony? he broke out of my u-haul.
posted by bruce at 9:56 AM on March 23, 2007

ok, one more:

"my watch is telling me that you're not wearing any panties."

(when she comes back with "your watch is wrong" then you say...)

"oh, it's just an hour fast."
posted by bruce at 9:59 AM on March 23, 2007 [11 favorites]

Back to the Future: You're my density. You have to say it like McFly did, all breathy.
posted by deborah at 10:21 AM on March 23, 2007

Kinda sorts in that vein:

Your are the lounge chair in my den of love.

For you and only you, I gave up my promising career as an international love assasin.

Our love is as deep as my 2inch high heart.

If I was ever injured and totally paralyzed, I'd want you to change my diaper.

Our love is like the ocean, salty and if you spend too much time in it, you get all wrinkly.

I love you so much, I'll sleep in the wet spot once a week.

You and your cooking skills complete me.

You taste like rain. Obviously has to have read the thread.

I want to be the goalie in the game of hockey between your breasts.

When my heart is feeling down, I take it to you for a tuneup and lube

If I ever lost your love, I use every search engine I could to find it.

If I ever had to choose between death and our love, I'd choose our love, because I'm hate tight spaces and I get scared underground

I'm so lucky to here right now, sniffing your body odor.

Our love, like bread, will never die, it'll just moldy and something good will come from that.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 10:29 AM on March 23, 2007

Now do you want actual lines that could be melodramatic and sincere? Or do you just want awful pickup lines?

If it's the latter, then I say you can't go wrong with Zapp Brannigan:

"If I told you you had a fabulous body, would you take off your pants and dance for a while?"
posted by OldReliable at 10:48 AM on March 23, 2007

"I would jump in front of a garbage truck to save you."
posted by weapons-grade pandemonium at 10:54 AM on March 23, 2007

Whenever my darling girlfriend says "I'm hot" I reply "Yeah ye are."
posted by phearlez at 11:25 AM on March 23, 2007

If loving you makes a slave of me, then I'll spend my whole life in chains.
posted by allkindsoftime at 11:26 AM on March 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Here's you with all these curves.

And here's me with no brakes.
posted by jason's_planet at 11:55 AM on March 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Please don't forget the Mallrats-esque:

"Who's your favorite New Kid, baby? Call me Donny. Call me Joey! Please don't go girl!"

During coitus, of course.
posted by c0nsumer at 12:03 PM on March 23, 2007

"Come with me if you want to live!"

"You stay alive, no matter what occurs! I will find you! No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you!" (Said in both Last of the Mohicans and MI:3)

"I'm crazy about you. I'm DSM four crazy about you."
posted by porpoise at 12:20 PM on March 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

@breezeway: That's the line that closed the deal for me numerous times throughout college. Do not abuse it.
posted by mikewas at 1:03 PM on March 23, 2007

"My favorite things are commitment and changing myself."
posted by Foam Pants at 1:15 PM on March 23, 2007

From XKCD..

"What are you doing?"

"Spinning counterclockwise, each spin robs the planet of angluar momentum. Slowing its spin the tiniest bit. Lengthening the night, pushing back the dawn. Giving me a little more time here. With you. "
posted by SirOmega at 1:26 PM on March 23, 2007 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I like saying things that aren't remotely erotic. In a really breathy voice, tell her "I want to enhance your economy by empowering your middle class."

Other options:

* "I think I'm ready for some nonbinding bilateralism."
* "I want to give you an IMF loan."
* "I want to take you to a trade summit in Doha."

In case it's not already clear, I'm a poli-sci nerd.
posted by awenner at 4:25 PM on March 23, 2007 [11 favorites]

Does my shirt smell like ass?
posted by UncleHornHead at 6:09 PM on March 23, 2007

Best answer: I like cliché near-misses:
"If ever I would leaf you, it wouldn't be in autumn."
"Maybe, you're the greatest."
"Non, vinaigrette rien."
posted by rob511 at 9:30 PM on March 23, 2007

"You know you're the jam in my donut, right?"
posted by DrtyBlvd at 3:08 AM on March 26, 2007

...and here's me with no brakes.

I got that one yesterday, from a guy who appeared to be completely sincere. Please do not encourage its use.

The good news is that I have exactly what you're looking for:
I always thought I would follow you up to the gates of Hell if I had to. And that, once arriving there, I would beg the gatekeeper to take me instead of you. And if he must take you, I would ask to come with you. And if he would not let me come with you, I would wait for you on the shores of the river. [Optional: I promised to watch over you and follow you always. I promised never to leave you.]

If you must, you can credit Cassandra Claire, but given her track record I wouldn't be too concerned.
posted by booksandlibretti at 9:28 PM on March 26, 2007

I am the man who will fight for your honor;
I'll be the hero you're dreaming of.
We'll live forever
Knowing together that we
Did it all for the glory of love.
posted by carsonb at 7:13 PM on January 29, 2008

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