How do I love thee, let me lose this phrase.
February 13, 2007 5:40 AM   Subscribe

Hope me Romeo, you're my only hope. What will you be writing to your sweetie in your Valentine's Day card tomorrow?

I'm a hopeless romantic with a poetic license from Edward Lear. Any non-rhyming, non-cliche fool-proof melt-their-heart words I can steal borrow?
posted by FreezBoy to Human Relations (31 answers total) 4 users marked this as a favorite
"Get well soon."
posted by trondant at 5:43 AM on February 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

My nostrils ache for your singular funk.
posted by pmbuko at 5:53 AM on February 13, 2007

Do not use "Let's get a takeaway and do it twice". I heard it on a radio show this morning and thought it was funny. When I was asked 'What are we doing tomorrow' it went down like a lead balloon.
posted by tellurian at 6:14 AM on February 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

It would help if you described the person you're trying lay express your undying love for.Anyway, Here's google search for "romantic quote". But really, there's no need for all of this. Just exchange body fluids and everything will be good.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 6:16 AM on February 13, 2007

Well, I think W.B. Yeats's The Song of Wandering Aengus and When You Are Old are two of the most romantic poems ever written. Or you could go with one of Shakespeare's sonnets.
posted by cerebus19 at 6:19 AM on February 13, 2007

posted by thirteenkiller at 6:27 AM on February 13, 2007 [3 favorites]

I love you so much that I'd shave my balls for you, except I don't wanna, so don't ask me.

Results may vary (I think that you'll find that what works in other people's relationships won't necessarily work in yours, and that sincere, if bumbling, sentiment from you to your significant other is your best bet. Haven't you ever read Cyrano?)
posted by klangklangston at 6:32 AM on February 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

I plan on singing the chorus from the "Pina Colada" song over and over...
posted by matty at 6:57 AM on February 13, 2007

If you need to look it up, "The Pina Colada Song" is actually called "Escape" by Rupert Holmes.

I shouldn't know this, but I do.
posted by TedW at 7:02 AM on February 13, 2007

Try these:

"You're like bacon—you make everything better."


"I'll never smother you for money."

(Actual sentiments expressed by my sweetheart recently...)
posted by limeonaire at 7:19 AM on February 13, 2007

Things my boyfriend says. They aren't all romantic, but many of them will do in a pinch.
posted by OmieWise at 7:28 AM on February 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

Erm, I think you've answered your own question, "Hope me Romeo, you're my only hope."
posted by desuetude at 7:34 AM on February 13, 2007

I'm gonna steal mine from DieselSweeties. Either one will do.
posted by soundofsuburbia at 7:40 AM on February 13, 2007

I don't have a sweetheart, currently. However, if you're asking what you should write... "I've never been very good at cards so I hope the other things I am good at make it obvious that I love you. At least I'm honest enough to know my faults--I could have went looking for pithy catch phrases on the internet."
posted by dobbs at 7:54 AM on February 13, 2007

What will you be writing to your sweetie...
curry paste
english muffins
light bulbs

She stops at the grocery on her way home from work.
posted by Thorzdad at 8:06 AM on February 13, 2007

You can never go wrong with Pamie's suggestions (8th year running).

Four years.
Can you believe
we've been together that long?
It's hard to even remember
what things were like before you.
All I know for sure is
I had a lot more room for pizzas and ice cream.
And look at you.
You haven't aged a day.
And your make-up is still perfect.
I love you, head in my freezer.

posted by slimepuppy at 8:38 AM on February 13, 2007

I'm totally stealing this from somewhere online, but my google skills are unable to divine the origin.

"You are the onion ring in my order of french fries"

If anyone knows where my brain got this from.. speak up!
posted by utsutsu at 8:46 AM on February 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

This is the first Valentine's Day for years on which I've actually been single, and I'm enjoying the hell out of it. Here's mine:

"One day, they will build a machine capable of calculating your loveliness with atomic accuracy, to within a lovely micron.
There are some things mankind wasn't meant to know."
posted by Pallas Athena at 9:30 AM on February 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

Response by poster: WOW! These are all really lame (but funny). Y'all are trying real hard to make sure I don't 'get some' tomorrow, aren't you?

It is noted for next time - Metafilter: Funny, yes; romantic, not so much.

Anyone care to prove me wrong?
posted by FreezBoy at 9:32 AM on February 13, 2007

My favorite romantic card I've ever made for anyone was this poem set in neon orange type over an artsy grainy naked picture.

I've borrowed from Roger Rabbit ("How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. One one thousand. Two one thousand. Three one thousand.")

I've written things in code (which i barely understand, but was my boyfriend at the time's preferred method of communication), equations, baked cookies in the shape of I (heart) U, Han and Chewbacca action figures with Barbie lingerie on Chewie.

I tend to write something, you know, personal. Either something that demonstrates that I get my partner on some fundamental level or related to us, why we're together, how we met, what we like in common. It's far more romantic to acknowledge the uniqueness of you as a couple than borrow someone else's words, in my book.

(Of course, my husband and I met on usenet's alt.cult.movies so what good Valentine's Day card doesn't end with "P.S. Deckard is SO a replicant :P ")
posted by Gucky at 9:37 AM on February 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

Anyone care to prove me wrong?

I think it's the nature of the question. Anything that's truly romantic is individual.

When I write, "You're everything that is beautiful about the world. Thank you for every moment, my love." that may work for me, but if you used someone else's words, no matter how pretty they are, there's something inherantly unromantic about it unless they mean something to you and your SO.

Otherwise, it's like the harried husband on, "Just pick one of those standard love poem things and put it on the card." No matter how pretty it is, it just isn't romantic.

Then again, I'm a girl. Intention means *everything* to me.
posted by Gucky at 9:42 AM on February 13, 2007

I generally abuse Meg's annual Anti-VD extravaganza.
posted by Asherah at 9:45 AM on February 13, 2007

OK, FreezBoy, here's one I always wanted to send but never did:

"You are a pearl on a beach full of pebbles, and even if it were a beach full of pearls I would still know you when I found you."

Alternatively, just print out this xkcd comic which is the most romantic thing I've seen in ages.
posted by Pallas Athena at 9:49 AM on February 13, 2007

<disclaimer> I have occasionally been accused of not 'getting' women </disclaimer>

I recommend some of the finer works of the Surrealist Compliment Generator.

"Your hands do the work of 10,000 highly trained lesbian jumping beans"

"You move with the elegance of a fiery wall of disintegrating fuselage"

"In caressing your follicles I am only vaguely reminded of the bitter harvest"

I'm sure any of these will make her weak in the knees.
posted by Mayor West at 9:52 AM on February 13, 2007

What will you be writing to your sweetie in your Valentine's Day card tomorrow?

That's personal and written specifically for HER. Not being nasty, but just pointing out that what one woman likes might be distasteful to another. Besides, if you're going to use something I wrote to get in good with your SO, then I think she should my laundry or something.

What does your SO like? Are there in particular scenes from movies that she thought was romantic? if so, re-enact it.

Again, it might help if you described your SO's personality to get more accurate answers.
posted by Brandon Blatcher at 9:53 AM on February 13, 2007

You could go browse at
You can build your own e-card there too. (under Fun Stuff)
I made this one for V-day.
posted by BoscosMom at 9:56 AM on February 13, 2007

"You move with the elegance of a fiery wall of disintegrating fuselage"

Sounds like something out of The Atrocity Exhibition...

And yes, I'm nthing the suggestion to go for words from your heart. For once, it really is the thought that counts. With my girlfriend we're just planning on spending the day together, which considering our busy schedules is a rare treat. Ultimately anything you give your SO is going to matter less than, well, you.
posted by slimepuppy at 9:57 AM on February 13, 2007

Why don't you print out this entire thread, staple all the pages, fold it up, and stuff it in an envelope. Write on the outside "Here's what all my friends at Metafilter think I should say to you."

I would actually find that awesome and hilarious. But it might just piss her off.
posted by iamkimiam at 10:48 AM on February 13, 2007 [1 favorite]

When I get overwhelmed by the pressure to be romantic, I usually resort to quoting poetry. If you do with enough earnestness and sincerity, I don't think it's cheesy. My favorite is ee cummings' "if everything happens that can't be done."
posted by chickletworks at 1:36 PM on February 13, 2007

Response by poster: I realize that romance is inherently personal. I wasn't looking to steal your words so much as get inspiration from things you find romantic yourselves. Believe it or not, I did find some inspiration here and I hope you all have a great valentine's day, whether you are with or without sweeties. I'm sure mine will thank you personally... with mouth.
posted by FreezBoy at 2:45 PM on February 13, 2007

why don't you write a letter that tells her all about the first time you saw her, what was going on that day, and, most importantly, what you thought of her? her looks, her wit, her poise, her cute little sneeze, whatever. i'm a girl, and i like hearing stuff like that. if you're super-suave maybe you can tie it back to the present... "and to this day, every time i smell a french fry, i'm reminded of your blonde hair." - of course with a $5 mcdonald's gift certificate tucked into the card, and a much better present hidden behind your back.
posted by twistofrhyme at 4:21 PM on February 13, 2007

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