Rare possible match (dating), but how to ask out?
February 1, 2007 11:49 AM   Subscribe

AskingOutFilter: I've heard of a potential match from a third party.. how might I go about acquiring her contact details (or other info) in an uncreepy way?

My grandmother recently completed a physical rehab program at a facility locally, and in conversing with the therapist, discovered that her daughter was a-hunting a fellow who did not want any kids with no such luck. My grandmother naturally mentioned her grandson, moi, who has been a-hunting a gal of the same stance with difficulty. So I am the fellow.. How would you suggest I go about getting contact details?

All I know about the potential match is, (a) her first name, (b) tall & slim, (c) works on a local AFB, probably in a civilian job, of which I do not have access, (d) the necessary childbearing stance, (e) where her mother works [and mother's 1st name], (e) that she's a church-goer [a plus], and that she's 2 years younger than me.

So, I'm thinking I should call the rehab office, ask for the phys.therapist by name or perhaps as "the therapist who helped [grandmother's name]"..

But should I in fact find myself in contact with this lady with success, I'm at a loss of what I should say as far as going about acquiring daughter contact info, in a completely non-psycho way. Enter hive mind.. (note: I am approximately as smooth talking as a tongueless axolotl)
posted by Quarter Pincher to Society & Culture (17 answers total) 3 users marked this as a favorite

You have your grandmother pass on your information. This is standard practice for any time you want to get in touch with someone but aren't sure whether they want to be in touch with you.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 11:53 AM on February 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

Best answer: I would have your grandmother call the therapist and give her your contact info for her daughter. She can say that after she left therapy that day, it crossed her mind that her grandson and the therapist's daughter would be a great match, and that she asked you if it would be okay to pass on your contact information. That way, you don't like psycho at all, and your grandmother maybe comes off as a little bit meddling, but that's a cute quality in a grandmother and not uncommon.
posted by amro at 11:58 AM on February 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

Second'ed. Mention it to your grandmother and I'll bet they'll take care of the introductions for you.
posted by jwells at 11:58 AM on February 1, 2007

"like psycho" = "look psycho"
posted by amro at 11:59 AM on February 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

"like psycho" = "look psycho"

Words to live by amro.
posted by Mister_A at 12:00 PM on February 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

durtynumbangelboy's got it right. That's how to not stalk someone.

If your grandmother can't get in touch for whatever reason, the least creepy thing you can do (other than let it go) is send a card to her place of employment, saying "I'm the guy [grandmother] was talking about, don't want to be creepy but here's my email kthxbye."

Actually, if your grandmother sent a card like that, that would be even less creepy than her calling the woman up. That way she can say thanks for the care, and incidentally here's the guy..." Those circumstances might just garner you a response.
posted by Lyn Never at 12:02 PM on February 1, 2007

N'thing "have your granny pass along your information."

(Girl here.) I've had well-meaning friends give my email/online handle to friends of theirs, and it creeps the heck out of me. Put the ball in her court, then back off.
posted by fuzzbean at 12:10 PM on February 1, 2007

I never thought I'd say this, but why not join her church. Figure out who she is, find a way to make your orbits intertwine, perhaps through some churchy subgroup she belongs to, then see if anything happens.
posted by M.C. Lo-Carb! at 12:15 PM on February 1, 2007

Your grandmother has to get her contact information from the therapist. Or give your contact information to the therapist to give to her daughter. You cannot call the therapist, and you cannot go to her church in attempts to find her- SCARY. The chances this will work out are slim. Do what you can and forget about it.
posted by ThePinkSuperhero at 12:28 PM on February 1, 2007

Bonus points if you make sure that your grandmother passes your contact info in a form that allows her to submit a flattering photograph of you (chosen by YOU, not grandma). Because it's common knowledge that grandmas all think their grandkids are handsome and charming and eligible, even when they're actually Jeffrey Dahmer or Tiny Tim.

Maybe have her send a thank you card to her therapist, with the photo and info enclosed. And the less said about you in it, the better.
posted by hermitosis at 12:37 PM on February 1, 2007

why not join her church. Figure out who she is, find a way to make your orbits intertwine, perhaps through some churchy subgroup she belongs to, then see if anything happens.

Why not? Because that's stalkerish and creepy as all hell.
posted by dirtynumbangelboy at 12:57 PM on February 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

Since google didn't know, what is a "childbearing stance?"
posted by birdie birdington at 1:53 PM on February 1, 2007 [1 favorite]

Ah, nevermind, I see the tags now.
posted by birdie birdington at 1:58 PM on February 1, 2007

what is a "childbearing stance?"

He's referring to the fact that she doesn't want children.

Of course, when you isolate the phrase like that my first thought was that Britney Spears statue...
posted by nomis at 2:01 PM on February 1, 2007

Birdie: he doesn't want kids. Neither, apparently, does she. Ergo, it's not so much a physical stance as a philosophical one.
posted by spaceman_spiff at 2:55 PM on February 1, 2007

nth'ing let grandma be the courier.
posted by Ynoxas at 8:39 PM on February 1, 2007

Grandma can even convey your reservations -- "He's happy to call you, if you like, but he felt you might be more comfortable with me giving you his contact info."
posted by LordSludge at 11:11 AM on February 2, 2007

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