How do I handle this delicate work gift issue?
December 18, 2006 7:58 AM Subscribe
WorkGiftExchangeFilter: Got a gift, unexpectedly got another gift, should I return/do something charitable with the second? Of course it's way more complicated than that, so for the brave there's....
My department staged its typical holiday gift swap thing this year. We all drew names out of a hat, and bought something with a limit of $25 for that person, then swapped gifts at the holiday party. The complication is this: "B," the person who drew my name, has been dealing with a couple of personal crises that have kept them out of the office for the last two weeks. On the day of the party my boss realized, through process of elimination, that B had my name, so he (my boss) scrambled and picked up a nice gift card for me at lunch so I wouldn't be the only one without a gift at the party. I deeply appreciated his efforts and all was well with the world.
Except! Today I found out that B's spouse dropped off the gift that B was originally supposed to give to me. It's one of those credit-card-type gift cards that can be used just about anywhere. So because I am a greedy bastard, ordinarily I would just revel in the fact that I got two gifts, neener neener.
But this is the season where even hearts that are two sizes too small (like mine) can exhibit the capacity for growth, and I'm now in the middle of a moral / etiquette dilemma. As mentioned above, B is having a tough time with a passel of personal, medical, and financial issues. B also has two young-ish children (one toddler, one who's 9 or so).
I really can't accept B's gift, since my company took care of my gift in B's absence, and I know that right now B really can't afford the dumb holiday gift exchange. But just giving back the card to B seems unconscionably tacky and insulting to B. My instincts tell me to use the gift card to buy a gift for each of B's kids, but I don't want it to seem like charity, and we're not close enough to where I'd feel comfortable dropping something off at their house.
Thus, my dilemma. If you were in my place, what would you do?
My department staged its typical holiday gift swap thing this year. We all drew names out of a hat, and bought something with a limit of $25 for that person, then swapped gifts at the holiday party. The complication is this: "B," the person who drew my name, has been dealing with a couple of personal crises that have kept them out of the office for the last two weeks. On the day of the party my boss realized, through process of elimination, that B had my name, so he (my boss) scrambled and picked up a nice gift card for me at lunch so I wouldn't be the only one without a gift at the party. I deeply appreciated his efforts and all was well with the world.
Except! Today I found out that B's spouse dropped off the gift that B was originally supposed to give to me. It's one of those credit-card-type gift cards that can be used just about anywhere. So because I am a greedy bastard, ordinarily I would just revel in the fact that I got two gifts, neener neener.
But this is the season where even hearts that are two sizes too small (like mine) can exhibit the capacity for growth, and I'm now in the middle of a moral / etiquette dilemma. As mentioned above, B is having a tough time with a passel of personal, medical, and financial issues. B also has two young-ish children (one toddler, one who's 9 or so).
I really can't accept B's gift, since my company took care of my gift in B's absence, and I know that right now B really can't afford the dumb holiday gift exchange. But just giving back the card to B seems unconscionably tacky and insulting to B. My instincts tell me to use the gift card to buy a gift for each of B's kids, but I don't want it to seem like charity, and we're not close enough to where I'd feel comfortable dropping something off at their house.
Thus, my dilemma. If you were in my place, what would you do?
My instincts tell me to use the gift card to buy a gift for each of B's kids...
Honestly, that sounds incredibly thoughtful and like an elegant solution to this problem. Follow your gut. Just give him the presents when he comes back to work.
posted by milarepa at 8:06 AM on December 18, 2006
Honestly, that sounds incredibly thoughtful and like an elegant solution to this problem. Follow your gut. Just give him the presents when he comes back to work.
posted by milarepa at 8:06 AM on December 18, 2006
I would call B, tell them that since he was out of the office on personal leave, the company covered for him, so now you have two presents and would like to return the gift card so that they can use it for themselves.
posted by COD at 8:09 AM on December 18, 2006
posted by COD at 8:09 AM on December 18, 2006
You could send B a "sorry you're going through a hard time, hope it works out soon" gift to her home. If you're uncomfortable making it just from yourself, you could sign it from the office (perhaps even actually getting them involved), and if you're uncomfortable stopping to drop it off at her house, you could either have it delivered or have one or more others from the office stop by to deliver the office gift. You could do a gift basket sort of thing, and one of the things in the basket could be the gift card from your boss (but not the gift card she gave you. That would be horrible).
posted by textilephile at 8:13 AM on December 18, 2006
posted by textilephile at 8:13 AM on December 18, 2006
1) Take the $25 card, double it.
2) Buy gifts (w/gift receipts) for each kid and bottle of wine for B and spouse.
3) Drop it off on the front door and sneak away. Don't ever let B know it was you.
posted by 10ch at 8:49 AM on December 18, 2006
2) Buy gifts (w/gift receipts) for each kid and bottle of wine for B and spouse.
3) Drop it off on the front door and sneak away. Don't ever let B know it was you.
posted by 10ch at 8:49 AM on December 18, 2006
textilephile's answers sounds incredibly gracious.
posted by sonofslim at 8:50 AM on December 18, 2006
posted by sonofslim at 8:50 AM on December 18, 2006
I'd alert the boss who covered for B in case he/she wants the card back.
posted by GaelFC at 9:10 AM on December 18, 2006
posted by GaelFC at 9:10 AM on December 18, 2006
Response by poster: Thank you all for the great suggestions. B's medical condition is such that they are confined to the house, for the most part, so while the anonymous gift aspect appeals to me the most, knowing my luck I would be placing the toys on the front porch right as B happens to be looking out the window or going outside or something.
Which then makes having something delivered a more viable option. What about Amazon? Can one order something from Amazon.com and have it sent anonymously? I'm guessing not, because that would be a heck of a way to enable creepy stalkers, but what if it's for a noble cause?
Also, I will definitely discuss this with my boss before doing anything rash. And for the record, the gift card the company bought me has already been spent. See OP re: greedy bastard.
posted by shiu mai baby at 9:27 AM on December 18, 2006
Which then makes having something delivered a more viable option. What about Amazon? Can one order something from Amazon.com and have it sent anonymously? I'm guessing not, because that would be a heck of a way to enable creepy stalkers, but what if it's for a noble cause?
Also, I will definitely discuss this with my boss before doing anything rash. And for the record, the gift card the company bought me has already been spent. See OP re: greedy bastard.
posted by shiu mai baby at 9:27 AM on December 18, 2006
I think you should mention to your boss that you received the gift card from B.
I think that if you want to use the gift card to essentially return it to B, it's a nice idea to get something for B or the kids, but I suggest you hold off and give those gifts to B as a 'welcome back to the office' gift. You can break the ice (and explain why you did it) by mentioning how touched you were that B remembered the secret santa despite being out of the office at the time. Also, make sure the gift you give is clearly under $25, so B doesn't suspect.
posted by Sprout the Vulgarian at 9:47 AM on December 18, 2006
I think that if you want to use the gift card to essentially return it to B, it's a nice idea to get something for B or the kids, but I suggest you hold off and give those gifts to B as a 'welcome back to the office' gift. You can break the ice (and explain why you did it) by mentioning how touched you were that B remembered the secret santa despite being out of the office at the time. Also, make sure the gift you give is clearly under $25, so B doesn't suspect.
posted by Sprout the Vulgarian at 9:47 AM on December 18, 2006
I agree with Sprout - mention to your boss that you got the card from B.
When B gets back to work, give a welcome back gift, or take him out to a nice lunch.
Send a nice card now, saying you're touched he remembered.
posted by KAS at 1:27 PM on December 18, 2006
When B gets back to work, give a welcome back gift, or take him out to a nice lunch.
Send a nice card now, saying you're touched he remembered.
posted by KAS at 1:27 PM on December 18, 2006
I like the idea of sending them an Amazon gift certificate or some such. Let them pick out what they want to entertain them while they're stuck in the house, and the package gets sent to their door.
I dunno about the anonymity thing, though. (I couldn't figure out on the Amazon page if anonymous gift certificates could be given anyway.) I think I'd just say something like, "Heard you've been having a rough time, hope this cheers you up. Best, shiu" or similar. Don't make a big stink about "giving them back their money", I think that'd kind of make B feel like a charity case, that they're so poor they can't even participate at work.
Sprout and textilephile's suggestions are good as well.
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:59 PM on December 18, 2006
I dunno about the anonymity thing, though. (I couldn't figure out on the Amazon page if anonymous gift certificates could be given anyway.) I think I'd just say something like, "Heard you've been having a rough time, hope this cheers you up. Best, shiu" or similar. Don't make a big stink about "giving them back their money", I think that'd kind of make B feel like a charity case, that they're so poor they can't even participate at work.
Sprout and textilephile's suggestions are good as well.
posted by jenfullmoon at 3:59 PM on December 18, 2006
If you're really feeling bad about it, then by all means, you should try to give the gift back.
But, if I were B, I would probably feel a little insulted. If B's personal problems were as monumental as you suggest, then I don't think B would have had the clarity of mind to remember to get the gift and then send the spouse to the office the day of the party to make sure you were taken care of. That's such a trivial thing to worry about in the face of personal issues that are preventing a person from going to work.
Like KAS, I think a card and lunch when B gets back might be best.
posted by mamaquita at 7:14 PM on December 18, 2006
But, if I were B, I would probably feel a little insulted. If B's personal problems were as monumental as you suggest, then I don't think B would have had the clarity of mind to remember to get the gift and then send the spouse to the office the day of the party to make sure you were taken care of. That's such a trivial thing to worry about in the face of personal issues that are preventing a person from going to work.
Like KAS, I think a card and lunch when B gets back might be best.
posted by mamaquita at 7:14 PM on December 18, 2006
Response by poster: Thank you all, once again, for your suggestions. I ended up going to Borders and picking out two really cute gifts for B's kids. I tried to deliver them yesterday, but B wasn't home at the time, and I didn't want to be all creepy and leave gifts on the doorstep.
Luckily one of my other coworkers lives a few doors down from B, so she offered to drop them off after work.
posted by shiu mai baby at 8:13 AM on December 21, 2006
Luckily one of my other coworkers lives a few doors down from B, so she offered to drop them off after work.
posted by shiu mai baby at 8:13 AM on December 21, 2006
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posted by shiu mai baby at 8:01 AM on December 18, 2006